Chapter Three
Refreshed from my night of sleep, I found my second wind and was ready to keep moving forward. It was nice to be out in the open road with no destination. For the first time, I felt like my life was finally where I wanted it to be, or at least on track to a place where I could comfortably live my life the way that I wanted to.
With my music and my favorite chips, it seemed like there was nothing that I could not conquer. At the hotel, I grabbed a map and a few tour guided pamphlets to aid me along the way. Since I was on a journey, I thought that I better make it fun by stopping off and doing some sight-seeing. With my trusty pamphlets; the world's largest tumble weed, the cacti ranch, and the restaurant where you could do the steak challenge (I was not sure who would carry me out after I attempted to eat a twenty ounce steak, but the experience would make it all worth it), I headed out the door.
I hit the road before it got too hot for the day. But it was Texas and it was often a one hundred degree heat index before eleven in the morning. There was nothing but me, a few cars from time to time, a tractor trailer or two, and the open road. The scenery was much more dusty and dry than I cared for, but that was all part of the experience.
There were not many good radio stations. I finally got one that played pretty decent country music that had clear reception. The first song was about a man that had just lost his girl and was going out all night to drink away the pain. The next song hit home. It was about a woman who wanted a new life and had to face doubt and fear to go after that new life.
The signs started marking their way to the rest stop. There was food there and I could stop and get gas. Plus there was a little rattling noise that started a few miles back that I was getting concerned about. The rattling got a little louder just as I pulled in to the parking lot. A strong man stood there, directing me to pull in to the spot in front of him.
"What can I do for you little lady?" the attendant asked.
"That rattling sound. I've been listening to it for the past few miles. Can you check me out?'
"Sure thing."
I popped the hood and he flipped it up.
"You could use some more radiator fluid. Let me see what else is going on here. Do you have a minute on your trip to stop so I can get you back on the road?"
"How do you figure I'm taking a trip?" I asked.
"Out of town license plate. Woman on her own out here in rural Texas. It all adds up, little lady."
"Oh well, sure. I have the time. I'm just going to go over there to grab a bite to eat while you look under the hood."
He waved his hand, letting me know that it was alright that I leave him with the car.
I had the best piece of apple pie that I'd ever had in my life and had managed to take a few pictures of the scenery to document my trip. There was an older woman sitting at the counter next to me. She reminded me of Carla. There was also a younger gentleman that looked like the older lady that came inside and called for her. He was a definite cutie and we caught each other's eye right away.
I did not miss him flirtatiously smiling as he held the door for his mother and walked outside. When I looked out, I saw the attendant dropping the hood on my car. I ordered another piece of pie for the road and a large drink to go.
"Now, I topped you off with your fluids, but I suggest you get a full out diagnostic done when you get to your destination. But you are good to go."
He spit some tobacco to the ground and opened my car door.
"Thank you."
"My pleasure." He slammed the door shut and went back to work. I looked to the side and saw the young man and his mother in the car next to me. They both smiled, the older woman waving. I waved back and she looked over to her son and said something that made him shake his head as he started the engine.
I wondered where the two of them could be going. Everybody had a story to tell. And besides, the guy was cute. I wondered if all of the guys out here were cute like he was.
It did not matter. I was off on my own path and I was not sure if I would have the time to begin or nurture a relationship. This transition point in my life was not the time anyway. There was so much that I was looking forward to. After having been in a relationship for two years, I did not need to look for any type of man or love. Maybe a bit of companionship, someone to warm my bed from time to time, but other than that, this journey was about being on my own and enjoying that.
With nightfall coming, I thought that it would be better to if I stopped now and took a rest for the evening. I found a motel that fit what I needed. A soft, clean bed, a shower, and a few reality shows to keep me entertained. Out in the middle of nowhere, all alone, just me and that delicious piece of apple pie that I got at the diner miles back.
And my ringing phone.
"Christy, when are you going to stop this and come back home?"
The sound of Jeff's frustration made me want to laugh.
"I'm not Jeff. And let's say that if I was planning to come back home. I would not be coming home to you."
While talking to him, I flipped past a few channels, searching for something to watch. There was absolutely nothing on.
"Christy. This is gone far enough. Where are you? I can send you a plane ticket to come home."
I was getting frustrated. "Why must my life be a joke to you? Why? I mean, I left and you have the nerve to try and call my bluff when I'm not bluffing."
"I'm not trying to call your bluff. All I want is for you to come home."
"You do realize that we are not together? Right Jeff? And we have not been together for a while now."
"Touché. I still care and I'm not sure that I can sit around and watch you make a mess of your life."
I knew that I should not ask, but I did anyway. "Why would I be making a mess of my life because I chose to move away and move on?"
"We are always going to be together, Christy."
"Oh, but that's where you are wrong. Because you changed all of that when you cheated on me. The rules changed. Or did you not get the memo?"
"Why do you have to act like that? Always bringing up the past. I thought we moved on from that?"
"And why would you think that we moved on from being together?"
I could feel my jaw clenched, not believing that Jeff had the nerve to ask me this question.
"You are always so impossible, Christy. It's part of what attracts me to you, but it's also what pushes me away from you."
Pow! There it was. Jeff had this way of bringing me way up in order to bring me crashing down. I was tired of the roller coaster ride.
"Jeff, I'm going to get some rest. I'm getting off the phone now."
"Christy, you don't have to throw tantrums all of the time. It's not your most attractive quality."
The last thing that I wanted to discuss was Jeff's less attractive qualities. We did not have enough time to begin.
"I am so very tired of this back and forth, Christy. You will come to your senses soon. Do you want me to put some money in your back account? Is that it? Fine. I will drop a little money in your bank account and then take you shopping and for a spa day when you get home. What day should I expect you?"
"You just do not get it. And you know what, Jeff? I don't have the time to help you to try and understand."
"What are you trying to say, Christy?"
"That for the second time, we are over."
"I don't believe that."
"Jeff, at this point, it does not matter if you don't believe me. It is what it is. We have been over for a while and that's that."
"Fine. I'll let you have that. I'll call you in the morning, Christy. Good night."
He ended the call before I could respond. I was not exactly sure what happened there between us, but I did not want Jeff to be confused whatsoever. At any rate, I was not sure that I would answer the call in the morning.
All I wanted tonight was to go bed with a clear mind and energy, ready to hit the road in the morning. I did not ne
ed Jeff in my way clouding my mind and my judgment.
The sunrise poured in to the window, letting me know that I had slept the entire night through. I wanted to get up around five a.m. and continue my trek, but my body let me know that I needed to do otherwise. Instead of waking at the crack of dawn, I woke slowly a little after nine a.m.
It did not matter. Feeling well rested, I was ready to start my day. My phone notifications were flashing and I knew it had to be Jeff. I was not going to answer at all. It was not worth the aggravation. If I was over him, there was no need to dive back in to that pool.
For some reason, the man in the car with his mother popped in to my head. I wished for a moment that he had spoken to me, asked me my name or where I was going. I wished we had struck up some sort of conversation over a slice of pie and a milkshake. I wondered where he was going and if we would ever cross paths again.
The answer to that was most likely not. So I learned from that one interaction to jump at a chance to go for something that you want. You may never get the opportunity again.
After a shower and a few yoga stretches, I checked out of the motel and hopped in my car, ready to go. But apparently, my car was not ready to go. It stalled out, the engine struggling to turn over. How was that even possible when the car had been looked over at least twice in the past forty-eight hours?
Closing my eyes, I prayed that the engine would turn over when I turned the key. I'm not sure what mojo started working, but I was ecstatic when the engine started. All I wanted to do was make it to wherever I was going. Maybe this was just a small hiccup, an obstacle to test me and see if I would turn with my tail between my legs and go running home at the slightest sign of trouble.
Shaking my head, I backed out of the parking lot. I was not turning back, and most certainly not that easily. It would take much more than a little engine trouble to make me turn around and go back home. That was something else I had to do. Get out of calling my old home my home. I was moving forward to something new. It was necessary to be uncomfortable in life in order to make the changes I had to.
Being in this space in my life was full of contradictions. I was both optimistic and scared, exhilarated and ready to drag my feet. Pretty sure that all I had to do was keep going, I promised myself that morning that I would not give up until I found exactly what I was looking for.
Right now was just a little confusing because I was not sure what that was.
I decided to go past the cactus ranch and the largest tumbleweed. Truthfully, I wanted to get through Texas as quickly as possible. My phone chimed several times. Jeff did not have anything to tell me that I needed to know immediately. I would talk to him later. I was pretty sure that he would be calling back later tonight.
I made a mental note not to answer.