something?"
"Alright. Thanks, Hammy!"
He opened the door and left, glancing back once or twice towards me. The instant his footsteps faded away I leapt from the bed to go back to the hole in the wall, curious how he couldn’t have spotted it. It was gone, leaving me confused and frustrated.
I spent the rest of the day staring under the bed waiting for Mousy to appear, hoping he might be able to bring back that strange hole. But he never did and at some point I fell asleep, tired of such mysteries, just wishing I could be normal.
Life is not fun,
Nil, Out
Day 13
Haven’t written for a few days, because nothing of note has happened other than the usual stuff. I think I saw the Hooded Man yesterday while walking through the hall to breakfast, but it might have just been a doctor standing in a shadow. Mousy hasn’t come back, so I still have yet to solve the mystery of the hole in the wall.
I did hear some rustling within the walls this morning, but not the kind that Mousy makes... The other sort which means Derrick is around somewhere. I don’t see Derrick very often, but I always regret it when I do. He doesn’t scare me like the Hooded Man does, but I think that if someone is going to kill me someday, it will be Derrick. The Hooded Man likes to keep me alive so that he can torment me, but Derrick just plain wants me dead. He’s tried a couple of times, but in an outright fight I think I could take him. So he usually sticks with more indirect means, such as the bloody oatmeal. I know he’s the one responsible for it...
A knock on the door interrupted my musings, followed by a warden opening it a moment later.
"Nillium Neems."
I rose from my bed, recognizing the voice of Copley. I had no intention of getting beat up again already.
"Out," he said, pointing over his shoulder towards the door. "Everyone’s in the Yard already so get a move on."
I walked over to the door and without a word headed down the hall. Considering the orderly I was dealing with, Copley seemed in an unusually good mood. He hadn’t shoved me once yet and seemed pretty content to just let me lead the way.
I heard the crunch of a pretzel as he walked behind me, one hand clasping a little Ziploc baggy full of the salty treats. Unfortunately, being me, I just couldn’t keep my mouth shut forever.
"You know all that salt is bad for your health," I said mildly, still walking.
"Shut up."
"And all the highly processed ingredients in the pretzel dough? Ugh. That’s asking for trouble."
"I said shut up."
"Mind if I have some?"
"What?" he replied, stopping in his tracks in confusion.
"Mind if I have some pretzels? I know they’re bad for me, but you’re making them look awfully tasty nonetheless."
Copley snarled and reached into the bag, grabbing a handful and throwing them at my face.
"Enjoy! Now shut up and keep moving."
I decided it was probably wise to stop pushing the boundaries for the day, and walked the rest of the way in silence. You may think me foolish, but please believe me, I did have a plan in mind other than the mild satisfaction that came with annoying a disliked orderly. The instant we reached the door leading out to the Yard, Copley opened it, shoved me out, and then closed it behind me, stomping off to go angrily munch on more pretzels.
Now I could be assured that the man wouldn’t bug me during my time in the Yard, leaving me in at least some semblance of peace.
This time I avoided going near the Tree. I loved spending time under it, but not now. Not so soon after being attacked by the Hooded Man. I wanted to stay in sight of the other patients and at least one warden. I doubted the wardens would ever do much to defend me, but the Hooded Man generally seemed to stay away from them, so I figured it would be a wise move.
The disadvantage to my plan, was that I had to actually spend time with the other patients. I looked around for Harold, thankfully not spotting him anywhere, and decided to sit down next to Lana.
She was drawing on one of the paved pathways that ran throughout the Yard with chalk. We’re not allowed to have pencils. I have one anyways, which is what I’m writing this with. Aren’t I the sneaky one?"
Lana is a fairly peaceful sort, who just likes to sit and draw all day. To be honest, I think that’s what her life consists of, is sitting and drawing. I watched for a while as she drew some kind of flower. It was beautiful and I could tell at once she was a master.
Most artists start with a basic sketch or outline of what they want, and then slowly fill it in and perfect it. Lana just went straight for perfecting it. I don’t know much about flowers, but I think she was drawing a mum. Whatever it was, it was pretty and made me happy.
"What do you want out of life, Lana?" I asked, kneeling down beside her.
She didn’t answer, just kept drawing.
"Do you want to be out of this place, Lana?"
I wasn’t even sure she’d heard me. I gently took the chalk from her hands. She looked up at me, meeting my eyes with her pale, slightly glassy yellow ones.
"Lana? What do you want out of life?"
Her brow furrowed as she considered my question.
"A pencil." She said at last.
I stared at her.
"That’s all you want?"
"I can draw better with a pencil than with chalk." She daintily took the chalk back and went right back to drawing her flowers, as if I’d never spoken in the first place.
With a sigh, I fished out my stolen pencil and placed it on the ground beside her. If I could make one person’s dream come true, however small, then it was worth the risk of having to steal another pencil from one of my doctors. I’m not even sure she noticed its presence. But sooner or later she would, and then Lana’s weird little dream would come true.
Of course, as my luck would have it, it was then that I glanced up and saw one of the Monsters approaching. I have only touched lightly upon the subject of the ‘Monsters’ so perhaps it’s time to go into a bit more detail. The Monsters infest this home of mine to the very core. They disguise themselves as both patients and wardens, sometimes even doctors, and try their very best to make my life a living Hell. They whisper in the doctor’s ears at night, telling them new ways to torment me, new poisons to try. They keep tabs on me, aware of my every move. It is my sincere belief that this would be a wonderful or at least, livable place, if it were not for the Monsters.
That’s why I kill them whenever I can get away with it, to remove their evil from this world. The creatures never physically try to kill me, but they don’t really need to. For they are killing me bit by bit as time goes by, drowning any hope I have until all is lost.
This particular Monster was dressed like a patient. To the casual observer, he would have passed as such, but I had long since learned to recognize them for what they were. Human-shaped, with human features, they nevertheless had a certain ‘glassiness’ to them, a slightly unreal quality.
It walked up to me, a blank expression on its face and sat down beside me and Lana. I looked around furtively for a weapon, not wanting the Monster to catch on that I was aware of it. Unfortunately, the doctors of Atrium are not in the habit of leaving weapons lying around for us.
I’d have to go back to basics and strangle the thing. I’m a small person mind you, not very strong at all, but as they say, practice makes perfect. This would be far from the first time I’d had to resort to such tactics.
So I leapt upon it, Lana not even pausing in her artwork as me and the creature rolled across the ground. Hands inching around its neck to a prime position for killing, I latched on and squeezed, choking the life from my adversary. Its eyes filled not with anger, not with fear, but with a mocking delight, as if I was the one about to die instead of it.
As I felt the hands and heard the shouts of wardens behind me, I realized I had a problem. They pulled me off the creature before I could finish
the job, and I think I’m the only one who noticed the smug look on its face as the wardens hauled me away. Looking back, I wonder if that’s exactly what the creature had wanted, was for me to get in trouble.
For trouble is precisely what I got into. Beat with the blunt batons that the wardens carried, till I could nary lift a finger, they left me strapped immobile to a bed, in a room that I didn’t like. They discussed what to do with me as I lay there, needing something radical to alter my behavior. Again.
Dr. Higgins stared down at me as I swam between unconsciousness and alert terror. He opened his mouth but I couldn’t hear the words, too out of it from the beating to understand what he said. The only word that made it through was ‘electroshock’ which only made my terror worse.
Electroshock therapy isn’t as bad as it could be, since I’ve kind of gotten used to it over the years, but it still sucks. I know it’s without question damaged my memory, but hey, looking on the bright side, at least they haven’t gotten around to giving me a lobotomy yet.
After that I kind of blacked out. It is on that cheery note that I’ll end this entry, as I lie here recovering in my own bed, mind feeling numb from having an amp of electricity shoved through it.
Nil, Out.
Day 14
Still feeling out of it. One of the doctors must have had an acute attack of conscience, for I awoke with a fluffy teddy bear lying next to me. Not the greatest as teddy bears go, but it was a kind enough thought. I’m