always been people or things. Never had it been a whole room! More than slightly scared, I wondered what kind of sick games the Monsters were playing with me. If they had it in their power to make a whole room disappear, then they had a lot more power than I had ever imagined.
After grilling me for another hour, Higgins and company transferred me to a new room, since I’m sure they now considered me a very dangerous patient after I allegedly killed Doctor Peabody. Which is where I am now as I write about yesterday’s events, sitting forlornly on a mat on the floor and scribbling away at my sad tale. I’d lost my little journal during my tussle with the Killer, which I am not happy about. I’m writing now with a pencil stolen from Dr. Higgins office while he questioned me, along with a notebook that I’d nicked from the same. As previously mentioned, I’m a very sneaky person.
Anyways, now to write of my new room. It... kind of sucks. The only furnishings are a single mat and a drain in the floor of one corner. I guess they couldn’t afford to install a toilet. I’m not allowed any possessions, so other than my stolen notebook, I have nothing to stave off the boredom.
My missing Snoopy Cap is what really upsets me though. I was actually crying earlier today, and expect I will be later on. As I sat and thought about the purpose of tears and what use they serve, debating if I should cry some more, the door opened.
I looked up and in walked my new doctor. He was tall, thin, and stoop-shouldered, as if ready to pounce at any moment. He both reminded me of a scarecrow and a vulture, and I knew in that instant that my life was about to get a lot worse.
"Hi!" I said, summoning my annoyingly cheerful tone of voice and waving. "I’m Nillium Neems. Are you my new roommate?"
Two orderlies stepped into the room behind him, batons drawn. I figured they must be there for his protection, since I was after all a murderous psychopath in their eyes.
"I am Doctor Sirius. The Director of Atrium Psychiatric Ward has deemed you beyond the reach of Doctors Flagham and Higgins. He has tasked me with correcting your behavior."
Sirius spoke in a flat, emotionless voice, like a professor long since bored by his own class.
"And I suppose abusing my rights and sticking me in this prison cell is your first step?"
Sirius waved a hand at his minions who stepped forward and latched onto me, holding me down. I struggled but it wasn’t any use. I’m small and they weren’t. He then pulled a syringe from his coat and injected it into my arm. Not stabbing me, like the doctors had done before, but professional and calmly detached, which was somehow scarier.
"That is Olanzapine," he explained, "it should help considerably in reducing your psychotic episodes."
"But I like my episodes," I replied in a whining tone. "I figured if I had enough of them I’d be all set to start my own TV series."
Dr. Sirius didn’t humor me. Usually when I’m smart-alecky about something it either confuses or enrages people. I wasn’t used to my remarks just being ignored.
"Someone will be back to monitor your progress in twenty four hours," Sirius continued flatly as he turned and walked to the door. He left without a further word, leaving me in the clutches of their poisonous drugs.
I curled up in a little ball on my cot, shivering. Whatever they’d given me was not Olanzapine. I was used to that drug. It was a pretty standard one that was used to treat Schizophrenia and other mental disorders. They had given it to me on and off over the years, and the worst it did was cause occasional insomnia.
This new drug, however, whatever its true name might be, made me feel weird just minutes after taking it. My whole body started shaking and trembling, with my poor heart hammering at way above the normal beat. I lay down on my cot and seriously contemplated suicide, wondering what the point of anything was. Anything at all.
I miss my old room. As bad as it was, it was my home. And I suspect it’s going to be a long, long time until they let me interact with other patients again. Between being blamed for Peabody’s murder and my attempt to strangle the Monster out in the Yard, I am now considered a dangerous patient. And dangerous patients do not last long, before something more drastic than a bit of electroshock therapy or suspicious pills are employed.
I lay my head back, still shaking, on my tiny little cot and poor excuse for a pillow. I slept, eventually, but I did not dream. I never dream. Thank God for that at least, for it means the nightmares can only come for me when I’m awake...
Nil, Out...
Day 30
Nillium Neems. Nil for short. I’m not sure what the ‘Neems’ means, but I know what the ‘Nil’ means sure enough. Nothing, nada, zip, zilch. Rather a fitting name. Kind of sums up my life.
Abandoned by friends, family and God, not a thing to her name, she rots in eternal silence. Alone and forsaken, nothing is her name and nothing is all she is. Nillium Neems.
Okay, maybe that was a tad dramatic. But the last two weeks have been boring without much to do but think. So I’ve been fantasizing about my situation, trying to give it a brighter outlook. Daydreaming if you will, which means I can dream afterall. So there Dr. Higgins. Ha!
Speaking of which, I have had... no visitors. Other than the guys who feed me (when they remember) but they just shove the food through a slot in the door. Makes me feel like a dog. And not a happy fluffy one at that! Dr. Sirius never even came back to check on how his poison worked, unless he did while I was sleeping. Which is a creepy thought.
As my thoughts dwelt upon my loneliness here, the door opened without warning and in stepped none other than Dr. Flagham.
"Hammy?" I said, rising up to a sitting position on my cot.
He smiled, though it was a bit strained, and actually took a seat next to me on the floor.
"How are you, Nil?"
"Pretty bad, actually," I replied with a grimace. I eyed him a bit warily. He’d always been nice to me, but he was still a doctor.
"I had no hand in this, Nil, in moving you here. They only recently told me where they’d moved you."
"And why would they hide things from you, Hammy? You’re one of them."
He sighed deeply.
"I’m not exactly popular here. Some people believe my methods of dealing with the patients are too soft."
"Are they?"
"I believe they are just, and that’s enough for me. That’s why I’m here, Nil."
I waited expectantly for him to continue.
"Of all the doctors, I would say I probably know you the best. Would you agree with me on that one, Nil?"
"Alright," I said, nodding. "Sounds fair enough. So what does that mean?"
"You have a lot of personality, Nil, but I could never imagine you stabbing a doctor through the heart. You didn’t even know Peabody. He served in the opposite end of the Ward. Likewise, concerning the patient in the Yard that you are accused of trying to kill, I have never known you to commit such acts of violence."
"You think I’m innocent?" I replied, letting out a breath. Hammy’s support really caught me off-guard. He was a little bit clueless, considering that I have been and am, very capable of acting violently. Though I have very good reasons for everyone I have killed or attempted to kill.
Hammy nodded slowly.
"I believe you are innocent of what you are accused of. I at least want to hear from your own lips what really happened. How did Peabody die?"
Well now I was in a quandary. I briefly had Hammy’s trust, or at least, partial trust, yet if I spoke the truth he’d think me insane. My frantic little mind was halfway through concocting a story about how a deranged Harold killed Peabody, when a beeping sound started up.
With a look of annoyance, Hammy pulled a small pager from his pocket and glanced at it.
"They’re calling me. Some kind of meeting." He got to his feet, but seemed reluctant to leave.
"I don’t want you to get in trouble, Hammy," I said, stalling for time until I could come up with a decent lie.
br />
"Alright. Yes, I’d best leave. I will talk to the others and try to get you moved back to your old room. They’ll probably tighten security for a while, things will certainly be different, but if I can at least get you moved back I think you’ll be happier."
He was halfway to the door when I spoke.
"Hey, Hammy?"
"Yes?" he replied, turning.
"Can you try and get my Snoopy Cap back? That alone would really lift my spirits."
"I-I can try. I can’t make any promises, but I can try."
His pager beeped again, and with a panicked look and not another word, he turned and left. I believe him that he will try to help. It makes me at least a little bit happier. We’ll see if he can follow through or just ends up letting me down like everyone else does.
Nil, Out.
Day 36
The days are going by quickly. I’m mainly spending them sleeping since I don’t have anything else to do. Twice in the last six days I woke up with injection marks on my right arm. Dr. Sirius must be as silent as a ghost. It worries me.
On the plus side, the food at least is edible. Not once have I received bloody oatmeal! Nor have I heard any rustling in the walls or seen anything else weird. Nothing at all. This is the first time in my life that I have gone so long in a state of normal. Makes me wonder if all the drugs that Sirius has been experimenting with are warping my mind more than usual. Either that, or Derrick and the rest of the ‘Haunt Nillium Neems Crew’ simply have yet