*
Izumi, Junichi, Yamato and Zero-Sixteen continued to traverse the complex sewers on their way to the Reapers stronghold. Junichi and Zero-Sixteen had taken to talking to each other while Yamato continued weakly in silence. Izumi was at the back, lost in thought but kept pace. Barely.
My emotions feel so raw – amplified. Everything I feel feels too real. This doubt in my mind – I’ve never doubted myself like this before. Every negative though I have feels toxic like corruption. It’s a darkness like a fire; spreading and corrupting, causing irreversible damage. Miko death has unlocked some box of powerful emotions that I don’t know if I’ll be able to control.
‘I’m so scared...’ Izumi muttered.
‘What’s there to be scared about, Kioshi?’ Aki Asked.
‘You wouldn’t understand.’ Kioshi replied.
‘Are you scared because... you’re a Ghost?’
‘Ghost?’ Kioshi repeated, shaking his head. ‘What are you...’ And then Kioshi realized that he wasn’t in his mother’s memory but back in the present. Shakily, a hand rose up to hold his forehead.
‘Kioshi, are you okay?’
‘He’s losing his nerve’ Seito quipped.
Kioshi pursed his lips tightly, looking away from the both of them. Just then, I couldn’t tell which one was reality... I’m going mad... Like her.
The train rocked steadily as it passed through a tunnel and so for a while Kioshi lost sight of Aki as she stood in front of him grasping the pole that supported her close to her body. Seito again was sat a few seats away and occasionally shot Aki a loathsome glare.
Darkness... Kioshi thought, thinking back to what his mother was feeling. He tried hard to understand what was happening to her mind that would inevitably cause her to go mad.
If I continue to looking into my mother’s past for insight, I will probably go mad. Kioshi was aware that it wasn’t as simple as he made it seem.
Everyone has darkness in them, myself, my father, even my mother. What if something inside of her was augmenting that darkness? What if something was forcing these thoughts into her head?
Grey daylight flooded the carriage allowing Kioshi to see the worried look on Aki’s face. Kioshi smiled thoughtlessly, a lie to calm her down. Even Aki has darkness in her. She’s a Ghost like me.
Aki was staring out of the window tiredly.
What could be in her heart that would augment her own darkness? Could it be her doubt? Or was it something else? What could augment the darkness in my own heart? I even asked Seito what was he afraid of. I’m sure that he’s afraid of becoming like me and Aki, he’s afraid of becoming irrelevant, afraid that one day he will stop being acknowledged by his peers.
All this thinking is pointless.
‘Kioshi?’ Aki asked gently, avoiding Kioshi’s eyes.
‘Yes, Aki?’
‘Why do you care about me?’
Kioshi didn’t expect that question. ‘Why do I care?’ He became silent so now the only sound heard was the slight drumming of the train as it made its way towards Zone Three. ‘I care about all the people. It’s why I’m here now.’ He replied nervously.
‘Oh...’
‘But... We’re alike, you understand what it’s like to live a life where you’re almost invisible. I know how much loneliness hurts and I know that knowing that just one person cares can make a difference even if it’s a small one.’ Kioshi moved closer to Aki. ‘It sounds like pity but it’s not. The truth is that... I guess I like you...’
‘How long have we known each other for?’
‘We’ve been in the same class for a while now. Years.’
‘And all this time you’ve... cared?’
‘Yes. If anything, knowing you so long is partly why I care so strongly. What Seito and everyone else doesn’t understand is that a Ghost is merely a person who isn’t a part of someone’s life. You’re a part of my life; you’re Aki, my friend.’
Aki finally gazed into Aki’s eyes, taking a step forward, her body pressing against Kioshi’s ‘I’ve never had anyone care about me before.’
‘What about your parents?’
‘No.’ She breathed. ‘They haven’t cared in a long while. My father cares, but he cares in... the wrong way. But, it feels nice to be cared for in the right way.’
Kioshi smiled, happy that Aki appreciated his company. ‘Can I ask you something?
Aki nodded.
‘Why is it that...’ Kioshi hesitated. ‘Why...’
‘Oh... I do mind a bit... I can’t tell you everything Kioshi, it would frighten you.’
‘Are you afraid I’ll run away?’
‘Yes.’
He frowned. ‘And if I promise I won’t?’
‘Are you telling the truth?’
‘About what?’
‘That you care. Are you telling the truth?’ Her breath tickled Kioshi’s neck.
‘I am... I do care.’
The movement of the train became noticeable when the two fell into silence. The train was filled with grey light, making the interior look and feel bleak.
‘About my body, I have what the doctor calls it a “mutation”, and this mutation causes my body to produce large quantities of blood and without a place for it to go it all ends up storing... well, you know...’
‘Your breasts are full of... blood?’
Aki nodded grimly. ‘I sometimes have these nightmares – really disturbing nightmares where I’m a mother feeding my child but when I look down at my child – it’s not a baby it’s... it’s something terrifying. It makes me feel like my body is meant for something. Something horrifying.
Kioshi couldn’t help but frown. They both have the same... mutation? If my mother truly has the same problem as Aki then I wonder what that problem was and above all, what that means for Aki. More importantly, how are the two of them related?
PERCEPTION