differently; it just wasn't what you had expected."
I don't know if I really believed what she was telling me or if I just didn't want to let anything get in the way of the only relationship I'd ever had. But I wanted to believe her. It showed in Herbie's face. His anger softened a little, but his eyes were still narrow with suspicion. "So you're happy to be going with me?"
"Of course!" she said with a smile. She knew exactly how to manipulate me. That smile made me melt every time.
Herbie wrapped his arms around her. "You're everything to me, you know. You're my world. You're my reason for breathing, the light of my life, the joy in my heart."
She returned the hug, but said nothing. What a fool I was.
At that point, Annie's mother emerged from the front door of the house. "Annie, come on now!" she snapped. "It's nearly eleven, and it's a school night. Time to come inside!" The door slammed shut as the last word was spoken. She made no acknowledgement of Herbie's presence.
"I wish I knew what I did to make her so angry with me," Herbie said with a sigh.
"You didn't do anything," Annie reassured him. "She's just angry with me for being up so late. Don't worry about it."
Doc and I watched as the two said their goodbyes. Minutes later, Annie was back in her house, and Herbie's silhouette was fading in the distance.
"How did that make you feel?" Doc asked me once both were gone.
"Then or now?"
"Both."
I stared at Annie's house and tried to push back the memories that had held me prisoner in a world of false love and broken promises. For some reason, even knowing what Annie was, there is a part of me today that still feels a sense of attachment and adoration for the time we spent together. I've fought to keep it hidden within the dark recesses of my mind, buried deep beneath my anger and resentment—both toward Annie and myself—over her deception and eventual betrayal. But seeing her today had stirred the pot, so to speak.
"Are you alright?"
"Yes," I finally answered. "I just don't know what's wrong with me. Even now, watching her lie to my face, I still feel affection for her beneath the bitterness. Why? Why do I still care even after all she did to me?"
"She was an important part of your life, Herbert. She showed you what it was like to have someone actually care about you. To love you. To hold you, support you, and encourage you. That's not something you'd ever really experienced before. And you haven't since then, either. That's why she's still special to you."
I lowered myself onto the curb adjacent to her house. "But she didn't care. She didn't love me. She was just using me."
"Let me ask you something. Do you regret your time spent with her? Honestly ask yourself. Would you be happier today if the two of you had never met?"
I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I didn't want to lie to him. Yes, Annie had left a scar on my heart. Despite that, I wouldn't trade my memories of her for all the riches in the world. If not for her, I'd never have experienced the affection of another, the comfort of her touch, the warmth of her embrace. She made me feel like I could do anything. My anxiety vanished in her presence. People no longer frightened me. And I'd give anything to feel that way again.
And Doc already knew that. "Perhaps your heart is content to live with the memory of the experience rather than erase it due to the outcome."
I continued to stare at her house. "Maybe. I just wish those good times weren't tainted by the bad."
Everything came to a head a week before the prom. I really should've seen it coming, but I was too head-over-heels in love. Annie was everything to me. I'd have walked across the country naked in the snow just to be able to see her. Nothing else mattered, not my family or school or bullies or God. And that's why my next encounter with Brian hit me like a bullet through my chest.
However, Doc and I had been traveling for a number of hours and I was drained, both emotionally and physically. Doc suggested we end our session and continue tomorrow. I agreed—not because I wanted to, but because I needed to. I guess I still think I'm tougher than I really am, because today was far more difficult than I'd anticipated. I thought being more than a decade removed from the situation would've helped me distance myself from the events that transpired to some degree, but sitting on that curb outside Annie's house, I could practically feel my heart bleeding all over again.
I'm not looking forward to tomorrow.
Wednesday – Day 8
I woke up this morning with a knot in my chest. Anxiety does that to me sometimes. I didn't want to go to Doc's office. And for the first time, I considered telling him I couldn't make it. I thought better of it, though. Guess I still have a bit of conscience left inside, because I didn't want to walk away from the opportunity to make peace with my past. Not that I've found any such peace thus far, but I need to at least wait until this whole time-travel experiment is over before I can say whether or not these experiences have helped.
That meant I had to see Doc today.
Worse, that meant I had to witness Annie's betrayal all over again.
Doc and I arrived just before the end of Herbie's algebra class. We made it to the first floor hallway just as the bell rang. At that time of the day, Herbie and Annie would usually meet at his locker for a few moments before going on to their next classes. But this time, Annie was nowhere to be found. Instead, Herbie arrived to find Brian blocking access to his locker. There was no choice but to acknowledge him. "What do you want?"
"I think you have a pretty good idea," Brian said, shoving Herbie back. "You've been walking around with my girl for far too long. It ends now."
Herbie, still blindly in love and ready to die to defend his girl, narrowed his eyes. "She's not yours," he snarled. "You let her go. Now she's chosen to be with me."
"You moron, she's not with you. She was just wasting time with you until we worked things out. You're not her boyfriend, you've just been holding my spot for me. And now I'm taking it back."
"I won't let you take her from me," Herbie growled. "And neither will she. You'll see."
"You don't have a choice, punk. So I suggest you move along. Now."
I don't take kindly to orders or threats. If you tell me you're going to hurt me, I will respond with a challenging defiance. Smart? No. But that's me.
Herbie's eyes raged with fire. "I'm not going anywhere." His fists were clenched, too.
Brian gave him a shove. "Look man, don't make me have to hurt you. I really don't want to have to put you in a hospital."
"Why? You think I'd come visit you?"
Brian's friend Alan Kuller stood behind his buddy, egging him on with unnecessary comments. "Beat him down, man! Beat him down! He deserves it. Look at him; that little runt can't hurt you!" He had been making those sorts of comments throughout the whole exchange.
I guess Brian decided to take his advice. His fist connected solidly with Herbie's jaw, driving two teeth right through his tongue. It hurt, but Herbie had received his share of beatings before, so it was not unfamiliar territory. And this time, he was not going to walk away without leaving some marks of his own. Blood immediately poured from his tongue, so while Alan cheered and Brian shouted common tough-guy expressions such as, "How do you like that, punk? You want some more?" Herbie leaned forward with a defiant sneer and spat a mouthful of blood right into Brian's face. His reaction of shock and disgust gave Herbie the opening to drive his knuckles straight into Brian's nose.
"That's it?" Herbie asked with an almost sadistic grin. Blood trickled down his chin. "You're going to have to do far better than that to put me down."
Brian was holding his nose with a grimace that I know was quite satisfying to Herbie. "You'd better start running now, because if I get my hands on you again, you're a dead man!!"
A crowd of spectators was beginning to gather. Herbie's cold stare was begging for a retaliation. Brian looked ready to follow through, bu
t a shout from the far end of the hall stopped him short. Annie emerged from the crowd, running as fast as she could. When she finally reached the two, she positioned herself between them.
"Stop it!" she yelled. "Both of you stop it right now!"
"Talk to him," Herbie muttered. "I'm just defending myself."
Brian's next sentence was one I should've seen coming. He looked at Annie and shouted, "I thought you said you were going to tell him this morning!"
I could almost see Herbie's heart sinking to his feet. Still, his jaw was set in anger. "Tell me what, Annie? What is he talking about?"
"Well, you remember what I said about wanting to go to the prom with him, right?"
Herbie's eyes began to fill with water. "Yes, but you said that was a long time ago."
Annie flicked her eyelashes at him. "I know, but he asked me this morning."
Herbie didn't ask for her answer. It wasn't necessary. Her tone of voice and body language gave her away. "But I asked you months ago. You're supposed to be my girlfriend. What kind of girlfriend goes to the prom with another man? You said you were going with me!"
"She's not your girlfriend!" Brian shouted at him. "And she's going to prom with me. End of story."
There have been a few times in my life when my emotions took such control over me that I have said things that I know I couldn't back up. This is one such time. "In a minute, you're going to find yourself rolling into prom in a wheelchair!"
Brian