Page 16 of Toast


  Chapter 16

  What did you do with your ex?

  Ash beckons at Flick and I to follow her to her bedroom. The boys watch as we leave the room and Josh looks at me lingeringly with enough intensity to make me blush remembering last night and the way he touched me so gently. I follow the girls barely registering anything they say, Josh had kissed me like he meant business and I’m not exactly sure that I am ready for it, I’ve been meaning to tell him that I’m in love with him but the moment has never seemed quite right and now I feel unsure whether I am ready for more than just hand holding and gentle kisses. “Kaila. Kaila…?” Ash pinches my arm to get my attention.

  “What did you do that for?” Completely torn away from my train of thoughts I glare at her rubbing my sore arm.

  Ash just rolls her eyes at me, “If you were paying attention to what I was saying you would know why I just pinched you.”

  Flick giggles at the thunderous expression on my face, I’m not impressed but I can understand where Ash is coming from. “So what were you talking about? Sorry I was daydreaming.”

  Ash just looks at me, “Ok from the start, we were discussing the advice you were handing out to the boys last night.”

  I grin at them both sheepishly, “Oh yeah?”

  “Yes.” Ash eyes me speculatively, “Mike finally made a move on Flick and Nathan came to apologise to me. So what did you say to them?”

  I grin at Ash’s suspicious gaze, “I told Mike that it’s better to take a chance than live with regret. I told Nathan that you are still his friend and he can’t expect you to drop everything to be with him because he finally realised how he felt about you.”

  “That explains a lot then.” Ash smiles at me thoughtfully, “You are the queen of relationship advice. You must need all of that talent just for being with Josh.”

  “You have no idea.” I grin at her, “So what are we doing upstairs when everyone else is downstairs watching Star Wars?”

  “Well I need help to pick my outfit out for tonight because I want to look casual but sexy, you know make a statement.” Ash grins at me.

  It takes us half an hour to find the right outfit for Ash to wear, making her try on different clothes until we get the right combination which is tight leather-like pants with a flowing navy blue cotton top and these amazing strappy Jimmy Choo’s with diamantes on the straps. I am so jealous of Ash’s wardrobe it’s basically made up of entirely designer brands!

  We walk back downstairs to join the boys watching The Empire Strikes Back. Personally my favourite character in the last three episodes is Han Solo he’s so funny especially when he gets all possessive over Princess Leia because he thinks something is going on with her and Luke when she’s really Luke Skywalkers twin sister.

  Josh makes space next to him on the couch for me to sit next to him. “I’m tempted to kiss you like I did last night in front of everyone.”

  I look at him shocked, what on earth do I say to that? Part of me says please do while the reasonable part of me says uh hell no, not in front of our friends.

  I spend the rest of the day on the couch snuggled up to Josh as we watch Star Wars with the rest of the group. The funny part is I couldn’t be happier even with the custody hearing hanging over my head like a wet blanket.

  I should be really anxious about it, I know I should be but the thing is in this moment in Josh’s strong arms I can’t seem to force myself to feel anxious. I know that it’s going to be horrendous to watch my parents’ lawyers question the motives of each “client” – as they say in legal terms- and suggest that it would benefit me greatly to be with my mother but I completely disagree because she can’t provide me with any stability because she’s not stable at all –mentally stable, yes, but not in any other way- she moves around a lot and constantly has new boyfriends while my dad only moves us around because Mitch keeps getting expelled from school.

  Josh nudges my shoulder gently, breaking my internal struggle to follow a single train of thought to the end. “Kaila; are you ok? You seem rather quiet and distant.”

  Yeah he’s right I‘ve barely been paying any attention to the genius that is Star Wars. “I’m ok just thinking about stuff.” I know it sounds supercilious but I don’t really want to discuss my parents’ war right now.

  “Oh well when you’re ready to open up I’m here to listen.” Josh looks searchingly into my eyes and I guess he found what he was looking for because his serious expression suddenly turns into the most gorgeous smile that I have ever seen; he’s truly magical to me.

  I can’t help feeling a little guilty for not telling Josh what the problem is but I don’t want to worry him and it’s not like it’s completely necessary for him to know right now. “Thanks for the offer Josh.”

  Sitting there on the couch I start thinking about Josh and how he makes me feel, whenever I’m around him I feel this warmth in my chest and when I see him I instantly start grinning. I think I may be falling for him, well who wouldn’t fall for him he’s so handsome and sweet not to mention generous and all he wants to do is look out for me. Ok so maybe I’m too far gone…I finally have to admit to myself that I am actually in fact in love with Josh. Strange as it seems to finally admit it, it just feels right like I’ve been missing a piece in a puzzle and I finally found it, you know the blue sky pieces that all look the same and you always manage to lose because they all look the same well that’s kind of how I feel like I’ve been overlooking this piece that was sitting right in front of me because it looked like everything else inside me and finally I can see that it is completely different from everything else. How could I not have seen this earlier?

  I’m in love with Josh, god that feels good to say to myself. I love Josh. I feel like I should tell him but maybe it’s too soon, I don’t want to completely frighten him away but I can’t just sit on it and wait for him to say that he loves me first, can I?

  Before I know it everyone is standing up around me and it suddenly occurs to me that I completely zoned out again! Josh leans towards me grinning and whispers in my ear seductively, “Baby unless you want to see me very naked I would follow the girls upstairs right now.”

  Oh yeah I can see that smirk on your face Joshua, or at least that’s what I feel like saying to him with all the sass I can muster but what really comes out my mouth is even more shocking, “Now would that be such a bad thing Josh?” Uh since when have I ever said anything so blatantly sexual? Now I am confused, where on earth did that come from?

  The one upside to my weird behaviour is that the huge condescending grin on Josh’s face is completely replaced with…horror? No that can’t be right but something that looks strongly like he’s seriously uncomfortable, well good because that makes two of us here and now we are on even playing ground. “Uh…you need to get ready for Will’s party, like now.”

  Ok so I did freak him out which is rather entertaining if I really think about it because of the amount of unprepared situations that Josh has put me through and I am finally getting back at him for doing it! “Well if that’s what you want?” I suppress another groan at the innuendo that just came loftily out of my mouth.

  Josh definitely looks horrified now, “Please Kaila, just go with the girls for my sake because I don’t want to be responsible for my next actions.”

  Ok so now I’m the one who feels horrified so I quickly scamper off before anything I’m not prepared for does happen.

  The girls and I go through our beauty routine, hair, make up, clothes then shoes. It is fun just chilling with the girls in Ash’s bedroom with rock music blasting and us laughing over things the boys have done. When we are all ready to go we head downstairs to see what the boys have decided to wear, I guess they didn’t bring alternative party wear because I am pretty sure that the only thing the boys have on that’s new is their shirts. Although that doesn’t mean they’re any less attractive, more so if I’m telling the truth.

  …

  Ash grabs my hand and drags me through the crowd
ed hallway of Will’s house; girls are walking around in stilettos and skirts that should be classified as belts, it makes me feel self-conscious about my black dress which falls just above my knees. Ash grins at me over her shoulder, “Pay them no attention Kaila they’re stereotypical cheerleaders.”

  I grin back at her, “That figures.” But I still feel self-conscious about what I am wearing it’s obvious that the dress that I thought would be perfect for tonight is completely wrong.

  “I think you’re beautiful.” Josh says coming up behind me to say into my ear.

  I roll my eyes at him of course he’d say I am beautiful because after all he is biased because I am his girlfriend, if he didn’t tell me I was beautiful I would be hurt and by telling me that I am beautiful he’s just emphasising that he has to because he’s my boyfriend. I feel sorry for guys they really can’t win either way with females. “How long did it take you to figure that one out?”

  Josh grins at me, “As soon as I saw you walking down the stairs back at Ash’s place.”

  “So you waited til now to tell me?” I say raising my eyebrow and shaking my head at him, secretly I’m enjoying messing with him.

  Josh groans and mutters something that sounds suspiciously like “You just can’t please women.”

  Ash leads us into a large room with French doors that lead outside to the pool, looking around I notice my ex-boyfriend Dean standing by the punch bowl speaking to another person I could recognize anywhere, Ali. Looks like this party is going to be as great as I thought it would be. Sam walks over to me and whispers in my ear, “Isn’t that your ex-boyfriend, you know the violent one?”

  I groan inwardly as Dean looks across the room and meets my gaze, yep it’s going to be a very uncomfortable evening. “Yep that’s definitely him smirking at me from the punch bowl.”

  Sam looks at him suspiciously, “I wonder how the hell he got invited to this party. Will doesn’t seem like the type who would hang out with a guy like Dean.”

  I agree with Sam, Will doesn’t strike me as the type who would put up to a guy who likes to bully woman and anyone weaker than him. “Maybe Will didn’t invite him, maybe he’s here with a date. He seemed pretty surprised to see me here as well.”

  “Hey speak of the devil.” Sam says pointing towards Will making his way through the groups of people to our group. “He must have spotted Ash.”

  I really should stop doubting Sam since it seems that he is right more times than not because Will made his way straight to Ash. “You look great, I’m glad you came.”

  Ash grinned at him hesitantly, “You too. I’m glad I came.”

  Will takes his eyes off Ash and finally realises that we are here too, I really feel sorry for the guy he obviously likes Ash but he has no idea what is happening between Nathan and Ash, if you can really say that there is something happening because they’re still not talking to each other. “I hope you guys have fun at my party, there’s punch and snacks over there,” He says waving his hand in Dean’s direction, “and there’s sausages on the barbeque outside by the pool.”

  Will starts to walk away but without even thinking about my actions I grab his arm and ask about Dean, “Do you know Dean Murphy?”

  Will looks at me uncomfortably, “Actually I don’t really know him but a couple of my friends said that he’s fun to have at a party, do you know him?”

  Now it’s my turn to feel really uncomfortable, scratching the back of my neck I answer his question. “Dean is my ex-boyfriend. We went to the same school together for a while before I came to ASC.”

  “Oh that explains a lot.” I look at Will curiously, “Well you see he has been asking me quite a few questions about you but I didn’t know why he wanted to know so much about you.”

  I shrug noncommittally; of course Dean would try to find out what I am up to and find out who his ‘rival’ for me is. “Some ex-boyfriends don’t believe that it’s over when you break up with them.”

  Will nods his head solemnly, “I can see what you mean. He was asking me about your boyfriend and I didn’t know what to do so I told him about Josh, if I had known that he was your ex I wouldn’t have mentioned anything at all to him.”

  “You didn’t know so I can forgive you this time.” I smile broadly at him enjoying his company. If I didn’t know the way that Nathan feels for Ash and the way she feels for him I would say that Will would be the perfect guy for Ash.

  Will winks at me while he walks towards the French doors, “I will leave you to it then.”

  Josh comes up beside me and throws his arms around my shoulders, “So what were you two talking about so animatedly?”

  I look up at him noticing the way he’s staring at Will’s back like he’s assessing whether Will is a potential threat, and there is no way in hell that I am going to tell him about Dean while they’re in the same room. “Nothing much he was just telling me to go try out the punch.”

  Josh looks at me speculatively, “That was so not a conversation about punch. Do you feel like telling me the truth?”

  “I wish I could.” I mutter under my breath. I see Dean looking at me smugly from across the room and I decide it’s about time that Dean and I have a serious conversation. “I’m going to take Will’s advice and try the punch, do you want some?”

  Josh sighs “Yeah whatever Kaila, sooner or later you are going to tell me the truth.”

  Sam looks at thoughtfully, “Do you mind if I join you? I feel like some punch too.”

  I feel relief rush through me at least someone knows what’s really going on. “Yeah that’d be great Sam.” I stand on my tippy toes and kiss Josh’s mouth I love the surprised expression on his face. “I’ll be back.”

  “I’ll hold you to that.” Josh says letting me out of his embrace. “Don’t take too long.”

  I make my way through the crowd to the punch bowl to find Dean already waiting for me there. “Hello baby-doll.”

  “Don’t call me that; why are you here Dean?” I stare at him indignantly, I hated it when he called me that when we were dating and I hate it even more now.

  Dean looks at me speculatively, “Can’t I just go to a party?”

  I glare at him angrily, “I know you Dean and you are never that simple. What’s the real reason why you’re here?”

  Amused Dean sweeps his gaze over me. “You look so attractive when you’re angry Kayley. I heard that the guy holding the party goes to your school and I was invited along and I was curious whether you would come as well. And look here you are.”

  “What do you want Dean?” I look at him with disdain which I know will really piss him off. “We broke up so I don’t have to put up with your crap anymore.”

  “Kayley I want you back, I’ve changed. I really regret what I did to you. Can you please forgive me baby?” I look at him thoughtfully, he’s acting so sincere and regretful but I can see in his eyes smugness and triumph.

  I know he believes that he has won me back and his arrogance pisses me off. “No Dean I will never take you back because you will never change, this is all a game to you. You don’t care about me, you’re just pissed off that I dumped you.”

  Dean looks really angry now which is what scares me most, “Kaila you belong to me, how dare you refuse me!”

  Oh now I am really pissed off, my voice drips with venom. “How dare you! I am not a toy for you to play with you do not own me Dean! Go to hell.”

  Dean grabs my arm as I try to walk away from him, he pulls me towards him and fists his hand in my hair holding me still while he brings his mouth down onto mine and basically mauls my face. He pulls away and looks at me triumphantly, I really want to slap that smug from his face. “It looks like your boyfriend doesn’t have a lot of faith in you.”

  I look over my shoulder and see Josh glaring at me angrily then he turns on his heel and walks out the French doors without looking back at me. I turn around and slap Dean as hard as I possibly can. I hope to god that Josh doesn’t believe that I actually kissed Dea
n; he forced himself on me not the other way around. Josh should know me by now at least he should know that I don’t go around kissing random guys which reminds me about Josh and me.

  What I now realise is he has every reason to doubt my intentions because I let Josh kiss me even though I knew he had a girlfriend and I let him convince me that he only wanted me; from Josh’s perspective I guess he believes that I go with any guy who forces himself on me.

  I start making my way towards the French doors but the room has expanded with people since my group walked in. Sam yells out my name and rushes towards me, “I saw the entire thing. I’m sorry that I didn’t interfere you see um…this cute girl started talking to me and I figured you’d be able to handle the situation.”

  Sam pulls me into a hug and I realise how much I was craving comfort from another person, I doubt Josh will ever talk to me again not to mention the anger he must be feeling towards me. “I didn’t think Dean would stoop so low. He knew that Josh was watching me and he did it on purpose. Josh is going to be so mad at me and I really can’t blame him.”

  Sam looks at me strangely, “Don’t let me hear you talk like that Kaila, you are a strong woman; Josh will understand.”

  I really hope to god that he does understand because I am only just realising what exactly he means to me, whenever I see him it feels like every part of me is melting and when he does something sweet it just makes me feel so happy and cherished, if Josh dumps me…I don’t even want to think about it! He has to understand…I will make him understand. I feel like a melodramatic teenager but I think that something in me will be broken for good if Josh doesn’t forgive me. “I really hope that you’re right Sam, I really do.”

  “Go get him tiger,” Sam winks at me, “Who can resist a beautiful woman in a dress anyway?”

  I grin at him and push my way through the crowd to get to the damn French doors. I don’t have a clue what I am going to do or say to Josh but I hope for my sake that I come up with something amazing before I go through the door. Maybe Josh it isn’t what you think nah that’s one serious cliché, what about Dean and I are over yeah not going to work either that suggests that there’s still something between Dean and I when really I want to severely harm Dean maybe even take away what makes him male, I want Dean to suffer for the rest of his life. What can I say to Josh to make him understand how I feel? Josh I love you and only you the problem is I don’t think he’s going to be very receptive to hearing me say ‘I love you’ for the first time to him.

  There is nothing I can say that is going to magically make everything ok, even if I tell him the truth now there’s nothing saying that Josh will believe me, I should have told him when I had the chance, I should have been honest with him but instead I hid from the problem and there Dean was just waiting to wreak havoc with my life once again. I walk through the doors and out onto the patio I look to my left trying to find Josh but instead I am confronted by the sight of Mike and Flick making out in a dimly lit corner of the patio, I guess Mike actually took my advice then. I’m glad someone is experiencing some form of bliss.

  I step down from the patio and walk around the pool looking at all the people gathered around the edges of the pool but find no sign of Josh so I walk down a couple of steps and start making my way across the yard towards the tennis courts, who even has tennis courts in their backyard, rich people that’s who! I spot some movement under a tree and make my way towards it only to find Ash and who I originally presume is Will until he speaks, “I love you Ash, I have since we first met.” which makes me realise that I should start listening to my own advice, because after all Nathan is kissing Ash and I seem to be the only one who isn’t making out with the one they love.

  I walk back towards the pool except someone is blocking my way in the dim lit garden. “Why?” His voice comes to me through the darkness and I suddenly know that there is nothing that I can say that will make this all better but all I can do is tell him the truth and he can decide whether it is good enough.

  “Josh…” I sigh wracked with sadness, “Dean is my ex-boyfriend. I broke up with him because I caught him cheating on me except Dean doesn’t take no for an answer and he never gets dumped. Dean has a very twisted way of thinking about girls; he won’t let you go until he decides he has had enough. I made him angry and he retaliated.” I can feel Josh’s hard gaze on my face even though he is a couple of metres away from me.

  “Why should I believe you Kaila? You never even told me about Dean. So what makes you think that I am going to listen to you now?” Josh’s voice sounds strangled with emotions he’s struggling to keep at bay.

  I just want to cry, this is not going to end well and I can tell he feels the same way. “I should have told you but I didn’t want you to think that I still cared for Dean or worse, thought that I was damaged goods.”

  I can hear Josh’s harsh breathing and I just want to stride across the scant distance that separates us but I don’t want to stop any further discussion by acting prematurely, “How do I know you don’t care for him Kaila?”

  “…because I love you Josh.” I blurt out without even thinking about what I am saying at all.

  “You’re telling me this now?” Josh asks me incredulously. “How did this go so wrong Kaila?”

  There never seemed to be a right moment to tell him how I felt and here I am suddenly telling him at the wrong moment! “I have been thinking about telling you Josh, it just never felt like the right moment. I have no idea how this went so wrong!”

  “You should know that you have to make your own moment.” Josh takes a step towards me almost reluctantly. Peering into the darkness I can make out his grey eyes so mixed with held back emotions. What on earth can I do to take that look of betrayal out of his eyes?

  My expectations are weighing me down; my thoughts are sluggish in response to his accusing eyes. “There’s nothing I can say to take this away. But you have to know that I would never cheat on you.”

  “But I don’t know that Kaila. Maybe it would be different if you had told me about Dean.” Josh’s tormented gaze holds me captive, watching the betrayal, the anger, the contempt and the guilt war inside him.

  “I didn’t think I had to tell you about Dean because we broke up and I didn’t think he would come after me.” I try to be as honest as possible with him.

  “That’s right Kaila you didn’t think at all. You doubted me, you didn’t even give me a chance to understand; you thought that I wouldn’t be able to handle it.” His voice drips with venom and his eyes are burning a hole through my heart.

  “That’s all true; I didn’t want you to get involved. I didn’t think you would understand how I feel.” The dread is becoming a living thing inside my chest and I know where this conversation is going and I have no way of stopping it, we’re both too angry to think rationally.

  “You didn’t think I would understand?” Josh looks at me his eyes wide with hurt. “Did you forget what happened with Ali? Did that mean nothing to you?”

  I sigh inwardly, “That’s different and you know it. You only broke up with her because I wouldn’t accept sharing you. Dean and I broke up because I caught him cheating and now he is actively seeking to make me take him back which means eliminating you.” Glaring back at him I feel like yelling and screaming at him to get over his pride. “Can’t you see that you’re letting him win? He wants you to break up with me and you’re giving him exactly what he wants.”

  “She’s right you know?” Son of a bitch! Dean strides up to Josh and wraps his arm around Josh’s shoulders almost as if they’re best friends and says conspiratorially, “You know she’s always been a smart girl, she figured out I was cheating pretty quickly. And she knows exactly what I am doing right now.”

  “You bastard, how long have you been listening to us?” I really want to hurt him. Dean looks at his nails like they’re the most interesting thing in the world. “…Long enough.”

  “What do you want Dean?” I say resigned to the fact tha
t he isn’t going to go away quietly.

  “I told you Kaila. I want you. No offence man but I won’t stop til I have her.” Crap, we really have no chance in hell now. Dean will make it his prerogative to break us up and steal me back willingly or against my will, whatever Dean wants he gets and right now that’s me.

  Josh shrugs Dean’s arm off his shoulders and turns to glare up at him. “As far as I’m concerned you’re out of the picture, I don’t care if you want Kaila back because I am not giving her up for someone like you.”

  I can’t believe that Josh is actually yelling at Dean. “Does that mean you believe me?” I hope to god he does because I want to be with him. Although the way the two guys are looking at each other it is becoming apparently clear that fists might start flying between the two of them.

  Josh rakes his fingers through his hair looking at me morosely, “I don’t know what I believe right now Kaila, but I would rather shoot myself in the foot then let this guy steal you from me.”

  “Well that can be arranged.” Dean mutters but loud enough for Josh and me to hear him.

  Josh’s head swings around and he glares at Dean angrily, “Why can’t you just go already? Why can’t you leave me and my girlfriend alone?”

  Dean’s expression changes to a lazy grin and it makes the hair on the back of my neck rise because I recognize it as the face he pulls before he gets violent. “That would be because I don’t consider her as your girlfriend. No, she will always be my girlfriend.” Dean grins at me and I feel completely terrified. “Kaila, baby, you will never get rid of me you’re still mine.”

  Ok so I think I just snapped because the reasonable thing to do would be to look at him coolly and walk away what I do instead probably doesn’t help our situation in fact I would say it probably exacerbated the issue. “Dean I am not nor will I ever be yours. You are truly a chauvinistic pig who is so wrapped up in his little world that he doesn’t realise how much of an asshole he is to other people. I despise you, you arrogant jerk for thinking you could waltz back into my life and claim me like I am so sort of lost dog. Not only is your attempt at winning me back pathetic but you have proven that you don’t think of me as any more than a mere possession like your personal human handbag to accessorise your outfit. Screw you Dean.” Ok so yelling, calling him names and insulting him was not the best way to resolve the issue but I couldn’t stand being called his possession like I was a Ferrari he could keep in his drive way without caring about the divine engineering but what the car said about him. Long analogy but it’s exactly what he wants.

  Dean turns on me clearly angry, he starts striding towards me but suddenly Josh is in his way, “You’re not seriously going to hit a lady for telling you in no uncertain terms that she doesn’t want you?”

  Dean glares at Josh for getting in his way, “Would you rather I hit you instead?”

  Josh grins and shrugs his shoulders, “Now I don’t believe in raising my hand against a woman so I will give you an option you could go up against me or…” Here’s where Josh looks at me apologetically as if to tell me that he doesn’t mean what he’s saying to Dean, “…take on the weaker gender?”

  “Alright I’ll take you on but only because I relish the challenge.” Dean throws me a disgusted look before throwing a punch at Josh.

  Josh takes a step to the side and taps Dean’s hand so it goes wide and misses Josh. “I should probably mention that I have been doing karate for a long time now.”

  Dean grunts as Josh’s hand connects with his abdomen. Then Josh’s hand shoots out and clips Dean on the jaw. Suddenly Dean is on the ground and looking pretty dazed. “Don’t come near Kaila again because next time you do I won’t be so kind.”

  Josh roughly grabs my arm and drags me back inside the house and out to his car. I wonder if he believes me now, I hope to god he’s no longer angry with me and I hope Josh doesn’t take what happened to heart. My hopes are ripped apart when Josh harshly whispers, “I think we need some time apart because I need to decide whether it’s really worth all the pain to be with you with Dean constantly trying to break us up.”

  “You can’t really mean that Josh. Yeah the guy’s a jerk but walking away means he has won!” I cry trying to dig my heels into the ground to make him stop walking and face me while he rips my heart apart, tonight has done more damage than I had ever expected. I’ve never seen Josh so insecure; he has always seemed so in control of what was happening around him.

  “What has he won Kaila?” Josh looks at me weirdly, “Do you love him?”

  Now that is a bomb and a half, how can he possibly think I’d still love Dean after all that he has done? Granted there will always be a place in my heart that will remind me what it was like when it was good with Dean but the pain of the experience kind of negates that effect. “No I don’t love him, is it really that hard to believe that I love you?”

  I can’t help baiting him but then he does something unexpected, he smiles. “Well then Dean has won nothing and I have won everything because I’m the guy you have given your heart to and I won’t hurt you the way he did.”

  I feel my eyes well up with tears that threaten to spill over the edge of my make-up encased eyes -that would be a seriously bad look to have going on in front of my seriously hot boyfriend- at the words that he so honestly said to me. “Look at what you have done! You have reduced me to tears Joshua!” I sigh dramatically then giggle at his upset face, “Good tears because that was the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.”

  “Well you know I do aim to please.” Josh says cheekily.

  It suddenly dawns on me that maybe he’s still planning on leaving me, “Do you still believe in what you said before?”

  Josh’s expression suddenly sobers, “I don’t know Kaila, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me but I don’t know how I’m going to keep you when Dean comes knocking again because it’s obvious that you two have history and I have no idea how you will react to him.”

  “How about I make a promise then?” Josh nods his approval so I go on, “I promise to tell you at the exact minute that I notice my feelings change, that way you will have a heads up. Even though I don’t believe that my feelings will ever change about you but you will be the first to know if they do.”

  “That sounds like a great deal Kaila. That makes me feel more secure about us.” I want to add for him, after all we have only known each other a couple of weeks but it does feel like I have known him my entire life maybe because I know his sister so well or maybe because that what it feels like when you find a guy that’s really in tune with you. “Come on baby let’s go home.”

 
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