CHAPTER XXII.
JONAS EXPRESSES HIS OPINION ON DUTCHMEN.
Sometimes the virus of a family is all drawn off in one vial. I think itis Emerson who makes this remark. We have all seen the vials.
Such an one was Norman Anderson. The curious law of hereditary descenthad somehow worked him only evil. "Nater," observed Jonas to Cynthy,when the latter had announced to him that Norman, on account of somedisgrace at school, had returned home, "nater ha'n't done him halfjestice, I 'low. It went through Sam'el Anderson and Abig'il, and pickedout the leetle weak pompous things in the illustrious father; and thenhunted out all the spiteful and hateful things in the lovin' andmuch-esteemed mother, and somehow stuck 'em together, to make as ornerya chap as ever bit a hoe-cake in two."
"I'm afeard her brother's scrape and comin' home won't make Jule nonethe peacefuller at the present time," said Cynthy Ann.
"Wal," returned Jonas, "I don't think she keers much fer him. Shecouldn't, you know. Love him? Now, Cynthy Ann, my dear"--here Cynthy Annbegan to reproach herself for listening to anything so pleasant asthese two last words--"Now, Cynthy Ann, my dear, you see you might maybelove a cuckle-burr and nuss it; but I don't think you would be likelyto. I never heern tell of nobody carryin' jimson-weed pods in theirbosoms. You see they a'n't no place about Norman Anderson that lovecould take a holt of 'thout gittin' scratched."
"But his mother loves him, I reckon," said Cynthy Ann.
"Wal, yes; so she do. Loves her shadder in the lookin'-glass, maybe, andkinder loves Norman bekase he's got so much of her devil into him. It'slike lovin' like, I reckon. But I 'low they's a right smart differencewith Jule. Sence she was born, that Norman has took more delight intormentin' Jule than a yaller dog with a white tail does in worryin' abrindle tom-cat up a peach-tree. And comin' home at this junction he'llgin her a all-fired lot of trials and tribulation."
At the time this conversation took place, two weeks had elapsed sinceMrs. Anderson's "attack." Julia had heard nothing from August yet. The"Hawk" still made his head-quarters in the house, but was now watchinganother quarry. Mrs. Anderson was able to scold as vigorously as ever,if, indeed, that function had ever been suspended. And just now she wasengaged in scolding the teacher who had expelled Norman. The habit offighting teachers was as chronic as her heart-disease. Norman had alwaysbeen abused by the whole race of pedagogues. There was from the first aconspiracy against him, and now he was cheated out of his last chance ofgetting an education. All this Norman steadfastly believed.
Of course Norman sided with his mother as against the Dutchman. The morecontemptible a man is, the more he contemns a man for not belonging tohis race or nation. And Norman felt that he would be eternally disgracedby any alliance with a German. He threw himself into the fight with agreat deal of vigor. It helped him to forget other things.
"Jule," said he, walking up to her as she sat alone on the porch, "I'mashamed of you. To go and fall in love with a Dutchman like Gus Wehle,and disgrace us all!"
"I wonder you didn't think about disgrace before," retorted Julia, "I amashamed to have August Wehle hear what you've been doing."
NORMAN ANDERSON.]
Dogs that have the most practice in cat-worrying are liable to get theirnoses scratched sometimes. Norman took care never to attack Julia againexcept under the guns of his mother's powerful battery. And he revengedhimself on her by appealing to his mother with a complaint that "Julehad throwed up to him that he had been dismissed from school." And ofcourse Julia received a solemn lecture on her way of driving poor Normanto destruction. She was determined to disgrace the family. If she couldnot do it by marrying a Dutchman, she would do it by slanderingher brother.
Norman thought to find an ally in Jonas.
"Jonas, don't you think it's awful that Jule is in love with Dutchmanlike Gus Wehle?"
"I do, my love," responded Jonas. "I think a Dutchman is a Dutchman. Idon't keer how much he larns by burnin' the midnight ile by day andnight. My time-honored friend, he's a Dutchman arter all. The Dutch isbred in the bone. It won't fade. A Dutchman may be a gentleman in hisway of doin' things, may be honest and industrious, and keep all thecommandments in the catalogue, but I say he is Dutch, and that's enoughto keep him out of the kingdom of heaven and out of this free andenlightened republic. And an American may be a good-fer-nothin', ornerylittle pertater-ball, wuthless alike to man and beast; he mayn't be goodfer nothin', nuther fer work nur study; he may git drunk and git turnedouten school and do any pertikeler number of disgraceful andoncreditable things, he may be a reg'ler milksop and nincompoop, a fooland a blackguard and a coward all rolled up into one piece of brownpaper, ef he wants to. And what's to hender? A'n't he a free-born an'enlightened citizen of this glorious and civilized and Christian land ofHail Columby? What business has a Dutchman, ef he's ever so smart andhonest and larned, got in our broad domains, resarved for civil andreligious liberty? What business has he got breathin' our atmosphere ortakin' refuge under the feathers of our American turkey-buzzard? No, mybeloved and respected feller-citizen of native birth, it's as plain tome as the wheels of 'Zek'el and the year 1843. I say, Hip, hip, hoo-rayfer liberty or death, and down with the Dutch!"
Norman Anderson scratched his head.
What did Jonas mean?
He couldn't exactly divine; but it is safe to say that on the whole hewas not entirely satisfied with this boomerang speech. He rather thoughtthat he had better not depend on Jonas.
But he was not long in finding allies enough in his war against Germany.