CHAPTER 11
Monday started with a bang threatening a hectic week ahead, quite in contrast to what he had desired. Late in the morning, when Mayank left her place and reached home, all he wanted was a quiet and lazy Monday to rewind and relive the Sunday moments. That was not to be. First to dent his peace was a call from the editor. He sounded cool and wanted to meet him to what he said, ‘clear the air over some issues between them’. He promised he would see him Tuesday evening at his office. The next was the general manager who was at his inquisitive best. He was more interested in knowing what his next step was and whether he had got a call from the rival newspaper as yet or not. And, next call of course was from the office of the editor of rival newspaper. His personal secretary wanted to fix a time ‘as early as possible’ for a meeting between the two. The rumor mill had really started churning out. The deputy news editor, who claimed himself as his confidante rang up next and briefed him about the different stories doing rounds in the office. The most interesting one was that he had reportedly got a big salary hike as the owner was very impressed with him. He thanked him for updating him and was about to switch off his mobile phone when the owner called him, first time coming directly on the line. He only confirmed that he had read his mail and would talk about that when he would visit him this Friday. As the day progressed, he could gather that his resignation had indeed proved a strong catalyst for changes but he also realized they were not what he had actually aimed at. He had created ripples in the static pond by throwing a stone chip but the ripples were not in his control. The energy that he put in the system through his resignation took its own travel route. The energy is always innocuous but it is people who make good or bad use of it.
He smiled as he put together all the information that came his way since morning. Early afternoon, he slept making a resolve that he would not meet anyone and would respond to no calls. He could not be sure whether he was irritated but felt uneasy with whatever he could make out of the developments that he was informed of from various quarters. The best way was to sleep with the entire muddle in his mind. Often, that had proved helpful to him. Around 18 years back, he had understood the power of the sleeping mind. He had been irritated by a rather difficult question of math. He could get to the right answer but could not follow the right process and steps to reach it. He gave up and slept thinking about the question. He had a dream in which he found himself detailing the right process which he had missed. When he woke up, he could still remember it. The mind gave him the right solutions when his body was sleeping. He later used the technique to unleash the power of the sleeping mind to find the missing solutions. He had started believing that mind had better answers as it worked in a linear fashion. It is the perplexed emotions of body that somehow made the mind go zigzag. That is why, the mind worked best when it was independent of body interruptions.
Late afternoon, when he woke up, he still found himself unsettled. The magic didn’t work this time. It could not have. The contradiction was too intense for the mind to find a linear solution. He was still emotionally too high and was very reluctant to entertain anything but what he had experienced on Sunday night. On the other hand, there were developments triggered off by his resignation which demanded his immediate time and full attention. He could not avoid a list of people for long and as decisions knocked at his door; he could not turn a blind eye to them either. Even his small gesture and actions were now open to wild interpretations and he understood well that he needed to have his resolve on key things that presented themselves at his doorstep.
Usually, he was a mind person, preferring to depend mostly on his intellect. When he was a teenager, there was confusion over what should rule the lives of humans: mind or heart. Later in his youth, he also understood that there was this so called ‘feminist agenda’ which warned that females of substance should curb their instinctive heart-ruled decisions and allow prevalence of mind over heart. From his peer group, he learnt that a man has to be man and avoid emotions which were clearly referred to as feminine trait. Later, as he matured to build his own ideas, he felt that in reality, there was no clear cut objective rule of what should prevail. He got to a conclusion: The ideal scenario is that you apply what is best required. If emotions are the requirement, you should never push ahead your intelligence and the vice versa. This however, clearly leads to the fact that essentially, it is your intelligence which makes the day for you as you need your higher intelligence to guide you to decide whether emotions are required or intelligence. So, you need to be very intelligent to make the right decisions. And for that you do not have to learn a lot, read a lot and understand a lot…! The intelligence is very simple thing…and nobody can teach you this…it is automatically available to all humans. But in the last, the prescription is, try to put your emotions upfront and intelligence as cushion. Better it is that emotions win for you…if not then, you know your intelligence will save you from defeat….but it will not always make you win.
His emotions were already upfront. He however needed his intelligence to be pressed into service as he needed to take key decisions. His own editor was under pressure to change things or two in his working style and naturally he had been pushed to work them out in consultation with Mayank. The editor was told to change things in almost all areas of editorial business but even other departments had been asked to assess human resource issues and working system. He was a hero as it was being rumored that boss had taken all the senior persons to task after Mayank had a one to one meeting with the owner.
His friends in the rival newspaper had confirmed that he was to be offered editorship of the newspaper’s edition in the neighbor state capital. The rival editor however had his own designs while offering editorship to him. He wanted Mayank to join along with his team of selected senior journalists. This was aimed at weakening Mayank’s newspaper. Nothing new; everything is fair in corporate wars. The rival editor knew he was very popular with his colleagues and they would come with him if he was made editor. This however would mean Mayank would lose all favors with the owner with whom he had only recently struck cordiality and trust. There was a place where he would be back with more say and prestige and will probably be in some sort of a position to change content as per his vision and values, of course given the fact that the owner looked agreeable. But he also knew that newspaper is basically an editor’s medium and he would not be very successful in having a complete say in content changes. He also understood clearly that even the owner would never go too far against the editor as that could invite lots of trouble for him.
The editorship with the rival newspaper looked a step ahead in his career and naturally meant more money and more power. However, he was not sure he would be able to make any changes in the system there and the content. In the current newspaper, he had direct access to the owner but in the new set up, it would take at least four-five years to get connected with owners. And without having control over the owners, no concrete change could be possible. Then, the rival newspaper was notorious for inside politics and hire-fire policies. He had seen editors there getting fired as they grew in strength. He could use the editorship there just as a stepping stone to get to a higher break in career. Career-wise, he was in an envious position but both ways, he was not sure he would be in a position to bring about a positive change that he wanted. He knew he was emotionally too high to make any fruitful mind decisions but he wanted, for sure, to remain so. He felt at peace with his high emotionalism and wished to remain in its cusp for days to come.
Optionlessness is very suffocating. He had personally experienced it. Every life, however insignificant it may sound, is a genuine potential. Ambitions and zeal apart, everyone has an in-built capacity to be something of reckoning. Unfortunate it is; majority of the humans of the world have to live their lives in near optionlessness. The struggle for survival...ensuring two square meals, devoting all the time energy and creativity to protect and prolong life’s drudgery. The fast growing urbanization creating more troubles every day. T
he civil wars, security threats from internal crises and terrorism add to the already grave situation of poverty and malnutrition. There is a primary need of all living creatures in the universe: the freedom to be, the free will to access the options to reach the potential. All human institutions were created to protect and pronounce this free will of individuals. This was for the benefit of the institutions and the larger collectivity itself as any individual initiative for wellness shall automatically fall in the lap of collectivity. No individual operates in emptiness; it always works within society. Unfortunate it is that most human institutions have become highly effective tools of smothering potential, ensuring optionlessness.
The cultures of all communities were once great insurance of the freedom to attain variety of options. The crazy culture of consumerism that has become one single global culture of all humans has taken away the freedom. The omnipotent culture of consumption was slowly but surely pushing everybody to greater optionlessness. Since long, men have created benchmarks for defining success in life and generations after generation, men and women become slaves to this benchmark. Even this slavery is part of the golden benchmark and people say it with great pride that they are great slaves. The instinctive aping has its sorry fallout too.
He could never appreciate when people around him would say, ‘I’m a complete workaholic’. Most who said this would do so with lots of pride attached to it and usually to show off as if hours they worked were cash money and they would be proud that they had their hands full. He believed it was a case of people making wrong benchmark of excellence and then becoming a slave to it. Often, he would listen people saying, ‘I am damn busy yaar, really do not even have the time to die’. It would never be said with regret or pain but with loads of self-satisfaction and flamboyant pride. It was truly tragic that what people once used to say as banter later became an arrogance statement and finally, the joke has turned out to be a dark reality. Many people actually have no time to die as their lives have become so fast paced and busy. So, the death keeps up pace with their tight schedule. Snap the finger and heart attack sends them packing…flick an eyelid and accident sets you free forever…some make their own choices and they are being duly helped by the markets providing best sellers on how to make quick and sure suicides. And the aping instinct makes millions follow it as fashion.
People create their own optionlessness by being slave to a few social benchmarks of goodness and attainments. Mayank knew that the societal benchmarks of success and goodness were created by few successful people and never had majority roots. The society in general had the tendency to generalize what they achieved. The most stupid generalization that humanity has created is the slogan: Nothing succeeds like success! This must have been said as a cruel joke but got finally established as the popular benchmark of excellence. He only wished that generation after generations, people would not have to ape the benchmarks of others’ successes and had the liberty and mental strength to follow one’s own distinct success path to break free from the suffocation of optionlessness.
It somehow got registered in his mind that generalizations were very lopsided viewpoint of successful people and they truly discounted many aspects which contributed to their success. Success in itself justifying everything and what successful people said being lapped up as a formula by the rest was the worst voluntary slavery for him. Success is a very random juxtaposition of an array of factors at one opportune point of time and space. It must be kept alive in the minds that success is no rule; rather it is a very rare exception. Success is so subjective and creating a singular process to this success is one great trap that humanity is so happy to fall into since ages. Most human benchmarks of success and goodness are such huge burden and stumbling block for higher evolution. The trouble is; most benchmarks of goodness kills the free will of an individual to attain and achieve what he or she has been naturally endowed with or ordained to. Most societal benchmarks of goodness force people to be what they are neither inclined to nor naturally endowed.
Society and social facilities should ideally be like a fertile land which aids and abets any seed of natural possibilities but unfortunately; societies have become fixed moulds which forces any potential to take only a few established shape which at a certain point of time and space happens to be the prevailing benchmarked mould of success or goodness. Restricting options, even killing them in infancy has become the most honorable task of most human institutions.
Mayank was very indecisive. He was subtly enjoying his moments of indecisiveness as it extended him the pleasure of having open options. Inside in his heart, there was this desire to allow the state of affair to linger infinitely. But, he knew it was a desire completely against the benchmark of success and goodness. He also understood it that what he wished was an improper proposition in the eyes of society. Even his parents would not appreciate his indecisiveness. He was pressed hard to take a decision and as early as possible. That certainly irritated him.
‘What’s the big issue if I just want to do nothing’, he asked to himself. ’What’s the problem if the only thing I wish to do is to sleep with my girl for days and night, holding her tight to my chest, kissing her a thousand times, savoring her body and soul, till I dropped dead? Do I trouble anyone? Am I asking anyone to give me bread and butter? God has given me enough! Why can’t I be left alone to be what I wish to be? Why should I be what others want me to be?’
He knew he was completely consumed by love. His instinctive sense of redundance and futility had just found a refuge in her love. And how beautiful and meaningful this refuge was! He warned himself that love too is ephemeral, like all good things in this mortal life; especially this lovingly suffocating intensity of her love at this point of time was very short-lived and he should not waste a single moment of it. He wished to go crazy in love, do all sorts of madness in love. Nothing short of mundane and perfunctory aawargi (recklessness) would satiate his soul. He wished his free will to redefine wildness...restructure all dispositions that societal sense of gentlemanliness required. He desired his free will to recreate the universe, replacing the gravitational force with the far more powerful and purposeful force of love and unfettered intimacies. He just wished to be the 12-year old he was; the happiest and most free stage of his life when he was acultured.
His heart ruled him. He understood it and was truly not ashamed of it. If foolishness was sweet, stupidity was freedom and kidishness was purity, he was too happy to be that. He felt a crazy sense of wild satisfaction in breaking all established social benchmarks of righteousness and goodness. He was certainly at peace with his dominating heart...it took him to a journey he would often take when 12-year old. Woolgathering...! It was his favorite activity when he was a 12-year old. It took off...
‘...there would be a world where leisure would be a fundamental right. God would create a special facility on earth which would ensure love, trust and larger intimacy among all living being. Anyone, who would not love, show distrust or disturb intimacy would be ejected out of the earth’s orbit and sent to Mars for internship till he or she sees reason. This would be done by replacing the force of gravitation with a superior force, the force of love. On the earth, only people who love would stay and thrive. There would be a few private economic activities to fulfill only the basic needs of humanity. All education and health would be in social sector and not in public or private sector. Everyone would be allotted his work which would not be more than eight hours a day and four and a half days a week. Access to leisure would be protected as fundamental right. There would be no currency. There would be just enough and equitable amount of food, clothe and house space for all. Singing, dancing, writing poetry would be encouraged but not forced. Art will be additional qualification over the primary and mandatory intellectualism of innocence. Anyone showing disrespect to this basic intellect would be automatically ejected and sent to Mars.’
In that world, he would prefer a house at the foothills where a river would be flowing and the valley wou
ld be lush with flowers and fruits. She and he would finish their allotted work and then do all sorts of things that would fill the mountains and valleys with music, dance and musk of love and intimacy. And the last thing! God would create a facility for all humans that they could choose to die together with any one person they would love.
He had grown up but his woolgathering habit had not worn out. At times, he would feel ashamed about it even making unsuccessful resolves that he would cease to do it as it was childish act, unbecoming of his age. He however knew; there were millions of people who were doing similar things with the help of computer. The virtual world software enabled them to create a world of their own. He even got to know that there were small groups of people who had created what was being called micronations. These people had declared their small and personal habitat as independent nations irrespective of the need of recognition. In these micronations, laws did not ascertain behavior of people but people decided what would be the law governing them.
These micronations were at least not as unreal as the virtual world was and they certainly allowed some degree of freedom of expressions and option to the free will of humanity. They at least registered the ideal that people create institutions to enrich humanity with greater options, potential and possibilities and not for subverting them. In the evolution chain, institutions created by humans have become potent tools of slavery for humanity itself.
The clock was ticking for Mayank. He had to make a decision. His indecisiveness was his safe refuge but he too knew, it was not the demand of the hour. He could not always afford to trivialize the social benchmarks. His withdrawal, even for short period would be considered as escapism. Social mindset never appreciates indecisiveness. Even if you take a suicidal decision, it must be taken fast. This is what the corporate world appreciates as aggressive approach. Economics is the only place where aggression is praised. Kids are now taught to be the same, not at home but in their classrooms. He made up his mind and planned his next move. He called up Utkarsh first. He agreed. Ashish had no choice. He could never say no to Mayank.
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