ten
I ran home from Armand's hideaway in the woods. Searching for Shawn and me family, I looked far and wide, going from dugout to dugout calling their names. Each place I looked turned out the same as the last.
Empty.
In the part of our clearing where me Clansmen gather for all events – like me wedding that didna happen – a large group gathered there. 'Twas on the far side of the clearing. I ran all the way. It appeared the whole Clan showed for this event. What's going on? The familiar faces of me Clansmen gaped at me as though a wraith walked among them. Their reactions took me off guard in me search for Shawny.
A hand gently grazed me shoulder from behind, “Rhi-Rhionan?” the familiar sound of me brother choked me name. “'Tis ye?”
Tears stung me eyes. I jumped into his arms. Holding me tight enough I thought he might crush me. “Aye,” I cried in the embrace of his sheltering arms. “Aye.”
“What happened? How did ye... How?” Speechless and confused Cain didna try to form any more questions. Surrounded by the rest of our Clan, they watched us in shocked silence.
“Where's Shawny?” I muttered, through me tears. I couldna wait no longer to see him. Cain choked when I said Shawn's name and his body began trembling. Slowly, I asked him again while taking in me big brothers broken features.
“He's... He... Go see.” Cain's voice caught in his throat, broken and unable to speak. His tears flowed over his cheeks. Raising a hand, he pointed to the head of the clearing.
Slowly, I pushed forward making me way to the front of the crowd. I realised then, 'tis a funeral. Who died? What does Cain wish me to see?
Me breath caught in me throat as me stomach painfully knotted in a gut-wrenching twist. All eyes were on me. Their gaze studied me as a path cleared wide enough for me to walk through. Tear-swollen, wide eyes full of pity and surprise along with the sadness and happiness that flooded each of them were directed at me.
Why?
No matter what I saw or felt, from the faces of me loved ones, it couldna have prepared me to see Shawny's lifeless body laying on the litter. Someone, probably his mother, used a thin, burial material to wrap him in.
I threw meself on top of Shawn crying, “No. No.” I choked. “This canna be! Me luv! Oh, Shawn.” Silent sobs of disbelief shook me body as I lay across him for what can only be considered an eternity.
Darkness fell before Cain pulled me away. I hadna noticed until now, but there were none other than Cain and me left in the clearing. Cain picked me up, effortlessly, as I saw him do many times in the last year with Catriona. Slipping me arms around his neck, I continued crying for the part of me that rested, wrapped in the thin material with Shawn. Speaking words of sorrow and encouragement, Cain held me close, rubbing me back. As comforting as he forced his words to sound, nothing could make me feel better.
No now.
No ever.
When I woke up this time, I laid in me bed, in me parents dugout. Da, Mum, and Cain sat still as statues staring at me, but none spoke. The looks of concern hidden in their eyes displayed a list of questions each had, along with their concerns and suspicions.
From the narrow opening of our door, morning blessed us with gentle streams of light filling the small space around us.
Mum eventually broke the silence first with a flood of emotions. Me return hadna numbed her, “Where have ye been, child? We were sick with worry. And then those horrible guards... Monsters I tell ye. Monsters!” She worked up a fit far worse than I ever saw. Her cheeks, puffy and red, showed the drain the last few days had taken on her. They were stained with grief by tears she fought to hold back.
Da leaned over wrapping his arms around her and rubbed her skinny shoulders. I now understood where Cain got it from. “Let the lass speak, Mum.” He told her in a strong voice, yet soothing at the same time, “She's been through much.”
“I had the worst dream,” I sat up quickly, then stopped short taking in the sadness that covered their luving faces. Scanning the group of three, Shawny werena among them. Me stomach turned, fearing the worst, as the whole room spun around me. “Where's Shawn?”
“Do ye no remember?” Cain asked. He waited for a reaction, so I shook me head slowly, unsure if I wanted to hear what he would say. “Ye came back to us at Shawn's farewells. Ye lay across his body, all day, 'til I brought ye home.”
The three of them exchanged worried glances.
Me heart stopped.
Me head pounded.
Me Shawn.
Is he really gone?
I fell back on the bed, covering me face with me hands, “No,” I whispered. “It canna be! 'Twere just a horrible dream.”
All the long-depressed faces surrounding me proved otherwise. None spoke. A grain of dirt, from the top of our dugout, could have fallen and every one of us would have jumped at the clatter it would make hitting the floor. Collapsing onto me bed, I lay there, wrapped in me blanket, me knees curled up to me chest and me arms securely tied around them. The loss of Shawny were too much.
Me Shawny.
An empty hole filled me insides making his loss worse. Shawn were me childhood friend, me best friend, the luv of me life, and the lad I would spend eternity with.
Now he's gone.
Cain sat nearby rubbing me back. For the first time, I saw him as Catriona always did, luving and comforting. Somehow, Cain transformed from me silly, big brother to a caring, young man in me absence.
I drifted off in me misery, fading in and out of consciousness and constantly being woke up by the black nothingness that invaded me dreams. Shawn is no more. I've nothing to live for. What will I do for the rest of me life if I canna die? How long will the emptiness last? How well will I remember Shawny in the years to come?
Each time I awoke, Cain sat protectively rubbing me back. Da and Mum continued watching me as if they feared I would disappear. The atmosphere of the fun, luving environment I grew up in had changed. Even after Catriona's life-altering experience, our home were still a home. Now, a thick depression filled the empty space around us leaving nothing in its path.
I finally thought I woke up enough to ask how Shawny died, even though I didna want to know his death no more than I wanted to know me own. Cain waited for the approving look from Da before he began, “Rhionan, I want ye to know Shawn luved ye verra much. We found Thor unconscious in the bloody spot of the clearing Catriona said she escaped from. We thought him dead. He should have been dead by the amount of blood he lost. Four sets of tracks led to the edge of the clearing just inside the treeline but 'tis where they ended.
“Shawn and me searched for ye all night and the next day. We asked the other Clansmen to help us look for ye. 'Twere a widespread effort. During the third morrow we went to round up the Clansmen for help, Shawn heard the guards snickering and laughing,” Cain stopped. His green eyes lost all signs of life and his coppery hair lay shaggy and disheveled. Although he didna want to finish the story, I pressed him further, unable to let it go. “Shawn followed the sound of their laughter. They told him horrible things they'd done to ye. They were braggin'!” Cain spat in disgust.
“Their terrible acts made Shawn sick. He fell to the ground and vomited on a guard’s foot. The guard grabbed Shawn by the neck of his tunic, telling him to clean it up... with his tongue.” Cain stopped again, shaking his head. “Shawn thought he had nothin' to lose with ye... gone. He punched that bugger in the nose. They aimed to kill him. Blinded by pure rage, Shawn... he were faster, ye know, and he killed 'em – all four of 'em.” This time when Cain paused he wiped a tear from his eye.
“We had no body to prove ye were alive – or dead. Shawn accepted the worst. I tried talking him out of it. Told him to wait. There were still a chance. Something else could've happened, but we had to find ye to know.” I watched Cain wipe a tear off his cheek, “In front of all the Clan, he looked at me and said, 'I canna live without her in this life, but I can join her in the next.' Then he shoved his blade deep in his chest.
I tried to stop him. Ye were a day late, Rhonnie. Only, had Shawn held out one more day.” Tears continued, streaking his puffy, red face when he turned to me, “Where were you? What happened?”