And then I noticed Rachel come in with Jenny and another boy I’d never seen before. I realised it must be Fionn, Jenny’s actual boyfriend. He must definitely really like her if he’s willing to come and see her best friend’s little sister’s band. I still felt too embarrassed to talk to them, but I couldn’t avoid doing so because Jenny yelled ‘Rebecca! Over here!’ in a loud voice, so I had to trot over to them.
‘Look what a good sister I am,’ said Rachel. ‘Bringing along some more people to cheer for you so it’s not too embarrassing later.’
‘Hey, Bex,’ said Jenny, grinning at me. ‘This is Fionn. Fionn, as you’ve gathered, this is Rebecca.’
‘Hi,’ said Fionn. He was a cheerful-looking boy with fair hair and a nice cardigan. And he didn’t look anything at all like Tom.
‘I’ve told him all about you,’ said Jenny.
I knew she was enjoying my embarrassment, but I suppose it was what I deserved. Anyway, I didn’t stay talking to them for long because the main lights in the venue were getting dimmer, which meant the show was about to begin. Bad Monkey were on first and I was really looking forward to seeing them because the only time I’ve ever seen them perform was a year ago at the Battle of the Bands.
‘Good luck!’ said Rachel.
‘You’ll be great,’ said Jenny, winking at me, and I knew things would be okay between us. She clearly has a forgiving nature. I think I’d have let someone suffer for a bit longer if they’d accused me of being a friend-betrayer.
‘Hi, everyone!’ said Veronica. ‘I’m very happy to welcome you all to what will hopefully be the first of many all-ages gigs here at the Knitting Factory. We’ve got four brilliant bands playing this afternoon, so without further ado please give a warm welcome to … Bad Monkey!’
I was very impressed with Bad Monkey back at the Battle of the Bands, even though they only did two songs, and this time they were even better. Liz is such a cool frontwoman, I couldn’t take my eyes off her. I don’t fancy girls, but I can definitely see why Cass likes her so much. The crowd were clearly impressed too, judging by the wild cheers when she played her guitar solo (she’d been worried that she was going to mess it up, but it sounded perfect).
When they came off stage Liz ran over to Cass, who gave her a big hug, and we all congratulated her.
‘I can’t believe we made it through a whole set!’ she said. ‘We haven’t played in front of an audience for so long!’
‘It doesn’t show,’ said Cass. ‘You were amazing!’
‘You were fantastic!’ said Lucy, who had never seen Bad Monkey play before. ‘I didn’t realise you could play such fancy stuff on the guitar.’
‘Ooh, what’s going on now?’ said Ellie, pointing at the stage.
It was Puce, arranging their stage set. Or rather, helping Veronica pull down a screen at the back of the stage. A few moments later, they had taken their positions and Veronica was announcing them to the crowd. We all cheered loudly as Niall took to the mike.
‘We’re Puce!’ he cried. ‘And we’re going to take you to another world! A world … of robots!’
Then, as the band started playing, the screen behind them was filled with old black and white footage of robots. And, as if that wasn’t enough, Niall and the others started doing some dramatic moves – not just prowling around the stage as Shane from The Invited had taught them, but some coordinated dance moves that mimicked the motion of the robots. It was all very impressive. The music was, as ever, a little bit dull, but to be honest what with the dancing and the robots you barely noticed.
In fact, I don’t think I was giving Puce the attention they deserved because I was standing next to Sam and I was kind of conscious of him all the time. Also, I was getting nervous about going on next. But anyway, by the time Puce finished the audience were all cheering like mad.
Sam leaned over to me.
‘Did you ever think of having projections and stuff?’ he said over the wild applause. ‘That looked really good!’
‘Don’t let Cass hear you say that,’ I said. ‘It’ll only encourage her. Right, we’re on next. I’d better go.’
‘Good luck!’ said Sam. ‘I’ll be dancing in the front row.’
I knew he was joking, but it would have been very cool if he had been. And when we got on stage I could see he was up near the front with all our friends (and Rachel, Jenny and Fionn too). Just behind them I could see our mentor Kitty, who caught my eye and gave me a thumbs up. While we were setting up our instruments, Veronica and Paul hung up the backdrop. It looked really good. You’d never guess it had been one of Cass’s parents’ old bed sheets until a week ago.
‘Right,’ said Cass, as we took our positions. ‘Our biggest gig ever. No pressure!’
‘We thrive under pressure,’ said Alice grandly, and picked up the microphone. She has real stage presence. No wonder she and Richard make such a good couple.
‘Hey, we’re Hey Dollface,’ she said. ‘And we’re going to start with a song about falling for the wrong person. One, two, three, four!’
We launched into ‘Ever Saw In You’, with lyrics all about me and John Kowalski. As I drummed along furiously, I found myself wondering if Sam would realise what it was about, and would he know that I wasn’t, like, harbouring any feelings for John. But soon I got so into playing I forgot to think about Sam, or anything else but how cool it felt to be up on the stage playing music with my best friends. When we finished the first song, the crowd all cheered and hollered very loudly, and Cass and Alice and I beamed at each other before Cass announced the next song, ‘Pistachio’. After every song, I found myself counting how many songs we had left, not because I wanted it to end but because I wanted it to last as long as possible. We made a few tiny mistakes, but I don’t think anyone really noticed, and when we finished the last song (our environmental anthem ‘Living in a Bubble’) everyone cheered and cheered. It felt brilliant.
When we got back to our friends, everyone was very enthusiastic. Kitty ran over and hugged us all and told us she was proud of us, which was lovely.
‘I can’t wait to see what you do next!’ she said.
Small Paula, who is of course a girl of few words, just nodded at us and said, ‘Very nice work.’ Which is high praise from her.
And Sam was enthusiastic too.
‘That was amazing!’ he said. ‘You were all even better than when you played at the camp.’
I was on such a high I forgot to be self-conscious.
‘Really? Thanks!’ I said. ‘It was so much fun.’
‘How do you play the drums with your feet and hands at the same time?’ said Sam. ‘I’ve always wondered about that. I’m pretty sure I’d get something confused.’
‘Ah, it’s not that hard,’ I said, and it isn’t now, even though when I first got my drum kit I was horrified to discover that I had to use a pedal as well as the drumsticks to play some of the drums and I got totally confused myself. ‘Hey, look, the Wicked Ways are on now.’
Richard and his friends were on stage and ready to go. A spotlight shone on one of the mikes, and Richard walked up to it.
‘Wow, his suit looks so cool!’ said Cass. ‘I think it might be even better than his brother’s one. I mean, it’s basically made to measure.’
‘Welcome, welcome,’ said Richard in the booming voice he adopts on stage, a voice that should be ridiculous but is somehow impressive. ‘We’re the Wicked Ways. I’m Richard Murray. And I’m a fool for love.’
They launched into their song ‘Fool For Love’, which involves him doing even more booming than usual. The first time I saw them perform it, I thought it was ridiculous, but it quickly grew on me.
The audience liked it too. In fact, by the time the band did their song ‘Pterodactyl’ and Richard was singing about ‘Flying over unforgiving lands / Wishing that I had human hands …’ he had the crowd eating out of his (human) hands. It was really good. Alice looked very proud. I wonder what their musical collaboration will sound like? She does a
lot less bellowing than him (though she too is a very confident performer). Anyway, when they finished they got a huge cheer, and then Veronica came out and thanked everyone for coming.
‘And the biggest thanks of all go to our four bands, Bad Monkey, Puce, Hey Dollface and of course Richard Murray and the Wicked Ways. Give them a big round of applause!’
The crowd went wild, and then it was over. Except it wasn’t over, for us. Rachel, Jenny and Fionn went off (Jenny even gave me a hug. She really is quite noble) and then all four bands and some of our friends like Jane and Ellie and of course Sam, Lucy and Senan all went back to the art space, where Veronica had laid out some snacks and soft drinks as a special reward for us being the stars of the first all-ages band afternoon.
‘You’ve got this space for an hour and a half,’ she said. ‘And I’ll be checking in on you. So don’t mess it up.’
It was like a party. Well, basically it was a party. It was dark outside and the only lighting came from the lamps over the drawing boards, which helped create a party-ish mood. Liz had brought little speakers and plugged in her phone so we had some music. Someone produced some of the cans, the contents of which were discreetly poured into mugs from the art space kitchen. But I didn’t have more than a sip because I don’t really like beer, and I was also totally paranoid about Veronica finding out and banning us all from the Knitting Factory forever. In fact, I was glad when the beer ran out (quite quickly as it happened, because they didn’t have many cans and there were loads of us).
I was talking to lots of people, but, like the last time we all hung out in the art space, I was always conscious of Sam, of where he was and who he was talking to, and of the fact that we weren’t talking to each other and that time was going by very quickly. And then, when I went over to the table to refill my glass (just Coke, I might add), he came over.
‘Hello, drumming sensation,’ he said. ‘Having fun?’
‘I’m still in a bit of a daze,’ I said.
‘Well, you were great,’ he said, smiling. He has a very nice smile. ‘I look forward to the next one. Next gig, I mean.’
And then there was a pause, and maybe it was because I’d spent so much time convincing myself that something was going to happen today, but suddenly everything felt sort of intense and strange. Like, well, like something might happen.
Then he asked me if we’d thought any more about recording stuff, and I told him maybe at Christmas, and he said he’d do some artwork for us if we liked, but I was barely listening to what he was saying because I was so conscious of the two of us, together, and somehow we ended up on the side of the room where fewer people were and he said something about feeling really at home in the studio, and I was sure, absolutely sure, that something would happen, because everything seemed so, I dunno, intimate. We got talking about the future and about Sam’s comics and how he was going to enter the one he showed me last week in a big competition.
‘I know the chances of winning anything are small,’ he said. ‘But I want to give it a try.’
‘You should definitely go for it,’ I said.
‘Well, if I win, I’ll thank you in my acceptance speech,’ he said. ‘You can do the same for me whenever you win a, well, whatever the big awards for cool indie bands are.’
‘It’s a deal,’ I said. And we kept talking about nonsense, and it was fun. But as it got later and later my hope that SOMETHING was going to happen between us gradually trickled away. I knew we were all going to have to go home eventually, and the time was getting closer and closer. But even though we’d talked on our own and it had felt so weird and intense for a while, he hadn’t made any sort of move. And I hadn’t done anything either. And just as I was thinking about this Veronica came in and said, ‘Right, ladies and gentlemen, time to go!’
I was wondering if we’d go on somewhere else, though I’m not sure where I thought we could go at half six on a Saturday. It’s not like we could go to a pub. Also, I needed to get home for dinner. Then Lucy said she’d better go home, and then someone else said they needed to as well, so that was that. We all headed outside.
‘If I spend any longer at the Knitting Factory on Saturdays, my parents are going to stop me going at all,’ said Niall. ‘Exams, and all that.’
‘Is anyone free tomorrow?’ said Tall Paula. ‘Why don’t we have one last afternoon meet-up before we have to really knuckle down?’
‘I have to go to my aunt’s house,’ said Sophie regretfully.
‘I should be able to wangle it,’ said Cass. ‘What about you, Bex?’
‘Oh yeah, probably,’ I said.
‘I’ll try and make it,’ said Sam. ‘But I’ll have to check with my folks. I think there’s something on tomorrow.’
Most of the others said they could make it too, so we’re going to meet tomorrow. I hope Sam comes, though knowing my luck he won’t. And even if he did, if nothing is going to happen when we’re all at a party (well, sort of party), then I doubt anything will happen in the Flapper Café in the middle of the afternoon.
So yeah. I walked to the bus stop with Cass and Lucy, and Daire and Sam went off to their bus stop, and that was that. I feel kind of silly about having got my hopes up. I mean, really there was no reason to assume something was going to happen. Or, I suppose, that something will ever happen. And I also just feel sad about it. Because I really like him, and I want to be with him, and even though being friends with him is great, it’s not quite enough for me.
I suppose I’ll just have to wait until it wears off. Which I know it will. Eventually. Everything does, as I found out with Paperboy (and as Rachel is sort of finding out about Tom). I’ll just hope that he doesn’t start going out with someone else before then. I don’t think I could bear that. I don’t think I could be friends with him anymore if that happened.
But, at the same time, I’m not totally miserable, because when I think about us playing up on that stage, I just feel really happy. It’s such a brilliant feeling to do something you love and do it well. It’s especially good when other people like it, of course, but even when we’re just practising, I love it when a song comes together. It’s not like any other feeling in the world. And it’s even better when you feel it in front of your friends (and your sister and the person you unfairly accused of being a traitor a few hours ago). So apart from that very embarrassing moment this morning, it should have been a very cool day. And it was.
But at the same time I feel so disappointed about Sam, and then I feel stupid for being disappointed. It’s very weird. I wonder if feeling loads of things at the same time is normal? I suppose it must be. I mean, so much of life is a sort of mixture. Anyway, I’m not going to get my hopes up about tomorrow. I’ll just feel miserable if nothing happens AGAIN. He probably won’t even turn up.
I’m relieved I’m allowed to go out at all, though. When I mentioned it to Mum and Dad this evening, they started grumbling about how I was never home, but then I reminded them that they’d said ‘Back to work on Monday!’ and I promised to do all my homework before I went out tomorrow so they grudgingly agreed.
I don’t know what to wear tomorrow. I was thinking of wearing the dress that I wore for our first Knitting Factory gig. It might be a lucky dress because I was wearing it when Paperboy first kissed me, but then it was also what I was wearing when I fell backwards off the drum platform. Hmmm.
Maybe I should wear my dress with the stripy navy and white top bit and a flared navy skirt bit. It makes me look like I have slightly more bosom than I actually do (not that that’s saying very much) AND it’s really comfy so it’s perfect. And Sam has never seen it before so maybe he’ll be dazzled by it. But like I said, I don’t want to get my hopes up. I really don’t want to be disappointed again.
Wow. Today did not go exactly as I thought it would. To say the least. I’m still in a bit of a daze, to be honest. But a good sort of daze. Definitely a good sort of daze.
It started out very boringly. As promised, I did my homework nice and earl
y and even showed it to my parents so they could see I was working nice and hard.
‘Look!’ I said dramatically, waving an English essay at them. ‘Now do you believe that I’m on top of my schoolwork?’
‘We do trust you, Bex,’ said Dad. ‘We just want to make sure you take your studying seriously this year. Learning how to knuckle down to hard work is very important.’
I could have said something about people who seem to spend more time on their Henry Higgins dances than their actual job, but I didn’t want to push my luck. So I borrowed a fiver off him and went in to meet the others.
I was running a bit late and when I got to the Flapper Café Cass, Liz, Richard, Alice, Lucy, Tall Paula and Sophie were there already. But no Sam. I didn’t even feel surprised. I’d had a feeling he wouldn’t come. Obviously, it was cool to see all the others, but I was still really disappointed. I tried not to show it, of course.
‘No Sam today?’ I asked Lucy, but only after we’d been talking for a few minutes. I didn’t want it to be the first thing out of my mouth.
‘No, he had to go and visit his new baby cousin this morning,’ said Lucy.
I might have known. Stupid babies! Still ruining my social life. I hoped this one hadn’t headbutted him. Babies can be very violent.
Anyway, I tried not to think about him and just enjoy the afternoon. And it really was fun. Cass was planning to go back to Liz’s house afterwards for their first musical collaboration attempt.
‘I’ll have to use Liz’s sister’s old keyboard,’ she said. ‘But it’ll do for now.’
Alice was going to Richard’s for dinner, but she said they wouldn’t have time to do any music stuff because her dad was coming to pick her up at half seven.
‘As soon as I’m old enough to legally drive, I’m going to beg my parents for lessons,’ she said. ‘Living out in the wilds wouldn’t be half as bad if I didn’t have to rely on them for lifts all the time.’
‘Small Paula can drive,’ said Tall Paula. We all stared at her. ‘Seriously! I know it’s illegal, but she can. She told me her aunt taught her. She can drive a tractor too.’