Chapter Twenty-nine: Bleak
I awoke to darkness.
The clock flashed nine.
It explained the silence.
Everyone was out by now.
The floor of the hallway was colder than usual and it seemed the heat was off. A sore neck turned to glance at the wall mirror at the end of the sinks. The ones hanging over the sink were too bright. My complexion was jellyfish pale. My skin was thin as silk and the eyes that looked back watery, like milk. The sockets were craters.
I disrobed and waited for the water to warm up in the boxy shower stall. It didn’t happen. In the next stall over the water was so cold it was rubbery. The only remaining choice was the one in the corner affectionately called the Peeler. It was a fire hose that flayed off your skin. If it was cold I was going to go back to sleep.
The warm water hurt.
Tortured but awake, I rushed back to my room got dressed and fixed my hair. In my mirror above the built in drawers, I saw the image of death from all mythologies. The void right there in person. I closed my eyes and wished for the image to go away. My jaw dropped when I saw the red dots drilling holes into the reflection. I decided to go out before the pressure strangled me.
Outside the sidewalk was darker than normal as if spray painted black and I looked up to the trees bordering the dorm and drops of water clung to the tips of the branches. It rained and I didn’t hear it. I galloped and slipped to stop on the grass at the far corner of campus. My bloated hands struggled to holster themselves in my pant’s pockets.
Fraternity Row was dead.
No lights on at any of the Frat houses. The street lamps sputtered to life but didn’t illuminate the sidewalk. The search was going nowhere and the pressure was building.
Gravity increased around me.
Two cars honked at me as I stood at the crossroads at the end of the street. From behind I heard a twig snap. My hands slipped out of my pockets and I turned to see Jill. She waved and told me she was going home but a party was rolling at a Rugby player’s house called Shoot the Boot. Hadn’t been there but she pointed it out. Her hand went on my shoulder as she told me I should take it easy.
The gate on the side of the house was loose. It creaked as I latched it. A bull moose Rugby player, still wearing his clay smeared jersey, waited for me to pay. I rummaged through my pockets and pulled out my wallet. There was only a buck and a quarter. They would never let me in for that. As I looked through my other pocket the guy asked for the money and I said, “I am looking.”
He twisted his chin and examined me.
“Hey, I’ve seen you before. You’re the guy who got arrested and went to jail with Kevin last night,” he said.
“Yes, that was me. Hold on, I will get the money,” I replied.
“We’re having a special tonight. Every guy who went to jail last night gets in for free, just don’t tell Kevin. He paid already,” he said and flicked a backward nod as he crossed his barrel arms.
I nodded in reply and slipped by into the backyard.
I found my hall-mates on the wrap around porch littered with red cups. An uproar built as I approached. Tim broke ranks of the group and walked up to me and said, “I didn’t think you would make it. I knocked on your door around seven but you didn’t answer. I figured you were just going to sleep.”
“I made it,” I said and passed by him on my way to the keg in the corner.
“Joaquin, what’s up convict? Have a beer,” said a guy with a shaved head whose name I didn’t know.
He handed me a foaming cup.
I killed it and got another. As he handed me my second beer, he said “Nicely done.”
I gave a wave and felt like a tool doing it. Tim, George, James, and Cyrus held their cups high in toast to me as I returned to stand with them at the other corner of the porch. We chugged and as they lowered their cups the red dots covered their faces.
Fear surged up my back
“Be back in second,” I said and pushed two guys out of my way at the keg.
“Back for more, good boy. You know what hold on,” the shaved head guy said and grabbed a plastic pitcher at his feet.
The pitcher became golden.
“For you but I need the pitcher back,” he said and handed it over as the beer almost sloshed over the rim. Two guys behind me said “Come on. Hurry up.”
The bottom of the pitcher raised to the yellow porch light above.
“Fa uck,” the shaved head guy said as I retuned the pitcher and he filled my cup.
I felt numbness surge as I lower my chin and eyebrows. The guys behind me parted. The red dots vanished form the guy’s faces.
The guys went inside to check out who was there and I propped myself up on the white railing. Paint flaked off on my hands. Over and over, people kept coming up to me and asked about jail. One girl called it prison.
I imagined the keg exploding and a shock-wave of beer would send people flying away. Then a gold flash caught my eye through the window as it drifted through the dull masses inside. Elyssa sidestepped out the door as she held the doorframe. I slipped off the railing and brushed off my hands as she came close.
“Should you be out tonight?” she asked.
“I am fine. I will sleep tomorrow,” I replied.
“Could you fill my cup?” she asked.
I did.
“You want to come inside and talk,” she asked while batting her eyes.
“Maybe later. I am enjoying the chill,” I said.
She looked back at me as she strutted inside. I remained at the keg. She came out again and I squashed her attempts to summon me. An image of a gavel popped into my head as I though about my court date. It vanished in a wash of suds. I figured ignoring Elyssa twice was enough and I entered the house. The guys were discussing the over-under line for the football games coming up as I ratcheted by. The sight was set and I found her.
She sat, one leg over the other, on a sky blue loveseat with another blonde girl who was shaded by her Phillies cap. A guy caught in 1985 perched on the armrest. I walked up next to her and waited. She interrupted her conversation and introduced me. I had to get her a way from them so my first move was to put on sad face then I asked, “Could we talk somewhere in private?”
She got up and took my hand. I took her lead and followed her stride.
We ended up outside around the back corner of the clapboard house next to a handsome pair of cedars. The windows above our heads were painted black. It was as private as I was going to get.
“So what do you want to talk about?” she asked.
The query stumped me because I didn’t want to discuss anything. I realized I better talk about my recent problem.
“I am so screwed. I do not know if the school has found out yet, but they will soon. I have four write-ups and the arrest could get me suspended. I might have to leave,” I said, looked into her blooming eyes and then lowered my chin to my chest.
Her thin fingers glided up my arms and locked on the back of my neck. The signal was flown, I took a deep breath and looked up to the sky and then lowered my head to look at her again and said, “I just have to take it. Who knows what the future will bring.”
I tried to turn my head away and she grabbed the side of my face and said, “You will be fine.”
She kissed me, I didn’t kiss her.
But then we kissed.
I heard her name being called.
“Elyssa, where are you?” a familiar but annoying voice projected across the yard.
It was coming closer but she didn’t react. I didn’t know if she could not hear it or she was ignoring it. It was too loud not to hear. Then the voice started to turn the corner and it was Justin. She did not stop kissing me as I pulled away, but I returned as she grabbed and pulled me back.
“What the fuck is going on here?” Justin asked.
I stopped.
Our lips held on to each other for a moment but released. My head rotated.
“What a
re you blind?” I asked.
She began kissing me on the neck and draped her arms around my back. He rushed over with his hand out reaching for her. I turned into him, put my arm out to block his path and shielded her.
“This is between her and me. Allllll ight Joaquin!” Justin yelled in my face.
Rage simmered at my feet.
The burners turned on high.
A convection of searing malice flowed through my veins.
The inside of my chest tickled with every breath.
I was vibrating and hoped he would take a poke at me.
“You can see that this is between her and me. Sorry, but no threesomes. I do not swing that way,” I said as my eyes widened and a smile crooked forth.
“Fuck you! She’s my girlfriend man. She’s doing this to make me jealous. So be a nice little felon and get the fuck out of here,” he said.
I pleaded with the devil that he try to hit me.
“Innocent until proven guilty,” I said.
He looked stunned and replied, “I don’t fucking care just get the fuck out of here. Prick.”
I looked at Elyssa and asked her, “Do you want me to leave?”
She rolled her eyes up to mine and said, “No.” Justin jerked back, his face rumpled as he said, “I’m not going to say this again get out here and leave this loser alone.”
The light of rational thought was eclipsed and the corona of my heated rage flowed around me as the sun. It burned through the fear of being hurt.
“The lady spoke, so I suggest you leave before you cannot,” I said.
“What are you? A movie cliché? I’m giving you one last chance Elyssa,” Justin said and she said nothing.
He closed in and grabbed her shoulder.
The trigger pulled.
I grabbed his right thumb off her shoulder and bent it outwards and backward as I stepped into where he was standing. He was off balance. He went to his right and tried to hit me with an unclenched telegraphed left but missed. I pushed him through his left arm to the center of his chest and he went straight to the ground. His khaki pants were muddied up to the waist. I laughed like a super-villain. He lunged and I blocked his right cross and rolled my punch inside right to his chin. With my claws, I hooked under his arms around his back, twisted and hurled him onto the side of the house. He staggered up and backed up into the back yard.
My hands relaxed and went up to the sides of my head. I didn’t care if I went back to jail. He swung a limp arm punch. I grabbed it, stepped into him and hip tossed his rag doll body to the wet red clay below.
“You should read The Art of War prick,” I said.
My hands became fists as I watched him push his way up from the ground. They acted on their own and struck him on the back. He went face first flat in the mud. I rolled him with my heel, knelt down and held his arms at his side as I lowered my mouth to his ear.
“I could kill you. Remember that. If she wants you, you can have her but if you bother me you will bleed from your ears,” I said.
The fish was let go.
Elyssa came to me.
Justin might have been right but I didn’t care. We went to her room and another type of battled raged. She liked it rough and I tried to stop when her roommate showed up but she wouldn’t let me. The next morning, I snuggled up to her even though our bodies were still shedding the excesses heat.
She rolled over and said, “I don’t think this was a good idea. I think we should hold off.”