He grabs me without preamble, pulling me over toward his good leg. I lose my balance and fall onto his knee as the cards go flying everywhere. “Eeek! What’re you doing?”
He grins lazily at me. “Just messing around.”
I feel awkward and unsettled. Happy and sad. “You have Cheeto dust on your face. Hold still.” I wipe his nose and chin. He sits very still for my ministrations. When he’s all cleaned off, I sigh, looking at him, so frustrated that we’re in the situation we’re in. “Has anyone ever told you what a pretty face you have?”
“Nope. I don’t think anyone has ever described me as pretty. Toni’s called me pretty ugly, maybe.”
I pretend to look closer. “No, you aren’t ugly. Not really.”
He smiles. “Thanks. I think.” He smacks me on the side of my butt.
“What was that for?” I ask, pretending to be mad.
“For bluffing me. You stole all my Cheetos.” He pauses, staring at me just long enough for me to wish we could start kissing.
“I won them fair and square.” I get up off his leg to find a bowl in the cupboard, effectively putting an end to the flirtation between us. I’m both relieved and bummed. There’s no point in encouraging something that can go exactly nowhere, regardless of how fun it is. I need to get real and move toward the plan that will get me started on my new life, not keep wishing for one that can never be.
As I brush all the food and orange dust off the table and into the bowl, I talk. “Listen, I’ve thought about what Dev said and what you said . . . and some of what Toni said to me before . . . and I’ve decided to give you some information.”
He looks hopeful, so I have to cut him off before his brain goes too far.
“Not all the information, okay? Just some of it.”
He loses his smile. “I don’t understand.”
I put the bowl on the counter and sit down across from Thibault. “I will give you the account number and login information. You’ll be able to access all the books I kept. But there’s one more thing you’ll need for it to all make sense, and that’s the piece I’m keeping to myself for now.”
“For it to make sense? Like a code?”
“Yes. For my protection.”
He taps the table with his fingertip. “And what do you hope to accomplish by doing that?”
I raise an eyebrow at him.
He holds up his hand. “I’m not pushing. I’m just trying to understand your motivations, that’s all. I promise.” He looks so sincere.
“I don’t trust Holloway. He’s playing games, and he doesn’t seem to appreciate that my life is in the balance. And Tee’s life is too. He sounds like a bumbling fool, and I wish I’d contacted someone else, but that’s neither here nor there. I have to just make sure that we’re good and gone before all the shit hits the fan, do you know what I mean?”
He nods. “I do. But would you consider giving me the code now, and then we can decide as a team when to reveal that part of it?”
It’s so tempting to turn everything over to him and let him take over. But I can’t. I have to look out for Tee and me. “No. Sorry. I can’t do that.”
“Can’t or won’t?”
“Does it matter?”
“To me it does.”
I hate that he’s backed me into this corner. “Won’t.”
He nods, saying nothing. Then he gathers his crutches and puts them under his arms. “You can write it down there on the paper. I’ll be back in a few minutes.” He goes out the door and down the front porch stairs. I see him through the window heading out back, to the pretty forest he showed me yesterday where he said he does his best thinking. It’ll probably be there that he decides he’s better off without me and Tee in his life.
And who could blame him?
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Thibault is cooking. I can’t believe how long Tee and I slept. The sun is going down already. My dreams were full of self-doubt. I was on the outside of life looking in. It left me feeling melancholy.
“I smell something delicious.” I come around the corner of the kitchen, holding Tee over my shoulder and rubbing his back. He’s fussing, but no matter what I do, he won’t burp.
“How did you sleep?” Thibault turns from the sink and reaches for the baby. I gladly hand him over.
It feels like Thibault’s calling a truce. I gave him the data I promised, and he left with it to call his team, but I stuck to my guns and didn’t hand over the key to the code. I just can’t do that. I have to be so careful now that I have Tee. He’s all I’ve got that’s worth a damn.
“I slept pretty good until this little booger woke me up.” I take a glass of water from the counter and drink the entire thing without stopping.
“Would you like a glass of water?” He winks at me.
I try to smile. “Don’t mind if I do.” I refill the glass and hand it to Thibault. “Here you go.”
“I was thinking about making some coffee. Are you interested?”
“No, thanks. I’m not really into that decaffeinated stuff, and I guess I’m not supposed to have the real deal.”
“I’m going to make myself a cup of the real deal. How about I make you a cup of chamomile tea?”
I slide into one of the chairs at the table. “No, thanks. I’ll just stick to the water.”
He tips the baby back, supporting his head so he can look at his face. Tee’s eyes are open. “This is the first time I’ve seen you awake all day, Baby Tee. Look at you with those big blue eyes and chubby cheeks.”
“Do you think he’s okay?” I ask. “He sleeps a lot.”
“He’s fine. Little babies sleep almost the entire day. I remember trying for weeks to get Melanie and Victor to play with me, and all they ever wanted to do was close their eyes. I was starting to get a complex . . . I thought I was going to be the boring uncle.” He reaches up and strokes Tee’s fat little cheek. “He sure is getting chunky.”
“Hey, watch it. That’s my baby you’re insulting.”
“It’s not an insult. Chunky babies are healthy babies.” He squeezes Tee’s two cheeks together and laughs at the funny face he makes.
“So, what’s for dinner?” I look toward the oven, trying to make the fluttery feelings in my stomach go away. Seeing Thibault being tender with my child is both endearing and painful. He’s such a good guy. I’m not just saying goodbye to my life—which really isn’t such an awful thing—I’m also saying goodbye to him. My hero. And I’m pretty sure it is an awful thing to be doing that.
“Chicken casserole. One of my specialties.”
“Sounds good. I’m starving.” I rub my stomach.
“While you were sleeping, I talked to my team.” He puts the baby up on his shoulder and pats his back, giving me a thumbs-up when Tee burps.
“And? Are you happy with whatever they told you?”
“Yes and no.” He turns in a slow circle, mindful of his knee, heading over to the cupboard that holds the drinking glasses. He pulls one down and grabs the juice out of the refrigerator. “I know you said you wanted water, but you should also have some of this stuff. It’s got some good vitamins in it.”
“Whatever you say, boss.”
He looks over his shoulder at me. “I like that. Keep it up.”
“You wish.” I can’t help smiling.
He pours the juice and hands the glass to me. Sitting down in the chair opposite me, he puts Tee on his shoulder and rubs his back in small circles with his hand, so big in comparison. “You know, I really don’t want to push you on this, but now that I’ve talked to my team members, I’m afraid I’m going to have to insist on a couple things.”
My eyebrows go up. “Is that so?”
He shakes his head. “Please don’t get angry at me. I don’t want this to be a battle of wills between us.”
“I’m not fighting anybody.” I take a sip of juice while watching him over my glass.
“Okay, well, Jenny has been on your cloud account and she’s found your f
iles. She says that they’re in really good shape, except for one thing.”
“What’s that?”
“Except for the fact that they’re completely coded and there’s no way to connect any of it to Pavel until we get the key to unencrypt them. Jenny said that the entries are impossible to identify, and the books could just as well be for a company that sells clown noses as anything else.”
“That would be an awful lot of clown noses.”
“Clown noses, widgets, guns . . . You get my point. We can’t identify a single thing without the code.”
“I know. I told you.” I shrug. I don’t know why he’s acting like this is news to anybody.
He looks at me for a long time and then turns his attention to Tee. He speaks softly. “My sister and her husband have moved their family out of their house for their own safety. I’m here at the cabin indefinitely until you’re safe. My entire team is working to help you out, and I’m paying for it out of my own pocket.”
His gaze shifts to me. “If you can’t trust me now, if you can’t believe me when I tell you that I’m on your side at this point, I don’t know what else to tell you. Should I just walk away? Tell you I’ll see you later, have fun talking to Holloway at the district, and good luck? Leave you to fend for yourself with Baby Tee on your shoulder?” He gestures at my baby’s tiny body.
“Why can’t you trust me, though?” I ask. My heart feels like it’s breaking. “Why does it have to be me doing all the trusting?”
“I do trust you. I know you’re telling the truth.”
“Yeah, you know that because you double- and triple-checked everything I said to you. You have a whole team of people making sure everything I say is true. But why can’t you trust me when I say that everyone will have the code once I’m safe? Once Tee and I are free of Pavel’s influence?”
Thibault turns to me, cradling the baby in his arm. “You are safe. That’s why we’re here.”
I shake my head. “No. This is just a temporary reprieve, and you know it. A rest stop. I need to move on. To find another home. To get a job and eventually be able to enroll my child in school without worrying that he’ll be kidnapped by his father.”
“If you give us the code so we can pass it on to the police, that can all happen.”
“Or they could screw me over.”
“Why would they do that?”
My voice goes up. “I don’t know! Why wouldn’t they?”
“Because they need you to testify about the data.”
“Bull. They could depose me and then cut me loose. If I died, oh well. They have what they need. I know how the law works, believe me . . . I checked.”
He stares at me for the longest time. “You don’t trust anyone, do you?” He says it like I’m somehow a bad person for being that way. But that’s not my problem.
I lift my chin. “No. I don’t.”
He shakes his head, disappointed. “I am doing everything I can to help you, but it’s not enough. You need to help me too. You need to help yourself, and the only way you can do that is to recognize that you can’t do this alone. You need me . . . or someone like me.” He stands, coming over to place the baby in my arms.
“I’ve been doing just fine alone up until now.”
“Up until the moment you gave birth to this beautiful baby right here.” He points at Tee. “The game has changed. It’s not just you running away from this criminal; it’s you and a newborn baby. What are you going to do when he gets sick?”
Sick? I panic, pulling back to look at Tee’s face. “Is he?” I don’t even know what a sick baby looks like.
“No, he’s not. But babies get sick all the time. You can’t just wander into a doctor’s office with a random baby who has no records and expect to be treated with no questions asked. Did you even fill out that birth certificate in the hospital?” He doesn’t bother waiting for my answer. “That’s not how it works in this day and age. You need to be able to prove who he is, who you are . . . you need your insurance information . . .”
“I have access to cash.”
“I’m sure you do. According to Jenny you’ve got a pretty sophisticated setup. I wouldn’t doubt it if you told me you’ve been skimming money from Pavel this entire time. Maybe you have a million bucks in the bank somewhere.”
“I wouldn’t do that . . . take his money just to give myself another paycheck.” I’m offended he’d think of me like that.
He looks at me like I’m crazy. “What? Take money from a criminal? Why not?”
“Because it’s wrong to steal, first of all, and he’s dangerous. If he thought I even took a single dollar for myself, he’d slit my throat.”
He throws his arms out. “Exactly! This guy is evil . . . the Devil himself, if the stories the cops are sharing with my team are true. You cannot handle this on your own. I know you’re strong, and I know you’re independent, and I know you’re used to doing everything on your own, but you can’t do it that way anymore. Let me help you, dammit.” He glares at me.
I glare back, my chin trembling. He’s making sense, but at the same time, he’s asking too much from me. I’ve been burned too many times to just put my life in his hands. “I really hate you right now.”
His tone drops real low. “Well, I don’t hate you. But I do hate what you’re doing.”
“And what is that, exactly?” Stupid tears escape, and I brush them away angrily.
“Being foolish. Taking needless risks.”
“I thought I was being a good person.”
“How are you being a good person by putting your baby at risk the way you are?”
My face falls. Talk about a low blow. “What?”
“You heard me. Before it was just your life that you were risking. If you made a mistake, if Pavel caught you informing on him to the police, well, you’d be gone. That’s it. No more Mika. Now if he finds out what you’ve been doing, it’s not just you who’ll pay the price. How do you think you’re going to feel when he finds you and takes your baby away from you? How are you going to feel when your baby disappears like Alexei did?”
Without thinking, I grab my glass and throw its contents into his face, standing and throwing my chair out behind me with my legs. “How dare you! Don’t say that!”
He stands there blinking the juice from his eyes.
“You’re just as rude as your sister is, you know that?! Ruder! Not just rude, but mean!”
He shrugs his shoulders as he leans over to grab a paper towel from the nearby roll. “Call me mean, but at least I’m on your team.” He wipes the sticky juice from his face.
“You’re not on my team!” I’m breathing like an angry bull, tears still trickling out. I can’t keep up with them; more come than I can wipe away with one hand. This is breaking my heart. I wanted him to be on my team. Hell, I wanted to be on his team. It’s only now that I’m realizing how much—and yet how impossible it would be.
“Oh, yes, I am, whether you like it or not.” He stares me down.
“Maybe you should just drive me into the city and drop me off.” I grit my teeth together hard, making my jaw ache.
“I don’t think so. I think we’re going to sit down right here at this table and work this out.”
I glance at the chair I recently abandoned. “There’s nothing to work out.”
He softens his voice, making my heart ache even more. “Yes, there is. Come on, don’t play me like that. Even though I think you’re being stubborn right now, and even though you’re trying like hell to push me away, I’m still on your side. Look at me . . .” He holds his arms out. “I’m not going anywhere.” He huffs out a sigh. “Please, Mika . . . Give me that code so I can send it to Jenny. And then we can talk about our plan.”
“And what are you going to do for me?” I ask, lifting my chin.
“What do you mean?”
I shrug. “You want me to trust you with everything I have, with my one and only bargaining chip. What are you going to trust me with?”
br /> He looks around. “I’ve given you my team, my home, my word. What else is left?”
“How about just your trust? How about you trust me that when I am safe, when I am in my new home, I will give you that code? Can you do that?”
He stares at me, his jaw muscles twitching like mad. “You’re asking me to keep helping you on blind faith.”
“That’s what trust is, right?”
“I guess.”
“Have I lied to you yet?”
“Technically, no. But you haven’t been exactly forthcoming, either.”
“Ask me about anything and I’ll tell you. Anything but the damn code.”
He stares at me. “Have you taken any of Pavel’s money and put it away for yourself?”
“No.”
“You said you have access to money. Where did you get it?”
“I saved it. And I invested it. I have a finance degree, and what they didn’t teach me in school I learned on my own.”
“Do you love him?”
I frown. “Love who? Tee?” I look down at my baby.
“No, not him. Pavel.”
I laugh until I realize he’s not joking. “Pavel? No! God, no! Don’t even . . . God, that’s disgusting. How could I love a man who murders people?” I feel sick to my stomach.
He shrugs, but all he can do is look at Tee.
My lips are trembling. He has to hear it to believe it. And if I want him to trust me, I have to stop running from his questions. “Fine, you want to hear me say it? I’ll say it. Pavel raped me. Does that make you happy?” I cough, which jump-starts the sobs. I try to cover my face with my hand.
Suddenly Thibault is there next to me. He holds me around my waist, leaning into me, touching his head to mine. “Oh, shit, that’s terrible. Mika, please don’t cry. I’m sorry I pushed. Jesus, what a dick I can be sometimes.” He sighs and he holds me tight. “God, I want to fucking kill that guy. Please don’t be mad at me. Please don’t cry. I’m just trying to understand.”
“What do you expect from me? My life is completely falling apart right now, and I have a baby to look after . . . I have no clue what I’m doing, and now you’re standing there looking at my baby and judging me!”