He lifts his head and looks at me, his eyes no longer shiny with tears. “I meant what I said. I love you. I love Little Thibault. But I love my family and my friends, too.”
I nod. “I understand.” I pull my hand away as my heart caves in on itself.
“No, I don’t think you do.” He takes my hand back. “I’ve spent a lot of years not thinking. Going through the motions. Doing what I had to do to get the job done. Doing what everyone expected of me.”
“We all do that.”
“Maybe. And I thought I was going to be this guy who sat on the sidelines of his family. Watching everyone else get married, have kids. I was happy to be the favorite uncle.”
“You’re great with kids.” I’m crying. I can’t help it.
“But I’ve started thinking again. I stopped for a while. My sister’s troubles really shook my world. More than I realized.”
“Understandable.”
“And I’ve realized something about myself.”
“What’s that?”
He looks at me. “I don’t want to be the guy who watches everyone else have a family.”
“You don’t have to be. I’m sure there are hundreds of girls in N’Orleans who’d happily give you as many babies as you want.” It kills me to say that, but I have to be fair to him.
“But I don’t want any of those girls.”
“You don’t?” My heart feels like it’s on fire.
“No. I want the one who drives up one-way streets going the wrong direction. Who makes spaghetti sauce with ketchup. Who worries about everyone else before she worries about herself.”
I point at myself, my chin trembling. He’s fighting for me. He’s saving me. “This girl?”
He takes my finger and kisses it. “Yes, you nut. You. It’s you I want.”
I shake my head, not daring to believe this is real. He sure looks like he’s telling the truth, though. “Your family is going to hate me.”
“No, they won’t. They’ll understand.”
“Toni is going to strangle me with her bare hands.”
“Toni is going to be happy for me. You’ll see.” He moves back onto the bed and lies down. “Come over here and cuddle me, woman.”
I look at him, taking in his kind eyes, his broad chest, his smile . . . and I don’t hesitate. The entire world could be against us, and I’d still be willing to take the risk to be with him.
“Trust me,” he says as I settle in and he strokes my back. “Everything is going to work out for the best.”
“I trust you. I do.” I close my eyes and let myself imagine a life with this man and my child, the baby he helped bring into the world. It fills me with such warmth and love, it almost scares me.
CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
This is crazy,” Toni says. She’s pissed. “I can’t believe nobody could come up with a better solution than witness protection for an indeterminate length of time.”
We’re sitting around the conference table at Bourbon Street Boys, Thibault and I holding hands while his family and friends stare at us. Baby Tee is in his car seat on the floor nearby, ready to go.
Lucky has his arm around his wife’s shoulders. “Babe, you don’t need to make it more difficult than it already is. They have to go. They don’t have a choice.”
She shrugs his arm off. “I’m not making anything more difficult. I’m just saying what everybody else is thinking. Of course they have a choice.”
Jenny looks at Toni and shakes her head. “Honey . . . don’t.”
Toni glares at her friend. “Don’t honey me.” She reaches up and swipes angrily at her eyes, her tears the only sign I have that she’s got any kind of softness to her.
“I’m sorry,” I say. I really mean it, with all my heart.
Thibault puts his hand on my arm. “Don’t apologize.” He looks at his sister. “I wish we could do this some other way, but we can’t.”
May comes over and bends to hug him and then me. “We get it. Toni is sad and upset, but she understands.”
“No, I don’t understand. Don’t speak for me, May. This doesn’t make any sense.” She glares at her brother. “You’ve only known this girl for a week. How is it that I’ve known you your entire life . . .” She gestures at the people standing around the table. “. . . And these people have all known you since you were a kid, and yet you choose to be with her over us? How is that possible?”
“I’m not choosing between you like that. Don’t think that.” He runs his hands through his hair. I can tell he’s stressed to the max. I feel like a monster for putting him in this position.
“Then explain it to me again, because I don’t get it.”
“I’ve already told you five times; I can’t control how I feel. And there’s no way in hell that I’m going to let Mika and her baby disappear into thin air where I’ll never see them again. I can’t do that.”
“But you’re going to let the rest of us disappear into thin air? You’re going to make yourself disappear into thin air so we can never speak to you again? What about my kids? What about Melanie and Vic . . . ?” Her voice breaks and she can’t continue. Lucky folds her into his arms.
Tears rush to my eyes, and I get up and turn around so nobody will see them. This is the most awful thing I’ve ever done in my life—worse than selling my body, worse than working for a criminal. I hate that circumstances have forced Thibault into making this choice—me, a girl he just met, or them, his family and friends. How can I possibly be worth that? My shoulders slump in defeat.
“Maybe we shouldn’t,” I say, turning to him. “It’s going to kill them. It’s not fair to your family.”
Thibault stands quickly, wincing at the pain it brings his knee. “Bullshit, Mika. I’m going with you. You’re not going to be a martyr for them.” He turns and glares at his sister. “This is happening. I know you don’t like it, Toni. I know this hurts you. And if I could take that hurt away, I would.”
“You could, you just won’t.” She folds her arms across her chest.
“That’s enough,” Lucky says, surprising everyone with his volume.
The entire room goes silent and watches Toni turn to her husband.
“You know I love you, Toni. More than anything in this world. But you’re being really selfish right now, and you need to cut it out.”
Her jaw drops open. “What?”
He takes her by the head, his strong hands on either side of her jaw. “I love you. Look at me.”
She closes her eyes, tears coming out.
“Look at me,” he says more softly.
She opens her eyes at his command. They’re bloodshot and watery. More tears fall.
“I love you. You love me. We stand by Thibault no matter what. He’s a smart and loving man, and he doesn’t do anything without thinking it all the way through.”
“You act like I don’t know this about my own brother.”
“Then you also know that he needs to live his own life. And right now, that life isn’t here. It’s somewhere else. But one day, he’ll be back. Your love . . . our love will bring him back.”
Toni holds on to his hands. “You can’t guarantee me that.”
He nods. “Yes, I can. I just did. Believe in me like I believe in you.”
The only consolation I take in separating Thibault from his sister is knowing she has this great guy next to her. Lucky’s words make me wish once again that I could redo my life so I wouldn’t be here making them all say goodbye today.
Toni looks like she’s going to resist, and then she nods once. He pulls her into his chest and rests his chin on her head for a few moments. Then they slowly turn away, getting up and walking over to a far corner of the room. My heart aches for them.
Thibault clears his throat. “I love all of you with all my heart, and I’ve loved working with you for too many years to count. I’ve known most of you since I was a kid and one of you since the moment she was born.”
He looks over at Toni. I think she’s list
ening. I hope she is.
“And for a lot of years this place was my second home. I woke up every single day happy and excited to be with each one of you, standing side by side with you doing this work that we do for New Orleans.”
He looks at the big man to my right. “Ozzie, you and I don’t have the same mother, but you’re my brother just the same.” He looks at Dev and Lucky, who has turned around. “You guys, too. That’s not going to change. I don’t care how far away I go, what my name ends up being, what happens to me in my new life, that is not going to change.” He pauses. “I will come back to you if I can. I promise you that.”
“We know you will,” May says. She looks at her sister. “Not that anybody can hide from us if we want to find him anyway.”
Ozzie shakes his head at her, telling her to be quiet. She puts her head down, pretending to obey, but I think I know her better than that.
“I know you all think I’m crazy. And I know you love me and that’s why you’re worried about me. But I want you to look at the person that you fell in love with right now and ask yourself . . . if the world came to you and told you to choose between the Bourbon Street Boys or that person standing next to you, which one would you choose?”
Until he said that, I hadn’t truly appreciated what this meant to him, the question he’d asked himself before making his decision to come with Tee and me. When I look around the room at what and who he’s walking away from—for me and my son—it blows my mind. I know I should only look inside myself to determine my own worth, but it means something special when a man like Thibault chooses me over a beautiful life filled with wonderful, good people. The only thing I can do is try to be worthy of that love, to work every day to be the kind of woman who deserves it.
The room goes completely silent. He lets his words sink in before he continues. “I know you guys love me as much as I love you, and I know you love this job as much as I do, and I know you love Ozzie as much as I do . . . but I don’t believe for a second that any one of you would choose this over the person you fell in love with. So I hope you can understand why I have to go.”
Before anybody can say anything, the bell downstairs rings, signaling that somebody is standing outside the warehouse wanting to come in.
Ozzie goes over to the intercom and turns on the video screen. Detective Holloway is standing downstairs. I can see him from across the room as he looks up at the camera.
“Can I come up? There’s been a development.”
My heart stops beating for what seems like a really long time. I massage my chest. It feels like I’m having a heart attack. This can’t be good.
“A development?” May speaks up. “What’s that mean?” She looks at her sister. “Is that good news or bad news?”
Jenny flaps her hand at May. “We’re about to find out. Shush.”
Ozzie gestures at the door. “Dev, would you handle that?”
“You got it.” He slaps Thibault on the shoulder as he runs by, winking at us as he moves to the door. Within a minute, the giant warehouse doors open and Dev can be seen on the screen escorting the detective into the building.
“Do you want something to drink?” Thibault asks me, touching my arm lightly.
I shake my head no. I’m too sick to drink. My stomach is doing flips and my heart feels like it’s going to explode.
He limps over to the kitchen to pour himself a cup of coffee. He takes his first sip and winces. He comes back over and sits down, gesturing for me to join him at the table. I do, holding his hand on the arm of his chair.
Holloway appears in the doorway and doesn’t waste any time. He doesn’t even take a seat. “Have you guys turned on the news?”
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
We all look at one another, shaking our heads.
“All right then, let me be the first one to fill you in.” He doesn’t look happy. “The FBI and the NOPD put together a joint task force to move in on Pavel Baranovsky’s assets. The time of execution was oh-seven-hundred this morning. The intent was to catch most of them sleeping so we could maximize our arrests. Unfortunately, someone beat us to the punch.”
“What?” Ozzie moves in closer.
“Yeah. Somebody managed to get in there and pop him. He was already cold by the time we entered the residence.”
“Pop him?” May looks at Ozzie. “Like they punched him? Or with a gun?”
Holloway looks at her like she’s kidding. “Yeah, with a gun. Fifteen times, last I heard. They’re still counting the holes.”
My hands go ice-cold and I feel dizzy. Pavel is dead? Really dead? “Who killed him?” I ask. My voice echoes in my head. Who killed him? Who killed him? Who killed him?
“We don’t know. But we had a feeling something big was going down when we first started talking about this case. That’s why we wanted to get in there with Mika.” He points at me. “She was on our source list, but we were talking with other people on the inside, too.”
“Sonia,” I say.
“Yeah. Sonia. Your roommate.”
“But she turned me in to Pavel. She told him where I was.”
He shakes his head. “No, she didn’t. Not like that. He checked her phone and forced her to tell him where you were.”
“Oh.” Now I feel terrible. She didn’t rat me out.
He nods. “Yeah, well, didn’t help her. She was killed too.”
I wish I hadn’t doubted her. “But who?” I ask. “Who would do that?” I look at the people standing around me. “He had lots of enemies, but he was well protected. No one would dare . . .”
“Do you have any leads?” Thibault asks.
“Not exactly. But I’ve got some other good news/bad news for ya.” He frowns at me.
“What’s that?” Ozzie asks.
“You know that code you gave us for that software program?”
“Yes.” I lean toward Thibault, wanting to be closer to him and the safety he offers.
“It’s not working anymore. We used it exactly like you told us to, but now it doesn’t work.”
“But surely you printed out all the evidence the first time you got in, so why do you need to get in another time?” Jenny asks.
“Yeah, we printed everything out. But now that everybody’s digging into it to verify stuff, we’re finding accounts closed, businesses shut down, names that don’t exist anymore. It’s like it never happened.” He looks at all of us. “We’re completely stumped. The only thing we’re absolutely sure of is that Mika has nothing to do with it.”
Relief floods through me so deeply it makes me dizzy.
“What makes you say that?” Toni asks. “What makes you so sure?”
“She showed us everything. She was completely transparent. We dug, believe me, we dug. Everything checked out. And we talked to the software developer she used. He confirmed what she said.” He drops his head, shaking it. “We’re screwed.”
“Maybe we can help,” Jenny says.
Everyone in the room turns to look at her. She smiles tentatively. “We know the way the organization is set up. I mean, it’s not like these arms dealers or sex traffickers are going to disappear off the face of the earth. They’re just going to use other names. But you know, everybody leaves footprints behind. Even when they’re online.”
“Footprints?” Holloway asks. “What do you mean?”
“People who know how to maneuver online . . . they all have an individual style. After a while you start to notice that style, after you’ve spent a little time looking at their work. It’s kind of like a footprint they leave behind wherever they go, so you can see where they’ve been. When you see that footprint again and again, it gets easier and easier to recognize it.” She shrugs. “I think we could probably track these people down if we had enough time and resources.”
“What kind of resources?” Holloway asks.
Jenny looks at Ozzie. “We could probably figure something out.”
Ozzie nods. “Yeah, we could do that. I’ll send you an estima
te if you want.”
“Yeah. Why don’t you do that? Send it right to the chief.”
“So are we a go for our departure at sixteen-hundred?” Thibault glances at his watch, waiting for Holloway to respond.
Holloway shakes his head. “Nope.”
“Why not?” Thibault and I ask at the same time.
“Because. Like I said, the whole thing is kaput. Dissolved. Nada comida. There’s no more need for witness protection because there’s not gonna be a trial.”
His words make my heart temporarily stop beating. I put my hand to my chest as it thumps back to life.
“But . . . Mika could still be in danger.” Thibault puts his arm around me.
“From who?” He looks around the room. “Everything she knew about the organization doesn’t exist anymore. Whoever is behind this is a fucking genius.” He turns around and heads toward the door. “I gotta get back to the district. You’ll be given a more formal briefing by the chief. He just asked me to come over here and give you the basics.”
My ears are burning. Who? Who is responsible for this? The face that pops into my head is Sebastian’s. He’s the most hooked in, the most trusted associate, the smartest and most capable. But it could have been someone I don’t know, too. Pavel was running arms, and I didn’t know about that.
Dev walks over to escort him out of the building. The detective stops at the door that leads out into the room beyond the kitchen and turns to face us. “In all my years of working on the force, I have never gotten this close to a case this big and then had it pulled so completely out from under me . . . I gotta retire. I can’t handle this shit anymore.”
He leaves the room, and we sit there looking at one another. Thibault and I stand, both of us a little shell-shocked, I think.