***
SHE WAS FINISHED hiding in the shadows? Now, she was finished hiding in the shadows? What was he even supposed to do with that now?
This woman had more dementia than his father. A father he’d put in danger. His father. The only person in this whole damn world he had left, probably not for long, and he’d put his life in danger. Over a woman. Over Violet. Because Ryder’s head was consumed by this female thunderstorm in front of him and she had no damn direction where she wanted to go.
The guilt was eating Ryder up inside. The lack of sleep, because he couldn’t get Violet out of his head, anticipating that she might show up like this very moment, confessing her feelings, was the cause of him falling asleep when he should have been watching his father.
“Now’s not a good time,” he snarled.
Would there ever be a good time?
Ryder had more important things to do than go back and forth with this lady. Only she wasn’t just some lady.
Let it go, Ryder.
He needed to get a better alarm system set up in the cottage that included door buzzers that went off each time any door opened and shut.
Why didn’t they have door buzzers? Or did they? Had he been in such a deep sleep that he’d slept through them?
Ryder pushed away the desire to walk into Violet’s embrace again, and let everything he was holding in, go. It had felt so good. But Violet was like a batch of threatening clouds rolling in, unable to decide whether to rain or pass by. Her indecision had allowed Ryder to put his own father in harm’s way. Ryder didn’t deserve her embrace.
Even if he took it, how long before she decided to tell him it was all for sex? How long would it be before she ran away again and cowered in the dark?
“Right..um...okay. I’m going to go.” Violet took a few steps away and Ryder ignored the constricting in his chest, telling him to call her back. She turned toward him again, he felt the tightening release.
Damn it Ryder, get some control.
“Ryder, are you okay?” she asked.
If he wasn’t so mad at himself, Ryder would love that every single look across her face was raw. For the first time, Violet wasn’t holding back anything. He saw her pain, her worry and her sadness, and it was all for him. Only he didn’t deserve it. Violet didn’t understand. He was the reason his dad had been lost. He was the reason he was put in danger. He didn’t deserve consoling.
“I’m fine,” he growled, but he was anything but fine. More tears were threatening and his body was trembling. His dad could have been seriously hurt...or killed...and it was all Ryder’s careless fault.
Violet took a few steps back to him. “I can see you’re not fine. That was the wrong question. Do you need anything? Do you want to talk or−”
He wanted her to leave so he could be angry at himself in peace. He didn’t want another person to tell him that losing his father today wasn’t his fault. Kelly and Susan had done plenty of reassuring that he hadn’t welcomed. He damn well knew it was his fault.
“Violet, this is not your damn business and no I don’t want to talk about it. Just keep it to yourself.” His rage came out worse through his words and his heart dropped even more watching her take a step back at his aggressive tone.
Good, back off.
“And I know you’re good at keeping things to yourself.”
“Of course, Ryder. I would never tell anyone about your...situation. It’s not my business I was only offering as a−”
“Friend?” he snapped. “You’ve made it clear that I’m only good for a quickie.” Ryder watched her face drop in horror as her words thrown back wounded her. They weren’t true and she hadn’t meant it. He knew that. But right now, he needed her gone and she was a pro at using insults as tools to avoid confrontation.
Take the hint and go.
Ryder didn’t wait for her to leave. If he stood there any longer, he might cave into the desire to hold her. He turned and took the stairs two at a time into the house. He slammed the door and his body fell against it, sliding until he was sitting on the floor.
The floor of his empty house.
His head fell into his hands as the sobs returned.
He wanted his dad, his mom...he wanted Violet.
Every part of him wanted Violet, just as he had the last two days, hell the entire week, but he didn’t deserve her. He couldn’t take care of her. He couldn’t even take care of his dad. Maybe everyone’s image of him was right: useless playboy.