Page 23
Author: Molly McAdams
“Connor, we know about you. We know what happened when you were a kid. ”
“Excuse me?”
“After Cassidy left—”
“How the fuck do you know about Cassidy?”
“You got trashed and told us about her when you came back from Texas, you told us everything that night. What happened to you sucks, and we would’ve never brought it up again because it was obvious you didn’t mean to tell us all that shit,” Dakota said. His voice was dark. When he spoke again, the warning was clear. “I’m not about to let my sister be with a man who is constantly fighting that kind of demon. ”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Sam asked. He looked back and forth between his brothers before looking at me. But I couldn’t answer. It felt like I couldn’t breathe.
“Short story of his past,” Dylan began, and my hands clenched into fists on top of the table. “He had a druggie, absentee mom, and his old man beat him and Amy. Almost killed them. The Greens adopted them after that. That would never sway my decision on this situation. But now? Connor is always living in fear that he’s going to turn into the guy who raised him. His anger scares him, and he told us that he was afraid if he had kids, he’d do the same thing to them. ”
“Holy shit,” Sam said under his breath and scrubbed his hands down his face. “Connor, man, I’m—”
“So you can see our reasoning,” Dakota said, cutting him off. “I love you, Connor, really, man, I do. But I can’t let you be with my sister. I have to protect her, and letting her be with a man like you would be the exact opposite of protecting her. You would ruin her. ”
“Dakota,” Sam snapped.
“He said it himself! He said he would ruin his future family, destroy it. Those were his words. I don’t care if he was wasted, don’t we always say drunks are the only honest people?” Dakota stood, and leaned over me, his voice low. “Break up with Maci . . . tonight. If you still want to go to the cabin with us tomorrow, then come. We want you there. None of us will say a thing about tonight, like I said, we’ll act like none of this shit happened. ”
My eyes flashed up to his, then down to Dylan’s. He looked away and cleared his throat. “I’m sorry, man, I didn’t want to bring that up. But you had to know why we can’t let you be with her. ”
With a hard nod, I ignored Sam calling my name, and walked out of the bar.
I knew what I had to do.
I just didn’t know how to do it in a way that would convince her.
“CONNOR, WHAT ARE you already doing home? I thought you were going out after work. ”
I stood there staring in my fridge, trying to ready myself for this. After I’d figured out how to do it, I’d been telling myself over and over that this was for her own good. That it might upset her at first, but in the long run, it was what she needed.
“I didn’t know I had to give you a play-by-play of what I was doing. ”
“Whoa, what’s wrong? Did something happen at work?”
I grabbed a beer and shut the door with more force than necessary. “Jesus, Maci. Nothing is wrong. Is it so wrong that I wanted to have a night away from you?”
Her head jerked back, and her eyes widened. “What?”
“I’m tired of constantly babying you. Did you ever think that maybe I need time to see other women? That that’s the way this usually works?”
“What works?”
“Sleeping around with people. ” I turned away from her, and took long pulls from my beer. Trying not to choke at the thought of being with anyone else, or her with another guy. “I wanted to prove something to you, Mini. I wanted to show you what you were missing by just being with that preppy guy. I think I more than proved that, and I’m done catering to you. ”
“What. The hell. Did you. Just call me?”
I was going to throw up. I tried to blank my expression when I turned toward her again, the way I did when I questioned people. But this was fucking Maci, and I could hardly look at her without wanting to pull her to me.
“God, Maci, grow up. It’s just a damn name. ”
“Why are you doing this? What happened today?”
“Nothing happened. ” She reached out for me and I grabbed her wrist, walking her out my door and toward hers. “You can’t be in my apartment, I have someone coming over. ”
“You—what? Connor!” she cried out my name and clutched at her chest when I released her. “Why are you being like this? This isn’t you. ”
“Shit, enough! Stop making this out to be so dramatic when it really doesn’t have to be. I’m just tired of pretending with you. ”
“Pretending?” she whispered to herself, her eyes looking everywhere but at me.
“I’m sorry if I let it go on too long, but you need to find someone else. Get a boyfriend or something, one that you’re not afraid to introduce to your brothers. ”
Her head snapped up, her gray eyes pleading. “Is that what this is? Because I haven’t told them yet? I’ll tell them right now, I swear!”
“No, fuck, that’s not what I meant. You need to find the guy you’re meant to be with, and I’m not him. Obviously you’ve gotten too deep in this, but this should have never happened. ”
“How can you say that? I belong with you . . . to you. I’m yours, Connor! Completely. Yours. Why can’t you see that you own me?”
I watched as her gray eyes filled with tears, and I wanted to die.
I’d been looking for any kind of emotion since Cassidy had left. I’d searched for it in so many women. This girl . . . for so many reasons she shouldn’t have been the one to start evoking all these feelings again—and yet, she had been. My best friends’ little sister. My neighbor. The girl next door. Everything cliché and everything I had overlooked for years. I wondered for the hundredth time tonight why I couldn’t have actually seen Maci years before.
Another sob tore from her chest, and I wanted to take her in my arms and brush away the tears that had just started falling down her face. I wanted to tell her that she had all of this backwards. She owned me. But I couldn’t do this to her. Not only would her brothers never allow it, especially after tonight, but they were right . . . I would ruin her.
I had fears she couldn’t understand, a life that she’d had no idea about, and too many secrets I wasn’t willing to taint her world with. I would ruin her and our future family, and I wouldn’t be able to live with myself when that happened.
My body was shaking, and I tried to focus on anything other than the way her expression was breaking my heart. I’ll destroy her. I’ll ruin her. I continued to chant those words and focused on the fact that I could never be the type of man that she needed.
Swallowing past the tightness in my throat, I scoffed. Scoffing was good. It made me sound like that much more of an asshole. “You can’t start crying every time you aren’t getting your way, Maci. You’re an adult, start acting like one. ”
“Connor!” she cried when I turned to leave. “Why are you doing this to us? I know you, I know you want to be with me too. Is it Dakota and Dylan, did they find out? Are they making you do this?”
I stopped walking when I reached her door, but couldn’t look back at her when I said, “You don’t know anything about me. The fact that you somehow made yourself believe there was an us is proof of that. There is no us. ”
“How can you sa—”
“Because we fucked, Maci, that’s all we did!” I turned to look at her beautiful face, filled with pain. “It’s not my fault you let yourself believe we could be something. It’s not my goddamn fault you don’t know how to keep your feelings and your needs separate. ”
Her head shook slowly back and forth, and her hand came up to cover her mouth as a strangled sob left her. “You’re lying,” she choked out. “Please don’t do this!”
“Goodbye, Maci. ”
“Connor!” she sobbed when I shut her
door behind me.
I hurried into my apartment and threw the can of beer at the wall, suppressing an agonized roar as I stormed into my bedroom. For the rest of the night, I stood with my forehead and palms pressed against the wall that connected our bedrooms, and listened to her sobs. And for the first time since I was last beaten at seven years old, I cried.
Chapter Eleven
Maci
“UP! COME ON, get up!” Amber yelled as she charged into the room we were sharing.
Glancing over at her when she jumped on my bed, I looked back up at the ceiling and suppressed a sigh. “I think I’m going to call it an early night. I’m exhausted from traveling up here. ”
“Bullshit you are! You’re moping and being all stupid depressed because Connor turned out to be a dick!”
My chest ached, hearing his name. “Amber . . . please, just let me be upset about this for a while. ”
“Nope, no. Not going to happen. As your best friend, it is my duty to make sure you get back to being all happy happy because it’s almost Christmas, have an awesome fucking vacation, and get laid by some random hot ski instructor. ”
I actually cracked a smile. “Ski instructor? Really now . . . ”
“Yes, and it will be perfect. It will take your mind off the asshole, you won’t have to see the guy again until next year—if you even see him again. ”
“Ahh . . . no thanks. But, really, have at it. ”
Standing up, she grabbed my ankles and started dragging me down the bed.
“Holy shit! You’re such a fucking bitch. Oh God!” I wheezed when my back hit the floor with a hard thud.
“I’m your bitch, and it’s why you love me. So let’s slut it up, hit a few bars and—”
We both looked toward the hallway when one of my brothers yelled my name.
“Why do I feel like I’m about to be in trouble?” I whispered to Amber when she helped me up off the floor.