Felicia sucked in her lips. Her heart beat rapidly. Yes, she was scared — but maybe it was time for her to meet a new challenge, to do what Troy was doing, and become more than she'd previously been. "But," she said slowly, "maybe it's time to get past the fear."
Troy started to smile. So did she. A wonderful wave of emotion rose inside of her. Oh, she wasn't done feeling scared, but she thought she was done letting her fear stop her, letting it rule or limit her life. Felicia took her hand from her forehead and stretched it across the space between them. She let her palm cup the side of Troy's face. Her fingers shook, excited by the very male feel of the roughness there, at the feel of him.
"Oh, Troy," she murmured. "But do you think I could be the right kind of woman for you?"
His eyes blazed. "I think you could."
Felicia's hand pressed against the side of his face. She liked his I think. He wasn't handing out blanket assurances. "Troy," she whispered, and stepped forward to kiss him.
His lips trembled under hers at first, and then he kissed back. The kiss quickly grew deeper, hotter, more intimate. Troy's hand moved to cover her left breast. It occurred to Felicia, fleetingly and with amusement, that she was probably about to lose her over-ripe virginity.
"Please tell me your mother went to bridge, just like your chauffeur told my chauffeur she always does on Monday nights," Troy muttered in Felicia's ear.
Felicia giggled. "You are wicked."
"Not wicked, honey, just desperate. So, is she gone?"
For a split-second Felicia hesitated, not out of fear or lack of interest, but to savor the moment, the one where she seized life with both hands. She speared her fingers into Troy's silky hair and looked up at him with smiling eyes. "She's gone."
"Thank God," Troy muttered.
An hour later, in her bed with the lacy canopy, Felicia lost her virginity with a happy gasp. Troy, who didn't appear to be the least bit surprised — or fazed — covered her lips very tenderly with his own. "I love you," he said.
"That's good," Felicia replied, draping her arms around his neck. "Because I love you, too." She truly did. She loved everything about him. Though at that moment, admittedly, what held her attention was the feel of him, heavy and real, deep inside of her. Wriggling, she kissed him back. Troy hissed, and no more was said after that, in words, for a long, long while.
###
Once he'd decided, Dean felt urgent. He didn't wait for morning but dressed and went to the airport right then, though he couldn't find an actual flight for several hours. During that time a nice bruise began to form on the left side of his jaw. Dean didn't care. He wanted to get to Vegas. He had to check on Kelly. Was she all right?
Once in the air, Dean looked out the tiny window of the plane. He felt like he'd been asleep for two weeks. He hadn't once asked himself exactly why Kelly had left. He'd just assumed — He wasn't sure what he'd assumed. Whatever it was, it had been illogical, unreasonable.
Sure, he'd expected Kelly's feelings for him to change, but not in the span of a single day. At the mountain resort, Kelly had agreed to stay in the marriage. Two days later she'd walked out the door. Now Dean had to consider what he'd done during those two days to make that happen.
He sucked in his lips as he remembered. He'd told her he didn't believe the marriage was going to last. He'd basically told Kelly the marriage was over. She'd simply taken him at his word.
Dean frowned as he watched dawn stealing over western Massachusetts. No, it hadn't been so simple. She'd...argued. What had she said?
He shook his head and frowned harder, but he couldn't remember. At any rate, he hadn't listened. And so she'd left.
Now the issue was to decide if he meant what he'd told Kelly. Did he consider the marriage over? Did he want it to be over?
Dean felt a shudder run through him. No, he didn't want it to be over. Being utterly, painfully honest with himself, he wanted his marriage to Kelly to last his entire lifetime. He wanted to stay with her always, to grow old together, even to have kids.
It was only that he couldn't believe it could happen. He was inadequate in so many ways; behind Kelly emotionally, unexciting, stodgy... Even if they hadn't had this big blow-up, surely she'd have come to see all his deficiencies, eventually. One day her love would dry up. She'd chafe and want to leave. Dean scowled and rubbed the back of his neck. Perhaps there was no point to this little trip, after all.
Do what you want instead of what you should.
Dean jerked up his head. Where had that come from?
You're just full of excuses, aren't you? And none of them are going to get you what you want.
Dean lowered his hand from his neck. Apparently the words were coming from inside his own head.
His heart began to beat hard. Do what you want instead of what you should. Without having to get knocked unconscious, he was considering the idea.
What do you have to lose?
Dean drummed his fingers on the armrest. He knew what he had to lose. Safety, security, the certainty of what his life was going to hold, empty though it might be.
Playing video games until two in the morning.
In short, nothing...and everything. Everything he had ever known.
What do you want, Dean?
Dean closed his eyes. What did he want? What the hell did he really, deep down want?
He didn't open his eyes again until the plane began its descent into Las Vegas' McCarran Airport. By then, he knew.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
It was the oddest thing. Despite how Dean didn't measure up as a husband, despite how he was so incredibly deficient, Kelly missed him. She missed him something awful.
There were days she was so far gone she wanted to go back to him.
Oh, she was in bad shape. She wasn't the strong, assertive woman she'd wanted to become. On the contrary, it took every ounce of will power Kelly possessed to resist doing something stupid.
The girls wanted to make the crumb cake for her again. Kelly thanked them, but declined. "He wasn't a crumb," she told them. She repeated the sentiment to her friend Valerie, as they sat at a bar table drinking Perriers in the casino after work-out that day.
Dark-haired and exotic, Valerie pursed her lips and appeared doubtful.
Kelly drummed her fingers on the marble table top, thinking how to put it. "He wasn't bad, just wounded. Too wounded."
"Funny. You look like the wounded one."
Kelly shook her head and laughed without humor. "I'll bet Dean is looking a heck of a lot worse than I am."
"Well, I certainly hope so," Valerie replied with a huff.
Kelly blinked. I don't.
Valerie leaned over the little table. Her dark-eyed gaze got suspicious. "Have you seen a lawyer yet, Kelly?"
A lawyer? Kelly thought. What for? Then she realized: the divorce. "I will," she said, feeling her cheeks flush. "Just give me some time, all right?"
Valerie shook her head. "Hopeless. Kelly, you're hopeless."
"Hey. I left him, didn't I?"
"In body," Valerie sighed. "But not in soul."
Kelly didn't have anything to say to that. It was too true. On the one hand, she knew she'd done the right thing. The marriage would never work. But on the other hand, she couldn't get past the feeling they belonged together. Oh, it was crazy.
She came home from practice and her conversation with Valerie feeling more tired and sore than usual. Despite trying to keep in shape while she'd been gone, it had been hell getting back to the physical demands of her profession. At least the thermometer hadn't hit one hundred today. Amazing for July. Kelly went straight from her front door to the bathroom and turned on the water full hot. The apartment's air-conditioning was actually working today and she needed a good soak.
She'd stripped and was just stepping into the tub when the doorbell rang.
Kelly closed her eyes. She'd ignore it. Probably just a salesman. But when the doorbell rang again, Kelly sighed, took her toe out of the
deliciously hot water, and reached for her robe. If she wanted to be able to relax in the tub, she was going to have to answer the door to get rid of the guy.
Opening the front door with a pleasant rejection on her lips, Kelly stopped dead. On her doorstep stood Kirk, with a sulky-looking Robby lounging beside him.
Kirk was smiling double-time. "Kelly, my dear, you are indeed a sight for sore eyes."
Kelly shut her eyes. But when she opened them again the pair was still there. Kirk still wore his wide smile but Kelly thought the charm was getting a little ragged around the edges. Robby regarded her suspiciously. Kelly could only stand there, her heart beating way too fast, and wonder what was going on.
"May we come in?" Kirk asked.
Kelly's heart was still racing madly but her brain did kick in. This had nothing to do with Dean. He would never have asked his father to do anything, much less to come to see Kelly, his not-yet-ex-wife. Whatever this was, it was unrelated to her marriage.
She took in a breath and stepped back from the door. "Come on in."
Kirk exhibited a moment of bald relief and waltzed through. Robby gave Kelly a narrow-eyed look and followed after.
"So." Kelly closed the door and turned. "To what do I owe the honor?"
Kirk lost no time in making himself comfortable on Kelly's floral sofa. Her question, however, seemed to leave him nonplussed. "Mmm. Robby?" he offered.
But Robby only hunched his shoulders and stalked to the corner, where he began to stare at a print of some wild ponies.
Kirk turned back to Kelly. He appeared to consider his answer. "Well," he finally said, "we called the estate, quite discreetly you understand, looking for you. We heard you were here, having left Dean — don't blame you a bit, my dear — and, hmm... Well we thought you wouldn't mind taking care of Robby for a while." Kirk held up a hand and spoke quickly. "I'm not dumping him, all right? He wanted to come here."
In his corner, Robby snorted.
Kelly crossed her arms over her chest. She was beginning to get the picture. Kirk was here to get rid of Robby, and he thought she was a soft touch. One side of her mouth lifted. "Bit off more than you could chew, eh?"
Kirk's gaze averted. "He drove off Marisa and even the boat captain. What was I supposed to do?"
Kelly bit the inside of her cheek. She could easily see Robby doing that, especially if Kirk had been neglecting him. Oh, she was going to get mad if Kirk had been too awful.
Stop, sang a voice in her head. This isn't your problem! But Kelly was excruciatingly aware of Robby tensed in the corner. She was his friend, if nothing more. She had promised him that much. "I would love for Robby to stay here," she said, perfectly sincere. "I've been missing him, but why don't you take him home to Dean?"
Kirk looked amazed. "And admit I couldn't handle it?"
Kelly raised her brows.
"All right." Kirk winced. "I'm a coward but you said you'd take him, so I'll just — " He stood up.
"Oh, no you don't." Kelly stopped Kirk with an upraised hand. "You aren't going anywhere without checking if this is all right with Dean."
Kirk blinked in alarm. "Dean? What does he have to do with it?"
"You know darn well what he has to do with it. And I'm not taking Robby unless Dean knows about it, and approves."
"Oh, all right." Kirk sighed, disgruntled. "You can call him."
"Me?" Kelly's eyes widened. "Oh, no."
Kirk went puppyish. "But you could — "
"No."
In his corner, Robby snorted again.
Kelly turned to look at him. "What?"
Robby hunched his shoulders higher and stared with more intensity at the wild ponies. "You can't even talk to him."
Kelly's nostrils flared. "And why should I talk to him? You were the one who kept bugging me, kept telling me he ought to say he loved me. Well, he didn't. He didn't!"
Robby turned to point at her. "You didn't wait the whole two months!"
"One week more? It wouldn't have made any difference — "
"Oh, yeah? Well — "
The argument was interrupted by the sound, once again, of the doorbell.
"Who is that?" Kirk wanted to know.
Kelly shrugged. "Given my day so far, it could be anybody." Angry now, she strode to the front door and swung it wide. Her mouth was open to tell off whoever stood there.
Dean stood there. Beautiful, sober-faced, suit, tie, and everything. Kelly couldn't close her opened mouth. Her heart thudded painfully against her ribcage. No, her mind told herself. He couldn't be here. He hadn't sent Kirk and Robby, so he had no reason to be here. And was that a bruise on his jaw?
Dean's gaze was completely unfathomable. Then he looked past Kelly and his expression changed dramatically. "What are you doing here?"
Kelly heard Kirk's drawl. "Same thing you are, no doubt. Begging."
Dean's gaze switched back to Kelly. For an instant she thought she saw...acknowledgment? Then the mask came down again.
"Excuse me." Dean shifted past Kelly and let himself into her apartment. "You are leaving," he told his father. "Now."
"Hey, wait a minute." Kelly turned on her doorstep. Dean had just walked in, and intended to clear everyone else out. Panic banged in her chest. She didn't want to think about why her husband might be here, or what he'd have to talk to her about — alone. "This is my home. I'll decide who leaves or stays."
Dean whirled on her. "But we have to talk."
Was that so? With the panic banging harder, Kelly set her hands on her hips. "So happens Kirk and I have to talk, too."
Dean's gaze went incredulous. "What could you and Kirk possibly have to talk about?"
"Me." Robby stepped forward from his corner. "They're arguing over who has to take care of me."
Kelly saw Dean's jaw drop. "You?"
"That's not what we're talking about," Kelly said quickly.
"Is so," Robby argued.
"Actually," Kirk weighed in. "We were talking about who had to tell Dean you were here. That's a much different subject."
"Sounds the same to me," Robby sniffed.
"Wait," Dean said.
"We were not arguing over who had to tell Dean," Kelly spoke to Kirk. "That was decided."
"Oh? Then what did the two of us have to talk about?" Kirk sounded interested.
"Wait," Dean said again, louder.
"I don't know what," Kelly told Kirk. "But I'm sure it was something. And you got here first."
Kirk looked pleased. Dean shouted louder, "Wait!"
His voice reverberated against Kelly's peach-colored walls. For a moment there was silence. Then Dean slit his eyes toward his father. He spoke low, but clearly. "I don't know what kind of trouble you're here to stir up, but I give you fair warning, I won't allow it."
Kirk puffed himself up. "I'm sure I don't have any idea what you mean."
"It's not as if Dad knew you were coming," Robby told Dean, adopting his own lecturing tone. "Come to think of it, what are you doing here?"
"Yes," Kirk wanted to know, too. "Why are you here?"
Dean looked at Kelly. Her heart was too high in her throat for her to say anything, but she was asking the question hardest of all. What was he doing here? The marriage was over. He'd told her so. And she'd agreed. Kelly swallowed. This had to be about their divorce.
"There's something — I'd really like to talk to you," Dean said softly. "Couldn't we speak alone?"
Kelly tried to breathe. No. She didn't want to discuss a divorce. She didn't want that to be what he'd come all the way across the country to discuss. "No, I — No," she said.
Kirk snorted. "There. What does that tell you, son? She doesn't want to be alone with you."
Kelly lifted her chin. Kirk was right, but for the wrong reasons. "Whatever you have to say," she told Dean, "can be said right here and now."
Dean's accusing look nearly killed Kelly, but she wasn't going to budge. If he really wanted to end everything, permanently, she
didn't want to take it alone.
His jaw tightened. "You're making this extremely difficult."
"I — I'm sorry, but this is the way it has to be."
Dean's lashes lowered. "I see." Then he raised his eyes again. His lips firmed. "Fine. If this is the way you want it."
Kelly straightened. "It is."
"Go ahead," Kirk sighed. "Get it over with, already."
Dean shot his father a fulminating look, then turned back to Kelly. "All right. I'll say it. I want you to come home."
A moment of intense silence followed this pronouncement. Kelly felt her heart stop right in her chest. He wanted her to come home. It was the last thing she'd expected him to say.
Dean turned red but he barreled on. "I want you to come home with me. It — it makes sense. You know it does. We're married. We made vows. We — we get along. There is no reason — " Dean's eyes narrowed. "No reason we shouldn't be together."
Kelly still couldn't breathe. Not a divorce. He didn't want to talk about separation. He wanted her back! She felt a moment of supreme elation.
Then Kirk started to laugh. "You want her back?" Dean glared daggers at the man but Kirk went on. "Because you get along? Because it's reasonable?"
"Yes," Dean retorted, a hiss.
Kirk laughed again. "As a beg, son, that hardly cuts it."
Though her heart was still racing, Kelly felt brought up short. Kirk was right. Dean wanted her to come home...because it was reasonable? Where was love in this equation? Where was trust? Oh, he hadn't changed, not one little whit. And she hadn't changed, either. She'd been so impressed she'd nearly fallen right into his stubborn arms. Kelly narrowed her eyes. "You tell me," she asked Dean. "Is that it?"
Dean's blue eyes were nearly black as he stared at her. "You need something more?"
Kelly stared back at him. Inside she was shaking. She wanted to tell him, 'No, I don't need a thing more, only you.' She wanted to feel his arms, strong and sure, around her. But her brain was whirling. She had to withstand the temptation.
Didn't she?
She had to stand up for what she deserved, which was something other than what Dean offered her.
Wasn't it?
Suddenly the determination that had defined Dean's face stripped away. The expression left was raw anguish. "Forget it," he muttered. "I never should have — " He shook his head and turned away, making for the door.