*
Hal found himself smiling softly while walking alongside the wagon, Nichos cradled in one of his massive arms and Renora leaning heavily upon the other. A chill wind rustled his hair and got in beneath his tunic, causing him to shiver slightly. Nichos stirred uncomfortably, complaining in a sleepy voice. Renora chuckled softly and rubbed the arm she was holding. "You're going to make a great father someday, big guy."
Yeah, how do I answer that?
Well, he thought to himself. She could just be making a polite observation, I suppose. It would be nice if she was. Then he took another look at how Renora was leaning her head peacefully against his biceps with her eyes closed and a blissful smile on her face. But .. I don't think so.
Not that Hal had any direct objection to her attentions. It might have taken him a while to realize that she seemed to care about him, but after about the fourth or fifth time that she had tentatively kissed him it sort of crept into his thick skull.
So why does this bother me?
Hal knew what it was and always would. And she was riding a horse not twenty strides away from.
Finally Hal was able to admit to himself that his feelings for Tasha had gone beyond mere duty and infatuation. He wasn't willing to say that he was in love with her, but he was sure that he would like to be.
But it wasn't fair. Every time that Hal turned around, there was another, more suitable candidate for Tasha's affections for him to compete with. And in all cases, they had something more to offer than he could ever hope to. Lifelong devotion was one thing but it was nothing compared things like charm, tact or a future. Hal knew that aside from battle skills he had no discernible talent, and had not been blessed with a face or form worth looking at.
Hal saw himself the same way he knew that everyone else saw him in: as a big, hairy oaf.
Well, maybe not Renora, Hal amended. Though the Gods Above only know what she sees in me. Someone to look after?
Naah.
Getting back to Tasha, Hal felt that he had stabbed himself in the foot when it came to her. Once they had begun on their journey and had settled into travelling it had appeared that Tasha was beginning to warm to him. Maybe even take a liking to him.
Then Ceorn came along and consequently relegated him back to the bottom of the heap with his charm. But after Tasha saw beyond his initial stories and witty remarks, there just wasn't to him. Not that it made the kelt a bad person, but he no longer remained as an issue towards Tasha.
Then the deal with Captain Dirgen and his sea voyage comes along. And what do I do? He marches right up and tries to coax the man into letting them aboard. While it was true that it worked and they managed to get across the Inner Sea, he also managed to be severely beaten and nearly drowned right in front of her.
From that point forward, Hal had been very uncomfortable even speaking with her. He would still go about all of her duties as they came up and treated her the same way. But he was very wooden about it and for good reason. He was embarrassed to the point of humiliation and there was nothing that he could do to make it better. At least not that he could see. He had, single-handedly, proved to Tasha that he was every inch the oaf that he thought he was and knew of no way to fix it.
So he walled himself off as best he could. Trying to keep a distance.
Then Ambori came along. The ever witty, ever bubbly, ever impressive bard. Basically everything Hal wasn’t. Funny. Agile. Entertaining. Handsome. From the start he and Tasha had hit it off. Becoming close over the first couple of days. Hal had noticed a bit of tension between the two in recent times, but Hal was too skeptical to even think of being hopeful over that. After not taking proper care of himself and nearly getting the party killed with the second wave of Sunraiders, Hal was quite certain that he wasn't high on Tasha's good list at that point.
So after a great deal of deliberation and posturing, Hal had come to a decision that he was going to try to stick with.
If it happens, great. If it doesn't, well... I’ll live with it. Whatever doesn't kill you and all that, Hal thought.
Looking at Renora as she peacefully rested her head on his arm, trusting him so much that she even had her eyes closed, Hal smiled faintly. Besides, he reminded himself. It's not like you're settling for second place in a tourna .. tourno .. contest or anything.
Then he thought of how unfair it would be for him to even think of committing himself in any way to Renora when his feelings were still mixed and up in the air. Hal knew that Renora cared about him, knew it very well at that point. And while he wasn’t exactly an expert when it came to women – Don’t lie, this is the first woman you’ve ever been even kinda comfortable around! – Hal knew it would hurt her deeply if he seemed to be going over to her affections and then, at the drop of a hat he turned right around and ran to Tasha's side.
And I would.
Hal knew that if Tasha ever said it out loud – even a hint - that he would drop everything else as he ran directly to her side.
So Hal tried to remain distant and aloof from Renora. But he was failing and he knew it. Hal just couldn't think of a polite way to stop her from kissing him. Or a nice way of asking her to walk without using his arm for support.
Of course the fact that he was enjoying the attention that she lavished on him had nothing to do with the issue at all.
Hal raised his eyes to the slowly darkening sky and wished that he could talk to Aeros right then. He think that he knew what his mentor would have said though. That's a pretty sticky situation there Hal. I guess you'll just have to play it by ear.
Hal just wished that he'd been taught that game as a child.