Page 19
Author: Nyrae Dawn
I hear her voice through the phone when she says, “I know you only called because of her. Your father was the same way. She’s so spoiled. No one could ever tell her—”
Maddox turns off the phone. “I’m not doing that again. ”
My chin quivers as I shake my head, telling him I won’t ask him to.
“Don’t fucking listen to her, Laney. None of this was your fault. ” He ruffles my hair like I’m ten years old and then goes into the apartment. And I know that he thinks it’s his fault, but he’ll never tell me why.
Maddox has been gone to work less than an hour when the banging starts on my front door. It scares me at first, and I pick up my phone, ready to call someone if I have to, when Adrian’s voice breaks through the thin wall.
“Fuck,” he mumbles, and I give a small smile, wondering if he hit the door with his injured hand. My heart jumps, shocked that he’s there, but then it does a free fall because it’s probably not a good thing that he is.
I open the door, seeing a shadow of stubble on his face. The swelling has gone down in his eye, and it’s mostly only the purple ring.
“I need to get out of here. ” His voice is calm, but I sense the urgency beneath his words.
“What happened? Are you in some kind of trouble?”
He shakes his head. “I know it doesn’t make any sense, but I need to go. I need to fucking breathe and I’m suffocating here. My phone rings every ten minutes and people show up at my house and I called…”
He doesn’t finish.
“Called who?”
“You’ve been crying. ” He studies my face, slightly cocks his head like he does sometimes.
“I’m fine. It’s just stuff with my mom. Who did you call?”
Again he ignores my question. “I want to get lost. Have you ever wanted to get fucking lost? That’s all I want. I’ll be back. I just didn’t want you to think I bailed on you. Maybe your brother can—”
“They caught them. My boss got a phone call. One of them confessed, which is why they don’t need us to identify them. They were young kids, but even if they hadn’t been arrested, I wouldn’t need my brother to protect me. ”
“What happened with your mom?” His eyebrow rises and I know he’s doing what I did when I asked again who he called.
“She hates me for not letting her die. ” The way his lips curl down and his jaw tenses, I know he didn’t expect the answer. “Though I guess if I’m being honest, I’d admit that she had issues with me before that. ”
As I’m standing here talking to him, I realize I can breathe too. That after speaking to Mom and fighting with Maddox so much, I was feeling the exact way he does—like I’m suffocating.
“Let me come with you. ”
He takes a step backward and fear hits me. I’m scared he’s going to say no and I’ll be embarrassed I asked, and I realize how much I really do want to just… go. I’ve never been able to do something like this. Moving here is the closest I’ve come to something like that, but even that was with Maddox. It was, in my own strange way, for my family. Going with Adrian would be for me.
But he doesn’t tell me no and he doesn’t keep walking away. Instead he grabs my hand and pulls me to him. I recognize his scent now—all outdoors mixed with boy. His heat is familiar. The way he lines up against me is familiar and it shouldn’t be. Not on the level it is.
“You know if you go with me, there will be no escaping me anymore? That I’ll make you mine. ”
And I know he doesn’t mean his to keep, but it still pumps all sorts of happy electricity into me. The kind of static I think we both deserve.
“What if…” Say it, say it, say it. “What if I don’t want to escape?”
“You should,” he tells me. “But I’m bastard enough to want you to stay. ”
I expect him to kiss me, but he doesn’t. Instead he walks into my house and I follow him. “We’ll only be gone a day or two, so pack what you want. ”
Giddiness pumps through my veins. This is the one thing I have that’s something I want and not just for me, but for him. For us. Because I think he actually wants me to go. An adventure no matter how short-lived. “Where are we going?” I ask as I grab a bag out of my closet.
“We can just drive for all I care, I just need out. ”
It’s what he does. I’m not stupid enough not to see that. He ran from what happened, from his sister, and when he needs a break, he continues to run, even now. Does it make a difference that he’s bringing someone along this time? That he’s not going for good and he’s trusting another person with that part of him? I don’t know, but I really hope so.
“You know you don’t have to do this. ” He sits on my bed as I’m putting clothes into the backpack. “I’ll be okay. I’m always okay. Don’t go because you feel bad for me or because—”
“Maybe I’m going for me because I need to get away too. ”
He gives me a simple nod and I finish packing my clothes. I move to the bathroom next, gathering my toiletries.
“You need to tell your brother. ”
It doesn’t surprise me that Adrian says that. He has every right to hate Maddox since he’s sporting a black eye because of him, but there’s a heart in there. A big heart that cares about people.
“I’ll leave him a note. ”
He’s going to freak. I know it, but there’s also no way I would leave without telling him. He’d lose it.
After scrawling a quick letter to Maddox, I’m locking the door behind us. I’ve never in my life done something like this and I’m doing it with Adrian.
The man who doesn’t know his life is a mess because of my father.
Not now. Don’t do this now.
We decide to take my car because it’s in better shape than Adrian’s. I toss him the keys and tell him he can drive. He has to scoot the seat back so he fits well. I’m shaking as I try to buckle my seat belt, my hands jumping so bad I can’t get it in. Adrian touches me. Grabs the belt and clicks it into place.
“Thank you,” he says.
It doesn’t matter that he helped me, not the other way around. I know exactly what he means. “You don’t have to thank me. ”
“Such a friendly little ghost. ” And finally, finally he kisses me again. It’s a possessive kiss, so different from each of the ones he’s given me before. Those felt like they were to prove something, to accomplish something, but as his tongue slow dances with mine, I know this is much more.
Because I’m falling for him. There’s a lot I don’t know about him, but I don’t think that matters. What counts is how I feel and Adrian makes me feel things deep inside in places I didn’t know existed.
And I hope I’m able to reach those places in him too.
Hope that it’s enough to save us.
Chapter Fifteen
~Adrian~
It’s so fucking strange sitting in the car with her. Disappearing with someone else instead of just the secrets that chase me. When I was a kid, I was always by myself. I lived inside my head, inside my words and with books. The older I got, once Angel moved out, the more I realized I needed to hide, so I started hanging out with people, partying, meeting girls. Lots and lots of girls, but it was never something like this.
No one knew about the words that live in my head, begging to spill on paper. About The Count or the bruises or the cries from Mom that will never find their way out of the maze inside my mind. They didn’t know that there were times I needed to disappear… to run before the loneliness inside me threatened to fucking eat me alive. Even the people in my life now, Colt and Cheyenne, they only know the Adrian I want them to. It’s crazy how being alone with people can sometimes feel emptier than being alone on your own.
But now this girl is here. She’s beside me as my hands tighten on the steering wheel, because I don’t know what else to do with them. After I called my siste
r, didn’t speak, and then hung up when she said my name, Delaney’s seeing me run. That’s one of the many things that are mine. That I keep locked inside me because they’re weak and I don’t want anyone to see how fucking weak I really am.
I don’t want her or anyone else to see those parts of me… but I’m also glad she’s here. There are a million and one different reasons I don’t want to dissect that, but it’s hard to turn off my brain sometimes. “I’m not going to have to worry about your brother putting a fucking APB out on us or something, am I?” Talking is better than thinking. I have more control over what comes out of my mouth than what goes on inside my head.
The little ghost laughs. “Honestly? Maybe. No, he won’t go to the cops. Can’t since I’m eighteen, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he thinks he can hunt me down himself. ”
I think about Angel and what I would have done if she took off with some guy. I can’t blame him. “That’s cool…”
Another laugh. She’s nervous. Not scared, I don’t think, but unsure.
“If you say so. He has this hero complex. Maddy thinks he has to take responsibility for everything—or at least me. Ever since…”
Her words die off. Sadness bleeds into her features, her eyes looking down. I don’t like to see the look there. She’s too fucking beautiful to be so tortured.
“He lets you call him that? Maddy?”
My question seems to chase some of the sadness away. It feels good, being a bodyguard against her ghosts. I’m shocked when her hand smacks my arm.
“Don’t even!” she says. “There’s nothing wrong with calling him that, though I know he agrees with you on that one. Didn’t your sister—I mean, if you have one—didn’t she ever have a nickname for you?”
The question brings back the past I try too hard to forget.
“What were you thinking, Shakespeare?! You are supposed to get out of here. That’s why I took you in—so you could have a life!”
“I know. I fucked up. Don’t you think I know that?”
I don’t know why a memory of Angel being mad at me is what I pull out. Hell, it’s one of the only times I think Angel ever really got mad at me. My brain shuts down before I go any deeper into that train of thought.
“Nah,” I tell Laney. “I only have one sister and we weren’t really that close. ” The words sting my tongue, making me feel like shit because she’s the only person in my life besides Ash who ever loved me.
“Oh. ” She looks at me, the sadness creeping in again. “That’s too bad… I don’t know what I would do without Maddox. I bet your sister feels the same way about you. ”
The way she says it, the sureness in her voice makes me want to believe her, but I can’t. Not when I’ve done nothing but fuck things up and cause pain. “Maybe once, Little Ghost, but not anymore. ”
I flinch slightly when she reaches over and grabs the hand I let fall from the steering wheel. She holds it lightly at first, and then with strength. I’ve never held hands with a girl in my life. It’s not really my thing but I let her hold mine. Eventually, I even squeeze back.
* * *
We drive until around six, until my life feels far enough behind me to muffle the voices inside.
It’s already dark outside and the temperatures are dropping. “Wanna find a room?” I ask her. It’s not what I usually do. Usually I drive, sleep in my car or stay up all night, but I won’t do that with her. She deserves to be in a bed somewhere tonight.
“Sure. ”
I don’t even know the name of the town sitting off the freeway. It’s here when I need it, so I take the next exit. “What about food? You need to eat?” I probably should have thought of that earlier, but I’m not used to being with anyone else on these little trips.