“How’s this?”
“You always look nice, Fani.”
“Very diplomatic,” she said, and laughed. “What were you saying?”
“Edward didn’t believe they had found traces of drugs in my blood.”
“So?”
“He felt very sorry for me. He wants to help me with Señor Bovio.”
“He shouldn’t keep you thinking about all this. That doesn’t help right now. He just loves wallowing in misery. He’s become such a drag to be around. Actually, now that I think about it, I’m glad he’s not hanging with us on your first night here. You should have seen him when Jesse started with someone else. He was all doom and gloom. It was like being with an undertaker burying smiles and laughter daily, even after I arranged for you two to meet. Nothing helped.”
“I’m sure he was in emotional pain. They were very close, Fani.”
“Very close. I can tell you this,” she said, brushing out her hair. “I’ll never let anyone get me down like that. If I’m not good enough for him, he’s definitely not good enough for me.”
She turned to me and shook her head.
“He should be a good example for you, an example of how you can drag yourself down so far nothing can help. You’ve got to relax, Delia. I told you I’ll speak to my father for you. That will do tons more than anything Edward does. Ray will come to his senses after a while. He’s just going through his mourning period, and for now, the baby is a breath of fresh air. Let him have it for a while. You know the baby will get the best possible care. And anyway, you had better think hard about this. If you get the baby back, you’ll have to hire someone to help, won’t you? It’s the same thing. Most of the time, someone else will be with him. I mean, you still want to become a nurse or something, I imagine. You can’t bring your baby with you to class.”
“Sí, I do want to be a nurse, more than ever. I am very interested in medicine and helping people. While I was at Señor Bovio’s, I read as much as I could. I even read about this drug they accused me of taking. It can be very dangerous.”
“So’s too much milk,” Fani said, laughing.
“But I want my baby to be with me, too,” I said. “He belongs with me. He should be with his mother, not some stranger.”
“Oh, brother. Okay, okay. I promise. I won’t wait. In fact, first chance I get, I’ll speak to my father tomorrow. Does that make you happy?”
“Sí, it does. Gracias, Fani.”
“Good. Let’s not talk about any of that for a while. Let’s concentrate on having a good time.”
She started on her makeup.
“You should try this lip gloss. Here,” she offered. “Go on, take it, Delia. You’re not going to turn into a pumpkin or something. It’s not a sin to look attractive and sexy, either. In fact,” she said, “it’s a sin not to.”
“Where will these boys take us?” I asked, putting on the lipstick.
“Beverly Hills. There’s this very expensive restaurant I have wanted to go to. We’ll eat and then go dancing and have some fun.”
“Dancing, too? I hope I don’t fall asleep.”
“You won’t. I’ll give you something to help you stay awake if you need it,” she said.
“A drug?”
“A boost. Don’t be such a…such an Edward!” she cried.
I thought a moment. “When I told you what Señor Bovio said you had said, you told me you couldn’t be sure Edward hadn’t given me something.”
“That was then. This is now. Believe me. He’s a changed man, Delia. Fun to him now is reading the obituaries. In fact, now that I think about it, I’m not so sure you should jump into rooming with him. You could stay here with me as long as you want. You probably don’t even need your own apartment. There’s plenty of room here.”
“Gracias, but I don’t want to insult him.”
“Insult him? What about insulting me?” she muttered. “All right. Forget about it for now. Fun. That’s the only order we have.”
When she was satisfied with how she and I looked, we sat in the living room and waited for our dates. She saw that I was very nervous. I hadn’t gone on what could be called a date since the day Adan was killed.
I told her, and she said it was like falling off a bike.
“You get up as soon as possible and start riding again, or you won’t ever. You’re taking it all too seriously.”
She continued, “Now, let me give you some advice on how to behave with a college boy.”
“How to behave with a college boy?”
She laughed. “It sounds like a college subject, I know. Actually, I can teach a class in the subject.”
“Why does any girl have to learn such a thing?”
“Why? I’ll tell you why,” she said, looking angry. “Most of the guys around here and everywhere on all college campuses, for that matter, think that every girl is looking for an intense, marry-me relationship. I admit some girls are, but most just want to have a good time. So, my first advice to you is to be as nonchalant as possible. Don’t act as if the guy you meet is another Mr. Wonderful so fast. Make him work for your attention, and give him the strong impression that you are an independent person. Once he knows you can take him or leave him, he’ll relax, and you’ll have a better time. Get it?”
“I think so,” I said, and wondered if this was how it was for all young women in America. I certainly had none of these feelings when I was with Adan. She seemed to read my mind.
“That could have been your problem with Adan,” she said, pointing at me. “He was a very sensitive, compassionate guy. He probably felt sorry for you and gave you more attention than necessary.”
“I don’t think that is true, Fani.”
“Of course not. You’re like every other damsel in distress here. You want to be thought a goddess.”
“No, that’s not true, either. Besides, you once told me he was head over heels in love with me, didn’t you? You told me you even thought of him romantically but gave up when you saw how much he cared for me.”
“Whatever,” she said. “That game is over. You’re in a new game now.”
“This is not a game, Fani.”
“Sure it is. All of life is,” she said. She leaned toward me. “There are winners and losers, period. Be a winner, Delia. It’s easy to be a loser, and you’re well on your way. Take charge of yourself, and don’t depend on poor Edward to come to the rescue here. He has enough trouble figuring out how to rescue himself.”
Her words fell like stones on my budding flowers of hope.
“Edward said he would call here later.”
“Well, we can’t wait around for him, can we? He’ll leave a message. All right, Delia?” she insisted.
I nodded.
“And another thing,” she said. “You’ll find that these boys just love talking about themselves. From minute one, they’ll be out to impress you and try to make you feel lucky they’re spending any time with you. If you like him well enough and want to be with him, give him the impression that he’s right. If you don’t, act bored.”
“How do you know all this?”
“Natural instincts. I was born girl-smart. My father says I even teased the doctor and wouldn’t cry until he caressed my rear more softly.”
She expected me to laugh, but my mind had drifted back to Edward and his asking me what would I not do to get my baby back. I thought I would make a deal with the devil, but now I wondered why I had to make deals with anyone. Adan Jr. was my baby, my flesh and blood.
“Hello?” Fani sang at me. “I was trying to be funny, Delia. Oh, brother. Don’t sit there with such a dark, brooding look on your face. Brighten up!” she ordered. Just then, the phone rang. “They’re here. Good!” she cried, and went to the phone to speak to the doorman. Then she checked her hair and toyed with mine and rattled off her instructions again before we heard the buzzer.
She paused at the door, turned to me, and said, “One more very important thing, Delia. Obviously, these boys don?
??t know anything about you. No one you will meet knows anything about your giving birth recently, so don’t dare mention it. That’s a turnoff.”
Before I could say anything, she opened the door and screamed, “Larry, what took you so long?”
“Long?” a tall, lean, dark-brown-haired boy said. He wore a light-blue sweater and jeans and had a thick gold necklace drooping under his Adam’s apple. I was surprised Fani had called him, because he wasn’t very good-looking. His nose was thin and long, his mouth was weak, and he had a soft, round chin. He grimaced and looked at his watch. “I got us here as fast as I could.” He tapped the face of his watch and held it up. “We’re actually a little early, Fani.”
“Oh, are you? Well, I guess us girls are just a little overanxious,” she teased.
The boy beside Larry stepped forward. He was a good four or five inches shorter, broad in the shoulders, and better-looking, with blue eyes, light-brown hair and high cheekbones. He wore a dark-blue shirt open at the collar and jeans.
“Oh. This is Cliff Alexander,” Larry said. “He’s a freshman from North Carolina, so don’t expect to understand anything he says when he talks.”
Cliff elbowed Larry in the ribs rather sharply. Larry rubbed his side and groaned.
“Pleased to meet you,” Cliff said, jabbing his hand toward me like a sword.
Fani froze a smile and widened her eyes at me. I took his hand.
“I’m Delia Yebarra,” I said.
“Yeah, I heard,” Larry quickly chimed in. “From Mexico. Cómo Estefani?” he quipped.
“You’re such a genuine idiot, Larry,” she replied. “That’s why I like you.”
He laughed, and she and I stepped out of the apartment.
“Larry said Fani told him you just arrived here in Los Angeles and will be going to nursing school. Is that right?” Cliff asked me on the way to the elevator.
“Yes,” I said.
“My aunt’s a nurse in a VA hospital. She hates it,” he added. “She says it’s too depressing. Maybe that’s not the best career for you.”
We stepped into the elevator.
Fani looked at me with an expression that said, See? They think they know everything. They can even run your life after meeting you for a minute.
“Then why does your aunt still do it?” I asked him. I saw Fani liked that quick comeback.
He shrugged. “She’s unmarried, almost fifty. What else can she do?”
“She can work in a supermarket packing groceries,” Fani said, and Larry laughed.
The door opened. As we walked out of the lobby, Cliff reached for my hand.
“You’re too pretty to be a nurse,” he said.
Fani was listening and turned on him. “Maybe that will make her patients get better faster. Ever think of that, Clifford?”
“I’m just Cliff,” he said.
“No one is just anything,” Fani told him, and he actually blanched.
Would I ever be as confident of myself around people as Fani was? Maybe if I was, what had happened to me and my baby wouldn’t have happened. Maybe Edward was wrong. Maybe being around Fani was good for me. She reached out and pulled me forward.
“We’ll sit in the back,” she told the boys as we stepped up to Larry’s late-model black Mercedes sedan.
Nobody poor went to college around here, I thought, and then recalled Fani telling me that Larry’s father owned a chain of movie theaters.
Contrary to what Fani had said about college boys, Cliff at first was interested enough in me to ask many questions about Mexico instead of talking about himself. I could see from the way Fani was looking at me when I answered that she didn’t want me telling too much about my background. She made the point of telling him that I was living with my very rich aunt in Palm Springs, even though I wasn’t now, of course. She told him I had inherited a lot of money.
“So, don’t even begin to think of her as some poor immigrant,” she warned. “She can probably buy and sell all three of us.”
I was shocked at her exaggeration, but Cliff looked impressed. Once we arrived at the restaurant and were at our table, he began to talk about himself and his family. It seemed important to him to make sure I understood he was from a wealthy family, too. I could see Fani was growing bored with the conversation.
“Tell me, Clifford,” she asked. “Is your nurse aunt your father’s or mother’s sister?”
“Father’s,” he said.
“So, why doesn’t your moneybags father just give her money so she doesn’t have to continue nursing and be depressed?”
“Maybe she doesn’t really want to leave nursing,” I answered for him. I saw he was embarrassed by her question. “Everyone complains about the work he or she does.”
“That’s probably it,” Cliff said, and smiled at me. “You’re very smart, Delia.”
“For a Mexican immigrant,” Fani added, and he started to protest that he didn’t mean anything negative. She broke out in laughter, but I could see he was upset with how she was teasing him in front of me.
Fani winked. Later, in the bathroom, she told me I had him wrapped around my finger already.
“If you want him, he’s yours for the night,” she said. “He’s what is known as smitten. You can bring him back to my place. You have your own bedroom.”
“What? No, no,” I said. “I don’t want that.”
“Soon you will, Delia. Don’t make like the Virgin Mary. You might not find anyone better than this guy. He’s not as bad as most of them, and he’s rather good-looking. If you toss him back into the sea, I might just reel him in myself.”
“No, Fani. It’s too soon for me.”
“No, it’s not too soon for you; it’s too bad for you,” she said. “How are you doing? Can you stay awake, or do you want this?” She showed me a pill.
“I’m awake.”
“Okay. Let’s get you in the groove, then.”
We returned to the table. After we had dinner, Fani told Larry to take us dancing at a club she knew downtown. He knew it, too. It was a college hangout. Despite what I had told Fani in the bathroom, I was feeling very tired. I just didn’t want her to know it and push that pill at me. When we got to the club, I knew I wasn’t very good on the dance floor, but Cliff didn’t seem to mind. Actually, he was eyeing other girls and showing off.
Fani moved closer to me to shout over the music. “Pay more attention to him. You’re losing him.”
“I never had him,” I replied, and she laughed.
Suddenly, I stopped dancing. There, not more than ten feet away from me, was my cousin Sophia. Mi tía Isabela would be outraged if she saw how she was dressed, I thought. She had on a very low-cut, tight blouse, a bare midriff, and pants tighter than mine, cut so low they left little to the imagination.
“What’s wrong?” Cliff asked.
I shook my head and moved closer to Fani.
“Sophia is here,” I told her.
“She is? Where?”
I nodded in her direction.
“So she is. I’m not coming here anymore. They let anyone in,” she joked, but continued dancing with Larry. She was teasing and tormenting him by drawing very close to him and then pulling away. He was a bad dancer, gangly and awkward, but he was trying very hard to impress her, which only made her laugh more and tease him more.
“I want to sit for a while,” I told Cliff. He looked as if he might stay out there and dance by himself, but he reluctantly followed me to the table.
“What’s wrong?” he asked. “I thought we were having lots of fun out there.”
“It’s been a long day for me,” I said. “Traveling, moving to a new place…”
He nodded but didn’t look very sympathetic. His gaze went everywhere else, and occasionally he smiled at some girls who smiled back.
His behavior, the whole scene, brought back memories of Adan and how calm and mature he had been. I was lucky to have been with him. Fani was wrong to tell me he had been with me only because he had fe
lt sorry for me. He had wanted to be with me. We hadn’t had to prove anything to each other. We had already known who we were.
I was so lost in my memories that I didn’t realize Sophia and her friend Trudy had approached our table and were standing right beside me.
“Well, look who’s here,” Sophia said. “Surprise of all surprises.”
Cliff looked up at her. “Who’s here?” he asked.
“This is my cousin you’re with, Mommy Delia.”
“Huh?”
I looked up at her.
“How come you’re not home with your baby, Cousin Dearest?” she continued.
“What baby?” Cliff asked.
I looked for Fani. She was still very much in Larry’s spotlight and hadn’t even realized that Cliff and I had left the dance floor.
“I heard you were thrown out of college,” I snapped back at Sophia, hoping to get her off the topic quickly.
“It was boring. But let’s not talk about me. Is your baby with you?”
“I don’t get it,” Cliff said, leaning toward me. “What baby?”
“She’s got a baby. Didn’t she tell you? She was also in a nuthouse for a while.”
He shook his head. “Is that true? What does that mean, nuthouse? You have a baby?” Cliff asked. He grimaced as if it were something disgusting.
I felt myself falling into a panic. Fani was still distracted. Sophia’s friend Trudy was rattling off stories about me, weaving the story of Ignacio, Adan’s death, and my pregnancy together so fast it made Cliff’s mind spin. He was sitting back with his mouth open. Sophia was smiling gleefully.
And then suddenly, she broke into hysterical laughter and pointed at me.
“Baby hungry!” she screamed.
I looked down at the tight, strapless gray tube top I was wearing. In my haste to find something to wear, I had forgotten to put some pads in my bra. My nipples were leaking, and it was showing through. Cliff’s eyes widened in amused surprise. The scene Sophia was making stopped some dancers near us, who turned to look. It finally attracted Fani, who stopped dancing, too.
Embarrassed, I shot away from the table and rushed toward the ladies’ room, Sophia and Trudy’s loud laughter trailing behind me. Inside, I got into a stall and stuffed tissue into my bra. I was sobbing so hard that I didn’t hear Fani knocking on the stall door.