Chapter XV: A Good Start
A strange thing happened to Pheia that night. And it didn’t even have anything to do with winding up in a place where the spirits of the dead gathered, which was in itself unusual. It was the dream.
She had seen an unknown town burning under a deep red flame, a pale Furosan enveloped in the fires of rage, and she had felt a soul moving to the Bridge. The feeling was indescribable, almost as if she had seen the person’s very life fading away, like every emotion, every little experience, was being drawn out into a singular point and down a drain. It was a feeling so overwhelmingly sad yet surreal that all of Pheia’s own emotions felt as if they were mixing with the soul’s. She had felt it once before so knew exactly what it was: the spiral of Death.
She awoke with a start, sweating profusely from what felt like every pore. The specifics of the dream had faded already, yet the vestiges of emotion still clung to her, chilling her along with the sweat that soaked her body.
Sweat? Body?
“I’m alive,” she said as she ran her hands over herself, making sure this wasn’t yet another dream. What was it the light, the Fieretsi, had said? Something about walking the Dream again? But feeling her body, cold with the night breeze, and the hard ground beneath her, she had no doubt this was waking life.
“I’m alive!” she shouted to no one in particular. She reached towards her shoulder with a trembling hand, fearful of what she might find there. To her relief the wound was gone, replaced by a small mound of scar tissue.
She raised her head to see distant lights burning in the soft morning fog. The same lights of the town she had died in sight of. Chalja. She shuddered and suddenly realized she was both cold and hungry. “A town means food,” she mused to herself, “though I doubt they will readily give me some.” She pondered for a moment, gently nudged towards the outcome of stealing some food by her growling stomach.
“No,” she said and glanced downwards. “Stealing, even from humans, is wrong.”
She sat silent for a moment as if listening for a reply.
“All right, I concede defeat. Stealing is wrong. Acquiring, however, is fine,” she admitted to the imaginary voices of her stomach and head. “Whoever knew dying could make one so hungry?”
As the sun rose over Valraines, Ifaut, still holding Sansonis, glanced about for any sign of Stefi and Cédes’s return. The night had passed deep in worry, but now, seeing the refreshing light of the sun and with the rain gone, the events of the previous night all seemed like a bad dream. However, Sansonis was still out cold. Cédes, Stefi, and the ferrets were missing, not found by Rhaka. And the smoldering skeletons of several buildings sent lazy plumes of smoke into the morning air. Even the rain hadn’t been enough to wash away the horrible feeling of depression plaguing her. And she loved rain.
As her eyes swept the path leading from the forest to Valraines, she heard steps approaching from behind. She knew who it was without looking. “Hey, Stefi,” she said weakly, not bothering to turn around.
“Hey,” Stefi said and looked with pity upon the wet Furosan. Ifaut’s clothes had been soaked through to the skin and her glistening hair lay dark and matted against her back.
“Where’s Lady Cédes?”
“I really don’t know,” Stefi said. “I haven’t seen her since we got separated. But remember, if she doesn’t want to be seen, she won’t be.”
“I know. Just seeing all that fire…”
“Look,” Stefi said, trying to cheer Ifaut as much as herself, “if anyone can survive that, it’s Cédes. What about you and Sansonis? You look like a drowned rat… er… ferret.”
Ifaut cracked a smile. The droplets of water clinging to her face sparkled like morning dew. “We’re okay, I guess. Sansonis still won’t wake up, but he’s alive at least.”
“Have you tried kissing him?” Stefi asked, smiling, briefly forgetting to worry about Cédes.
Ifaut glanced away. “Why would I want to try that, now of all times?” she asked nervously and squeezed his hand. “Well, perhaps I would if he were awake…”
“In our kids’ stories, the sleeping woman is always woken up by a kiss from a handsome prince.”
“Could it work? And where can we find a handsome prince?” The last words prompted sudden memories of her arranged marriage to Richo. She shook her head to get rid of them. She’d only seen a picture of him, and indeed he was rather handsome, but this wasn’t the best time to be thinking of him.
“Use your imagination. All we need to do is reverse roles. Maybe the sleeping man is woken by a kiss from a beautiful princess.”
The traces of a smile illuminated her face even more than the morning sun. “Am I beautiful?” she asked shyly.
“Right now, no,” Stefi said and laughed. “You’re cute. That’ll have to do.”
“Okay, if you’re sure…” Ifaut said. She bent forward to where Sansonis’s head rested on her lap. She hesitated for a second, feeling Stefi curiously watching her every move. Then she kissed him on the lips with an audible smack.
“Did it work?” she asked as she pulled away.
“Hmm,” Stefi said, “maybe it turns a frog into a prince? Or the other way round. I can’t remember…”
“No frogs!” Ifaut yelped and returned her gaze to Sansonis.
Suddenly the Kalkic’s eyes fluttered as if someone was shining a bright light on them.
“It’s working!” Ifaut said and let loose a series of rapid dooks.
“What, he’s becoming a frog?” Stefi teased.
Sansonis’s eyes shot open. “Who… who’s what now?” he said lazily like someone just waking from a long nap.
“You’re awake,” Stefi said, more restrained than Ifaut. Indeed, the Furosan began singing an upbeat song in her own language. Rhaka, however, simply watched.
“Who said that? Stefi?” Sansonis asked and, sitting upright, squinted.
“Of course it’s me. Can’t you tell?”
He shook his head and winced at the pain. “My vision’s all blurred in my left eye. And I feel like I’ve been hit pretty hard. I didn’t annoy Ifaut, did I?”
“You can thank Ifaut that you’re still in one piece, not for the pain.”
At the mention of her name, Ifaut stopped singing mid-verse and stood up. “Yup,” she said. “I carried you out of there, and I woke you up. I guess I only owe you one now, eh? Though waking you up was not without its… own reward.” She shuffled her feet.
“What’s she talking about?” Sansonis turned towards Stefi as his vision at last cleared.
“She gave you the kiss of life!” Stefi said and winked.
Sansonis tested his lips with his tongue. “I thought I tasted something funny,” he said and pulled a mock face like he’d just tasted something nasty. “And what happens once you’re even?” he added to Ifaut.
“Under the laws of the First, once my debt is repaid, I’m free to go!”
Sansonis turned away, but not before Stefi noticed a poorly concealed look of worry written across his face. “So,” he continued, eager to change the subject, “where’s Cédes?”
In reply Stefi pointed towards Valraines.
For the first time Sansonis saw the remains of the buildings destroyed by Raphanos. “Cédes did that?” He could hardly believe someone so gentle could have wrought such destruction.
“She had to, so we could escape,” Stefi said, still looking towards the town. By now a crowd had begun milling about the scene of destruction, sifting through the debris and wondering just what had gone on during the night. But one thing was clear: a Furosan was responsible.
“I had no choice,” a quiet voice said from behind them. They all turned just in time to see Cédes shimmer back into existence. Her once-white robes were now streaked with mud and blood.
“Cédes, what on Feregana happened to you?” Stefi gasped and took the Furosan in her arms. To her surprise she didn’t sob, didn’t shake, didn’t show any outward signs of grief. She merely rested her
head gently on Stefi’s chest as easily as if going to sleep. But her eyes remained open, staring blindly over the town where so much had gone wrong.
“Cédes?” Stefi repeated.
“I took her life,” Cédes said, no trace of emotion in her voice. It fell flat and lifeless in the still air, heavy and yet carrying no weight.
Stefi said nothing, struck by what Cédes had said like a slap to the face. She didn’t have to. The pale Furosan continued.
“A young girl, she was caught in the fires of my rage, my emotions that I failed to keep in check. So sweet, so innocent, and I took everything away from her.”
“You mean,” Stefi said, raising Cédes’s head and looking deep into her eyes, nearly losing herself to the red depths that had seen so much far from now, “someone innocent died so we could escape?”
“Yes. I did not intend for that to happen. And yet it was the only way I could save you, dear heart.”
Stefi swallowed hard and stroked the Furosan’s usually soft, pure white hair. It was now damp and dirtied. She turned to face the others. “Can we have a moment alone?” She handed the ferrets to Ifaut and they walked out of earshot.
Stefi continued and held Cédes tight. “Thank you for saving me. I’m just sorry the price you had to pay was so high.” She continued stroking Cédes’s hair as if comforting a ferret.
“Yes, it was. It is for this reason that I am unable to continue to accompany you. I must return home and seek forgiveness in order to relieve the burden that now plagues my soul. I am sorry.”
Stefi felt tears burning in her eyes, not for herself but for Cédes. She had no idea what thoughts were tormenting the Furosan’s mind, what weight was slowly crushing her spirit. What she did know was that this was no time for Cédes to leave. Cédes needed her human friend now more than anyone, but more than anything Stefi knew she needed Cédes.
“I can’t let you leave,” Stefi said, checking her tears. “You stay with me. That’s an order.”
A shudder coursed through Cédes, although the Furosan was yet to cry. There were no more tears left to shed. Many had already been wept for the innocent life. They were not enough to cleanse her of her guilt. No amount would be enough.
“Do I not offend you, having taken another human’s life?”
“Of course not. It was an accident, you didn’t intend for it to happen, and I can tell you’re sorry. Do I look like I hate Ifaut for doing the same thing?”
“No, for she did not really kill that man. I overheard the soldiers looking for me speaking of his injuries. He will live.”
“She’ll be relieved to hear that! But what about you? How can I help you find peace with yourself and still be with us?”
“If you order I must accompany you regardless. As for forgiveness, only Feregana can grant me that. I shall have to pray long and hard, focus for many days for any sign.”
Stefi pondered for a moment and suddenly realized something, a way to keep Cédes with her and help her find the forgiveness she so sorely sought. “I can hear the voice of Feregana, right?”
“Yes.”
“What better way to hear her answer than through me? Who knows, if you train me enough or we go to Arolha Se-Baht, then maybe I can ask directly. For you.”
Cédes smiled; just a hint, yet still recognizable as a glimmer of happiness. The clouds of her guilt were finally beginning to part, letting through a few slender rays of warmth.
“I would like that very much.”
Once they had regrouped, talk inevitably turned to what to do next.
“Returning to Valraines and attempting to meet with the person from Cédes’s vision is quite out of the question,” Rhaka said.
Cédes’s ears twitched at the mention of her name and vision. It was her idea to enter Valraines, and, in her mind, her fault that events had unfolded as they did. “I sense I am being stared at hostilely,” she said.
“No, you are not, Furosan,” Rhaka grunted. “I am concerned for us all. What ought we do next?”
A silence descended upon them while they thought.
East! Maya said suddenly from Stefi’s lap, where he and Gemmie were now sitting. Why not go to that place where me and Gemmie are called? Arolha Se-Boat?
“Arolha Se-Baht,” Stefi said.
“Exactly what I was thinking,” Cédes said, unaware that Stefi was talking to Maya. “I wish to put as much distance as possible between myself and what I have done. There also you may speak directly to Feregana and seek forgiveness on my behalf.”
“And you others?”
Sansonis nodded. “We’re all part of this, whether we like it or not. Personally, I sort of like it, despite what’s happened.”
“And I follow Sansonis,” Ifaut chipped in as she basked in the sun, clad only in her underwear, as her clothes dried. It was a sight that made Sansonis uncomfortable. “I still owe him one more until my debt is repaid.”
Rhaka also nodded. “We cannot let this unfortunate turn get us down. In which direction are we to go?”
“Wherever out compasses point,” Stefi said. She placed Gemmie and Maya on the ground. “You two, can you show us the way?”
Yes, Gemmie said. She and Maya began wandering in circles, inscribing an irregular, intertwining pattern on the ground. After a moment they stopped, each pointing eastwards along the coast and out to sea.
Ifaut shuddered and, clambering from the ground, clutched Sansonis’s arm. “The sea? I’m… not too good at swimming,” she said, her voice cracking. “I can sink well, but I can’t swim…”
Stefi smiled at Ifaut’s assumption. “We don’t have to swim,” she said and looked back towards Valraines. Bobbing in the harbor’s gentle waves was a small sailboat securely tied to an isolated wharf. Her eyes twinkled mischievously.
“We’ve got some acquiring to do!”
Compared to the previous day, the current one passed slowly and peacefully as the Fieretka waited for the sun to go down and the daytime crowds to disperse. Until then, there was nothing to do but wait. And dry out.
Ifaut, Cédes, and Rhaka, all utterly exhausted from their late night, soon caught up on their sleep in the sun. Stefi, it turned out, had fallen asleep while hiding in an old shed that night.
Sansonis just sat cross-legged, stealing an occasional glance at Ifaut’s sleeping form as she slept beneath a nearby tree, while Stefi mentally ran through the plan for tonight. Everything was still.
Finally, Stefi could take the silence, and Sansonis’s frequent glances, no longer. “Something’s eating at you, isn’t it?” she asked casually as she twisted a leaf in her fingers.
Sansonis looked up. “Am I really that transparent?”
“Sort of.” She giggled. “I guess I can pick up on these things. Unlike you.”
He forced a laugh, more of a sigh than a display of mirth.
“C’mon, you can tell me,” she said. “It’s to do with Ifaut, isn’t it?”
He nodded. “I really am that transparent.”
“So,” she pressed, “tell me what’s on your mind.” She lay down and, flicking her hair away from her face, propped her head up on her hands. She wanted to be comfortable for this. Maybe now he’d be able to say how he really felt. Just like Ifaut had several days before.
“All right. It might not be anything, but earlier she said that once she repays her debt she’s free to go.”
“And you’re worried she might?”
“Yes.” He shrugged.
Upon hearing his answer Stefi burst into a fit of laughter so hard that tears ran down her face. They were tears very different to those shed earlier. “Do you honestly think that crazy girl could tear herself away from you even if she tried?”
“But she said-”
“I don’t care,” Stefi said. “She said she’s free to go, but does that mean she will?”
“I guess not,” he admitted. “It’s just that… I’ve grown… fond of her.” He cast another glance at the dozing Furosan.
“You
’ve ‘grown fond’ of her? You really are your father’s son.” She giggled then hastily added, “Not by blood, of course.”
“How should I word it?”
“Really like? Have a crush? Love?”
Sansonis thought for a minute. “I like the sound of the last one,” he said. “That would be nice. But what does love mean, exactly?”
“What? You don’t know?” she asked, aghast. “You may have been raised by Otsukuné, but even you should know what love is, dense as you are. It’s the same no matter who you are, even though it comes in different degrees. How can I put this? Rhaka loves you as a son, Ifaut as a kamae, maybe more, and myself as a friend.”
Sansonis turned away. Stefi could see he was beginning to smile.
“Thanks for putting me at ease,” he said, his voice saying he was quite the opposite. “What about you, though? I feel like I hardly know you, all things considered. You know a lot about love, so surely you’ve got someone you care for back home.”
“Not really.” Stefi laughed. “There was this one guy but he didn’t last more than a week. He called Gemmie and Maya furry potatoes, and that was it. Gone!” She snapped her fingers. “Poof!”
“They look more like furry kumara,” Sansonis said. He barely dodged a pine cone Stefi threw at his head. She glared darkly.
“So,” Sansonis said, deciding it was better to change the subject than risk more of Stefi’s wrath, “do you think we can really steal that boat? I had a brief stint on a fishing boat in Lake Farān a few years back, so I’m pretty sure I can sail the thing, but the real test is getting it in the first place.”
“If there was another way I’d take it. Still, I really want to see the sea, to travel to other places. And I’ve got to get Cédes away from here.”
They sat in silence for a moment until Sansonis spoke again. “We all need each other, don’t we?”
“Yeah,” Stefi said. “You know, maybe we can all show the world how to get along. We’re like a little version of Feregana here with all the different races, and we get along fine. Mostly.”
“And you’re the one who can make it all happen.”
She felt her face burning. “I have a lot to do,” she said, “but us lot, we’re a pretty good start. Maybe there’s hope for us yet.”