‘I’ve just been on the phone to the Chief Constable of Wiltshire Police. They’ve been holding Ceres and Russell Tebb in their cells overnight!’
Sir Neville and Mrs. Collier were both dumbstruck.
‘Yes, quite!’ continued the PM. ‘They were arrested for drunk and disorderly behaviour at one of the Alton villages and were subsequently detained at Trowbridge because both were, quote: “paralytic and aggressive”. They have both since been released.’
The PM glared at his security staff: ‘Well!?’
An awkward silence descended over the room.
‘This information should have reached you! Their arrest was logged and even appears online, so how come it never came to your attention?’
Eventually Sir Neville spoke: ‘I’m at a… how did this come to your attention, sir?’
‘I Googled their names,’ the PM lied.
‘I see, well that was an innovative–’
‘How is using a search engine “innovative”. You’ve been trying to track down these individuals using all your fancy Spooks bollocks and all that was required was a simple online search! This simply isn’t good enough!!’
Sir Neville and Mrs. Collier both looked terrified.
‘Of course we follow online traffic, sir!’ Sir Neville finally managed. ‘There should have been a flag on their names. I’ll investigate immediately, Prime Minister, to ascertain what’s gone wrong.’
‘Don’t bother,’ said the PM, in a slightly less furious manner.
‘It could be that the Gang of Four deliberately prevented MI6 from discovering this fact somehow,’ suggested Mrs. Collier.
‘I agree, Mrs. Collier. Which is why we need a new approach, otherwise we could be chasing our tails for ever on this one,’ declared the PM. ‘I want to go to Wiltshire, personally; I want you two to accompany me, and I want Marcus McManus along for the ride as well. I will also require authority for a drone strike, should one be needed.
At that moment the PM’s intercom buzzed.
‘What is it!?’ he shouted at the machine.
‘It’s the Chancellor of the Exchequer, sir. He’s insisting on seeing you on a matter of great urgency.’
‘Tell him to fuck off… and use those words.’
The PM turned to his security staff: ‘Any questions?’
***