, JULIET
A One Act Play
By Robert Challis
If you are considering performing this play, for terms and conditions contact the author on
[email protected] O JULIET, JULIET
A One-Act Play
One Evening
CHARACTERS:
BEN
A youth of around 16, basically a nice lad. His acting of Shakespeare needs to be good.
JILL
A girl around 16. A rather coarse person, dressed accordingly. Her Shakespeare is unfortunately also acted in her coarse character.
JASMINE
Also a girl of around 16. Refined and bitchy. Her Shakespeare is over-acted. More trendy dresser.
FERGUS McALISTER
Director of the play. He is a man in mid-thirties, with a very nervous, highly-strung personality.
JULIE
Apparently, a very nice girl of around 16. Wears a nice dress, and acts her Shakespeare parts very well.
BIKIE
Youth around 18. Very rough-looking bikie.
The Stage is bare.
Props required: One hip flask, three copies of "Romeo and Juliet", a chair.
(Curtain rises on empty stage. Lights are fairly low, and rise very gradually during Ben's opening speech. Ben enters left, looks around him, then goes to front of stage, taking up a theatrical pose to imagined audience. Alternatively, as occurred in original performance, Ben enters through audience, mounts stage, opens curtain, switches on lights, then takes up position centre stage.)
BEN: But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?
It is the East, and Juliet is the sun!
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,
Who is already sick and pale with grief
That thou her maid, art far more fair than she:
(Enter Jill, left. She stays at the back and watches ironically.)
Be not her maid, since she is envious.
Her vestal livery is but sick and green,
And none but fools do wear it; cast it off.
It is my lady. 0, it is my love!
0 that she knew she were!
JILL: (Interrupting) Ben, does this mean you've dumped me?
BEN: (Jumping, but quickly recovering poise) Jill! As I was saying those words, I was thinking of you.
JILL: Don't get corny with me. You know I can't handle it.
BEN: All right then. Give us a kiss.
(He goes over to kiss her. Before he is able to, she grabs his ear and twists hard.)
Ow. You didn't need to do that.
JILL: Didn't I? You need putting in your place from time to time.
BEN: Listen Jill, what about a trip into the big city with me, say this Saturday night. We could go to Macdonald's, and then on to a disco.
JILL: Maybe. It depends if anything better turns up.
BEN: Thanks a lot.
JILL: I believe it's important to be honest in our relationship.
BEN: You could just give me a hint, you know. It's much better for the ego.
JILL: (Suddenly changing the subject) What are you doing here anyway? The Romeo auditions are tomorrow.
BEN: Uncle Fergus asked me to come and read for the Juliets tonight.
JILL: He's precast you as Romeo then. I knew blood would be thicker than talent.
BEN: (Looking sharply at her) No such luck. You don't know my Uncle. I'll have to be twice as good as the others to get the part.
JILL: Then you've got no hope.
BEN: Well I don't know. (Pause for thought) Now that's where you come in.
JILL: Eh?
BEN: If you get the role of Juliet...
JILL: Which I will.
BEN: Then refuse to act against any Romeo but me...
JILL: (Suspiciously) Why should I do that?
BEN: Because you're so fond of me.
JILL: Oh yeah?
BEN: And because I could make the other Juliets look bad during auditions.
JILL: (Slyly interested) And how could you do that?
BEN: Lots of ways - keeping them waiting for a line - throwing their concentration by an odd smart remark - winking at them at a crucial point - do you want me to go on?
JILL: Interesting...
BEN: And I can tell you how to handle my Uncle.
JILL: And how's that?
BEN: A couple of things about him. He's a great director - at least I've heard some people say that. But he's a bit ...er... highly strung. He's likely to fly off the handle at the slightest provocation.
JILL: So?
BEN: So don't upset him whatever you do. Just agree with him, and smile a lot. And another little warning - don't mention his hip flask.
JILL: (Shocked) His what?
BEN: Oh it's nothing like that. You see, he's got this ulcer, and whenever he feels stress - which is most of the time - he has a quick shot from his hip flask.
JILL: But that's got to be the worst thing for an ulcer.
BEN: No, but you see, it contains milk.
JILL: Milk!
BEN: That's what I said, milk. It's the only thing that settles his stomach. But he's very sensitive about it. So no baby jokes.
JILL: Well, I'm hardly likely to.
BEN: I know. You're famous for your tact. In the last play he directed, the leading man made a joke about it being laced with something.
JILL: And?
BEN: He called him every name under the sun, and dropped him one week before opening night.
JILL: You're joking!
BEN: So just do what he asks. And don't ruffle him. (Pause) So it's a deal then?
JILL: What?
BEN: (Exasperated) If you get the part, you insist on me as Romeo.
JILL: We'll see.
BEN: You mean, I do my part of the bargain, then when you get the role, you dump me.
JILL: We'll see.
(Enter Jasmine left.)
JASMINE: Oh pooh, he's not here yet.
JILL: Jasmine! Surely you're not trying for a part.
JASMINE: Oh, I thought I'd give it a go. It's nice to see you here. I'm sure there'll be something useful you'll be able to do backstage. General dogsbody sort of thing.
JILL: As a matter of fact...
JASMINE: (With mock horror) You don't mean you intend to audition?
JILL: And why not?
JASMINE: Shakespeare's a bit beyond you, don't you think?
JILL: I don't find Shakespeare difficult. Apparently you do.
JASMINE: Not at all. And Juliet! Really, Jill, that's just not you. If you insist on murdering Shakespeare, Lady Macbeth would be more in your line. Or perhaps one of the witches.
JILL: (Looking at Ben) What are you grinning at?
BEN: Oh, nothing. (Hastily) I'd just thought of a joke.
JASMINE: Perhaps you'd like to share it with us. Jill looks as if she could do with a laugh.
JILL: No worries there. I'll get a real belly laugh when you start to read your lines.
JASMINE: Oh, I won't need to read my lines. Do you mean you haven't bothered to learn yours?
JILL: I've had enough of this. I'm not staying to be insulted.
JASMINE: That's right, dear. Why not go home and be insulted there.
JILL: (Exiting left) Want a cup of coffee from the kitchen, Ben? (In a mock posh accent) I suppose herbal tea is more in your line, Jasmine. I'm afraid we don't have any out there.
JASMINE: Coffee will be fine. I like it hot, sweet and black.
JILL: Oh I remember. Just how you like your men.
(Exits)
JASMINE: Sour puss.
BEN: You're not wrong. But I'll tell you, she can act.
JASMINE: (Worried) Well, so can I.
BEN: You know the director is
my Uncle.
JASMINE: I had heard that rumour.
BEN: Always tossing me five bucks. You could say I'm the apple of his eye.
JASMINE: Really?
BEN: He asked me here to read Romeo for the Juliets. Of course, pre-casting before the auditions is not strictly ethical, but...
JASMINE: But what?
BEN: Well, it's a foregone conclusion. He'll go through the motions, but he's as much as told me, I've got the part.
JASMINE: And Juliet? She hasn't been pre-cast has she?
BEN: No, that's an open competition. But I know he'll want a Juliet that works well with his Romeo.
JASMINE: No doubt.
BEN: Rapport, you know. I expect he'll ask me who I feel most comfortable with.
JASMINE: And what'll you tell him?
BEN: The truth, of course. The leading man and leading lady - important they get on well on a personal and social basis, wouldn't you think?
JASMINE: It goes without saying.
BEN: By the way, the new version of Romeo and Juliet is showing at the cinemas in town at the moment.
JASMINE: The one starring Kylie Minogue and Jason Donovan?
BEN: Yes, have you seen it?
JASMINE: No, but according to the reviews, it's something else.
BEN: Are you doing anything, say, this Saturday night?
JASMINE: Well, I don't know. If I don't get the part, I won't be feeling much like going out.
BEN: I'm sure you'll get the part. So what about it?
JASMINE: We'll wait and see.
BEN: (Thoughtfully) Yes ... Oh, and a word of advice.
You haven't met my Uncle, have you? He's a brilliant director - but extremely intense you know.
JASMINE: Oh, most great men are.
BEN: But it's more than that. He has a stomach ulcer.
JASMINE: Oh?
BEN: And he carries milk around with him to soothe it whenever it plays up.
JASMINE: (Laughing) Milk! Like a baby?
BEN: (Agitated) Sshhh. That's