"Please, Ray! I'll never ask for another thing--ever. I'll check every purchase with you for the rest of our lives, and I'll go without whatever we need until we're on our feet. Please, sweetie?"
"And you just happened to bring your checkbook." "I always do, Ray."
"You're sure this is what you really want... ?" She leaped off the bench, bouncing and squealing. He so wished she had said, "I don't want to badger you into it. I want this only when you're ready and excited about it." But that wasn't on her mind in the least, as far as he could tell. She had badgered him into
Tim LaHaye Jerry B. Jenkins
it, and she didn't care what he thought about it now.
It was a done deal. She grabbed his hand and yanked off the bench, running back-to the store with him
tOW,
Ray knew he looked sheepish when they burst in, but had apparently seen all this before--was polishing Kitty's ring. "I had a feeling," he said. you want it boxed and bagged, or--?"
"I'll be wearing it," Kitty said. And she reached for it.
Not only did she not ask Ray to put it on her, she had not required him to kneel or even propose, let alone ask of her dads permission for her hand.
Ray felt on the brink of an abyss, and he came very
Close to simply ending the whole deal, not just the ring but also the entire relationship. Despite her this was what his life was going to be if he with this woman. "I Changed my mind," he imagined himself saying. "I don't want to do this. Not
Not ever. It's over."
Kitty stood there admiring her ring, turning it the spotlight so the diamond flashed and radiated. ',Did you want to handle the down payment with a credit card sir, so we wouldn't have to tack on a surcharge,
Ray pulled out his credit card and looked to Kitty, her to explain that she would be writing a check for the down payment. But she said nothing. he was not about to ask her. "Put it all on here," he said.
"You realize we add a--"
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"Yes, it's all right," Ray said. "No problem." The biggest lie he had ever told.
Ray didn't say a word all the way back to Kitty's sorority house. He didn't have to. She was in a zone, unable to stand still, unable to keep her hands off him. She stopped him at every corner and planted a wet one on him, continually reminding him that she was prepared to make good on her promise to reward him--that very night. All Ray could think of was that he had taken pride in never before having paid for sex. So what, now he was engaged to a high-priced... There was nothing he wanted less than to sleep with her tonight.
At the corner with her house in view, he stopped. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"Are you sure? But"
"I'm sure, Kitty. You enjoy your sisters' reactions and say nice things about me." It may be the last time.
"Oh, I will!" she said. "Bet on that! You're going to be the hit of the place. And I'll show it to everybody tomorrow too."
What's the matter with me Ray thought. I'm such a coward.
He walked back to his dorm, and all he wanted was to talk with Irene. He -called her room and was surprised she was already home. "Didn't go well?" he said.
"Actually no, it didn't," she said. "Olsson behaved himself, I hope." "Oh, yeah. Perfect gentleman."
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Ray laughed. "That's why it didn't go well? You were hoping to be ravished?"
"Hardly. I'll tell you about it sometime."
"How about tonight?"
"I'm game if you are, are. Sure you're up to it?" "I've got a story for you too." "You do?"
"Yup. I'm engaged."
"You're kidding."
"Ring and all. But I might not be by tomorrow." "This I've got to hear."
"Listen, Irene, tell me you'll never go out with the again and I'll break up with Kitty for you.
l?"
There was silence just long enough for Ray to worry
That he had insulted her. "Yeah," she said finally, chuckling.
That's all I need. You on the rebound. Tell you what; come to your senses and dump Rich Girl, prove you
Mean it by staying single a couple of months, and I'll
Consider your application."
"Promise?"
"But first I've got a story for you, and it sounds like you have one for me."
"Meet you at ROTC headquarters?"
"Twenty minutes," she said.
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TWENTY-THREE
LATE, a few other ROTCs hung around the lounge, watching TV, playing games, and talking.
had changed into a sweater and jeans. She
Ray. "Are congratulations in order?" she said. "Hardly. I'll tell you about it, but you first."
They sat in easy chairs in a corner and drank coffee.
Wasn't at all what I expected," she said. it was like church."
"What? Start at the beginning."
"Well, we left from here, but we started in his office.
Olsson--he kept telling me to call him but I just couldn't started with ground rules. kind of grossed me out, really. First he said I shouldn't
be alarmed because even though this was a real date, he wasn't looking for a wife."
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i "He said that?"
She nodded. "I told him that was good because I frankly saw him more as a father figure. Rafe, he looked crestfallen."
"So he really was looking for a wife?"
"Oh, I don't think so. I think he was hurt that I raised the issue of his age, indirectly. I mean, I see him more as a father figure because he's old enough to be my dad." "Ouch."
"Yeah, I felt bad. But anyway, he did everything short of having me sign a paper, stipulating that our evening was going to be totally civilian in nature and that nothing he did or said should be construed as ROTC or military related."
"That had to scare you. What did he have in mind?" "It did scare me. And I said so. I said, 'Why should I be worried about that?' And he'said, 'You don't need to be worried. I do. I just wouldn't want you saying that I used my position to give more weight to my words.'
I told him I would be more concerned about his actions than his words. He said, 'I told you. This is not about even a potential relationship. The fact is, I don't believe I'm free to marry again as long as my former wives are still alive.'"
"That would have sent me running," Ray said.
"It almost did. I told him, 'Commander, maybe this isn't such a good idea. You're creeping me out.' Well, he apologized all over the place, laughed, said he hadn't thought how that was going to sound, and assured me he had no inappropriate plans for me or for his former wives."
"So you went to dinner and a movie?"
"Dinner but no movie. I thought the conversation
would never end. Truthfully though, Rafe, it was really, interesting." "I'm all ears."
"He drives me to Julio's and--"
"Wow. Nice."
"Tell me about it. He's chivalrous, opening doors, pulling out my chair, the whole bit. But he's got his Bible with him." "You're not serious. He's got a Bible?" "Believe it or not. And it looks well used."
Ray shook his head. "He didn't read to you, did he? In public?"
not that I wasn't afraid he might. He did ask if I minded if he asked the blessing when the food came. I never felt so conspicuous in my life." "Why didn't you tell him no?"
. "I didn't really mind. It was quaint. Reminded me of old movies where a family prays before they eat." "Your family do that?"
She shook her head. "If the chaplain was visiting.
we just sort of got out of the habit."
"Olsson's not a chaplain, right? I mean, he has no
school training or anything like that?"
"Not that I know of. But he wants to be. That's his goal."
"I didn't even know he was a church kind of guy." "He wasn't. That's just it. He had quite a story. He
himself saved last year."
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&nb
sp; "Saved?"
"That's what he called it. He was depressed about his divorces and was drinking too much, having a bunch of one-night stands with women he never wanted to see again, especially sober. Anyway, some guy on the street was passing out leaflets about how to find a new life with God, and Olsson took one. He said the guy tried to talk to him right there, but he was too embarrassed and just kept moving. Said he got home, read it, found a Bible, looked up the verses, and got saved."
"Saved from what?"
"His horrible life, I guess. It sounded a little severe compared to how I grew up. I mean, we went to the base churches, but we. weren't Baptists or anything. Isn't getting saved what they always talk about?"
"Baptized, I thought," Ray said. "But, yeah, maybe saved too."
"Well, saved or whatever, the commander got saved. Prayed some kind of prayer and went out looking for the guy with the leaflets. Didn't find him again until a few days later, and the guy got him connected with some
church. I'm invited, by the way."
"You don't say."
"Oh, yeah, and so will everybody else in ROTC, not to mention everybody else he knows. You know, Rafe, I'm not going--and I told him that and told him why--but I have to say, this is good for him. He really seems happy and persuaded, and he's earnest about telling other people about it. He's careful, and it finally came to me why he was so specific about how the con-
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versation was personal and not official. I suppose he could get in trouble if he was doing this in his official 'capacity."
"No doubt. So was he trying to get you saved?" "Oh, sure. I told him I might get back to church one day, but that God and I had some deep problems because of my brother and my dad. He tried to tell me that God
knew what it meant to have a family member die. That was kind of creative. But I always thought if that whole as-on-the-cross thing was true, that was God's choice,
And He raised His Son from the dead after that. such luck for me with my dad. "The commander told me I should talk to God about I told him I had done that till I was sick of it. He said
God could take it and that I should be honest with Him, Him I disagreed with Him, hated Him, whatever I
Have to admit I hadn't heard that one before. I told him maybe I would consider religion again if I ever got
Married and had kids. I mean, I can't imagine raising them without church in their lives. It at least makes you
Think about being a better person."
Ray nodded. "Can't say I'm eager to go back though.
My parents think Kitty and I go to the little church just
)us here."
"Wayside Chapel? Why do they think that?"
"I wouldn't lie to them. Well, maybe sometimes, little white lie. But my mother asked me what I was doing about church. I told her Wayside was the nearest and she asked how I like it. I didn't really say. I just told her, 'Well, it's not Central.' That's where they
go and where I went growing up. That made her feel
good about Centralw"
"And about you."
"I suppose. I just have to make sure they don't visit on a Sunday and expect us to take them. They'd realize that no one recognizes us."
"Why can't you be honest with them?"
"Tell them the only time I've been in church was when Kitty and I were visiting them? Yeah, that'd go over big."
Irene went to get more coffee and brought back another for Ray. "Don't you believe honesty is the best policy?" she said.
"Is that a Bible verse?"
"Probably. I should ask Olsson."
Ray laughed. "Honesty can get you in trouble."
' "So can dishonesty," Irene said. "I'm getting the impression you weren't honest with yourself tonight."
He sat back. "Well, I wasn't honest with Kitty; I'll tell you that."
"You're seriously engaged, ring and all?"
He nodded. "Not quite sure we're engaged, but she thinks so, and everyone else is going to. That ring'll convince 'em."
"You didn't ask her, set a date, anything?"
He told the whole story.
"I kinda wondered," she said, "what you were doing here if you just got engaged."
"Kitty would probably wonder the same thing."
Irene pressed her fingers to her temples. "Oh, Rafe," she said, "you're in deep."
"I know." "Why?" she said. "Why what?"
"Why did you let that happen? You're clearly not
right for her. You may never be. I've said it before; it's
obvious you don't even like her. Is the sex that good?" He laughed. "It's awful good."
"That's not funny. That's not you. Well, maybe it is can't even tell your parents the truth."
"Touch," he said.
"I'm not sparring with you, Rafe. What are you thinking?
I care about you as a friend, and you're on the
Brink of ruining your life. How are you going to get out of this?"
"You're recommending the truth?"
"What else? You going to make up a terminal illness?
Run away? commit suicide? What?"
"Those options aren't all bad."
Irene stood and moved to look out the window. Ray she could see nothing with the lights on in the
She had to be staring at her own reflection. "Don't bail on me now, Irene," he said. "I'm listening." "All right," she said. "Are we friends?"
"Of course."
"Can friends tell each other the truth?"
"You can."
"Then listen up. Rafe, you're an impressive guy. You're and athletic and good-looking and smart. You have
know what you want, and know how to set getting it. What scares you so much about telling
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deepened the relationship, took her home, went home with her. That makes you an animal."
"Okay, I think that's enough truth for one night, Irene."
"Sorry."
"No, I deserved it."
"So, what're you going to do and when are you going to do it?"
He stared at the floor. "I have to allow her to save some face, don't I?"
"If you can while still being honest."
"I can't tell her I hate everything about her and her values."
"I agree. Maybe you need to tell her you've been deceitful though, that you've been faking your deepest feelings."
"Wouldn't it be easier for her if I could say it's not her, it's me? I mean, that's true, Irene. She hasn't been phony. She's been what she is and always has been and will always be. I may not like it, but it's not like she has
hidden it."
"True."
"So why don't I tell her that yes, I've been dishonest and that I've found someone else?"
"Honesty, Rayford. Honesty above all." "But it's true." "Rfre!"
"I'm in love with you, Irene. Don't look at me that way. I am. And Kitty deserves to know it."
"Leave me out of it. You know where I stand. And
Tim LaHaye & Jerry B. Jenkins
how's it going to look if you tell her you're breaking your engagement--or whatever it is; you're dumping her anyway--for me, and then no one sees us as a couple for a while ?"
"How long are you going to make me wait?"
"A couple of months at least. And listen--I'm not interested in being your mother. I wouldn't want a relationship where I was in charge, holding you to my standards. I want to see you become who you really are. Bold, confident, honest, knowing yourself. Not acting in ways that disappoint even you."
"You've thought this through," Ray said. "Actually, I haven't." "You're brilliant then."
"Well," she said, "there is that, yes."
. He laughed. "Let me walk you to your dorm.'
She looked at her watch. "Oh, good grief, yes. Let's
!get going.
"You going to let me kiss you good night?"
"Yeah, right, while your fiance
e sleeps with your ring on her finger. What do you think?"
had trouble sleeping--not that it surprised him. What a fool he had been! And for so long. About three in the morning he rolled out of bed, tired of fighting
thoughts and eyes that wouldn't stay shut. He
sat on the edge of his bed, staring out the window into !a darkness dotted by streetlights. He rested his elbows on his knees, his chin in his hands.
Dreading the confrontation with Kitty was one thing.
He might have even been able to formulate a plan of attack and then settle into a fitful sleep. But his mind and heart were plagued by the other issue. He was in love. And not with Kitty.
When had Ray come to this conclusion? And was it real? Or was he only rebounding, as Irene had said? No, it was real. In fact, he told himself, he had not really known what love was before. He had never felt toward a woman what he felt for Irene now.
What but love could make him see her in his mind's eye as prettier even than Kitty? No one else would likely share that view, but he didn't care. He longed to hold her and kiss her and proclaim his love. The thought that he might even be obligated to give Kitty a farewell kiss repulsed him.
How could he have gotten himself into this mess? Had he ever truly believed he was going to spend the rest of his life with someone as shallow as Kitty Wyley? This was as much her fault though, wasn't it? What had she seen in him in the first place? He could tell from the lean and hungry looks of the frat boys who hung around her sorority house that they were all wondering the same thing: how had this flyboy from Podunk even landed a date with a prize like her? She would land on her feet. He would tell her that.
Ray would have to leave all that out of the confrontation, whatever form it took. There could be none of the cowardly blame-me-not-you, no pretending this was about Irene. Her name couldn't even come up. He had been a fool. Dishonest. Shallow. He had loved
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all the wrong things about Kitty, and she deserved better.
Some of it he had to lay on Kitty, to be wholly honest. She had jumped the gun, ordering a wedding dress, begging for a ring before he had even proposed. The question was, how much could he emphasize that their Values didn't even align? Whose fault was that? If he had a problem with her emphasis on the material, he should have raised it a long time ago. As he had told Irene, Kitty had not hidden where her values lay.