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"As long as she doesn't stay late. I will have been lath Baduna, of course, and I have an early morning the next day."
Marilena was giddy with anticipation and assured him that both she and Viviana would respect his time. ["She believes she has the solution to the logistical sues."
"I can hardly wait," he said.
Marilena had rarely had trouble sleeping, but in the wee hours--her bedside clock projecting 2:15 am in aint red numerals--her eyes popped open. She felt immediately wide-awake and determined not to disturb fSorin, whose noisy breathing told her he was sound '; asleep.
She carefully removed the covers and swung her feet N>ut, sitting on the edge of the bed. What was this? Was She to pray again? No, this was different. Something ' or someone was again trying to communicate with her, but she felt a deep impression that it was not the one I with whom she had conversed earlier.
Marilena rested her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands. But when whoever or whatever this was began to communicate with her spirit, she had to stand. "I am coming quickly, and My reward is with Me, to I" give to every one according to his work. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End, the First and the Last.
"Blessed are those who do My commandments, that they may have the right to the tree of life, and may enter through the gates into the city. But outside are dogs and
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sorcerers and sexually immoral and murderers and idolaters, and whoever loves and practices a lie.
"I, Jesus, have sent My angel to testify to you these things. I am the Root and the Offspring of David, the Bright and Morning Star.
"Let him who thirsts come. Whoever desires, let him take the water of life freely.
"Resist the devil and he will flee from you."
I'm crazy, Marilena decided. I have totally lost my mind. It's megalomania. Only someone thoroughly insane would believe God and Lucifer are competing for her soul.
The following Tuesday night, Viviana Ivinisova accompanied Marilena home on the bus.
Sorin was cordial but guarded. "Good to see you again too, Ms. Ivinisova. Forgive me for not buying into this with the gusto my wife has."
Viviana seemed to pointedly ignore that, and Marilena was impressed that she made no attempt to persuade him otherwise. There was no proselytizing, no case making. "I know your time is short," Viviana said as she sat on their worn sofa and Marilena made her some tea. "So let me get to the point. You and I both know that we have each been fully apprised of the marital situation here and your lack of interest in bringing a child into the mix."
"In fact," Sorin said, "I have agreed not to divorce Marilena until after the child has been given my name."
"And," Viviana said, "I don't imagine you want a preg-
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nant woman and her attendant ailments to contend with in your apartment every day for nine months either." Marilena was tempted to inject that she had been promised an easy pregnancy, but there were things she kept even from Ms. Ivinisova.
"I hadn't thought of that," Sorin said, "but you make a good point. On the other hand, I'm loath to put her on the street before she has made other arrangements."
"The truth is," Viviana said, "arrangements have been . made, and once Marilena has agreed, she would be free to leave here whenever she wishes."
Marilena was stunned. She was not even pregnant yet, and she was not mentally prepared to pull up stakes for ' months, maybe a year.
"There is the matter of her finishing the semester at the university," Sorin said. "Otherwise what are we to do with her students?"
"I have not resigned," Marilena said. "No, and you mustn't," Sorin said. "Not until we l
"No worries," Ms. Ivinisova said, sipping her tea. I'm sure this is coming a bit quickly for your wife as I well, as we have not discussed it. Are you familiar with ['the name Reiche Planchette?"
It sounded familiar, but Marilena could not place it. Sorin shook his head.
"He's widely published in my area of interest. Also, he is regional director of our organization, and I report to him. I have taken the liberty of informing him of all that has been going on with Marilena, and it is fair to
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say that he is more than enthusiastic. He has agreed to allot funds and also to free me to take a career detour. That is, if Marilena agrees."
"You have my attention," the younger woman said.
"There is a small cottage on several acres in the country near Cluj. I'm hardly an agrarian, but if Marilena would have me, I would live with her, aid her during her gestation, and help raise the child for as long as she wishes."
Marilena knew she should be grateful, but this was too much too fast. "No, no," she said. "I wouldn't even be able to help with a garden. Country life is not for me, and--"
"It would be ideal for raising a son," Viviana said.
"For someone else perhaps, but what would I do for work?"
"I would insist on high-speed wireless Internet and the best equipment for you, dear. You could continue to do what you do best, but remotely."
"There is no way I could come close to my current income. What would we do for food and clothing and rent?"
"I was not clear," Viviana said. "The cottage is not elaborate, but it would be roomy enough--and private enough--for three, and it would be provided."
"Provided?"
"I told you. Director Planchette is enthusiastic."
"I don't know," Marilena said. "I just don't know. I want a child, but I am nervous about the pregnancy. I would want to be close to a doctor and a hospital."
"You would be," Viviana said.
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Sorin rose and came to sit on the arm of Marilena's chair. He raised his hand. "Are we voting? Frankly, this sounds perfect."
*For you, sure," Marilena said. "It solves your problems."
'Yours too," he said. "Imagine it. Ms. Ivinisova, how far would it be from Cluj-Napoca proper?" "Not ten kilometers."
That sounded better, but Marilena was certainly in i hurry to accede. What might living in the same house with someone do to their relationship? She admired, respected, cared for Ms. Ivinisova, and she would not want anything to interfere with that. The very idea, how ever, of a woman with such spiritual sensitivity helping her son, well, where else could she find that? On the other hand, she had not confided in Viviana it she believed the enemy of Lucifer had attacked her conscience. It had happened only that once, and yet it had seemed as real as her prayer to Lucifer. She had not sealed that to Viviana either, as she didn't want to admit she still had made no commitment regarding her allegiance.
Viviana concluded with the understanding that larilena would ponder these things. And Sorin agreed not to pressure her, though Marilena would not have bet on that. "Allow me to accompany you to the bus, Ms. Ivinisova," Sorin said. "The hour is late." Marilena was struck by this sudden chivalry given his * harping about his early morning the next day. And she ] herself had not been the beneficiary of such kindness for
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years. But perhaps it was good for Sorin to have a few minutes alone with Ms. Ivinisova. They were closer in age, and perhaps they could find some common ground, despite their disparate views.
She stepped to the window and saw him take her arm as they crossed the street. A tall male emerged from between buildings and greeted both warmly. Marilena could not make him out in the shadows. Could it be Baduna? The three continued together, and Marilena never felt more alone in her life. One thing was certain: she would ask neither Sorin nor Viviana about the man. She didn't want to seem to have been spying, nor did she want to appear paranoid. If they chose to tell her, so be it.
Later Marilena tossed and turned in bed until Sorin's impatient sighs chased her to her desk. She felt no nudging from the spirit world, no compulsion to pray. Had Lucifer already abandoned her, knowing her heart? And what about his adversary? Viviana and her comrades could deny all they wanted that Lucife
r was the enemy of the God of the Bible, and had Marilena not believed she had heard from Him too, she might have agreed. But she knew better.
She prayed silently, "Do you still offer me a child?"
Nothing. She felt foolish.
"God," she said, "am I in a position to bargain? If I chose rather to follow You, would You grant me a child?"
Nothing.
It was as if Marilena Carpathia couldn't raise heaven or hell.
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EIGHT
uulena suddenly felt as if she were a spectator to her own life. Far too much had happened far too quickly, id her psyche had not had a chance to keep up. If there
had been one thing she controlled in the last few years, despite her strange marital relationship, it had been her own schedule, her own pace.
The deep, visceral longing for a child of her own abated not an iota, and yet there were times when Mariena rued the day she allowed the maternal instinct to gain a toehold in her life. How she missed the days she used to enjoy. Every day she had been up at dawn, fading off with Sorin cooking a small, hot gustare de fdimineata of eggs and sausage. He was always quiet, though not unpleasant, in the morning, as long as she didn't try to converse with him at length.
He would leave on his bicycle first; then she would
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walk to the bus. They generally arrived on campus at the same time, though she rarely saw him during the day, except for departmental meetings. Her day consisted of a few classes, a few student audiences, and plenty of research, reading, and studying. She lived for those stretches of time. If she could have done only that--the scholarship without the personal interaction-- she would have been in her glory. Meetings, colleagues, and students were merely what she had to endure for the time to read and study.
If she became a mother and shared household and child-rearing duties with Viviana Ivinisova, perhaps her own time could consist of only scholarly pursuits. But was such work marketable? Was there someone or some enterprise that needed research she could transmit? And what would be her price for a life like that?
Most days she beat Sorin home. When it was her turn to tidy the place and cook dinner, she got that out of the way so she could enjoy reading the rest of the evening. When it was his turn, she retired immediately to her desk and broke away only for dinner.
It was a life she had cherished without knowing it. Only her so-called biological clock had changed things. The Tuesday night meetings, intended as a diversion, served only to lock in her aim of having a child. Suddenly she had become a different person with a different schedule, new associates, fresh goals. Most surprising to her, Marilena had become what she had once ridiculed and what Sorin still reviled: a devotee of things not seen.
It was exciting. It was novel. And she felt an anticipa-
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ion unlike ever before, trying to imagine motherhood, er child, her son. But the price was her treasured way of life. Did she really want to give it up? An outsider, nonacademic, perhaps a person with more to offer in ie way of looks or possessions, would have viewed her tually sedentary existence as a death sentence. For irilena, however, letting go of it promised to be the foughest ordeal she would ever endure.
The worst of it was that she sensed events converging, speeding, things happening beyond her control, irilena had come to no real decisions, and yet a course action over which she had no control seemed to have sen set in motion. Viviana Ivinisova was in high gear-- planning, plotting, talking, arranging. She knew the perfect
sperm bank from which Marilena could purchase the anception agent. "They are experimental and cutting- edge," Viviana said. "They have perfected genetic engineering so the sperm can be made up of the best DNA from more than one source."
"That sounds ghastly," Marilena said. "Freakish. My son might have more than one father?"
''Not likely more than two, but don't thumb your nose : science, dear. Imagine having the best physical traits from ie donor and the best intellectual traits from another." Marilena felt pushed along by Viviana's tide of energy. what might the woman say or do if Marilena said she had simply changed her mind? She wouldn't, of course, not about having a baby. But there remained the possiobility of merely divorcing Sorin and finding a new husband who wanted a family.
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In the midst of all this, Viviana apparently became so enamored of the possibilities that she took it upon herself to examine the Cluj cottage. She came back with a glowing report. "We'll have such a time, Marilena. There is work to be done, but it will be fun. And did I tell you I'm changing my name?"
"Whatever for?"
"You may have noticed I have been able to suppress and camouflage my accent."
Marilena nodded.
"It's best not to be immediately identified by my Russian heritage. I mean, one doesn't look Russian, does one?"
"You don't," Marilena said.
"Good. Because with Russia's return to a dictatorship and her seeming eagerness to return to a union of Soviet states--which will lead to a renewed interest in encroachment on other borders--I choose to separate myself from my motherland."
"And so?"
"Viv. Vivlvins. You like it?"
Just weeks before, Marilena would have been so intimidated by her spiritual mentor that she would have feigned approval. Now she simply shrugged. "It sounds American."
"Perfect. I knew you'd like it. It was Reiche Plan- chette's idea. You'll meet him Tuesday night."
"Really?"
Viviana nodded. "What a treat for our group. The regional director as guest speaker. He pulls no punches.
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[Our only disagreements have been over my penchant to slowly reveal our true allegiance. Reiche is unabashed I about his loyalty and believes making this clear immedi?#tely weeds out the squeamish and saves time."
Marilena tilted her head. "Makes sense."
"You'll love him."
Marilena wasn't so sure.
Since the evening with Viviana, Sorin seemed to have changed as well. He was positively zvapaiat, even in [-the morning. Talkative, chipper, smiling, eager to do his chores and frequently offering to take Marilena's turn too.
At the office, Baduna seemed to have taken on a new [persona. No longer quiet or awkward around Marilena, she made eye contact, joked, teased, included her in
Istories. Once, when she returned a friendly gibe, he
; roared with laughter and threw an arm around her.
What was it with Sorin and Baduna? They must have been so thrilled with Viviana's plans and what the baby and the divorce would mean for them that they could
barely contain themselves.
One night at home, Sorin seemed to burst with news.
* "Baduna has told his wife." "Really."
"It went as well as could be expected. She had suspected."
"You don't say."
"You don't seem happy for me, Marilena." "Perhaps now you can understand how I feel." While Sorin and Baduna had not made plain their
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relationship to others in the office, all other hindrances to their activities had been scuttled. The next Tuesday Marilena arrived home in the middle of the afternoon, and Sorin was already gone to spend the rest of the day--and night, according to the note he left--with Baduna.
Marilena had the sense that Reiche Planchette might assume that she was as far down the road in her thinking as was Viviana, and that made her want to settle things in her own heart and mind before the meeting. She still felt as if the spiritual powers on both sides of the fence were silent. There was no tingling, no vibration, no movement in her soul. Part of Marilena wondered if the spirits merely assumed--as everyone else did--that she was on board. Was it possible this ship had sailed before she could step off?
Feeling a fool, she prayed aloud. "Spirit," she said, the very label hitting her as both ominous and crazy, "I feel nothing beyond my need for a child. I cannot promise allegiance or loyalty and certainly not lov
e. You would want me to be forthright. If you are still there and can accept that and will still grant me the son you have promised, I will remain open to changing my mind and feelings on this. But I will not pretend."
She wanted to say more, but she felt as if she were speaking to herself. Maybe this was all aiurit and she was the fool. Marilena couldn't explain the prophecies, the messages, the feelings, and even the dynamic of the spirit world having clearly communicated with her once. But the more days that passed, the more her confidence
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fbbed. She found herself retreating into the comfort
;her intellectualism. Could it have all been trickery?
could it be she was the biggest sucker of all?
"God, if You're there," she prayed, "would You reveal Yourself to me?"
Marilena's voice had shaken even herself. That prayer come out so heartfelt, so needy, and so childlike that le was transported to her growing-up days. If the dark
le of the spirit world was real, then God was real. And if God was real, how could He ignore such a request?
She felt nothing, heard nothing, and was soon weeping she fixed herself a bit of supa, not much more than le had had for lunch.
ly Steele had saved his allowance for nearly a year, Ind now he stood before the full-length mirror in his parents' master bath, turning this way and that and admiring his new flight jacket. It bore colorful patches
id epaulets. He could imagine himself a pilot. When he wore the jacket, no one accused him of slouching. He could feel his pelvis inch forward, his Shoulders slide back, stomach in, chest out, chin level. it wouldn't have surprised him if people actually saluted when he walked by.
He was stunned when even his friends laughed at his ^jacket. They were just jealous, he told himself. While Ray followed all the other fashions of his classmates and Lquickly changed when everyone else did, strangely the