I remembered how he stank of whisky, how he shouted at me and pushed at me with his hand.
You stupid, useless brat! he had said. No one likes you, do they? Do they? Something in me went hard, as if everything was Adam’s fault.
“No, I can’t promise that,” I said. “You need to prove that you’re my friend before I can promise.”
And I told him what he had to do.
***
Paul Patterson was in the ninth grade like the rest of us, but he shaved already. You could tell 38
from the dark stubble on his chin. He was huge, with thick arms like a gorilla. He walked through the halls with long, swinging steps and he glared at everyone around him. Jaz said Paul Patterson was definitely not someone you wanted to mess with. I think I would have figured that out on my own, even if she hadn’t told me.
Paul was very, very surprised when Adam picked a fight with him after school that afternoon.
“Hey Patterson, get out of my way.” Adam pushed Paul from behind as everyone was going down the front steps.
Paul’s face was dark and angry when he
turned around. “What’s up with you, loser?”
My stomach churned with a kind of deep
excitement as I watched. Jaz and the others stood in a group a few feet away at the bottom of the steps. They nudged each other, their eyes gleaming. Jaz gave me a quick wink.
Adam stood up tall. “I—I told you to get out of my way, that’s all. So move!” He gave Paul another push.
39
Other people had stopped to look now. A crowd began to gather. “Fight, fight,” chanted someone.
Paul looked puzzled more than anything else.
He stared at Adam like Adam had escaped from the loony bin. “Have you gone insane?”
Adam blinked, then said again, “You heard me! MOVE!” He pushed into Paul’s chest, and Paul stumbled backwards so that he almost fell.
That was when Paul lost his temper. He roared like a lion as he rushed at Adam. He tackled him in the stomach, and they both crashed onto the steps. Suddenly there were fists flying everywhere. You could hear Paul hitting Adam.
“Fight, fight!” screamed the crowd. The school doors flew open and Mr. Munro, the PE
teacher, ran out. He yanked Paul off of Adam and held him back as he kept trying to punch Adam again.
“Patterson, not you again!” he shouted.
“It wasn’t him, Mr. Munro, it was Adam!”
yelled someone. “He kept pushing Paul and telling him to move!”
40
Adam stood there looking stunned. Blood ran from his nose in a bright red stream.
“Adam?” Mr. Munro turned and looked at him. “Is this true?”
“Yes,” muttered Adam. He wiped at the blood on his face and then he turned and saw me. He looked miserable. His glasses had been knocked off, and one of his eyelids was starting to swell up.
I stared down at the ground. I felt as if I might throw up.
Mr. Munro grabbed hold of both boys and took them inside. As the crowd started to drift away, Jaz ran over to me, her dark eyes shining.
“Kylie, that was fantastic! That stuck-up creep is really getting what he deserves. He doesn’t know what’s hit him! No, hang on, yeah he does— Paul hit him!”
Everyone laughed. Izzy was actually
clutching her sides.
“Listen, I don’t want to do this any more,”
I blurted out. “It was funny at first, but—but enough’s enough, right?”
41
“Wha-at?” Jaz stared at me. “We can’t stop now. It’s just getting good.”
“But I didn’t know we’d actually hurt him!”
Jaz rolled her huge eyes. “Well, what did you think would happen if you made him pick a fight with Paul, huh?”
“Yeah, but …” I didn’t say anything else.
Yeah, I guess I had known … but I hadn’t known, not really, not until I saw Adam with blood streaming down his face.
“There’s no way we’re stopping now,” said Jaz flatly. Her face looked hard. “You’ll do it, right?”
she said.
She didn’t add, Or else you know what will happen, but I could hear the words hanging in the air as if she had actually said them. I looked at Izzy, and saw an eager leer on her face. I knew she was hoping that I’d say no. Then they could make me the next target.
I gulped and nodded. “I’ll do it one more time, and that’s all. Then—then I’ll tell him that the voices have gone away. OK?”
42
Jaz’s eyes were slits. Then she gave a long, slow smile. “Perfect. One more time, a last proof of his friendship.”
I licked my lips. “I won’t tell him to pick a fight again, or—or anything like that.”
Jaz hooked her arm through mine and gave me a squeeze. She smiled sweetly. “Oh, don’t worry, we’ll think of something else for Adam-boy to do. But if it’s the last time, then it better be a good one … right?”
43
Chapter 6
Talking Back
I walked home slowly. How did I get myself into this mess? I was thinking. Maybe Adam wasn’t someone I wanted to be friends with, but it still wasn’t right to treat him like this. And more than that … I was starting to feel scared.
I thought about how excited I’d felt when Adam pushed into Paul, and a shudder ran down my spine.
One more time, I told myself. Then it will all be over with.
44
Mom was waiting for me when I got back to our apartment. As soon as I saw her, I knew I was in trouble.
“Kylie, where were you?” Her face was like a thunderstorm. “You know I depend on you to get home on time to look after Jenna! Haven’t I got enough to worry about? You promised me you’d be here. That way I can pick up Jenna from school and then go back to work.”
It felt like she had slapped me. “I’m sorry, I—”
She grabbed her jacket. “I don’t have time to talk about this now. I have to get back to work.”
The door banged shut behind her as she left. Her footsteps hurried down the stairs.
“Ooh, you’re in trouble,” smirked Jenna.
“Shut up,” I snapped. “It doesn’t concern you.”
She made a face at me, turned on the TV and flopped down on the floor to watch. I sat on the brown, saggy couch and glared at the screen.
It was one of those stupid kids’ programs, with dancing puppets everywhere. I was just about to tell her to switch channels when the phone rang.
I picked it up. “Hello?”
45
“’Zat you, Kylie?” I heard someone say.
I froze. Oh, God, no. It couldn’t be.
“Answer me!” my stepfather shouted. “I can hear you breathing … I know you’re there.
Lemme talk to Jane.”
Jane was my Mom. I gulped. “She’s—she’s not here.”
“You’re lying! Put ’er on the phone.”
My heart was thudding so hard I thought it might explode. “I can’t, I told you. She’s not here.”
Jenna had stopped watching TV. She was staring at me. I tried desperately to look as if I wasn’t talking to anyone important.
I heard ice clink in a glass as Dan poured another drink. “Listen, you,” he hissed. “Put your mother on the phone or you’ll be sorry. This is all your fault! You listen now …”
“What d’you mean?” I whispered.
“She’d never have left me if it weren’t for you, always talking back, causing trouble! I’d still have a happy marriage! But she’ll never make it 46
on her own, will she? She likes the good life too much.”
He laughed. It felt like a rusty saw cutting through me. “Yeah, I’ll find out where you are and get her back. It’ll be easy. All I’ll have to do is act sweet and say sorry, and then you’ll see, you little—”
I hung up quickly. Then I took the phone and shoved it under a couch cushion.
br /> “Who was that?” asked Jenna. She was still staring at me.
“No one!” My voice sounded odd and far away. Oh God, was what he’d said true? Would Mom really go back to him? She hated her life now, I knew she did. What if he did find us, like he said? It would be even worse than before!
“Jenna, I’ve got to go out for a while,” I said.
“But you’re supposed to be babysitting me!”
She looked scared.
“I won’t be long—I’ve just got to get out of here—” I grabbed my jacket and raced out the door.
47
Once I got outside, I didn’t know where to go.
I sank down onto the front steps, hugging myself and trying not to cry. How had he gotten our number? And if he had that, it wouldn’t take him long to find us …
“Kylie?” said a voice.
I looked up. I hadn’t heard anyone come up.
Adam was standing there, without his glasses. I guess he’d just gotten home from school. His face looked awful, all red and sore.
He put his bag down and sat beside me.
“Kylie, what’s wrong?”
“Where are your glasses?” I asked. His face looked odd without them.
He shrugged. “They got broken … I can see without them, sort of.”
Guilt rushed through me. “Are you in lots of trouble?”
“Not too bad. The principal was sort of in shock. I mean, just yesterday I was telling him about my water clock. We were talking about entering it in the Science Fair next week, then today I’m dragged into his office for fighting. He couldn’t figure out what was going on.”
48
And it was all because of me. I couldn’t say anything.
“It’s just lucky he said they wouldn’t call my mom this time. I mean—” Adam bit his lip.
“Um … listen, Kylie, is everything OK now? You look upset.”
I didn’t want to tell him, but somehow it came out. “No, it’s my stepfather. He—he just called …” A huge lump choked up my throat, and I couldn’t finish.
Adam just watched me, and waited for me to keep talking.
I looked down. “He’s … really awful. He married my mom when I was only four, and I know I’m supposed to love him, but—”
“Sometimes that’s impossible,” said Adam.
He sounded bitter.
I took a deep breath. “He drinks … and he shouts at me. He says awful things. Sometimes I think he really hates me, only I don’t know what it is I’ve done! He seems to like my little sister OK, but then she’s his kid, and I’m not …” Tears welled up, and I looked away.
49
Adam stared down at his hands. “Does he hit you?” he asked softly. “My dad did that too.”
It felt like a cold breeze had swept over me. I shivered. I began to remember Dan again. Don’t you talk back to me, you little brat! he’d said. I’ll teach you not to talk back to me!
“You don’t have to tell me,” said Adam.
“He never used to hit me,” I said slowly. “But then one time when he was shouting at me, I couldn’t take it any more. I told him he was a stupid drunk, and why should I listen to anything he said? And … he sort of went crazy.”
Adam moved closer to me and took my hand.
I hardly even noticed. I wiped my face. “Um—he started hitting me, over and over, and I fell … I guess he knocked me out. Mom came home and found me lying on the floor, and took me to the hospital … she told them I fell down the stairs.
But then a few days later, when Dan was away on a business trip, she packed all our things and we left. He can’t find out where we are now.”
“Wow.” Adam stared at me. “Your mom
sounds really brave.”
50
“I guess …” I watched the cars driving past.
“But Adam, she blames me for it, I know she does!”
“Blames you? Because your stepdad beat you up?”
I nodded. “She thinks it’s all my fault …
she always used to tell me that I shouldn’t say anything to make him angry. And then I did, and we had to go—and now she hates it here. I’m so scared that he’ll find us, and she’ll go back to him!”
Adam squeezed my hand. “You need to talk to her, Kylie. I bet it’s not like you think.”
I stared at the ground. “Maybe.”
There was a long silence. In the end, Adam let go of my hand. “Um, Kylie … do you think that the voices in your head have anything to do with your stepdad?”
“What do you mean?” I asked. For some reason my heart started pounding.
Adam blushed. Then he went on, “Well, you said that your stepdad doesn’t like you, and says terrible things to you … and, well, They do the 51
same thing, don’t they? It’s like you’ve got your stepdad inside your head.”
It was such a horrible thought that I couldn’t say anything. Adam tried to smile. “Ignore me, I’m probably not making sense. But are the voices gone now?”
I looked at Adam’s blemished face and his blue-gray eyes, and I wanted so much to tell him yes. But then I thought of Jaz, and what she and her friends could do to me. I was filled with cold fear. I shook my head.
“They’re—they’re getting weaker,” I said and I hated myself as I went on. “They’re starting to think that you’re really my friend. But they want you to do one more thing. Just one more thing, and then they’ll go away forever.”
52
Chapter 7
Smash Up
When I got back upstairs, my little sister looked like she had hardly moved at all while I was gone. “Was that Dad who called?” she asked.
I started to lie to her, and then I nodded.
“Yeah, and he was really drunk. That’s why I had to get out for a while. It was awful.”
Jenna looked at me. “Was he being mean to you again?”
Mean. That was one word for it. I let out a sigh. “Yeah.”
“Is it—is it my fault?”
53
I stared at her. “Your fault? Why would it be?”
“Because I called him!” she cried. “I called him a few days ago—I only wanted to talk to him—”
“Jenna!” I grabbed her. “You didn’t tell him where we are, did you? It’s really important—”
“No! I promised Mom I wouldn’t, and I
haven’t.” She sniffed, and wiped her eyes.
“Anyway, he—he wasn’t even home. So I just left a message on the answering machine to say I missed him. Then we started getting those funny phone calls …”
I felt cold. “He must have dialled *69,” I said in a whisper. “That’s what you dial on your phone to know the telephone number of someone who has just called you. Dan must have done that to find out our number.”
Suddenly Jenna turned and hugged me. I was so amazed that I just stood there for a second, and then I hugged her back.
“I didn’t like it when he was mean to you.”
Her voice was quiet. “I—I guess calling him 54
wasn’t such a good idea. I won’t do it again. And I won’t tell Mom you left me on my own.”
“Thanks,” I said softly, and stroked her hair.
Maybe she wasn’t such a spoiled brat after all.
Before Mom got home, I took the phone out from under the couch cushion. It didn’t ring again. So Mom didn’t need to know.
***
The next morning I lay in bed, warm and
safe under my blanket. I didn’t want to go to school that day. I didn’t want to see what Adam was going to do. But I had to. Jaz and the others were waiting for me. They’d know I’d chickened out of it if I stayed at home.
I walked slowly to school, dragging my feet.
When I got there, I couldn’t see Adam anywhere, and for a moment I was really happy. Maybe he hadn’t come! Maybe he’d changed his mind!
But then I saw him coming in at the school gates. He was carrying a
large cardboard box, and he looked pale and grim.
He was going to do it.
55
Jaz looked at me and smiled. Something dark danced behind her eyes. She could hardly wait. I looked away. I felt as if someone had kicked me in the stomach. I knew I was no better than Jaz.
I wasn’t going to stop him.
Adam walked up to the school steps. My heart thudded, and I hid behind a gang of tenth graders. He was going to do it now, just like I’d told him. And oh, God, I didn’t want him to see me! I didn’t want him to look at me. Not while Jaz and the others were sneering at him.
Adam put the box down softly on the ground and stepped back from it. “Attention!” he yelled.
“Your attention, please!”
Everyone stopped talking and stared at him.
“Hey, it’s Haddock Face!” yelled someone.
Adam’s face turned red. It looked like his zits were on fire. But his voice was firm as he kept talking. “I’ve made a water clock for the Science Fair,” he said. “I’ve … been working really hard on it.” He nudged the box with his foot.
My jaw dropped open. He hadn’t brought that, had he? That stupid clock he kept talking about! I had only told him to bring something 56
important to him, not the most important thing.
What had he done? What had we done?
“So what, loser?” shouted a boy in my grade.
Adam swallowed. “So … this.”
I couldn’t bear it any more. I ducked out from behind the gang of tenth graders, but before I could shout No! Adam had lifted his foot and then kicked the box. There was a sound of cracking wood and smashing glass. He stamped on it again, and again, until the box was almost flat.
No one moved or said anything. Adam stood there and stared down at the wreckage.
“Look at him, he’s completely insane,”
whispered someone.
Suddenly the sound of laughter floated on the air. Jaz. She walked forward, her face bright with delight. Her cronies followed on her heels.
They were all laughing as if the sight of Adam and his broken box was the funniest thing they had ever seen.
“Right, well I’ve got something to say too now,” cried Jaz. “And here it is … all of this was a set-up, you loser!” She grabbed Izzy’s arm 57
and the two of them nearly fell over, they were laughing so hard.