Chapter Nine
Hadrian
I sensed her before I could see her.
My heartbeat began racing and a smile spread wide across my face. She’d come to our spot searching for me, and as I moved between worlds, I couldn’t deny the excitement of seeing her again. This morning’s glimpse had been over too soon—my impatience clouding my better judgment to resist revealing my presence before others.
As the familiarity of my home faded away to her green forest, I took a few steps forward, eager to touch her. I was invigorated. A tingling sensation I was becoming more and more accustomed to pulsed through me. There was something about being here with Aithne that was unlike anything I’d ever experienced in my existence. I craved it. I never wanted to let it go.
The branches withdrew as I passed through—the small wild flowers bowing their heads in respect, and I waved my hand gently. Fae magic diffused into the air, granting each plant and blossom an increase in strength and vitality. With each footstep the grass grew greener and sweet fragrances danced and swirled about. It was perfect.
Just before I broke away from the copse of trees and appeared in my beloved’s view, a voice pierced my heart. It was hers—the soft melody in each inflection unmistakable. I wondered what she was doing. Was she speaking to me, waiting for me to respond? Disappointment, followed closely by anger, crashed around me as I heard a second person speak—a male.
Indecision warred within me. Do I barge into the clearing and demand to know why she was there alone with another? Or do I wait and watch, hoping it’s an innocent exchange and nothing to be alarmed over? An even stronger part of me cried to go claim her as mine, and chase away anyone else who may have designs for her.
My head told me bluntly that it didn’t matter—I was to enjoy a small, brief dalliance before settling back into my Fae lifestyle. Human matters were of little concern. But my heart, it whispered all kinds of forbidden things—of love and fantasies where I could keep Aithne by my side forever. Love was a different concept for the Fae, but surely it would be enough.
I stood in the shadows and watched, caution winning over. Studying the features of the male, I could tell he was somewhat older than Aithne and there was great affection between them. They were friends, but the words he uttered—this William—he wanted more, much more than mere camaraderie. He wanted the kind of love sung by minstrels, and a life filled with happiness and fulfillment. He wanted these things with my Aithne.
A feeling stirred—flared even—within my chest, and I found my fists clenched at my side. The more I listened, the stronger the urge to burst into the open and fight the human. These were promises and words I wished to speak, to offer. This was a life I wanted, with all the pretty embellishments, smiles and laughter. His dreams were possible—mine a fleeting hope.
I willed Aithne to reject him, utter my name, and tell this William that her heart belonged to another but she didn’t. I watched the silence between them, feeling distraught over the sexual attraction I could sense from where I stood. There was something between them—something stronger than anything I had or could create with Fae enchantment. A bond. And in that moment, I loathed it with everything inside me. She was mine.
When he kissed her—when he dared claim the one thing I’d yet done for myself—the branch I’d been holding onto snapped. I hoped it would break their fixation and shatter the hold he had over her and cause her to look for me. But they were oblivious—all but for each other. I wanted to leave, but my feet were anchored to the ground. A voice murmured in my mind that this was a sign it was time to move on and forget her. I ignored it.
“It’s jealousy you feel, my son. Nothing good can come from it.”
I didn’t turn to look at my mother, my Queen, as she came and stood beside me. I was obsessed with the sight of Aithne wrapped in another man’s arms, and receiving what should have been our first kiss.
“It’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. Jealousy I know, this . . . this burns inside. It consumes me like a painful wildfire.” I didn’t sound myself when I answered.
Her hand came to rest on my forearm, rings sparkling as they caught the reflection of the moonlight. Although she was renowned for her strength and ruthlessness in leading and protecting her people, my mother’s touch was gentle—compassionate.
“This is because your heart has become invested. It is no mere accolade or possession you desire here. This human female has enchanted you, and unless you release her now, my son, she will be your undoing.” There was such pity in her voice, and I noted something else . . . a knowing.
“What do you know of this? My Aithne would never destroy me,” I retorted, angrily.
“Oh, but she has already begun. She may not seek to harm you, her heart just as intrigued and enticed. But mark my words, the two of you can never have what you seek.” She pointed to where Aithne had once stood, now being led away by the human male. I moved to follow, but was stopped by the firm grip of my mother. “Let her go, Hadrian. Longing for something you can never truly hold will drive you mad.” Stepping around me and placing her hand on my cheek, she whispered. “I do not want to lose you also. Please.”
I’d never heard her plea like that before with soft desperation. Demand and compel, yes, but never with a sincere earnestness that I saw blazing from her eyes.
“Is there no way I can keep her? No hidden secret, spell, or favor you can call upon? Surely as the Queen, someone with that kind of power must be beholden to you. As my mother . . .” I couldn’t bring myself to finish the sentence. I was helpless and it was an uncomfortable sentiment.
“You are one of my most beloved. If I could give this to you, I would. But even some things are beyond me. There are reasons why the Fae and humans can’t join—the suffering of both, far outweighs any momentary pleasure. You would wither into nothing if you chose to forsake your home. And bringing Aithne into our world with all its magic and enchantments would quickly reduce her to a slave. It cannot be, no matter how much you wish for it, and the resulting heartache is not what I want for you. It would crush you.”
“How do you know what it would do? How do you know my heart? You’ve raised me to be strong and formidable. How do you know I can’t find a way—even when others have failed?”
“Because, my son, I have tried. I too loved a human and thought I could keep him. I defied the counsel of those around me, brought him into Fae and then watched it destroy everything I loved about the man I thought I couldn’t live without.” Her admission caused me to face her. The haunted look in her countenance told me she spoke the truth.
“Who was he? Why have I never heard of this?” I watched the appearance of pain flood her eyes, and without a word I knew who this human was. “My father.” The mention of him robbed me of breath as confusion filled me.
“Please don’t fault me for not telling you the truth,” she pleaded, and her hand reached out to touch me. This was a side of my mother I rarely saw—uncertain and hesitant.
“All this time, you had me believe my father was a valiant Fae, killed on the battlefield defending our people. You told me story after story of his honor and how I reminded you of him. It fashioned a deep bond between Favian and I, knowing we shared the same father. Are you in truth telling me these were all lies, and that I’m merely the result of your own fling?” I looked at her incredulously—anger mingled in my words. My parentage had been a steady source of pride and in a second, one declaration had caused it to unravel.
“No!” Her response was loud and fierce. “No, never doubt I truly loved your father. I would’ve given anything to be with him, to have him with me still. He was my world and I was his. It was no mere fling but a love so strong and pure—I thought I would die when I lost him. My arrogance and inability to do what was right robbed me of the only man I’ve ever wanted. I might not have been truthful with you. I might have wanted to protect you from the gossip and maliciousness of others. But know this—you would’ve been proud to clai
m him.”
“What was his name?”
“Bowen,” she answered. “You remind me so much of him. Not just in appearance but in temperament. It was he who gave you your name. We had just learned I was pregnant, and then . . . then he became lost.” My mother looked so small in that moment, and I stretched out my arms, pulling her into my embrace. I patted her gently on the back, my fingers flowing over the fine silk of her gown, and I caught a sense of all she’d been through.
“So there truly is no other choice but to say goodbye,” I whispered.
“No. Enjoy whatever time you have, but you cannot continue.” She moved to stare up into my face. “How I prayed I could spare you from this kind of anguish. Come home with me now, Hadrian. Leave this behind and if needs be, I will scour all of Fae for another to capture your heart. Soon this will be just a memory.”
“Like my father is?” Shame filled me as my mother paled.
She let out a sigh and stepped away from me. I looked on as she regained her regal composure. So much had been uncovered here tonight—so many questions still left unasked.
“Do you regret him?” I paused with baited breath for her response. I was sure there would be many future discussions, but the need to know blazed strong within me. I could wait for other details—this I couldn’t.
“How could I when loving him brought me you.” Cradling my cheek, her skin was soft against mine. “But yes, I do regret losing him. My selfishness cost me and robbed you. It was a price too high to pay. Say goodbye . . . before it’s too late.”
I said nothing more, and did not move to follow as my mother crossed back over to the Fae Palace. I don’t know how long I stood there in silence. A war of emotions battled inside me. I was torn between obeying her request and the defiance of my heart declaring that this time was different. I was a royal, and I slumped as I recognized the arrogant pride of my thoughts.
I turned to stare where I’d last seen my Aithne. Surely my love for her could protect her, provide her a different fate from those who’d gone before. I wouldn’t know unless I tried, but would the risk be worth it?
With a heavy heart, I finally turned to travel home. As the night sky began to lighten and the woods around me began to stir back to life, my last thought almost broke me.
How could I ever let her go?