CHAPTER XIX.
Plutarch was one of the richest citizens of Alexandria, and the owner ofthe papyrus manufactory where Selene and Arsinoe worked; and he had ofhis own free will offered to provide for the "suitable" entertainment ofthe wives and daughters of his fellow-citizens, who were, this very day,to assemble in one of the smaller theatres of the city. Every one thatknew him, knew too that "suitable" with him meant as much as to sayimperial splendor.
The ship-builder's daughter had prepared Arsinoe for grand doings,but by the time she had reached the entrance only of the theatre herexpectations were exceeded, for as soon as she gave her father's nameand her own, a boy, who looked out from an arbor of flowers gave her amagnificent bunch of flowers, and another, who sat perched on a dolphin,handed her, as a ticket of admission, a finely-cut ornament of ivorymounted in gold, with a pin, by which the invited owner was intended tofix it like a brooch in her peplum; and at each entrance to the theatre,the ladies, as they came in, had a similar present made them.
The passage leading to the auditorium was full of perfume, and Arsinoe,who had already visited this theatre two or three times, hardlyrecognized it, it was so gaily decorated with colored scarfs. And whohad ever seen ladies and young girls filling the best places insteadof men, as was the case to-day? Indeed the citizens' daughters were ingeneral not permitted to see a theatrical performance at all, unless onvery special and exceptional occasions. She looked up with a smileat the empty topmost rows of the cheapest seats of the semicircularauditorium, as one looks at an old playfellow one had outgrown by ahead, for it was there--when she had occasionally been permitted to dipinto their scanty common purse--that she had almost fainted many a time,with pleasure, fear, or sympathy, though the draught so high up andunder the open heaven which was the only roof, was incessantly blowing;and in summer the discomforts were even greater from the awning whichshaded the amphitheatre on the sunny side. The wide breadths of canvaswere managed by means of stout ropes, and when these were pulled throughthe rings they rode in, they made a screech which compelled the bearerto stop his ears; and often it was necessary to duck his head not tobe hit by the heavy ropes or by the awning itself. But Arsinoe onlyremembered these things to-day as a butterfly sporting in the sun mayremember the hideous pupa-case that it has burst and left behind it.
Radiant with happy excitement, she was led to her seat with her youngcompanion, the black-haired daughter of the shipwright. She perceivedindeed that numerous eyes turned upon her, but that only added to herpleasure, for she knew that she could well bear looking at, and therecould be no greater pleasure, as she thought, than to give pleasure to amultitude.
To-day at any rate! For those who were looking at her were the chiefcitizens of Alexandria; they stood on the stage, and among them stoodkind tall Pollux, waving his hand to her. She could not keep her feetquiet, but she did contrive to keep her arms still by crossing them infront of her, so that they might not betray how excited she was.
This distribution of parts had already begun, for, by waiting forSelene, she had come in almost half an hour too late. As soon as shesaw that the eyes that had been attracted to herself as she entered thetheatre had turned to other objects she herself looked round her. Shewas sitting on a bench at the lowest and narrowest end of one of thewedge-shaped sections of seats, which grew wider at the upper end, andwhich were divided from each other by gangways for those who came andwent, thus forming the semicircular area of the auditorium.
Here she was surrounded only by young girls and women who were to havea part or place in the performances. The places for these interestedpersons were divided from the stage by a space for the orchestra, whencethe stage was easily reached by steps up which the chorus were wont tomount to it.
Behind Arsinoe, in the larger circular rows, sat the parents andhusbands of the performers, among whom Keraunus, in his saffron robe,had taken a place, besides a considerable number of sight-loving matronsand older citizens who had accepted Plutarch's invitation.
Among the young women and girls Arsinoe saw several whose beauty struckher, but she admired them ungrudgingly, and it never came into her headto compare herself with them, for she knew very accurately that shewas pretty, and that even here she had nothing to conceal, and this wasenough for her.
The many-voiced hum which incessantly buzzed in her ears, and theperfume which rose from the attar in the orchestra had somethingintoxicating in them. Her gaze round the assembled multitude could notdisturb any one, and her companion had found some friends with whom shewas chattering and laughing. Other ladies and young girls sat staringsilently in front of them, or studying the appearance of the rest of theaudience, male and female; while others again concentrated their wholeattention on the stage. Arsinoe soon followed this example, nor wasthis solely on account of Pollux who, by the prefect's orders, had beenenlisted among the artists to whom the arrangement of the display wasentrusted, in spite of the objections of his master Papias. More thanonce before had she seen the afternoon sun shine as brightly into thetheatre as it did to-day, and the blue sky overarching it without acloud, but with what different feelings did she now direct her gaze tothe raised level behind the orchestra. The background, it is true, wasthe same as usual, the pillared front of a palace built entirely ofcolored marbles, and ornamented with gold; but on this occasion freshgarlands of fragrant flowers hung gracefully between the pilasters andacross from column to column. Several artists, the first of the city,with tablets and styla in their hands were moving about among fiftygirls and ladies, and Plutarch himself, and the gentlemen with him,composed, as it were a grand chorus which sometimes divided, andsometimes stood all together.
On the right side of the stage were three purple-covered couches. Onone of them sat Titianus, the prefect, who, like the artists, used hispencil; with him was his wife Julia. On another reclined Verus, at fulllength, and as usual, crowned with roses; the third was for Plutarch,but was unoccupied. The praetor did not hesitate to interrupt anyspeaker, as though he were the host of the entertainment, and many ofhis remarks were followed by loud applause, or approving laughter.
The face and figure of the wealthy Plutarch, which could never beforgotten, were not altogether strange to Arsinoe, for, a few dayspreviously he had shown himself for the first time in many years in hispapyrus factory, with an architect to settle with him how the courtsand rooms could best be cleaned and decorated for the reception of theEmperor; and on this occasion he had gone into the room where she workedand had pinched her cheek with a few roguish and flattering words.
There he was, walking across the stage. He was an old man, said tobe about seventy years of age, his legs were half-paralyzed, and theynevertheless moved with a series of incessant and rapid but unvoluntaryjerks under his heavy bowed body, and he was supported on either hand bya tall young fellow. His nobly-formed head, must have been in his youth,of extraordinary beauty. Now his head was covered by a wig of long brownhair, his eyebrows and lashes were darkly dyed, his cheeks daubed withred and white paint, which gave his countenance a fixed expression, asif he had been stricken in the very act of smiling. On his curls he worea wreath of rare flowers in long racemes. An abundance of red and whiteroses stuck out from the front folds of his ample toga, and were heldin their place by gold brooches, sparkling with precious stones of largesize. The hems of his mantle were all edged with rose-buds, and eachwas fastened in with an emerald that shone like some bright insect. Theyoung men who supported him seemed like a portion of himself; he tookno more heed of them than if they had been crutches, and they needed notcommand to tell them where he wished to go, where to stand still, andwhere to rest.
At a distance his face was like that of a youth, but seen close itlooked like a painted plaster mask, with regular features and largemovable eyes.
Favorinus, the sophist, had said of him that one might cry over hishandsome locomotive corpse, if one were not obliged to laugh at it,and it was said that he had himself declared that he would force hisfaithless youth to remain wit
h him. The Alexandrians called him theAdonis with six legs, on account of the lads who supported him, andwithout whom no one ever saw him and who always accompanied him when hewent out. The first time he heard this nickname he remarked: "They hadbetter have called me sixhanded;" and in fact he had a thoroughlygood heart, he was liberal and benevolent, took fatherly care of hiswork-people, treated his slaves well, enriched those whom he set free,and from time to time distributed large sums among the people in moneyand in grain.
Arsinoe looked compassionately on the poor old man who could not buyback his youth with all his money and all his art.
In the supercilious man who at once came up to Plutarch she recognizedthe art-dealer Gabinius to whom her father had shown the door,on account of the mosaic picture in their sitting-room, but theirconversation was interrupted, for the distribution of the women's partfor the group of Alexander's entry into Babylon, was now about to takeplace; about fifty girls and young women were sent away from the stageand went down into the orchestra. The Exegetes, the highest official inthe town, now came forward and took a new list out of the hand of Papiasthe sculptor. After rapidly casting an eye on this, he handed it to aherald who followed him, who proclaimed to all the assembly:
"In the name of the most noble Exegetes I request your attention, allyou ladies here assembled, the wives and daughters of Macedonians and ofRoman citizens. We now come to a distribution of the characters in ourrepresentation of the life and history of the great Macedonian, of the'Marriage of Alexander and Roxana,' and I hereby request those among youto come upon the stage whom our artists have selected to take part inthis scene in the procession." After this exordium he shouted in a deepand resonant voice a long list of names, and while this was going onevery other sound was hushed in the wide amphitheatre.
Even on the stage all was still; only Verus whispered a few remarksto Titianus, and the curiosity-dealer spoke into Plutarch's ear, longsentences with the stringent emphasis which was peculiar to him; and theold man answered sometimes with an assenting nod, and sometimes with adeprecatory motion of his hands.
Arsinoe listened with suspended breath to the herald's proclamation;she started and colored all over, with her eyes fixed on the bunch offlowers in her hand, when she heard from the stage loudly uttered andplain to be heard by all present:
"Arsinoe, the second daughter of Keraunus, the Macedonian and a Romancitizen."
The ship-builder's daughter had already been called before her, and hadimmediately left her seat, but Arsinoe waited modestly till some olderladies rose. She then joined them and went among the last members of thelittle procession which went down to the orchestra and from thence upthe steps for the chorus, on to the stage.
There the ladies and young girls were placed in two ranks, and lookedat with amiable consideration by the artists. Arsinoe was not long inperceiving that these gentlemen looked at her longer and more oftenthan at the others; and then, after the masters of the festival had goneaside in groups to discuss the matter they looked at her constantly andwere talking, she felt sure, about her. Nor did it escape her thatshe had become the centre of many glances from the lookers-on who weresitting in the theatre, and it occurred to her that on several sidespeople were pointing at her with their fingers. She did not know whichway she should look and began to feel bashful; still she was pleased atbeing remarked by so many people, and as she stood looking at the groundout of sheer embarrassment to hide the delight she felt, Verus, who hadgone up to the group of artists, called out, putting his hand on theprefect's arm.
"Charming-charming! a Roxana that might have sprung straight out of thepicture."
Arsinoe heard these words, and guessing that they referred to hershe became more confused than ever, while her awkward smile graduallychanged to an expression of joyful but anxious expectation of a delightwhich was almost painful in its magnitude.
Now one of the artists pronounced her name, and as she ventured to raiseher eyes to see if it were not Pollux who had spoken, she observed thewealthy Plutarch who, with his two living crutches and Gabinius, thelean curiosity-dealer, was inspecting the ranks of her companions.Presently he had come quite close to her, and as he was helped towardsher with tottering steps, he dug the dealer in the ribs and said,kissing the back of his hand, and winking his great eyes: "I know--Iknow! It is not easily forgotten. Ivory and red coral!"
Arsinoe started, the blood left her cheeks, and all satisfaction fledfrom her heart when the old man came to a stand-still in front of her,and said kindly:
"Ah! ah! a bud out of the papyrus factory among all these proud rosesand lilies. Ah! ah! out of my work-rooms to join my assembly! Nevermind-never mind, beauty is everywhere welcome. I do not ask how you gothere. I am only glad that you are here."
Arsinoe covered part of her face with her hand, but he tapped her whitearm three times with his middle finger, and then tottered on laughingto himself. The dealer had caught Plutarch's words, and asked him, whenthey had gone a few steps from Arsinoe, with eager indignation:
"Did I hear you rightly? a work-woman in your factory, and here amongour daughters?"
"So it is--two busy hands among so many idle ones," said the old man,gaily.
"Then she must have forced her way in, and must be turned out."
"Certainly she shall not--Why, she is charming."
"It is revolting! here, in this assembly!"
"Revolting?" interrupted Plutarch. "Oh dear, no! we must not betoo particular. And how are we to obtain mere children from youantiquity-mongers?" Then he added pleasantly:
"This lovely creature must I should think, delight your fine sense ofbeauty; or are you afraid that she may seem better suited to the part ofRoxana than your own charming daughter? Only listen to the men up there!Let us see what is going on."
These words referred to a loud discussion which had arisen close by thecouches of the prefect and Verus, the praetor. They, and with them mostof the painters and sculptors present, were of opinion that Arsinoewould be a wonderfully effective Roxana; they maintained that her faceand figure answered perfectly to those of the Bactrian princes as theywere represented by Action, whose picture was, to a certain extent,to serve as the basis of the living group. Only Papias and two of hisfellow-artists, declared against this choice, and eagerly asserted thatamong all the damsels present one, and one alone, was worthy to appearbefore the Emperor as Alexander's bride, and that one was Praxilla, thedaughter of Gabinius. All three were in close business relations withthe father of the young girl, who was tall, and slim, and certainlyvery lovely, and they wanted to do a pleasure to the rich and knowingpurchaser. Their zeal even assumed a tone of vehemence, when the dealer,following in the wake of Plutarch, joined the group of disputants, andthey were certain of being heard by him.
"And who is this girl yonder?" asked Papias, pointing to Arsinoe, as thetwo came up. "Nothing can be said against her beauty, but she is dressedless than simply, and wears no kind of ornament worth speaking of--it isa thousand to one against her parents being in a position to provide herwith such a rich dress, and such costly jewels as Roxana certainly oughtto display when about to be married to Alexander. The Asiatic princessmust appear in silk, gold and precious stones. Now my friend here willbe able so to dress his Praxilla that the splendor of her attire mighthave astonished the great Macedonian himself, but who is the father ofthat pretty child who is satisfied with the blue ribbon in her hair, hertwo roses, and her little white frock?"
"Your reflections are just, Papias," interrupted the dealer, withdry incisiveness. "The girl you are speaking of is quite out of thequestion. I do not say so for my daughter's sake, but because everythingin bad taste is odious to me; it is hardly conceivable how such a youngthing could have had the audacity to force herself in here. A prettyface, to be sure, opens locks and bars. She is--do not be too muchstartled--she is nothing more than a work-girl in the papyrus factory ofour excellent host, Plutarch."
"That is not the truth," Pollux interrupted, indignantly, as he heardthis asser
tion.
"Moderate your tongue, young man," replied the dealer. "I can call youto witness, noble Plutarch."
"Let her be whom she may," answered the old man, with annoyance. "Sheis very one of my workwomen, but even if she had come straight here fromthe gumming-table with such a face and such a figure, she is perfectlyin place here and everywhere. That is my opinion."
"Bravo! my fine friend!" cried Verus, nodding to the old man. "Caesarwill be far better pleased with such a paragon of charmers as that sweetcreature, than with all your old writs of citizenship and heavy purses."
"That is true," the prefect said, confirming this statement. "And I dareswear she is a free maiden, and not a slave. But you stood up for herfriend Pollux--what do you know about her?"
"That she is the daughter of Keraunus, the palace-steward, and thatI have known her from her childhood," answered the youthful artistemphatically. "He is a Roman citizen, and of an old Macedonian house aswell."
"Perhaps even of royal descent," added Titianus, laughing.
"I know the man," answered the dealer hastily. "He is an impecuniousinsolent old fool."
"I should think," interrupted Verus with lofty composure, but rather asbeing bored, than as reproving the irritated speaker, "it seems to methat this is hardly the place to conduct a discussion as to the natureand disposition of the fathers of all those ladies and young girls."
"But he is poor," cried the dealer angrily. "A few days since he offeredto sell me his few miserable curiosities, but really I could not--"
"We are sorry for your sake if the transaction was unsuccessful," Verusagain interposed, this time with excessive politeness. "Now, first letus decide on the persons and afterwards on the costumes. The father ofthe girl is a Roman citizen then?"
"A member of the council, and in his way a man of position," repliedTitianus.
"And I," added his wife Julia, "have taken a great fancy to the sweetlittle maid, and if the principal part is given to her, and her noblefather is without adequate means, as you assert my friend, I willundertake to provide for her costume. Caesar will be charmed with such aRoxana."
The dealer's clients were silent, he himself was trembling withdisappointment and vexation, and his fury rose to the utmost whenPlutarch, whom till then he thought he had won over to his daughter'sside, tried to bow his bent old body before dame Julia, and said with agraceful gesture of regret:
"My old eyes have deceived me again on this occasion. The little girl isvery like one of my workwomen; very like--but I see now that there isa certain something which the other lacks. I have done her an injusticeand remain her debtor. Permit, me, noble lady to add the ornaments tothe dress you provide for our Roxana. I may be lucky enough to findsomething pretty for her. A sweet child! I shall go at once and beg herforgiveness and tell her what we propose. May I do so noble Julia? HaveI your permission gentlemen?"
In a very few minutes it was known all over the stage, and soon afterall through the amphitheatre, that Arsinoe, the daughter of Keraunus,had been selected to represent the character of Roxana.
"But who was Keraunus?"
"How was it that the children of the most illustrious and wealthycitizens had been overlooked in assigning this most prominent part?"
"This was just what might be expected when every thing was left to thosereckless artists!"
"And where was a poor little girl like that to find the talents whichit would cost to procure the costume of an Asiatic princess, Alexander'sbride?"
"Plutarch, and the prefect's wife had undertaken that."
"A mere beggar."
"How well the family jewels would have suited our daughters!"
"Do we want to show Caesar nothing but a few silly pretty faces?--andnot something of our wealth and taste?"
"Supposing Hadrian asks who this Roxana is, and had to be told that acollection had to be made to get her a proper costume."
"Such things never could happen anywhere but in Alexandria."
"Every one wants to know whether she worked in Plutarch's factory. Theysay it is not true--but the painted old villain still loves a prettyface. He smuggled her in, you may be sure; where there is smoke there isfire, and it is beyond a doubt that she gets money from the old man."
"What for?"
"Ah! you had better enquire of a priest of Aphrodite. It is nothing tolaugh at, it is scandalous, audacious!"
Thus and on this wise ran the comments with which the announcement ofArsinoe's preferment to the part of Roxana was received, and hatredand bitter animosity had grown up in the souls of the dealer and hisdaughter. Praxilla was selected as a companion to Alexander's bride,and she yielded without objecting, but on her way homewards she noddedassent when her father said:
"Let things go on now as they may, but a few hours before theperformance begins, I will send them word that you are ill."
The selection of Arsinoe had however, on the other hand, given pleasureas well as pain. Up in the middle places in the amphitheatre satKeraunus, his legs far apart, his face glowing, panting and choking withsheer delight, and too haughty to draw in his feet even when the brotherof the archidikastes tried to squeeze by his bulky person which filledtwo seats at once. Arsinoe, whose sharp ears had not failed to catch thedealer's remonstrances, and the words in which brave Pollux had takenher part, had, at first, felt dying of shame and terror, but now shefelt as though she could fly on the wings of her delight. She had neverbeen so happy in her life, and when she got out with her father, in thefirst dark street she threw her arms round his neck, kissed both hischeeks, and then told him how kind the lady Julia, the prefect'swife had been to her, and that she had undertaken, with the warmestfriendliness, to have her costly dress made for her.
Keraunus had no objection to offer, and, strange to say, he did notconsider it beneath his dignity to allow Arsinoe to be supplied withjewels by the wealthy manufacturer.
"People have seen," he said, pathetically, "that we need not shrink fromdoing as much as other citizens do, but to dress a Roxana as befitsa bride would cost millions, and I am very willing to confess to myfriends that I have not millions. Where the costume comes from is allthe same, be that as it may you will still stand the first of all themaidens in the city, and I am pleased with you for that, my child.To-morrow will be the last meeting, and then perhaps Selene too, mayhave a prominent part given to her. Happily we are able to dress her asbefits. When will the prefect's wife fetch you?"
"To-morrow about noon."
"Then early to-morrow buy a nice new dress."
"Will there not be enough for a new bracelet too?" asked Arsinoe,coaxingly. "This one of mine is too narrow and trumpery."
"You shall have one, for you have deserved it," replied Keraunus, withdignity. "But you must have patience till the day after to-morrow;to-morrow the goldsmiths will be closed on account of the festival."
Arsinoe had never seen her father so cheerful and talkative as he wasto-day, and yet the walk from the theatre to Lochias was not avery short one, and it was long past the early hour at which he wasaccustomed to retire to bed.
By the time the father and daughter reached the palace it was alreadytolerably late, for, after Arsinoe had quitted the stage, suitablerepresentatives of parts had been selected for three other scenes fromthe life of Alexander, by the light of torches, lamps and tapers; andbefore the assemblage broke up, Plutarch's guests were entertained withwine, fruit, syrups, sweet cakes, oyster pasties, and other delicacies.The steward had fallen with good will on the noble drink and excellentfood, and when he was replete, he was wont to be in a better humor, andafter a modicum of wine, in a more cheerful mood than usual. Just nowhe was content and kind, for although he had done all that lay in hispower, the entertainment had not lasted long enough, for him to arriveat a state of intoxication which could make him surly, or to overloadhis digestion. Towards the end of their walk, he turned thoughtful andsaid:
"To-morrow the council does not sit on account of the festival, and thatis well; all the world will
congratulate me, question me, and notice me,and the gilding on my circlet is quite shabby; and in some places thesilver shines through. Your outfit will now cost nothing, and it isquite necessary that before the next meeting I should go to a goldsmithand exchange that wretched thing for one of real gold. A man should showwhat he is."
He spoke the words pompously, and Arsinoe eagerly acquiesced, andonly begged him, as they went in at the open door, to leave enough forSelene's costume; he laughed quietly to himself, and said:
"We need no longer be so very cautious. I should like to know who theAlexander will be who will be the first to ask for my Roxana as hiswife. Rich old Plutarch's only son already has a seat in the council,and has not yet taken a wife. He is no longer very young, but he is afine man still."
The radiant father's dream of the future was interrupted by Doris, whocame out of the gate-house and called him by his name. Keraunus stoodstill. When the old woman went on:
"I must speak with you."
He answered, repellently: "But I shall not listen to you--neither nownor at any time."
"It was certainly not for my pleasure," retorted Doris, "that I calledto you; I have only to tell you that you will not find your daughterSelene at home."
"What do you say?" cried Keraunus.
"I say that the poor girl with her damaged foot could at last walk nofarther, and that she had to be carried into a strange house where sheis being taken care of."
"Selene!" cried Arsinoe, falling from all her clouds of happiness,startled and grieved--"do you know where she is?"
Before Doris could reply, Keraunus stormed out:
"It is all the fault of the Roman architect and his raging beast ofa dog. Very good! very good! now Caesar will certainly help me to myrights. He will give a lesson to those who throw Roxana's sister into asick-bed, and hinder her from taking any part in the processions. Verygood! very good indeed!"
"It is sad enough to cry over!" said the gatekeeper's wife, indignantly."Is this the thanks she gets for all her care of her little brothers andsisters! Only to think that a father can speak so, when his best childis lying with a broken leg, helpless among strangers!"
"With a broken leg," whimpered Arsinoe.
"Broken!" repeated Keraunus slowly, and now sincerely anxious. "Wherecan I find her?"
"At dame Hannah's little house at the bottom of the garden belonging tothe widow of Pudeus."
"Why did they not bring her here?"
"Because the physician forbade it. She is in a fever, but she is wellcared for. Hannah is one of the Christians. I cannot bear the people,but they know how to nurse the sick better than any one."
"With Christians! my child is with Christians!" shrieked Keraunus,beside himself. "At once Arsinoe, at once come with me; Selene shall notstay a moment longer among that accursed rabble. Eternal gods! besidesall our other troubles this disgrace too!"
"Nay, it is not so bad as that," said Doris soothingly. "There arevery estimable folks even among the Christians. At any rate they arecertainly honorable, for the poor hunch-backed creature who firstbrought the bad news gave me this little bag of money which dame Hannahhad found in Selene's pocket."
Keraunus took his daughter's hard-won wages as contemptuously as thoughhe was quite accustomed to gold, and thought nothing of more wretchedsilver; but Arsinoe began to cry at the sight of the drachmae, for sheknew it was for the sake of that money that Selene had left her home,and could divine what frightful pain she must have suffered on the way.
"Honorable this, and honorable that!" cried Keraunus, as he tied uphis money-bag. "I know well enough how shameless are the goings on inassemblies of that stamp; kissing and hugging slaves! quite the rightsort of thing for my daughter! Come Arsinoe, let us find a litter atonce!"
"No, no!" exclaimed Doris eagerly. "For the present you must leave herin peace. I should be glad to conceal it from you as a father--but thephysician declared it might cost her her life if she were not left justnow in perfect quiet. No one goes to any kind of assembly with a burningwound in the head, a high fever and a broken leg.--Poor dear child!"
Keraunus stood silent in grave consternation, while Arsinoe exclaimedthrough her tears:
"But I must go to her, I must see her Doris."
"That I cannot blame you for, my pretty one," said the old woman. "Ihave already been to the house of the Christians, but they would not letme in to see the patient. With you it is rather different as you are hersister."
"Come father," begged Arsinoe, "first let us see to the children, andthen you shall come with me to see Selene. Oh! why did I not go withher. Oh! if she should die."