Chapter Fourteen - Confidence
HERBORG SNUFFLED AROUND in Merl's front garden, shuffling over to sniff at our feet and covering us in green snot as we came in to land. Each of us landing clumsily with one hand on the heavy sword.
"Shoo you snorting lump." Merl complained, trying to scoot the boar off with his foot. A black wisp of smoke escaped Heborg's vast nostrils as he headed into the thicket to search for insects.
"What do you think happened to the old man monster?" I asked more out of curiosity than concern.
"That was a Redcap and I believe he met his demise on the rocks of Cragsley cliffs. Redcaps are known for being hardy little demons but even a Redcap could not have survived such a fall." I nodded, feeling strangely reassured. It wasn't like I was planning to go back to Castle Crag anytime soon but the place had something beautiful and enchanting about it. It seemed such a shame that it had been left in ruin with only creatures like that horrible Redcap to inhabit it.
"That was a very dangerous thing you did today, you are aware of that are you not?" Merl said disapprovingly.
"I'm aware that we were about to become Redcap dinner and you're welcome by the way." I answered defiantly.
"If the wind had been stronger it could have proved difficult to open our wings. We might very-well have been at the bottom of those cliffs with the Redcap." Merl was becoming irritated. He pulled my wings off with a crack before taking off his own.
"Well it wasn't and we're fine. Why do you always think your way of doing things is the only way?" I asked annoyed.
"Because, I have been around for a great deal longer than you and therefore I have acquired a considerable amount of worldly knowledge that you -being as young as you are- are not privy to." He answered. I shook my head and exhaled deeply in exasperation. I bit my tongue, now was not the time to get into a squabble but Merl could be so infuriating sometimes. Satisfied that he had won the debate, Merl held up the Sword of Cali and I gazed at it properly for the first time.
It was long, with a shimmering turquoise blade that reminded me of rippling water as it caught the light of the afternoon sun. The handle was fashioned from pebbles, blue, grey, black, yellow and red all featured within the intricate design.
"It's amazing." I uttered transfixed by the beauty of the supernatural object in Merl's hands. I put my hand to the blade, wrapping around its thick body in astonishment. It was barely a touch yet when the blade met the soft skin on my wrist a nasty looking gouge emerged.
"Ouch." I held my hand to the wound to stem the blood. Merl was too busy admiring the beauty of the weapon to notice my pain.
"Water quenches a fire's thirst." Merl muttered.
"Hello dearies." Bettery appeared at the end of the garden path. The wrought iron six- foot gate made her seem even shorter than she already was. Merl shifted uncomfortably as he tried to hide the sword behind his back.
"I have seen it I have." Bettery shouted, saving Merl the trouble. "Whatever do you need that for?"
"The spell." I answered. Merl gave me a stiff kick to the shin. "Ouch, what!" I said confused.
"Nothing you need worry yourself over." Merl answered forcing a smile and failing to sound as causal as he was obviously trying to. Bettery approached, reacting to my confused expression with one of indignation.
"Merrydian! What is it you are trying to hide from me? I was not born yesterday I wasn't." Merl eyed me angrily. As if I should have been aware of whatever it was I was clearly missing.
"You know about the spell Bettery, you were there, in Madge's cabin." I prompted. Bettery face filled with confusion then switched to realisation before finally settling on annoyance. "Oh dear." I whispered. Merl had done something to make Bettery forget the spell and I had just unknowingly given the game away. It all made sense now, that's why Bettery's mood changed so quickly after we came home. I wasn't sure whether I felt guilty that I had gotten Merl into trouble or annoyed that Merl was hiding the truth from Bettery.
"Come with me please Merrydian, we have something to talk about we do." Bettery's tone was harsh. "Violet deary can you take these nettle scones to Madge for me? She's in the cabin at the back." She handed me the wicker basket she had been carrying.
"She's not staying here! It's bad enough that Bugul has fashioned himself a home in my ruddy tree." Merl was indignant.
"It's not like they're jostling for a space in your bed it's not Merrydian and she cleared the entrance to that cabin all on her own. It took her all day it did, you can't send her away, not with it being so dangerous out there it is. Now come." Bettery wasn't messing around. Merl gave me a steely backward glance as he followed her through the heavy doorway dragging the Sword of Cali behind him as he went.
"Blabbermouth!" Fizzlesnap shouted in my direction as the door slammed to a close.
I had learnt from previous experience so I slowly navigated through the thistle bushes that led to Merl's back garden. I could hear Herborg scratching and clawing at the ground as I passed but the brambles were so thick that I couldn't actually see him. It was instantly obvious as I emerged through the other side, that a huge area of thicket and ivy that served as a barrier had been cleared away, or more appropriately singed away to reveal a small, yellow wooden door. The door to the mysterious structure I had noticed last summer, a cabin! I had forgotten all about it. I set off toward the cabin with a sense of curiosity I hadn't felt since I was a child.
"Violet!" Elba sat behind me on the grass eating a scarlet apple.
"Oh, hello Elba, I didn't see you there." We hadn't seen much of one another since she spent most of her time sleeping. She shrugged her shoulders and took another bite of her apple. I wanted to ask her how her search was going but I didn't want to start another quarrel. She looked me up and down in the way she always did, an inspection of sorts, I guess it came with the territory of being an officer in the Worlen army. Her brow furrowed as her eyes settled on my wrist.
"You're bleeding!" She stated dropping her apple to the ground.
"It's not as bad as it looks." I said, inspecting the trail of dried blood that had now reached my elbow.
"Here." She ripped a piece of fabric from her dark brown vest and used it to wipe the blood away. When she had cleaned the wound, she ripped another piece of fabric from her ever-depleting vest and used it as a bandage.
"Thanks. I owe you." I said gratefully.
"Don't mention it." She yawned. "I had better get some sleep." She muttered before disappearing into the thistle brushes at the side of the house without another word.
"Bye then." I muttered under my breath. Elba was becoming a figure of confusion to me, one minute she might be friendly and kind the next she was a nightmare. It was true, her experience in Forge Gate had altered her and I supposed that the late nights she spent searching the woods didn't exactly make her sociable in the day, but I still had the feeling she blamed me for something and no matter what, she was always reminded of that something whenever she saw me.
I walked to the bottom of the garden and gave the door three quick knocks.
"Go away Merl' I'm not here and when I am here, I'm staying here!" Madge's muffled voice came from not far from where I stood.
"It's me, Violet. I have some nettle scones from Bettery." I called back. The door swung open instantly. The smell of dust and fire escaped from within.
"Come in, come in." Madge shuffled around in the room, coming in and out of focus as she passed through the beams of light that broke through the gaps in the foliage covering the small sash windows. I put my hand up to my mouth in an attempt to filter the dust in the air before it reached my lungs, and then stepped inside.
Inside the cabin, the walls were a light timber with a small iron chimenea sat in the middle for heat. Wooden roses had been carved into the roof beams for decoration. A candle chandelier -half-hidden by cobwebs- hung from the centre beam. A round cushioned seat fashioned from salmon pink material sat by the window. Behind the seat was a small copper-framed daybed embellished
with pearls that had been worked into the metal. Just beyond the daybed was a slim wooden door.
Madge was using the chimenea to roast a small creature, possibly a bird or maybe it was a rat. Whatever it had been its small body was now too blackened to tell. She pulled it from the fire with her bare hands and poked it in my direction.
"Want some?"
"No thanks, I'm not hungry." I declined politely yet Madge still looked a little hurt. "I'm glad you've decided to come here and stay with us." I said. It was an genuine statement, I was looking forward to learning more about Madge, after all she was as much a relation to me as Merl was, however distant.
"You too." Madge said through a smile. "You so remind me of Gweni, you know, she was an extraordinary young woman even for our standards."
"I know a little about her, she was a very brave person." I said.
"That she was and much, much more." Madge agreed.
"It wasn't really a decision, it was a necessity." Madge pointed out, referring to our previous line of conversation. As she finished chewing the last of her chargrilled meat, she walked across the room, exhaling a puff of fire to light a thick wax candle sat on the window. "I had no choice. It isn't safe on the moors any longer. Especially not for my little Herborg, do you know that those stinking horrible Gnarls tried to eat him?" Her face was flushed with anger. "Come to think of it, where is my little Herby?"
"He's out in the Thistles." I answered.
"I do worry about him, he's all I've got you know." She said.
"That's not true, you've got Merl." Madge's scaled face crinkled disapprovingly. "You've got me." I added.
"It has been such a long time since I had a granddaughter." Madge smiled wistfully.
"Such a long time. Nobody wants to keep the company of a cursed old woman you know. Even Benevoly, with her great big heart, was unnerved by me at times but never my Gweni, just like her mother the bravest of souls." Poor Madge, all she had wanted was to save her unborn child but it was obvious the price she paid weighed heavily on her to this day.
"You said when we came to visit you that you would do the spell again." I began.
"I would." Madge nodded.
"How does it feel? I mean, when you drink the potion and cast the spell. Do you feel differently straight away?" I was curious. Madge eyed me speculatively.
"Are you having second thoughts child?"
"Second thoughts would require an element of choice and I don't have one." I answered honestly.
"There is always another way." Madge said softly.
"But there isn't, I'm no match for Agrona and Merl cannot protect me forever. Eventually, we are going to meet again and this time she is going to be better prepared. So must I." I argued.
"That much is true. Is that the only reason you are willing to poison yourself? Because that's what it feels like you know, it feels like being poisoned. You don't notice at first, not at first, but then it begins. Like a slow trickle of toxins invading your blood, saturating the deepest parts of you. You can feel it sinking into you, becoming you and then changing you. I don't just mean physically, of course growing a tail and scales is not ideal but it's the changes on the inside that affect you the most. Changes to the person you were, a constant battle rages within you." Madge warned. My determination wavered with her words. She seemed to sense the change in me. "Merl could have hidden you in your own world. He still can." She suggested.
"There are enough lives at risk because of me already. I don't want to endanger any others." I said.
"And you think she will stop on this tiny island if she completes the spell she began all those years ago? Taking your heart will be the beginning for her. It will mean more than the decimation of Falinn Galdur and most likely the death of Merl. It will spell the end of the world, as you knew it too. I can't see how having you here on this island like a carrot dangling under the nose of a donkey is a good idea." My eyes found the floor I felt trapped and confused. I wasn't sure how to answer Madge. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to make your decision a difficult one, I just want to be sure that it is your own decision. Nobody knows the price of power better than I do, believe you me." Her spiked tail whipped around in the air behind her.
"There is no other choice, you said it yourself, she won't stop on this island and it's my fault she's awake, I have to do this." I asserted, trying to sound more certain about performing the spell than I actually was.
"As you wish child," Madge said stoically, "But remember, we must open our minds to all possibilities, only then can we see with clarity the best path to take."
Madge's words were still ringing in my ears as I made my way through the Thistles and back to Merl's house. I had been so sure that performing the spell was the right thing to do but part of that was because I thought Bettery had made her peace with it. Thinking that I had her support made me more confident about the whole thing, knowing now that Merl had tampered with her memory made me less so. I began to second-guess my decision, what if the spell changed me in a way that made me less human? I'd considered the fact that I might change physically over time and I knew that the curse would prolong my life. I'd already concluded that, weighed against the risks of not performing the spell, both were sacrifices I was willing to accept but a change on the inside? What did that even mean? Would the spell change who I was and how I thought? If so, then maybe that was a consequence too far, no matter how desperate I was for atonement.
Fizzlesnap allowed me entry without so much as one crossed word. I guess the look on my face had been enough to demonstrate to him that I wasn't in the mood for a squabble. I entered the house cautiously. Expecting to hear Bettery telling off Merl in the sitting room, I tried to make my way noiselessly. Instead of the anticipated shouting, I heard muffled sounds coming from the sitting room, the sound of a hushed yet heated conversation. Merl's voice was instantly recognisable but the other female voice in the room was not Bettery. I moved closer to the door and pressed my ear against the wood.
"Is it possible that you?well then?cannot." I couldn't make a legible sentence from the few words I could decipher.
"What, so I just give up?" The female voice became louder in anger. I jumped, feeling something warm and bristly brush past my leg. Herborg! I gave him a mild shove with my foot as I pushed the front door to a gentle close behind me. The door stopped short of closing completely and paying no attention to the direction I had tried to guide him in, Herborg sniffed his way upstairs. I could hear Merl's muffled voice again.
"Postpone?choice?don't believe?dead." Herborg reached the top of the stairs and disappeared from view. I started after him but the furious tone in the female's voice stopped me.
"So what? I should just give up. You could repair it if you wanted to, you're choosing not to because you want to keep him away from her."
"You interrupted me whilst I was in the middle of something very important, something I must get back to. I don't have time for petty arguments Ebla." Merl's voice rose in anger. Elba! Guess she had decided against going to sleep after-all.
The sound of Merl's footsteps stomping toward the door led me to hurry toward the nearest bookshelf and pull off a random book. I began thumbing through the pages, pretending to look deeply interested as Merl passed by, initially heading upstairs only to turn again and clump grumpily down the corridor and into the kitchen after Bettery had called him. Ebla followed him out, her eyes narrowed in suspicion when she noticed me stood at the bookshelf. She opened her mouth to speak but the sound of her words was no match for the sound of furious growling and crashing on the corridor above.
Elba looked as surprised as I was, we both stood motionless, gazing at one another as if one of us might have answers as to what was happening above us. Before either of us could make a move, Herborg came barrelling down the staircase screaming and grunting and then careering through the front door that had slowly swung open again. I remained shocked, staring at Herborg as he darted through the open iron gate and off down the path toward the village
.
It was mere seconds but I felt it, the brush of fur and muscle against my body, the vibration of a guttural growl that was tearing through the being so close to me and the smell. It was a smell I knew and then it was a shadow that passed through the doorway and tore down the path after Herborg going too fast to take in completely. It ripped the iron gate from its hinges as sped away into the village.
Elba was the first to move, flying out of the door with a speed that matched that of the shadow. I followed quickly after her, ignoring Merl's furious shouting as he emerged from the kitchen.
"Violet, Violet, ruddy well come back here!" I could hear the desperation in his voice but his calls were in vain. Whatever that shadow was, and although there was no logical reason for thinking so, I was convinced it had the answer to an urgent question.
I pushed my body harder than I had ever done before as my muscles worked furiously to keep in pace with Elba and the shadowy being just beyond her. My legs throbbed, yet I pushed onwards, barely noticing the scene of devastation that the shadow-being and Elba left in their wake as they toppled stalls and ran through floral displays. Bobbin traders and visitors to the village market dived out of the way, some screaming, some shocked into silence. Idris, who stood at the side of a hefty, hooded figure, next to one of the now overturned stalls haggling with a trader, noticed the commotion and joined in the chase just ahead of me.
I could hear the distant cries of Herborg, panicked screams as he fled the shadowy being that was mercilessly hunting him down. We all tore out of the village at inhuman speeds, racing to try to catch the being that I couldn't quite make out before me. My stomach dropped as I thought the shadowy being was on the verge of catching poor Herborg. However, the clever boar feigned left then swizzed right running through the safety of the Bobbin Barrier and toward the woods.
Both Elba and Idris stopped short of running through barrier, each one of them tumbling over as they slowed from impossible speeds to a complete halt in seconds. Now they were both out of the way, I caught an unobstructed view of the shadowy being and it became clear that they had both joined in the chase because the beast was one of them- a Worlen. Of course, it was a Worlen. That explained the smell, his smell. I raced through the defensive barrier feeling its warmth trickle away as I passed out onto unprotected land.
I was around five meters behind the Worlen when Herborg secured his survival by ducking into the nearest brush, his thick hide unaffected by the sharp thistles. The dissuaded Worlen did not follow him into the tightly twisted bush of nettles and brambles. I doubted the huge, bulging beast could have attempted to follow Herborg without becoming tangled. As the boar disappeared from view, the Worlen turned its attention on me. Its huge fangs, bared in a furious grimace; I turned to run back through the barrier. I could see the horror on the faces of Elba and Idris as they assessed my ability to get back to the safety of the barrier against the time that this crazed Worlen would need to catch me.
In my peripheral vision, I caught sight of a panicked Merl as he appeared from behind the house that sat at the end of the village, carrying the Moonstone Scythe in his withered hand. I willed my legs to move, feeling the tension in my muscles as if they were elastic bands about to snap from pressure. If I could get to the barrier then I could pass through and this Worlen, who seemed undoubtedly more foe than friend couldn't follow me. The barrier was safety or at least that was my hope as I dived desperately toward the barrier. My heart pumped and my hands shook with nerves, sparks of electricity fizzled from my palms. In moments, I was so close to the barrier that I could feel its cloud-like consistency on the tip of my nose. I reached out with both hands toward Elba, who was desperately reaching toward me in return. I could feel the tips of her fingers against my own, the sparks of electric etching tiny burn marks into her skin. I was almost there when my legs were swept from underneath me.
Panic rose as I could feel the sheer strength of the beast drawing me in. I knew that without magic, I didn't stand a chance but too frightened to concentrate I turned my head to the side, not daring to look into the rage-filled eyes of the beast. My hands fizzled with electric blue sparks of magic but in a state of absolute terror, I couldn't muster enough focus to make anything useful out of them. I could see Merl in the distance, coming closer, swinging the Scythe above his head in a circular motion. Rays of light so bright that the onlookers where shielding their eyes escaped from the Scythe with each swing.
I felt a huge weight press against me, bearing down on my upper torso. Gasping, I instinctively grabbed at the huge paws that threatened to asphyxiate me if I could not prise them off my chest. The Worlen's face grew closer to my own, angry growls vibrated through me. I could feel its warm breath against my cheek. I scratched frantically at its paws but my strength was fading. Everything became a blur. I could see Merl in and out of focus as he swung the Scythe and then light, a bright, brilliant light and then nothing. My hands dropped to my sides, all my energy waned. My eyes opening and closing involuntarily, I knew I was close to death. Then the weight was gone, a dulled thud sounded next to my head. The Worlen had fallen by my side; its snout inches from my face. I felt relief and then I felt the air. Beautiful fresh air, like fire tearing down my throat and filling my desperate lungs. The Worlen's crimson red eyes faded to amber yellow as it panted for breath. Merl, who had run at great speed toward us, now stood at the edge of the barrier with the Scythe pointed toward the Worlen. A final flash of white flew at the breathless Worlen, causing its body to convulse violently. A howl of pain preceded guttural angry rumblings and then the Worlen lunged toward me.
I closed my eyes, expecting to feel the sharp bite of teeth into the soft flesh of my face. Instead, I felt a greedy kiss as wet lips locked onto mine with animal desperation and urgency. I kissed back, inhaling the earthy smell. Opening my eyes and running my fingers through his black curled hair, his green eyes staring back into mine. I reluctantly pulled my face away from his, studying every detail to make sure it was really him.
"Jestin." I whispered. He did not mutter back instead, he placed his fingers under my chin, urging me back into the kiss. Powerless to resist him, I obliged.
My hands shook as I sat at Jestin's side on Merl's cushioned couch. If I were not in shock, the scene around me would have been amusing.
Jestin sat, draped in Merl's long robe and staring intently at the faces in the room, it was hard to read his expression. Bettery, Elba and Idris stood just inside the doorway. The looks on their faces ranged from concern to outright annoyance. Merl sat perched on the edge of his seat, dressed in off-white long-johns and a midnight-purple string vest. He had quickly thrown his robes over Jestin on the field when he had realised that he was in completely naked. Much to my own embarrassment, I was so wrapped up in our re-union that I hadn't noticed I was kissing a naked Jestin. I pushed my hands underneath my thighs. I didn't want anyone to notice just how shocked I was at being here with him, he was alive, here, now, next to me. I moved in closer to him to feel the heat radiating from his body, he was so warm- like fire. He responded with a piecing gaze that cut right into my core. He moved in closer as if to whisper something in my ear but instead he put his nose against the nape of my neck and began to nuzzle, the way an animal would.
"Jestin, stop!" I said embarrassed again. I was glad to have him close to me, to feel his skin against my skin but there was a time and a place for this and Merl's crowed living room was not it.
"He can't." Elba was furious. "It's his animal instinct. He wants to nuzzle you so he will. Self-control is a Worlen practice that has to be learnt and that can be forgotten under certain circumstances." When she had begun speaking, she was looking to me but she ended her sentence with an irate glare aimed directly at Merl.
Jestin moved his face into my mess of red hair and took a deep appreciative breath. A satisfied grumble escaped from his lips. My eyes darted to Bettery, who blushed with the same scarlet heat I felt in my own cheeks.
"Very interesting indeed." T
here was a faint twinge of amusement to Idris' tone. "The great wizard Merrydian, hiding a bared Worlen General. Scandalous!" He laughed.
"Scandalous! It's downright outrageous. This is a time when the Worlen people are fighting for their very existence. Every day, I have an aged Worlen elder or a small Worlen child asking about their relatives trapped in Forge Gate. They ask if I saw or heard anything of the one they have lost. They want to know if they're ever coming back, if the Worlens' will be set free by Agrona and I have no answer for them. Not one I can give them anyway. Still, here you are Merl, all the time knowing where the one Worlen who might be able to organise us well enough to mount a viable attack on Agrona is, and what do you do? You hide him. I would ask why but I'm fairly sure I already know the answer." Elba raged.
"That is simply not the case." Merl finally spoke. I got to my feet ready to defend my ancestor, only to feel a strong hand pull me back down to sitting position.
"Merl would never hide Jestin, there is obviously another explanation." I said, confident that Merl would not betray either of us in the way that Elba was so viciously accusing him of.
"That is not strictly true either." Merl said stoically.
"What do you mean?" I asked perplexed.
"It is a grey area." He said unhelpfully. I shook my head in utter confusion.
"MERRYDIAN!" Bettery stormed. "First you manipulate my memory and that was bad enough it was, but now we find out you've been hiding poor Jestin here you have. What has gotten into you Merrydian?" Merl looked toward the floor the same way that I always did when I felt guilty about something.
"What do you mean a grey area?" I asked, hoping he was going to give an explanation that didn't involve him hiding Jestin away. My breath came rapidly; I could feel the tears welling up in the corners of my eyes. Jestin gazed at me, sadness and confusion tainted his usually assured gaze. Was he even aware of the conversation around him? What had happened to him? Elba seemed to sense the dark cloud of despair that was descending on me.
"He'll come back to you." She said. "Eventually, but it's going to take time. You can't live as a wolf for so long and not lose yourself to the animal within." My eyes found out Merl who was looking apologetically at me.
"Why?" I demanded as the tears began to flow freely from my eyes.
"I was as concerned as you Violet when I heard Jestin has been attacked." He began to explain. "I repaired the portal and frequently passed through during the winter to look for Jestin. When I found him, he was curled under a tree half buried in snow and very near death. I had no choice but to forcibly bare him, it was the only way to keep him alive long enough to see him regain his strength."
"What do you mean bare him?" My voice shook with every word.
"What he means, my ignorant little flower, is that he used his considerable magical powers and impossibly rare Bugul Noz blood to turn my little brother here into a wolf indefinitely or as it turns out, until this lovely summers day." Idris smiled. "It is as though Merl here seems to think my little brother is a bad influence on you. I have to say I agree. Sheep are so easily led by wolves are they not?" He sniggered.
"Shut your mouth." I warned him angrily as I wiped the tears from my cheeks with the back of my sleeve. I did not miss the reference to Dahlia in his words.
"I thought it best to keep Jestin hidden until he had gained more strength and I had found a way to turn him back." Merl sighed as he pulled out a small vial attached to a string necklace from a dusty cabinet.
"This," He held it out for me to see. Its translucent glass, stained with a thick silvery substance, "held the blood of a Bugul Noz, Bundul, I believe his name was. I used the last few precious drops when I bared Jestin. He regained his strength at a remarkable pace in his wolf-form but I had no blood left to perform the opposing spell. Instead, I did the only sensible thing I could and hid him away until I had the capability to turn him back." Merl eyed me speculatively, trying to gage how I was feeling about his revelation. I wiped the newly formed salty tears away once again with the back of my sleeve.
"You mean you hid Jestin away because the affect he has on your little prot?g?e is an uncomfortable reality for you." Elba interrupted. "Better to imprison the Worlen General at a time when his people need him most than to allow him to influence our little heir here now isn't it?" Merl's eyes stayed firmly fixed on me. He did not acknowledge anything Elba had just said.
"That's enough now Elba it is, you're trying to paint Merl as bad as Agrona. Whatever Merl has done, he has done for our safety he has." Bettery stepped in.
"I disagree Bettery, whatever Merl has done; he has done for her safety not ours." Elba said angrily. "I suspect he has some master plan for his heir, something they will use against Agrona, obviously he doesn't want Jestin getting in their way." Bettery, Merl and I exchanged looks. Merl's was the most telling of all. A mixture of guilt and defiance etched on his face. There was some truth to Elba's words. Merl didn't want Jestin to get in the way of the spell. That was why he kept surveying my reaction, because he was waiting for me to realise this myself.
I felt the betrayal as a forceful jab to my gut. How could he allow Jestin to suffer like that, locked away, alone in the dark? And if he didn't care about Jestin, were my feelings so insignificant to him that he was willing to cut someone so important to me out of my life? The aching guilt I had felt in the last few months, visible on my face whenever Jestin's name had been mentioned, did that mean nothing to Merl? And what about Balthus? Merl knew that Balthus was suffering too. Was that meaningless to Merl too? My stomach knotted, each muscle contracting, tightening with painful ferocity. I wanted to curl into a ball on the floor. I wanted to scream at Merl, to run to the beach and jump back through the portal, back to my old life. There was no going back now so I held my tongue. My mother had always advised me that people never speak sensibly in anger.
"How lucky then, that I brought the Scythe to you, who knows when my mawkish little brother might have de-wolfed?" Idris laughed.
"That was undoubtedly fortunate." Merl nodded his head. "I had exhausted all other possibilities in attempting to change Jestin back."
"And then what?" I asked. "If you were successful, what would you have done with him? Would you have told me about this?" I pointed to Jestin, who sat on the sofa looking angry and confused. He clearly knew the topic was contentious, maybe he knew the conversation was about him, but the Jestin I recognised was temporarily lost to his wolf side. He made no attempt to add to the conversation. My heart ached, I was so glad he was here and okay but I wanted him back, the real Jestin.
"I intended to ensure his safety."
"Would you have told me?" I pressed.
"Distractions are a luxury we cannot afford." Merl answered starkly.
"Distractions from what?" Elba interrupted again.
"You really do have inflated sense of self little heir." Idris sniggered.
"Shut up!" I snapped at Idris. "Where were you going to send him?" I spoke through my teeth in anger.
"I had made arrangements with Olaf." Merl was calm; it was as if the whole conversation had been cathartic to him in some way.
"You were sending him off to the tiny giant!" Idris guffawed. "How lovely a pet for him, it must be very lonely in those wastelands I imagine."
"I SAID SHUT UP!" I exploded at Idris and not merely vocally. A charge of electric, so powerful that the room shook as it rumbled from the ground, shot through my body, causing my palms to jerk upward and flatten out. Two glowing streams of magenta left my body in the form of unspoken magic and hit Idris squarely in the chest. He shot back and upward becoming pinned to the wall by the streams that had now solidified into sticky ooze. Shocked expressions around the room indicated that I had gone too far, let my anger get the better of me. I didn't care I was sick of denying my feelings, pushing them deep inside so I didn't become a burden to anyone else, pretending I wasn't afraid to perform a spell that was going to curse me and for what? For someone who didn't even trust me enough
to tell me the truth.
"What did you think was going to happen Merl, that I would abandon the people of this island because Jestin was alive? That I wouldn't do what you want me to do because there was somebody else around who is just as important to me?" Idris wriggled hopelessly against the thick goo that stuck him to the wall. Merl shook his head,
"I thought it very likely that Jestin would have persuaded you against performing the spell and I couldn't take that risk."