* * * *
“What’s going on? Do you know anything?” Tara sat down beside Kitten, easing onto the sofa while she glanced around the room, her eyes moving from Dom to Dom. “Can you feel the vibes in this room? The men are all tense. They don’t get that way unless someone’s in serious trouble.”
Kitten looked around the penthouse, and sure enough, every Dom present seemed to be speaking quietly, their eyes finding hers from time to time. The sympathy she saw in them made her a little sick. She’d thought this was supposed to be a play party, but Cole hadn’t brought his kit with him. It didn’t look like anyone would be playing. They were all totally serious.
At first she’d been a bit relieved to put off the inevitable, but she’d rapidly realized something worse was happening.
Normally she would find her calm. She would take a deep breath. The Doms knew best. She didn’t need to worry. She could let them handle everything. They would tell her what she needed to know when she needed to know it.
Yes, that was what she’d done for years. Decades really since before coming here, she’d treated her father very much the same way. He knew best and she just waited.
Fuck that. She needed to know now. She couldn’t just sit here and hope for the best.
Tara knew all the good gossip. “What have you heard?”
Tara’s eyes went wide. “Are you asking me what I think you’re asking me?”
Sometimes her reputation for perfect behavior cost her time. “What have you heard about Mason? Or me? Is Cole planning something?”
“Miss Kitten, that would be gossiping.”
She didn’t have time for prevarication. “Yes, and I’ll take my punishment. I want to know. I want to know now.”
“I don’t know anything,” Tara said, leaning over and putting a hand over hers. “I know that Darin believes Mason’s accident wasn’t an accident, but he’s been busy and he hasn’t had a chance to check up on it. Everything’s been given over to the Dawsons. It’s weird. Darin told me he’d heard Cole was happy again.”
Then why was everyone looking at her like her world was about to fall apart? “That can’t be everything. I need to know more.”
“Why? I’m confused. You’re always so calm. You’re the one who told me that in order to be a sub I had to be more trusting.”
Why was Tara throwing her own stupid words back at her? Yes, she’d said them, and yes, she’d meant them at the time. She really had. She’d meant every word. She’d thought it was the way a true submissive acted. Now she realized the idiocy in even thinking there was such a thing as a “true” submissive. She’d clung to that word because she needed something to define her. She’d needed some set of recognizable letters that made up who she was. Submissive—willing to obey someone else. It was simple. It was easy. But life wasn’t easy. Love wasn’t easy. She couldn’t simply be submissive. Not if she wanted to be a woman who was worthy of her men. She had to be something more. She had to become again—become the woman Cole and Mason could love.
Unfortunately, that woman turned out to be a little impatient and a whole lot scared at the thought of not getting to be with both of them.
She loved them. Really loved them. For the first time in her life, she wanted something more than to be someone’s sub, someone’s slave. She wanted to be Cole’s love, Mason’s love. She wanted to be the heartbeat of a family.
She wanted more. She’d gone through life accepting the scraps she was given and now she knew one thing. She deserved more and she wasn’t going to stand for less than what she deserved.
She glanced over and Cole was standing there talking to Jack Barnes, but his eyes went toward the balcony where Mason was.
Mason was Cole’s first love. Mason had been Cole’s whole life as far as she could tell.
What if Cole decided he only wanted Mason?
“You just went pale. What’s wrong, honey?” Tara’s hand found hers.
“How long were they together?”
“Cole and Mason? They were together for years.”
“And what was the longest time they kept a woman?”
Tara shrugged a little. “Never too long. I think one was with them for a year or two.”
A couple of years. They were back together. Cole and Mason were getting to solid ground. What if they wanted to spend time alone? What if they were bringing her back to Julian so they could be on their own?
“I have a contract.”
Tara shook her head. “Yes. I think we all know that.”
“My contract is for six months.” She was only a few months in. He couldn’t dump her. It wasn’t fair. He had to keep her for the term of her contract. She could hold him to it. She could use it like a blunt instrument.
He’d told her he wanted her. He’d let Mason take her non-virginity. He’d let her believe she was beautiful. He’d told her he would take care of her. He’d told her with the contract, but more importantly, he’d promised her with his body. He’d made love to her.
Unless it had just been sex. Maybe she didn’t know the difference. It felt so much like love to her, but maybe it hadn’t been the same to him.
He hadn’t touched her sexually until Mason had come home. Even then, he’d allowed Mason to take her first—like an offering to keep him around.
Had he used her to keep Mason around?
She hated this. She hated feeling like this. This was why she’d held so much of herself back. She’d learned early on how horrible it felt to be unworthy.
“Kitten, sweetie, I don’t know what you’re thinking, but it’s kind of scaring me.” Tara stood up. “I think we need to go somewhere quiet and talk. Julian is talking to Mason on the balcony so maybe we should go into the parlor.”
She turned and looked and sure enough, there was Julian on the balcony. He was standing there talking to Mason. They looked deep in conversation. Mason’s back was to her, but Julian frowned fiercely. He wasn’t happy about what he was hearing.
Was he hearing that Mason wanted Cole all for himself?
She was being paranoid. She had to be.
“Kitten?” Tara looked down at her.
Kitten shook her head and stood up. She wasn’t going to the parlor so she could be talked down. She didn’t want to be talked down by anyone except her men. She needed to know. She needed to know if they would still want her when they knew the truth. She wanted more than what was outlined in their contract, more than she could get from any contract. A contract had limits. She didn’t want limits. She wanted everything.
She turned and walked straight up to Cole, her heart threatening to pound out of her chest. Tears made the world a blurry place as she approached him and every instinct she had told her this was wrong. She should step back and sit down and hope that Cole kept her. If she stayed quiet, he might decide she was easy to deal with and they needed a girl. He might keep her.
Screw that. She wanted Cole to keep her because he loved her. Damn it. She wanted to be loved and she wasn’t about to accept anything less.
She walked straight up to Cole. “I don’t like the terms of my contract, Sir.”
Remain polite. She could survive this.
Cole turned icy eyes on her. “What?”
Oh, she wanted to hide, but she was done with that. “I lied in my contract. I didn’t think I was lying at the time, but now I know I was wrong.”
“Wrong about what?”
Jack frowned. “Perhaps we should bring Julian into this. He’s her guardian.”
“And I’m her fucking Dom,” Cole shot back. “That means something in this place. She signed a contract with me, not with Julian.”
“And it seems like she regrets that now,” Jack replied with a sigh.
That made it sound like a bad thing. Cole might think it was bad that she’d become so paranoid and possessive, but she certainly wasn’t trying to leave. “I don’t regret it, though I have to wonder if my Master does.”
Cole took her arm in his big hand. “Master Ja
ck, I need to speak to my submissive alone.”
Jack nodded. “I’ll let Julian know. I think he won’t mind if you use his office. He’s planning on all of us retiring there anyway.”
Cole stopped. “What’s going on, Jack?”
Jack held his hands up. “That’s Julian’s story to tell.”
Cole held her elbow and started for Julian’s office. “This had better be good, pet. I’m not in a particularly happy mood. If you think I should change the terms of your contract, I would sincerely like to hear why.”
He was walking too fast and she nearly ran to keep up with him. She knew she should be afraid, but she wasn’t afraid of him hurting her physically. Breaking her heart? She was terrified of that.
She found herself in Julian’s office, the same office she’d first come to so many years ago. She’d stood with Finn and waited silently for her fate to be pronounced. She hadn’t made a case for herself. She’d let Finn do it. She’d just hoped Julian gave her a home.
She was right back here but she was a different person and she couldn’t wait and hope anymore. She had to make things happen. She had to be more than she’d been.
“Did you bring me here to return me to Julian?” She stood up straight and looked him in the eye.
Cole’s jaw dropped open. “Why would you think that? What have I done to make you believe I would do that to you?”
Years and years of being unwanted had taught her that she was expendable. “You and Mason don’t keep subs for long.”
He softened, his arms going to her shoulders. “Only because we hadn’t found the right one. You’re the right one, pet. You’re the one who completes us.”
He was giving her everything she wanted and she was still on the verge of tears because he might not think the same way once she told him the truth.
“I work very hard sometimes to get around the rules.”
“I wouldn’t have suspected it, but I enjoy your manipulations because there’s nothing malicious about them.”
“I like to gossip.”
“Everyone likes to gossip. We simply try to keep it to a reasonable minimum. I think you’ll find we Doms sometimes place a harsher influence on certain things because we know they’ll occur anyway. What is prompting this? Talk to me.”
Tears threatened but she had to tell him. “I lied.”
“About what?” He was being so tender with her. Once she’d told him she wasn’t trying to leave, he’d done nothing but comfort her. She’d expected to be interrogated but he simply asked as though he wasn’t terribly concerned about the answer.
“I said I would be all right sharing you and being shared and I don’t want that.”
He stopped. “You don’t want to share me with Mason?”
Kitten shook her head. “No, Master. I love Master Mason. I love you. I don’t want to be shared with anyone else.”
His eyes went hard. “Who the hell asked to share you? I want his fucking name. Was it a Dom here?”
Oh, he was misunderstanding her. He took a step back and she reached out to hold him because as tender as he’d been with her, he looked like he was ready to be brutal with someone else. Maybe she’d misread the situation. “No, Master. No one asked. I was talking about our contract. I stated plainly in our contract that I would enjoy you sharing me with other Dominants. I meant it at the time. I thought I would like it. I thought it would make me feel sexy.”
“You thought you wouldn’t feel anything at all. You wanted sex to be a meaningless pleasure. You were wrong. It means more.” He was staring at her again, his hands cupping her face. “Say it again. I think I missed something important in my violent rage at the thought of another man touching you.”
The three scariest words in the world. She’d said them before and been rejected even by the people who should have loved her the most. Cole was right. She’d thought having sex would buy her something with her Master. She’d thought that if she was the perfect sub, she never had to deal with those three words again. She’d been so wrong. “I love you, Master.”
Cole hauled her up and his big arms wound around her, hugging her like he would never let her go. “I love you, pet. I love you more than I could have imagined, so put all your worries aside. That contract is meaningless.”
“But you need it.” She thought she’d needed it, too.
“Mason was right. It’s a useless piece of paper in truth. The love and commitment behind it are what’s worthwhile. I don’t want to renegotiate every six months with you. I want a lifetime. I want to know I have a life with you.”
A life. A love. More than she could have dreamed. She couldn’t help it. She sobbed into his neck, letting go of so much anger and fear and worry. She hadn’t even known they’d been there until she’d finally felt safe enough to feel.
“Let it out.” Cole carried her to the sofa and set himself down, settling her on his lap. “Let it all go. I love you. I love you more than you can know.”
She held on to him as she cried and for the first time in her life felt no shame about letting go of her emotions. Cole was her Master, her lover, her friend and she rather intended for him to be her husband. This was his place. He offered love and comfort and she took it because it was her right. She sobbed and shook and finally settled against him. His hands moved over her, smoothing her hair and holding her tight.
“I can’t promise nothing will hurt you again. I can only swear to you that I will be there if it does.” He kissed the top of her forehead.
It was more than enough. “And I promise to figure out what I want to do, Master. I promise to figure out who I want to be.”
He tilted her head up and gently swiped away her tears. “You can be anything you want, pet. I’ll help you. I’ll support you in anything you want to do and so will Mason, if we can convince him to stay with us. I don’t think he’s forgiven me. I don’t blame him, but we need to get past it if we’re going to have a chance.”
“He has to stay.” Now that she really knew what she wanted, she knew she couldn’t lose it. She couldn’t lose half her heart.
“He’s right. I can’t make him stay. I can force him while he’s in danger, but as soon as we clear this up, I have to honor his decision.” His face tightened. “And I’m going through some difficult business problems. I have a fight on my hands and if I lose, it could hurt us financially quite badly. You should know that before you really commit to staying with me. I will always take care of you, but we might have to move.”
“I don’t care about the house.” But Cole did. Cole had grown up there. “We can move if we need to.”
“We might have to downsize.”
So it could get bad. She might need to find a job and carry her weight, but suddenly that didn’t sound so bad. “We only need one decent-sized bedroom. We can find an apartment. I have some money saved up. I also heard that Leo doesn’t like his new secretary.”
His eyes widened. “No. You’re not working. You’re going back to school, but I truly appreciate the offer.” He sighed. “I will do everything I can to keep the company. I owe it to some people I care about.”
“Then I’ll help you.”
He stared at her for a long moment, some unnamed emotion flowing from him. “And I would never have shared you with anyone but Mason. I thought I could in the beginning but I became very possessive very quickly. I love you, too, Kitten. I love you today and I promise I’ll love you forever. I’m going to make this right for all of us.”
She nodded. She wished he would tell her what was going on, but she was willing to be patient on this subject. Trust. Maybe she hadn’t understood the word before, but trust and love seemed to go hand in hand.
She sighed and a sense of peace she’d never known before settled on her. It was all in her grasp. All she had to do was have a little faith.
The door opened and Julian walked in. “Cole, I hoped I wouldn’t have to do this.”
Mason stepped in behind him, his face pale, and Kitten knew that
whatever was about to happen would change everything.
Chapter Seventeen
Mason followed behind Julian, deeply aware that Chase was hard on his heels, very likely ready to nab him if he made a break for it.
It wasn’t like he hadn’t thought about it. Whatever Julian thought he’d done, Mason was sure he could prove it. Julian would never bring up charges against him if he didn’t have proof. Whatever was about to go down, it would be bad.
He should have demanded to see whatever this crap was, but he was far more interested in how Cole would react. It was really the only thing that mattered. Cole was about to be shown evidence against him and he would believe it. Cole rarely worked on instinct. He preferred cold hard facts.
“Cole, I hoped I wouldn’t have to do this,” Julian was saying as Mason entered the room.
Mason’s stomach tightened as he saw Cole and Kitten. Kitten had been crying, her pretty face red and her eyes puffy. She had to get off Cole’s lap so they could both stand, but she kept a hand on his body. When she was safely on her feet, she slipped her small hand in his and Cole drew her close.
Did she already know? Had Cole known this trumped-up shit all along and now he was telling Kitten?
God, he wanted to be anywhere but here.
“You could tell me what ‘this’ is,” Cole intoned. He nodded Mason’s way. “Come here, love.”
Mason shook his head. He couldn’t stand next to the man when he kicked him out again. It looked like he didn’t know so why had Kitten been crying? “I think I’ll stay close to the door.”
“He thinks he might have to run when you find out the truth.” Chase leaned against the doorframe, every inch of his lean body a menacing threat. Chase wouldn’t let him run. Chase would be there to ensure he took whatever punishment was about to be dealt out.
He was going to be sick. He had to hold it together.
“Should I leave?” Kitten asked.