I knelt beside her and rested my head on her knee. “I won’t ever do that, Gran. Any of it. I promise. But I need to find my own way. Even if that’s selfish. I can’t be who you or Dad want me to be.”
She stroked my hair. “I know that, Perdy. We’re so caught up in the past that we haven’t been paying attention. I swear I’ll do better; it’s hard to forget things sometimes. You scared us when you said you would leave. We’ve both been trying our best to let you use your wings. But it’ll take time.”
We spent the rest of the day together. Closer than we’d been for a long time. I was glad she opened up to me. It made me understand exactly where she and Dad were coming from. She was looking for a second chance, and he was terrified I would make his mistakes. I wasn’t planning on letting either of them down.
Chapter Nine
At school the next day, Tammie asked me if I’d go into town with her that evening. I waited for her to turn up for hours, eventually ringing her to see what was going on.
“Oh, sorry,” she said. “I’m out with Joey.”
“Em, okay. Did you forget you asked me to go to town with you?”
“I went with Joey instead. Listen, I have to go. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”
She hung up before I could say anything else. I stood there looking at my phone in confusion for a few minutes until it beeped to let me know I had received a text. It was from Amelia asking if I had seen anything nice in town. I texted her back to let her know we hadn’t gone. Her next message invited me over. I figured if Dad was going to let me go into town with Tammie, then he wouldn’t have a problem with me heading over to Amelia’s house, so I agreed.
At Amelia’s house, I was half-relieved, half-disappointed to find she was completely alone.
“Where’s everyone?”
Her bottom lip jutted out into a sulky pout. “They had to go somewhere and couldn’t take me along.”
“Oh? Where?” I sort of blurted it out without thinking.
Amelia flushed scarlet. “Um, they’re all at the cinema together. Anyway, you’re here now. Wanna see my room?”
She led me up the stairs before I could ask her why on earth her family couldn’t take her to the pictures with them. I saw even more pictures of wolves.
“Your family really like wolves,” I muttered.
She giggled as if I had just made a really funny joke. Her cluttered bedroom was not what I expected. Dream catchers hung around her bed and wind chimes decorated her windows. There were pictures and ornaments all over the place. She was a total hoarder. All of her shelves overflowed.
“Wow,” I said, wandering over to her bookshelf. “This is some room.” All of her books were on the occult or ancient mythology. I had expected it to be filled with teen romances or something.
“Thanks,” she said, beaming. She picked up a small silk bag and pointed at it.
“Want me to do a reading?”
My mind went blank. “A reading?”
“Yeah, like, tarot cards.”
“Um, okay. I don’t believe in any of that stuff though.”
“That’s all right. You will soon enough.”
I laughed, but she didn’t look like she was kidding.
She took a pack of cards from the silk pouch and shuffled them.
“Sit on the bed. I’ll do a simple three card reading. One card for your past, your present, and your future.”
I gave a careless shrug in reply but sat down and waited. Part of me was intrigued. Part of me thought she might be a little crazy.
“Okay,” she said, sitting across from me. “Pick a card, but don’t touch it, or I’ll have to cleanse them.”
“Laying it on a bit thick, aren’t we? Okay, that one.” I pointed to the middle of the spread deck. She turned the card over, revealing a heart being stabbed by three long swords.
“This is your past. Oh, Perdita, I’m sorry.” She bit her lip hard.
“Sorry? Why?”
“The three of swords is a card of sorrow. It says your past was full of conflict, pain, and heartbreak.”
“That’s just stupid. I don’t like this game.” An all too familiar lump in my throat horrified me.
“It’s not a game! Anyway, it’s okay, because the problems lead to a good outcome. Pick another card. One for your present.”
I couldn’t help rolling my eyes. She had put on a low voice to try and sound mysterious. I pointed to another card. It portrayed a couple holding a pair of cups while a lion’s head looked down on them. Amelia practically jumped up and down with glee.
“I knew it! This is the two of cups. It signifies the beginning of a relationship, love, and partnership. And guess what, my brother’s single. How lucky!”
“Oh, shut up, and get on with it. That’s another rubbish card.” I pointed at the final card. The one that would predict my future. One word caught my eye. Death.
“Great,” I muttered.
“It’s not how it looks. I promise. In fact, it can be a great card. It just means a new beginning. The death is pretty much the end of an old way of life, and the start of something brand new. It foretells major changes in your future. Considering the other two cards, it makes sense, right?”
I couldn’t help laughing at the serious look on her face. “Right, Amelia. Makes total sense. I’m sure your pack of cards have my entire life worked out. I told you. I don’t believe in this stuff. I don’t know why you do.”
She glared at me and twisted the charm bracelet on her wrist. “I believe because I happen to know there’s more to this life than people think. I’ve seen things most people believe can’t be true, so I know for a fact anything’s possible.” For the first time I caught a glimpse of a fiery little temper.
I raised my hands in protest. “I’m sorry, okay? It’s just not for me. I don’t believe a card can predict my future. Nobody can. If you want to believe in all this stuff, then go ahead. That’s cool for you. Just don’t try and do a reading for Tammie, please. If she gets a Death card, she will flip out on you.”
Amelia laughed along with me, her flash of temper over. I knew I had no right to judge her or the things she believed in, but I still thought her reaction was a little odd.
I left a few hours later. The rest of her family still hadn’t returned. No film was that long.
Back at home, my Dad was on the warpath.
“Where have you been? I’ve been trying to ring you for ages. I called Tammie, and she said you hadn’t been with her at all. What are you playing at?”
I checked my phone. The battery was dead. “Sorry, I didn’t realise my phone was off. Tammie didn’t turn up, so I went over to Amelia’s house instead. I didn’t think you’d mind.”
His face was pink with anger. I had no idea what his problem was. “You know quite well you need to let me know where you are. I brought Erin back here to have dinner with us, but you weren’t here, and you couldn’t be bothered to even switch your phone on.”
I got annoyed too. “I didn’t know the phone was off! For God’s sake, stop overreacting! I was twenty minutes away for a couple of hours. How was I supposed to know you’d want me to be here for dinner? Get a grip!” I stormed out of the room and went upstairs, ignoring him when he ordered me back.
The next morning, Tammie sent me a text saying she was getting a lift to school with Joey. I wasn’t invited. Gran noticed how glum I was over breakfast.
“Something wrong?”
I shrugged. “Not much. It’s just, I feel weird today. Tammie’s going to school with Joey this morning, and she pretty much made it clear I’m not welcome.” I decided not to tell her about the row I had with Dad.
“Hmm, well, you did say they were getting closer. Maybe you should give her a chance to figure out where they’re headed. She’s always having to fight for attention at home. Maybe she needs one on one time for a change.”
“Suppose.” I still felt left out and wasn’t looking forward to getting the bus alone.
I huddl
ed into the corner of my seat on the bus, feeling lonelier than ever. Now that my life was opening up in some ways, other parts of it were slipping away. If I was honest, I resented the way Tammie was ditching me in her attempt to “make progress” with Joey. Who does that? Ditches their friend for a boy? It made me wonder if she had only ever been my friend to get close to him.
I was so engrossed in my thoughts that I didn’t even notice Nathan and Amelia sit down until Nathan nudged me.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“Yeah, sorry, I’m fine. Just in a world of my own here.” I sat up straight and tried to focus.
“Where’s Tammie?” Amelia said as she rummaged through her school bag for something.
“She got a lift with Joey this morning.”
She stopped what she was doing to stare at me. “Is that how it sounds?”
I shrugged. “I don’t mind.”
Amelia frowned and stared at me, waiting for me to say more.
“Really, I don’t care.”
“Well, I wouldn’t like it,” she decided.
“Her loss,” Nathan said.
I wanted them to leave it alone, so I did my best to change the subject.
“So. How are my doggy mates today?”
“Pining for you,” Nathan teased.
“I’ll bet. They’ve experienced the greatness of me, and now they’re stuck with you. It must be so terribly disappointing for them.”
“Cheeky.”
I grinned at him, but then something seemed to catch in my throat. I lost myself in his eyes, and all I could think about was what it would be like to kiss him right there and then.
“Perdita?” he said quizzically.
“Sorry, spaced out there,” I said, shaking my head in confusion. The last thing on my mind had been how much I liked him, yet there I was getting all gooey eyed in front of him. I had to get my act together before I made a complete fool of myself. The weekend before had made me too used to his company.
Both Amelia and Nathan seemed much more relaxed without Tammie around. I had always known Tammie could be brash, but I didn’t realise they were uncomfortable around her because of it.
That morning I didn’t share a class with Tammie, so Nathan sat next to me.
“Did you enjoy yourself at the weekend?” I asked him. “I kept Amelia company,” I added, when I saw him look confused.
“Oh. Right. Yep, we drove up North to visit some old friends of the family.” He fidgeted and looked away, but I already knew he was lying. And Amelia too, probably. Weird.
I saw Tammie between classes, but she breezed past me without even saying hello. I followed her, laughing, thinking she was joking, but she kept on walking. I pulled her arm to stop her.
“Hey, what’s the matter with you? Blind today? You just walked straight past me.”
She sighed and turned around, like it was some great effort. The way she looked at me sent a shiver down my spine. Had I done something? Panic set in. The way it always had when we were young. If she wanted me to do something that I didn’t want to do, she’d give me that look. As if she was going to withhold her friendship or something. And I’d be so scared of not having a friend that I’d do whatever she wanted.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, my voice quivering.
“Nothing.” She looked bored.
“Seriously, what’s up with you?”
Her eyes narrowed. “Apart from you wrecking my head, you mean?”
“What did I do?” She rolled her eyes at my words, and I began to feel annoyed. I hadn’t done anything wrong. “Tammie, I asked you a question. I don’t know what you have to be angry about. I should be the angry one after you left me waiting yesterday.”
“Oh, get over it. It’s no big deal, for God’s sake.”
“It is a big deal. I went over to Amelia’s in the end, and my Dad flipped ‘cos you told him you hadn’t seen me at all.”
“Eh, don’t blame me because you can’t do what you’re told, Perdy.”
“Are you for real?” I couldn’t believe what she was saying.
“You’re such a child sometimes. Throwing your toys out of the pram because we didn’t invite you,” she sneered.
“But you did invite me!”
“So I changed my mind. Is that so bad?”
“No. Not really,” I said, subdued. Maybe I was over-reacting.
“Well, then.”
“All right, I’m sorry. But why didn’t you get the bus with me? Or even ask me to get a lift with you?”
“Christ, you’re really doing my head in. Do you invite me when you go to Amelia’s house? Do I moan at you when you spend all your time giggling with her?” Tammie’s eyes glittered with anger.
“No, but…”
“See?” she said, sounding triumphant.
“But that’s different! I can’t invite you to someone else’s house!”
“And I can’t invite you to get a lift in someone else’s car, so stop whining Perdy.” She looked so exasperated that I took a step backward. I couldn’t understand why she was so angry with me. Amelia ran over to us, completely oblivious to what was happening.
“Oh, great. It’s your new buddy.” Tammie rolled her eyes.
Amelia and I exchanged baffled looks.
“Look, Perdy,” Tammie continued. “I get that you’re jealous. And I know you’re totally spoiled and think everything should be all about you, all of the time. But you have to understand the world does not revolve around you, all right?”
“What’s going on?” Amelia asked. I struggled to find words.
“Perdy’s going mad because Joey and I want to spend time together.” Tammie looked so smug that she reminded me of Dawn.
“I’m not!” I protested. “You’re the one who blanked me before. I don’t know why you’re so annoyed with me.”
“Whatever.” Tammie walked away.
“Tammie, wait!” I called after her. She ignored me. Tears slid down my cheeks. Tammie had been my friend forever, and suddenly she was acting as if she didn’t care about me. I didn’t even know why. I still couldn’t see why she was angry with me; it made me sick to the pit of my stomach.
“What a cow.” Amelia shook her head in disgust.
“I don’t get it,” I said, struggling to figure out what had just happened.
“She’s just a cow. Come on. Let’s go,” she said, tugging on my arm.
I shrugged her off. “Don’t say that. She’s my friend, all right?”
Amelia’s eyes widened in surprise. “But Perdita, she just spoke to you like crap. You don’t need that. Why would you want to be her friend?”
Tears fell again—this time frustrated, angry tears. “Why don’t you just mind your own business?” I snapped. “Keep out of it.”
She looked so hurt that I was instantly contrite. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…”
“Oh, forget it,” she said and walked away in a huff.
I spent the entire day alone. It seemed as though the whole world was mad at me. Nathan glared coldly at me as he sympathised with his sister later that morning. Tammie sat next to Joey in every class. All day, I felt sick and unwelcome.
At lunch, Joey and Tammie were already at our table. They both stood and left as soon as I sat down. My stomach churned again. All I wanted to do was cry. Joey hadn’t even looked at me. I still had no idea why Tammie was mad at me, never mind Joey.
I spotted Nathan and Amelia walk into the lunch room together, deep in conversation. I knew I was the one to blame. I turned on Amelia because I was upset with Tammie and cost myself a friend. I decided I couldn’t face yet another cold shoulder, so I snuck outside and spent my lunch break feeling miserable.
At home, Dad was still angry with me. He banged doors and pointedly ignored me, leaving me shivering inside. I tried ringing Tammie, but she didn’t answer. I rang Amelia that evening, prepared to grovel.
“Please don’t hang up on me, Amelia. I know you’re mad at me, and I deserve it. I
just want you to know that I’m sorry. I swear, I didn’t mean it.”
“It’s okay. I know.”
“You’re not mad?”
“Of course not. I looked for you at lunch, but you weren’t around. I could never stay angry with you.”
She sounded oddly adamant, but I was just relieved I still had a friend somewhere. We talked about what had happened with Tammie that morning.
“Look,” Amelia said, after I filled her in on everything. “She was probably in a bad mood and took it out on you. I think she was bang out of order, but I’m going to keep out of it because I know you really like her. So tomorrow, we go speak to her and get it sorted. She’ll have calmed down by then. She’s probably feeling just as bad as you.”
Tammie didn’t get the bus the next morning. For the second time in a row, Nathan sat beside me for the entire journey. I felt better with him next to me.
Tammie sat with Joey in our first class. I stayed in my usual seat and pretty much sulked. Everything was changing. It was as if I had been asleep for a few weeks, and now I was struggling to catch up. Tammie was effectively freezing me out for no reason other than to spend more time with my cousin.
I tried to apologise to her between classes. Her friendship meant more to me than my pride. Or at least, I thought it did. We had been friends for years. That had to be worth something, right? I wanted to be a good friend, but the more I thought about it, the more sure I was that Tammie was the one in the wrong. Still, I missed the familiarity—we had been through a lot together. Maybe that was enough to overlook how she was acting. Despite trying to talk me out of it, Amelia joined me for moral support.
“Look Tammie, I know we had a row, but can’t we forget about it now? We’re best friends. It’s silly to avoid each other over nothing. I’m sorry I brought up you going out with Joey instead of me.”
I regretted it the instant I saw how disgusted she looked.
“Aw, I don’t care, Perdy. Would you ever get some dignity or something?”
“What?”
“Stop crawling after me. I’m not interested. Get it now? Joey and me, we don’t need you tagging along anymore. Stick to your new little friends, all right?” She glared at Amelia.