CHAPTER ONE
The frost was glistening on the fields and the air was still and very cold, any exhaling of breath made cloud shaped mists that floated off into the distance. I stood there a while, taking in all that surrounded me, whilst waiting for the car windows to defrost. I had tried to scrape them, but today it was just too thick, so I started the engine, put on the heater and watched the ice slowly melt away. Everywhere I looked it was like someone had scattered diamonds whilst I slept and now the morning light danced on them, and it made me feel that this would be a good day. Little did I know that this day would be like no other I had ever experienced in all of my 53 years on this Earth.
The car now clear, I went indoors gathered my things and decided to quickly use the bathroom: the cold played havoc with my water works so best to pre-empt any problems in this area rather than have to address them in the rush hour traffic. I loved my home it was warm and friendly: natural light flooded all rooms and made it a very special place to be. I had been here for three years now: the village was friendly but also allowed you to have your solitude, if that was your chosen way. I valued this, as for a while now I have felt more in need of solitude than company. As I walked up the stairs to the bathroom, I passed the large floor mirror, which I had bought at one of the first auctions I had been to. It stood so grand against the auctioneer’s wall, its gold frame somewhat tattered in places but beautiful all the same: deciding that this would be the item I would bid for, I took my place in the audience and waited. I had never been to an auction before; a childlike excitement flooded over me, butterflies had danced in my stomach and all felt well with the world. Every time I passed this most beautiful mirror on my landing, I remembered a special day and recalled the joy I felt when the hammer went down and the auctioneer said, “SOLD to the lady at the back; number madam please?”
I had just had my usual glance in the mirror and was nearly at the bathroom, hand poised on the doorknob, when I heard a voice say “hello”: I looked around and could see no one. Again this very gentle voice said “hello.” “Where are you?” I replied, wondering why I was talking to thin air. “Move to the mirror.” a voice replied. I stepped back and all I could see in the mirror was my own reflection I decided that I may be having a ‘senior moment’, all be it early on in my years. But just then the person in the mirror beckoned with her hand for me to come forward. Now I knew I was having some sort of episode, as I had not moved an inch. I shut my eyes, shook my head, then slowly opened them again and my reflection remained. I went to touch the mirror and my hand disappeared in the glass. Immediately, I pulled it back. As the glass returned to its normal position, I gasped and stepped back as far as I could without falling over the banister.
Now I knew I had gone mad, but then this gentle voice said, “Hello Angela, will you come with me please?” “Come where”? I asked “In the mirror with me” “Seriously?” I said rather sarcastically. “Yes” was the reply. “I want to walk with you through your life so far. You have faced many burdens and learnt many lessons and the time has come to show you how well you have done”. “Then you can take what you have learnt and pass your insights onto the rest of the world”. I stood there staring at the mirror, and the image I faced now is not one of me but of an elderly lady, gentle in face and small in stature, with a smile that touched my inner soul.
“Ok let me get this right you want me to walk through the mirror, spend time with you and discuss my life with you?” “Yes” she replied. “And you are”? “I am Miriam”. “Well, Miriam, as nice as it is to meet you, I have to say and forgive me for this but this, all seems unreal. How can I step through glass? And why should I want to re-look at my life, especially with a stranger, no disrespect meant?” “None taken” she said. “Oh lord, I think to myself. What am I doing? I am talking to a woman in the mirror and I am actually, if I am to be truthful, thinking about walking through the mirror to meet her. This sort of thing happens when you’re having a breakdown; perhaps I am stressed, tired and overworked?“ No, you’re not”, says Miriam. “Not what?” I reply. “Having a breakdown.” “How did you know what I was thinking?” Miriam replies with a wry smile on her face, “I am an old soul and I have travelled the earth plane many times and learnt many lessons. I am able to do many things now I am in spirit”. “Ah… now it’s clear: you’re in the spirit world, of course you are and I am going to join you there”. I say with a hint of sarcasm in my voice. “Yes, my dear, and if you don’t mind me saying, could you come soon? We have much to do”.
Standing there, I wondered if I’d get back. “Yes” Miriam says. “Please trust, as you have trusted when your times on earth have been dark and you felt like all hope was gone. Trust as you trusted then and walk through the mirror to me”. I listened to these words and start to recall some of those times and how my faith and strength had carried me through: stepping through a mirror and meeting Miriam should be a breeze. “Ok, Miriam: how do I do this?” She holds out her hand and says, “Just step forward and reach for my hand, as if you are walking through a doorway”. I take a deep breath, move forward and lift my foot and take the biggest step of my life so far. In no time at all, I am standing next to Miriam in a large room with comfy chairs aged with use, warm coloured curtains and a pot of tea brewing on the table. “Welcome Angela” she says, “I have waited a long time to call you here. Please sit and we will begin: tea?” “Yes please: white no sugar, thank you”. As I hold the cup I wonder what journey awaits me, and a small ball of excitement lights up within me.
Miriam sits opposite from me, she sips her tea thoughtfully and looks at me through azure blue eyes: I have never seen such beautiful eyes with such clarity of colour. We both sit in silence; I wrap my hands around my cup, a beautifully shaped cup with delicate and intricate patterns all painted with all the colours of the rainbow. The rim I sip from is made with the thinnest china I have ever seen and makes the tea taste all the more special. I immerse myself in the moment and don’t think anymore of how I got here and why: it just feels so right to be sat here with Miriam. I can’t really explain more than that, apart from saying I felt like I was home. It was Miriam who broke our silence and asked me to help her move a table from the side of the room where we could both see it. A majestic looking table with carved animals, stars, suns, moons and symbols that I did not recognise. It was small in height and had three carved but chubby legs and angels wrapped their wings around them in effortless curves. Once again, we took our seats opposite each other, the table now in the space where we first stretched our legs. Miriam produced a velvet pouch. She reached inside and, in the blink of an eye, scattered golden dust over the top of the table. As the dust settled, the following verse became visible:
The paths of life spread far and wide
They ebb and flow just like the tide
Awake, young soul, prepare to grow
For in you, there are seeds to sow.
Miriam said that this verse was the beginning of our journey together, a journey that would begin to prepare me for the task I had been sent to earth to fulfil. “You must know something about me” I said “I have often questioned the meaning of life and believed that we all have a reason for being here”. Miriam nodded and placed the golden dust back into the velvet pouch. “I know much about you and your search for answers and I know the task that has been set you, the one you agreed to undertake when you offered to be born to the human world”. I looked at Miriam “Well, it would be helpful for me to know. I can’t remember agreeing to anything, and you say I had a choice if I should be born or not. How does that work?” Here began our dialogue about life.
LIFE, four small letters, yet all of humanity can be explained within this small word. Miriam talked about life as a journey where each of us has our own path to travel; an on-going journey of self-discovery. “Tell me what you understand of life” she said, “I am here to listen and to guide you”. I began. “I don’t remember what I agreed before I was born and I surely don’t remember in having a choice to b
e or not to be born. But I do know that my life has taken me to places where I have experienced pain as well as happiness and I have developed an understanding of life, which I will share with you now”.
I do believe that we all have a reason to be here, a job or task to fulfil, a purpose and a plan. There has always been something in me that said ‘You are here for a reason, Angela’; so I have tried to look for that reason as I have travelled my life path. “Meeting you, Miriam, has now confirmed this but until now it was only speculation and faith that guided me to find what it may be I was sent to achieve whilst on this earth”.
I believe that we are born to the right family for the right reasons and that the situations we experience are part of the road to take us where we are meant to go. I have not come from a life where I have sailed through my days to be where I am today. I have not always been so understanding and accepting of what life has given me. I have, though, come to understand from great reflection over many years that everything that occurs in our lives comes with its own lesson encompassed within the experience: something that will grow our personality to move us towards whom we are meant to be. If we do not listen or understand what we are meant to learn, then the lessons will keep being repeated, but the intensity will increase and experiences can become more difficult to deal with, delaying our growth and ultimately stopping our full potential being reached.
Sometimes it has taken a major event in my life for me to change course. Miriam sat forward and looked with warmth in her eyes and said “We have seen your troubles and burdens that you speak of and I can assure you that they were necessary for you to be sat before me now; “However, it does not mean that we did not care for you. We have always cared for you: sometimes you have just not believed it”. At this point my eyes filled with tears, as many things had been hard for me. Miriam was right: I would not be who I am today without such experiences. I explained that I now listen much earlier and find that I am moving more smoothly down my life path. I now understand that we all have lessons to learn and we all play a part in helping those we meet to learn their lessons, as they do us. From the parents we are born to; from our sisters, brothers, friends and foes; there begins a mutual life learning-experience between all of us souls living on this Earth.
Our busy lives mean we walk blinkered through our days here on Earth, missing vital experiences and encounters that could have the potential to change our lives. Our experience of the world we live in comes more through possessions, wealth, technology and status: it would not be sensible to say that as a human race we should not have advanced, nor do I advocate that we disassociate ourselves from modern advancement in the future. There is, however, a part of human existence that needs advancing just as much, if not more, than the commodity-driven world in which we live. If the human race is to reach its full potential, we must now begin to understand and develop our knowing of the soul within all of us.
Miriam once again moved forward in her seat: at these moments I stop, as I take this as a sign that she wishes to speak. “You rightly speak of the inner soul. Many do not know of its existence or they have forgotten. But, for the survival of our world, it is vital that they are reminded of the soul within”. “How can this be achieved”? I asked, “Are you thinking this is my task here on Earth, the reason I was born”? “We will see, you will see: for now, please continue. You are recharging my soul while you speak”. Miriam once again sat back in her chair and I continued.
I see our souls as our inner eyes, and I believe that many have them closed, for they do not recall or remember the soul within. With them closed, we live, experience and see such a small part of what is such a miraculous life. I want to say to people ‘Stop, just for a moment, and think about you: how you are alive, how you breathe, walk and talk, in fact, how you do everything!’ You may just realise how special you are and how absolutely amazing you are and what a miracle life is and that it has been given to you. Our time on this earth needs to be nurtured and embraced, but it has to be worked at. By that I mean, ‘grow your soul’, awaken your inner life and thread the tapestry of your life, so you become who you are truly meant to be.
Our lives exist in a vacuum of moments, seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks and years. It is possible to lose the excitement and wonder of the world in which we live by not taking a moment to look, I mean truly look, at the miracles that take place all around us every day, every second. Look sometime into the eyes of a young child and see the wonderment and excitement within: full of eagerness to learn and understand, to explore and play and to be happy and content. Obviously, the world does not always provide an environment for all humans to experience these things but I do truly believe that there is a moment in all lives where, if we look inside us and feel, joy is given to all humanity and sometimes in the smallest of happenings. But we have to look not just with our eyes but also with our souls. We need to remember wonder and excitement, to begin to understand the miracle of life. Only then will we begin to use wisely all the moments that are presented to us every day and realise that they go to make up who we are and who we can become.
We all think we have an abundance of time but we don’t, not on this earthly plane. The human race has gone to sleep in many ways: time has become a tool that controls our lives. It implements a structure within which we function: we cannot ignore it, as it has been intricately woven into the existence of human life, no more so than in the 21st century. We have breakfast time, dinnertime, and teatime, time to wake, time to sleep, time to be at work; I could go on but I don’t have the time! Our western world has placed time in place of intuition and listening to ourselves, our own clock within. Of course, we can’t just discount time; the world would find it impossible to function, there would be chaos. We don’t have forever: we need to wake up to that fact and to act now towards living a more fulfilling life. Consider the following questions: What if the bird you see flying in the sky is the last time you will see this? Would you look more closely and take time to see? Would you wonder at the miracle of flying?
Look at the things you do or see every day: do you appreciate them? Ask yourself some questions as above: what are your answers? This is the beginning of really understanding the concept of time through the ability of seeing. Every drop of time we are given should benefit us and, by being able to experience the wonders of the world and see the miracles that are around us everyday, we will begin to use our time more effectively. If we can open our souls to the beauty of the world, we will see things as more vibrant and with a newfound clarity and begin to reconnect with ourselves, our true selves. If you can do this in some small part of your day, then not only will you begin to feel happier, have more energy and be more positive, you will feel the benefit inside and radiate this out to those around you. It will be like a ‘domino effect’ of positive energy, your contribution to the world, not only enhancing your life but the lives of those around you.
I understand the difficulties and the reality of the world in which we live. I have experienced some of them but, with each difficulty, I have tried to learn a lesson to explore my part in the chaos. I am not oblivious to the poverty, destruction and sadness in this world but I believe that if each individual can awake and see the beauty wherever they are, then however small, this will have a positive effect which could lead to the development of a collective soul, which could change the lives of many and bring hope for the future existence of our world.
I sat in silence for a while, wondering what Miriam was thinking or going to say. She got up from her chair; “Tea my dear”? “Yes please, white no sugar”. I relaxed in the comfort of the old armchair and felt quite exhausted, I never realised just how much I had learnt from my reflections on my life: it quite surprised me. I was eager to hear what Miriam thought, but she was a woman who would not be rushed and she was deliberate in her actions, so patience would need to be embraced. I thanked her for my tea and wrapped my hands round the delicate china cup that so pleased me, both in look and feel.
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“You have reflected well on your life so far and have gained many valuable understandings, this is just the beginning. If all I ask you is answered with such depth of feeling and understanding, then we are nearer to opening the door to your task here on earth than I envisaged”. She smiled so warmly that I couldn’t wait for the next subject she wanted me to talk about. Miriam placed her cup on a table beside her chair and asked me to move mine and she reached for her velvet pouch of golden dust. Once again she reached inside and scattered the dust over the table, and while doing so she said, “All I wish to add to all you have said is written in the golden dust I spread before us”. On that note it settled and a verse became visible:
Loving life, embracing change,
In everybody’s life there still remains
Far reaching worlds not yet explored
Enlightenment’s mine; what is yours?
I smiled at Miriam and we both sat back enjoying the silence between us and contemplating the next journey we would take together.