I started towards the door when a man's voice stopped me. I recognized Benjamin, even though he was speaking in hushed tones. He must've been standing right outside the door, not realizing that Dad and I had gone into the library or that I hadn't come out yet.
“I told you I had a family thing.” He sounded annoyed. “Yes, babe, I know you had plans for us, but they're just going to have to wait.”
That asshole! My fingers curled into fists. Delphine might not have been my favorite person in the world, but she didn't deserve to be cheated on. The irony of the statement hit me harder than I liked. I told myself that it wasn't the same. We didn't have kids. Livie hadn't asked for my fidelity. That clause had been strictly my father. I wasn't betraying my wife. I almost believed it.
“Rebecca, darling, you know I want to be with you.”
Fuck. Was he sleeping with Rebecca Stirling? I really hoped I was wrong, because if it came out, the shit would hit the fan in a serious way.
“Look, babe, I gotta go. Take a picture of what you're wearing and send it to me so I can be thinking about you while I'm bored off my ass here. I'll come by later.”
I waited until I heard him go back into the sitting room before I ventured out of the library. I fixed a plastic smile on my face as I walked inside, making sure not to even look his way. If I did, I wasn't sure I could stop myself from punching that smug grin. I was no saint, but if I'd found someone I loved enough to marry and have kids with, I sure as hell wouldn't cheat on her, not even if I fell in love. Even if Benjamin didn't love Delphine anymore, I knew he didn't love Rebecca either. The decent thing to do would've been to get a divorce.
A stab of guilt went through me as I looked at Livie. I didn't love her though. I liked her and I thought she was attractive, but that was it. With the walls she put in place, she'd never let me close enough to know if I could love her. It was too late now. I had met Katka, and that was all that mattered. She was the one I loved.
Still, I had to admit as I watched Livie talking with my family, the thought of hurting her bothered me. I couldn't do it anymore. Katka and I needed to tell her the truth. Just not tonight. The timing wasn't right. But soon, I promised myself. We'd tell her soon.
Chapter 4
Katka
It had been too long since I'd talked to Livie and it was killing me. I couldn't call her or risk seeing her face to face because if I did, I'd tell her everything. I knew Blayne was getting to the point where he wanted to tell her, but I couldn't let him. I loved them both too much.
I knew he'd noticed I'd been miserable the past week, ever since he'd told me what his father had said. A part of me was glad his dad liked Livie so much and had told Blayne how lucky he was to have found her. The other part of me…well, didn’t know how to feel, so I'd lied and said I just wasn't feeling well. I didn't know if he believed me or if he wasn't paying that much attention, but he hadn't asked again. I was glad he hadn't. I wasn't sure I could explain it myself. Not in a way that anyone but I would understand, especially not Blayne. He had siblings, but even as close as he and Samuel were, it was nothing compared Livie and me. We weren't just family, we were twins. And everyone else was dead. All we had was each other.
Livie was all of a couple minutes older than me, but she'd always acted like it was years and I knew she'd always thought of herself as my protector, but I knew the truth. Livie might've been the responsible one, but I was the one who looked out for her. I could earn my own way if I had to, and I may not have been the most reliable person in the world, but I was the person who kept her grounded. I reminded her that there was more to life than work. Gave her reason and hope. I knew she'd never admit it, but I knew what I did for her because I knew what it would be like for her without me.
And if things with Blayne kept going the way they were going, she would be hurt. I couldn't let that happen.
Best case scenario, she would only be pissed at us for a while, but I knew that even after she forgave me, things wouldn't be the same. I'd not just lied to her once, but had kept up the deceit for a long time. I'd broken her trust. For the first time in my life, I hadn't put her first and, if I didn't do something about it, I'd lose the person who meant the most to me.
I loved Blayne, there was no doubt about it in my mind, but Livie was my other half. Every time I tried to imagine a future with him, there was a giant hole where Livie had been. No matter how many times or how many different ways I tried to work it out, it always ended up the same. Blayne and I trying to pretend like I didn’t hate what we'd done to Livie. I’d miss my sister so much, it would drive us apart.
I sighed as I flopped back onto my bed. It was a mess, as usual. I remembered how I used to love to lay on my sister's bed after she'd just made it, play with the covers until she yelled at me. A pang went through me. I missed her so badly that it hurt sometimes.
This would've been so much easier if I'd been the one to meet Blayne first.
The thought had been there for some time, hovering at the edges of my mind. I'd never let myself dwell on it though. Not until now.
I could see how it would've played out if I'd been the one tending bar that night. I definitely would have ended up back at his place, but it wouldn't have been because he'd passed out. Our first time together, he would've known exactly who I was. Then, if things had played out the rest of the way as they had with Livie, Blayne's father would've come in the next morning and I would've been the one Blayne called his fiancée. Livie would've protested when I told her, just like I had, but I would've been stubborn too. Only Blayne and I wouldn't have set up some sort of business deal. It would've been a real marriage.
We could be out in public, holding hands, kissing, whatever we wanted to do. I'd be the one going to the family events with Blayne, meeting his family. Impressing them. I'd put in a good word for her, of course. Wear her dresses and make sure everyone knew who'd designed them. Maybe even bring her to a couple events.
She and Blayne would've been great as brother and sister-in-law. Friends, family even. Without the pressure of their fake marriage between them, I could see them enjoying each other's company. When she wanted to be, my sister could be almost as much fun as I was, though I hadn't seen that side of her in a long time.
I would've had her design my wedding dress, of course, for the larger ceremony his parents had promised. It'd be beautiful, the kind of thing that would put her name on the map.
I closed my eyes and cursed. Why was I torturing myself this way? It was no good thinking about the things that might have been. It didn't matter what I thought or dreamed, what I wished would've happened. Things were what they were and nothing was going to change. I had to accept that.
I sat up, looking at my reflection in the mirror across from my bed. That wasn't true. Things could change.
If I had the strength to do what was right.
I put my hand on my chest as my heart clenched. Tears filled my eyes. I couldn't do it. Losing Blayne would break my heart.
I looked at my reflection again, seeing my sister in my face. Losing the man I loved might break my heart, but losing my sister would kill me.
I dropped my head, covering my face with my hands. I knew what I had to do, and no matter how much it hurt, I was going to have to follow through. It was time. I'd let this go on far too long. I had to make things right with my sister, and that meant only one thing.
I had to end my relationship with Blayne.
Chapter 5
Livie
I was seriously starting to think that I'd made a huge mistake in this marriage with Blayne. Sure, I'd had an excellent meeting with the bank this week and my loan application was being reviewed. I'd know next week if I'd gotten it, and no one had asked me for any sort of favor with the Westmores. I considered that a win. I should've been planning things, writing out a purchasing schedule for materials. Instead, I was stuck like I had been for a while, thinking about Blayne.
I'd managed to get a couple new designs out, but it hadn't bee
n easy, trying to ignore the thoughts that kept popping up. There was a new one I'd been having the last couple days and, somehow, it was worse than the others.
I kept wondering what would've happened if I hadn't given Blayne that ultimatum. How would things have been different if I hadn't told Blayne that we weren't going to have sex? Would he have turned to me then, instead of my sister? I didn't know the circumstances that had brought them together for the first time, but I knew that it had been after the honeymoon. If I had been more willing to open myself up to him, maybe something would've happened between us in Europe.
I'd been thinking about that a lot more lately, imagining how things would've gone if I'd let the kiss at our wedding be a real one. I'd been playing along with him, making it look good for the witnesses, but at times like these, I remembered it quite clearly. The feel of his lips against mine, firm but not demanding. His hands gentle on my face.
I wondered what he would've done if I'd deepened the kiss, if I'd stopped being afraid of living a little and had run the tip of my tongue along the seam of his mouth, asking for entrance. I had no doubt he would've responded if I'd made the first move.
I wondered where things would've progressed from there. Hand holding and snuggling on the plane? Sharing the bed in the honeymoon suite?
I could only imagine what that night would've been like. Our first time together. His hands caressing my body, slowly removing my clothes. His eyes darkening as he saw the sexy lingerie I'd designed. Watching him take off his clothes, revealing the muscular body I knew was underneath.
I could almost feel his hands caressing my skin. His mouth on my breasts, the suction on my nipples, gentle at first and then increasing until I could feel every pull of his mouth deep inside me. His fingers between my legs, inside me, probing for that spot that would make me scream...
“Nech toho!” I shook my head. I really needed to stop. I was driving myself crazy with the what-ifs. Well, the what-ifs and thinking about the reality of our situation.
I wasn't angry at them, either of them, not even for lying to me. It had hurt a bit at first, knowing they were keeping secrets from me. Well, more Katka than Blayne. He was entitled to his secrets, particularly about his personal life. And it wasn't like I expected Katka to tell me everything, but since this did involve me personally, it would've been nice to hear it. Then again, I was keeping a pretty big secret from them. One that I never intended to share. There was no way in hell either of them would ever know that I felt anything beyond friendship for Blayne.
I walked around the apartment I'd started thinking of as mine. I couldn't deny that I enjoyed living in such a beautiful space, even if I did spend most of my time in my room. The apartment Katka and I had shared was nice, especially considering we weren't rolling in money, but it was nothing compared to this.
I walked down the hall to my room. As much as any place could feel like home without my sister, this was it. I frowned as I sat down on the edge of my bed. I missed her. I hadn't spoken to Katka in too long. I'd tried calling, but had given up after she'd quit answering. She didn't want to talk, and I understood why. I knew my sister well. She was feeling guilty about being with Blayne and lying about it, but I suspected a part of her, even if it was just subconsciously, was angry. Angry at me for being married to the man she loved.
I completely got it. While I was glad the two of them had each other and were happy, I was also jealous. I'd never been one to care much about relationships, preferring instead to focus on work. Katka had believed in her fairy tales, but I never had. There was no such person as Prince Charming.
Then I'd met Blayne, gotten to know him. While he wasn't perfect, I saw past all of the shit and saw the man he could become. He was so much more than his parents and family believed he could be. Maybe Samuel believed in him, but not as much as I did.
And not as much as I knew Katka did. I didn't have to see the two of them together to know that she would see him the way I did. As different as the two of us were, one of the things we did have in common was the way we saw people. We tended to see the best in people. While we weren't naive, we were good judges of a person's true character, and Blayne's true character was much deeper than even he realized.
I had come to know over the past few days that that was part of the problem. Not Blayne's character, but the fact that he was starting to see it about himself. The changes had been small, subtle. I doubt he'd even noticed them himself. I'd seen them though, and I knew that he was becoming a better man because of Katka.
I could handle not being with Blayne, could handle knowing he was happy with my sister. I could even take thinking about the two of them together, making love, smiling and laughing. What I couldn't handle was the thought of everything blowing up in our faces and Blayne losing faith in himself.
I went into my closet and picked up my suitcase. I didn't have a choice. They deserved to be happy, and more than that, Blayne deserved to show his family what an amazing man he was. The only way any of that could happen was if I let them be. They couldn't keep going like they were. Someone would find out. They needed to be free. Which meant I had to go.
I began to fold and pack my clothes, my movements methodical even as my thoughts kept going, planning. If I had a plan, it meant I had something to follow, something that would keep me from thinking about the pain that was coming.
I would go to a hotel first, give Katka and Blayne the chance to decide what they wanted to do. I would talk to her before I moved back, make sure she understood that I would keep my end of the bargain and make sure no one knew that I'd left Blayne. I would wait the three years to file for divorce and would maintain appearances whenever he wanted me to. The rest of the time, if they were smart, Katka would just pretend to be me. It wouldn't be the first time.
The more I thought about it, the more I thought it could work. I could just stay in and do my work, maybe even get my own place in New York. Katka could wear my designs while she pretended to be me, continue to make the connections I needed. Everyone would win.
I closed the suitcase and took out another one. I didn't have many personal things, but what I did have, I wanted to take with me. I glanced at the clock. I still had time before Blayne got home, and I definitely wanted to be out of here before then. I didn't like the idea of sneaking out after he went to bed, like I was doing something wrong instead of something right.
I was tempted to leave without an explanation. Just shut my bedroom door and see how long it took him to realize I was gone. I wondered if he'd even notice before I called Katka to tell her what I'd done. Behaving in such a manner, however, would be petty, and I refused to be that way. I would handle this with poise and dignity. I would also make sure neither my sister nor my husband had a hint of my true feelings.
No, I needed to let Blayne know that I was gone. I owed him that much.
But there was no way I was doing it to his face.
Once I'd packed my things, I took out a sheet of paper and tried to figure out what to write. A thousand things were going through my head, some of them cold and brisk, others more sentimental than I ever admitted to being. I had to choose my words carefully, convey exactly what I wanted him to know rather than what I felt. With English as my second language, it was sometimes difficult to know which words to use, and these were extremely important.
By the time I was finally satisfied, the trash was full of the mistakes I'd made and I didn't have much time left before Blayne got home. I picked up my things and left the note on my bed. He'd find it the next time he came in to talk to me.
I took a deep breath and walked towards the door. I could feel the doubts there, threatening to creep up and make me second guess myself, but I did what I always did and pushed them aside. I knew what I had to do and I wasn't about to let everyone down because I was too weak.
I had a plan I was going to follow, and that was enough.
It had to be enough, because it was all I had.
Chapter 6
B
layne
I hadn't been able to stop thinking about Katka all day. We'd barely spoken this week and even our texts had been abrupt. Something was up and I was determined to find out what. There was a problem though. Whenever I thought about seeing Katka again, thoughts immediately turned physical. I'd started going over what I'd say to get her to start talking, but it always ended up being some sort of blow-off statement and then the two of us would start kissing and...well, nakedness would ensue.
I closed my eyes as I stepped under the hot spray. A shower had been in order as soon as I'd gotten home. Just before I'd entered my building, a cab had gone right through a puddle, showering me with dirty slush. I wasn't sure if I was going to see Katka tonight or tomorrow, but I didn't want to spend the rest of the night covered in that shit, so into the shower I'd gone.
As I soaped my hair, I tried to get my thoughts back on track. I'd call Katka while I made myself something to eat. I didn't want to have a serious conversation over the phone, so I'd see if she wanted me to come to her place or meet at a hotel. Most of the really nice ones in the city were off limits because of Dad's spies, but there were still a couple where I could get some privacy. Her apartment was risky since I knew my father probably was aware of Livie's old address, but if he had anyone watching, I supposed I could find a lie that would work, like I was getting something for my wife. Livie was, after all, still paying for the place.
I'd been a little surprised when Katka had told me that, since I'd gotten the impression from Livie that she valued self-reliance. I hadn't asked about it though. It may have been my money but it wasn't my business. And it really wasn't my money. To avoid my father finding out I was actually paying Livie to be my wife, we'd set up a joint bank account where I'd deposited the first portion of the money I'd promised her, with some extra I'd use from time to time to keep up appearances. To Dad, it would look like I was just being smart and keeping Livie from having access to everything. Hopefully, it would look like that to the INS too. With my inheritance being my primary concern, I sometimes forgot that Livie and I were technically under government scrutiny as well.