Fool! He wished he'd never learned the rapture of having her hands on him. The kind he'd never thought possible. Passion had ruled him. A woman had owned him.
But Puck did not own her. He'd been so arrogant to think he could addict Gillian to his touch, to make her crave him forever. William's claws were embedded far too deeply in her heart. William, who gave her affection and had fun with her, who somehow made her feel supported.
At least, he used to. Perhaps her feelings for the male stemmed from the past?
Either way, envy seethed inside Puck, a monster more powerful than Indifference. Every cell in his body screamed alongside the demon's constant wails: win her from the other male.
He hadn't given his rules a single consideration, had only thought about her. He was falling for her, hard and fast. And what happened when you fell? You crash-landed, and you hurt. You didn't walk away--you crawled.
Do you want me to love you? Her question still tormented him. He'd said no, and he'd meant it. The moment he used the shears, her feelings for William would return. Puck knew this beyond any doubt. If he had her heart, only to lose it...
He played her game: what if.
What if she gave her heart to Puck, then took it away? What if she gave her heart to Puck, but left it in his keeping? What would he do then?
What would he give up for this woman?
Should he walk into the sword, or continue to walk around it?
He bit back a curse. Why was he even contemplating this? The answer was simple. Walk around. Always around. He would settle for her body, as planned, and experience whatever satisfaction she had to offer. Nothing else.
"You told me about adult Puck," she said, oblivious to his turmoil, "but not about baby Puck."
Ruthlessly, he turned his thoughts from love, sex and different possible futures. "I was like anyone else, I suppose. I ate, wet myself and cried. Not sure what more you'd like to know."
"Only everything." She toyed with a blade of grass. "While you were off hunting William, I noticed a lot of child soldiers on the battlefield. How old were you when you began training?"
"Seven."
"Seven!" She sputtered for a moment. "So young."
"Not young enough, according to my father. But my mother agreed with you."
"Good for her," Gillian said with a nod. "No child of mine will ever go to battle."
How different his life would have been, if he'd had a champion like Gillian.
Then her words registered, and he stopped breathing. No child of mine. A child. Her child. Their child.
In his mind arose an image of Gillian, pregnant with his babe. An image he couldn't shake.
What kind of father would Puck be?
Daddy isn't proud of you, son. Daddy doesn't love you, or care if you live or die. Stop crying before I give you a reason to cry.
Besides, family made you vulnerable to betrayal, as Sin had proven.
Would Gillian one day marry William and birth his spawn?
As jealousy burned inside Puck, Indifference reacted as if his heart had been shocked with paddles, jolting into motion, prowling across his mind and howling with...pain?
Now you know how I have suffered, helpless to act, all at your behest, fiend. Cheers!
The butterfly tattoo on his chest slid over his skin, ending up on his back.
Gillian noticed and gasped. "Is the demon attempting to weaken you?"
"Probably, but he's failing." Back to the subject at hand. "Sin began training at five. Though he could have stayed with our mother, he chose to accompany me to the barracks."
"Sounds like a pretty cool brother."
A nod. "He was." Which had made his betrayal worse than...anything.
"What's your favorite memory of him?"
"There are too many to name."
"Pick one, anyway."
He thought for a moment, sighed. "A few days after we were taken to the barracks, I threw a fit about our treatment. No soft pillows on our beds. No platters of meats fed to us by adoring women. No clean clothes. I was beaten for my insubordination. Sin, too."
"Uh, this doesn't sound like a happy memory."
"I'm getting there," he said. "Patience, grasshopper."
"Grasshopper?" She grinned, and his gaze zeroed in on her mouth.
Hunger clawed at him, but he forced himself to go on as if nothing was amiss. "I expected him to complain, to hate himself for joining me. To hate me more for not insisting he stay behind. But he looked at me with wonder and said I was the strongest person in the entire world, that no matter how many times I was struck, no matter how many times I fell, I got back up."
Eyes luminous in the moonlight, she flattened a hand in the center of her chest. "You're right. A beautiful memory. You might hate your brother for what he did, but you love who he used to be."
He shrugged.
"How easily you dismiss what so many of us dream of finding," she said quietly. "I wish I could tell you vengeance is or isn't sweet, and you'll feel better when your brother is dead. But the evils of the past aren't washed away because the person responsible is gone."
"You feel no better suspecting your abusers are dead?"
A shake of her head, dark braids dancing over her breasts. "If they're dead, and I'm almost certain they are, my guilt and shame still have not eased."
"Guilt? Shame? Don't you dare blame yourself for what happened all those years ago. A man, any man, even a boy, knows better, always. They simply choose their pleasure over another's pain."
"What am I to feel, then? Hating them does no good. It certainly doesn't hurt them. Worse, it gives my abusers power over my emotions, my life."
"But look at you now. Thriving. A queen of strength and bravery. The past might have dragged you down for a time, but you fought your way up. And maybe you didn't always stay up, maybe you fell back down a time or two, but you kept fighting. Today you soar."
She seemed to bloom with every word, and it eased some of the tension inside him. "Thank you, Puck."
He nodded in acknowledgment.
"Tell me about your mother," she said.
A realization: he was speaking with a woman, sharing his past, learning more about hers--what he'd once dreamed. His secret desire, and it was better than he'd ever hoped.
"She was a gentle woman, kind to everyone she encountered." He reached out to sift Gillian's braids through his fingers. Pure silk. "She would sing me to sleep while caressing my face."
"You said was." She placed her hand over his and offered a comforting squeeze. "She died?"
Bad memory...seductive company. He should have kept his hands to himself. Now, he only wanted more.
Now?
"She killed herself after the stillbirth of my only sister," he said.
"Oh, Puck. I'm so sorry."
A pang in his chest, new howls in his head. "Tell me more about you. Any siblings?"
She shuddered but said, "I always wanted a sister."
"Now you have one in Winter."
"And William. Even Cameron."
She considered William a sister? I call foul. "I'm sure the two males would love hearing themselves likened to a female sibling."
"Please! They'd both welcome compliments to their feminine side."
Puck curled his hands into fists. "I don't want to talk about them." Especially William. How he hated hearing the man's name on Gillian's lips.
One day, the bastard would have what Puck wanted most.
*
"All right. Tell me more about Sin. Why can't you take his crown?" Gillian asked, sensing a dark change in Puck's mood. "You're certainly strong enough. And I've seen you in action. Despite the demon, you're amazingly fierce."
His chest puffed up with pride, and she almost laughed. In so many ways, he was a typical male. Proud to the max. In other ways, not so much. "I am fierce. There's no one fiercer. I should be able to take the crown without issue, but for some reason, I cannot. The man I no longer wish to discuss is the only one cap
able of the feat."
"The Oracles named William, specifically?"
"They did. Said he would live or die for you."
Live or die. For her. "Sorry, Pucky, but no one's dying for me." Although, if William died on her behalf, she'd get that not so happily-ever-after, wouldn't she? Her friend would have died for nothing!
Did one prophecy feed off the other?
Foreboding struck her. If someone had to die... Put me in the game, coach. Gillian would literally jump on a grenade for William. Her life for his. Puck's, Winter's and Cameron's, too. Even Peanut's. Johanna's and Rosaleen's. Any of her people, really.
"Has he-who-shall-not-be-named asked for more details about your prophecy?" Puck inquired.
She could have said, "I thought you didn't want to talk about him." Instead, she opened up, as Puck had done with her, and told the truth. "No. And I haven't offered, either."
"You prefer to discuss these matters with your husband, and no other." Moving at a speed she couldn't track, he took her by the waist, lifted her and reclined against the tree once more, ensuring she straddled his lap, her body pressed flush against his. "I'm an excellent multitasker. While I'm listening to you speak, I can show you affection."
"I think you're showing me lust," she said, grinding her core against his erection. "I think I'm showing it right back."
Hiss. "Affection and lust, then."
Electric currents raced from every point of contact, only to pool between her thighs. Aches ignited in her breasts, between her legs, stronger than ever before. The heat of his skin tantalized her while the calluses on his palms titillated her, a lethal combination for her resistance.
As if she had any type of resistance against him.
Their eyes met, held, Puck's indifferent mask falling away. He wasn't calm, or unaffected by their proximity. He was agonized.
"Please hear me when I say these next words," he intoned. "The Oracles have never been wrong."
"I do hear you. But there's a first time for everything. And what if we're looking at the prediction wrong, huh?"
He traced a fingertip along her jawline, as if he couldn't not touch her. "You ask what if often. Why do I find this trait adorable in you, and irritating in me?"
The Dune Raider, adorable? Why do I want to preen? "I'm gonna take a wild guess here. Maybe it's because I am adorable and you are irritating?"
His gaze lifted. She blinked innocently, and merriment flashed in his eyes. Just a flash, but there all the same.
"You're right," he said. "There's a chance we're looking at this one all wrong. Perhaps the Oracles meant you won't have a happy ending with...William." He wound his fist around a lock of her hair, not stopping until he reached her nape. The pressure...almost bruising. Okay, definitely bruising, but she liked it, choosing to believe he feared losing her, and held on tight. "Perhaps you're meant to have a happy ending with someone else."
Perhaps Puck, the keeper of Indifference, had gotten his hopes up? She thrilled. "You mean a happy ending with the man who doesn't want my love?"
"Perhaps he only meant to protect himself when he uttered those words."
She thrilled more. What if they could make this work?
Then other questions came. What if she made plans to stay with Puck, and she set her own prophecy into motion, the way Sin had? Would she one day destroy Puck's dreams?
"Look past the bond," Puck said--did she hear longing in his tone? "Tell me how you feel about me."
Can't destroy his dreams. Just can't.
Get off, get out. She brushed her fingers over the stubble on his jaw, and whispered, "Let's forget about feelings and futures and focus on pleasure right...this...moment." She punctuated every word with a sway of her hips.
Another hiss from him, as if he was pleased, then he scowled, as if he was ticked off. "William isn't worthy of you. You know this, yes?"
"I know I want you."
"Want me now...but not later?"
In lieu of an answer, she swayed her hips again. More pleasure. A flood of heat.
With another hiss and a curse, he set her aside and stood. "I'm returning to camp. You should, as well."
Wait. What?
Silent now, he marched away, leaving her panting, aching--mourning the loss of his touch.
What the heck had just happened?
27
Gillian waited five...ten...fifteen minutes before following Puck to camp, hoping her lust and anger would subside. Outwardly, she appeared calm. Probably. Inwardly, she lamented and questioned.
Puck had shut down when she'd...what? Refused to promise her future to him? Refused to disavow William?
Her husband wanted her, that much she knew. He'd been hard as steel. Did he want more than her body, though? Did he hope to protect himself from her prophecy, not wanting his dream axed? Did Indifference still fight him?
The Lords of the Underworld had all suffered in some way or another whenever they'd gone head-to-head with their demons. Puck used to weaken, but now...what happened? Could he allow himself to feel, or did the demon provide the ice and snuff out his emotions?
"Over here, poppet," William called from a sleeping bag he'd set up while she'd bathed and chatted with Puck. He patted the empty bag beside him.
Before him, a small fire blazed, decorating his bronze skin in shades of gold. He was a beautiful sex god...but she had no desire to sample him.
A few yards away, Winter and Cameron had erected mini-tents. Easy to tell which tent belonged to which sibling. Winter had hung an immortal pelt over the door. A few years ago, she'd killed a man for offering a ride on his lap. Now the pelt served as a Keep Out sign for anyone who might have a similar request.
As she stretched out beside William, she saw no sign of Puck. "Why are Winter and Cameron in their tents?" Selfishness and Obsession never passed up an opportunity to interact with others. Aka entertain themselves.
William reached over, intending to take her hand, only to grunt with irritation when she didn't take his and drop his arm to his side. "I put them in a six-hour time-out for irritating me."
Uh, what now? "Did you hurt them?"
"Hardly at all. They're fine, promise. Or they will be fine, if you let them rest."
Very well. "Just...be nice to them, okay? They're my family."
"I'm your family," he said, his tone sharp.
She rotated to face him, sighed. "I still don't understand you. I mean, I get why you're here. You've mistakenly convinced yourself we're fated, blah, blah, blah. But why did you befriend me, all those years ago? I know you didn't take one look at me and think she's the one. You slept with, like, a thousand others. And let's face facts. I was clingy, needy and confused."
"I'm not hearing a problem," William said.
She huffed and puffed before he admitted, "It was your eyes. The first time they met mine, I felt as if I was staring into a raw, open wound that had festered for years. As a boy, I'd seen the same look in my own eyes every time I caught sight of my reflection. I wanted to help you."
Heart squeezing with sympathy, she softly asked, "You were abused as a child?" How had she not known?
"I was raised in the underworld, and I didn't always have Hades as a protector."
So yes. He was. She should have guessed, at the very least. "I'm so sorry, William."
He offered no reply, and in the silence, nocturnal insects serenaded them. In the distance, thunder boomed. A storm approached.
"Worry not," he said. "I've created a dome over our campsite. Ice daggers will never reach us."
Would they reach Puck, wherever he was? And what had Puck thought of her during their first meeting? Oh, wait. She could guess. Finally, I've found my pawn.
William sighed. "You're doing it again."
"Doing what?"
"Thinking of him. I promise you, the bond and only the bond is responsible. I would never lie to you. Once the bond is severed, Puke-in will be nothing but a nightmare you long to forget."
She couldn't
even fathom it. "What if he's...not?"
"He will."
Desire for him had become an intricate part of her, a bodily function as necessary as breathing. A fire in her blood. A drug she craved. Though she was furious about his hot and cold attitude and confused about their future, she longed to curl up against him.
"Where is he?" she asked.
"Keeping guard." A muscle ticked under William's eye, but he smiled a charming smile. "Do you remember the time you asked me to teach you how to enjoy sex?"
"Um, you said you'd forget that night," she muttered. "So, forget it."
"I can't." He tapped his temple. "Blame her."
"Your brain is female?"
"All the best things are. And guess what? After your divorce, my answer will be yes. I'll start with--"
"No," she said, shaking her head.
"No?" he asked, and lifted a brow.
Whispering, speaking for his ears alone, she said, "I'm not interested in you romantically, Liam. Not anymore." Maybe not ever. As a teen, she'd wanted some type of normalcy. With his love of games, his familial affection and fierce protectiveness, he'd provided it. "I don't want to hurt you, but I don't want there to be any misunderstandings between us. I wish things were different. I wish I felt--"
"There's no need to apologize. You are perfect, and your feelings are understandable. I have to work to win you, that's all. My mission has been set, and I will emerge victorious."
Stubborn man. "I'm not perfect. Not even close."
"Name a single flaw," he challenged.
"Well, for starters, I've killed a lot of people."
"So have I. You know why? Because men are bastards, and bastards deserve to die. We did the world a favor. Doing the world a favor is good. Next."
A laugh burst from her, but she quickly sobered. "I don't consider this next one a flaw, but you do. William, I'm in major lust with another man."
He ran his tongue over his straight, white teeth. "What is it you like about him, exactly? Name something specific. Something he can do for you that no one else can."
As easily as she'd listed William's attributes to Puck, she listed Puck's attributes to William. "Life is a revelation to him. I'm a revelation. He lights up when he experiences new things with me. He appreciates how hard I've fought to get where I am now. Though he's possessed by Indifference, he does care for his people. He wants the best for them, and for this realm, and he's willing to--"