That was extraordinary and apparently senseless.
"More and more, I am beginning to feel this mysterious Doctor doesn't exist. Nobody has seen him, no one speaks of him. All the commands come through Madam Vega and Ariel." Dameon hesitated. "And... I have heard, though it may be nothing, that there is someone else, I don't know, a man." He shook his head, ever impatient with his inability to explain things fully.
I tended to the belief that the man Dameon had heard mentioned was probably the Doctor himself, and that there was some more sinister purpose behind his absence. One day I tried probing Cameo, in an attempt to find out what was happening to her. Her mind was maze of blocks and it was immediately obvious she had been tampered with, though clumsily. I could have done a far more delicate job with my abilities, so I was inclined to believe in Dameon's theory of hypnosis. I could have forced my way through the blocks and walls roughly established, but that would have caused irreparable damage to Cameo. Removal of the blocks would be a long, painful process. I withdrew, feeling confused and helpless.
Why would anyone bother to do such a thing to the mind of a feeble little Misfit? It just didn't make sense.
A week later, I saw Cameo again and she looked terrible. Matthew went nearly as white when he saw her. We were all too-frightened to ask her what was happening. She said she had been ill, and resting in a place where they kept sick Misfits. She talked and laughed but her smile was brittle and her laughter had jagged edges. She wandered off after a moment and Matthew and I looked at each other worriedly. His eyes were anguished.
"What are they doin' to her?" he asked, but no one knew. He begged me to deep probe her, to force my way in if I had to.
"No," I told him firmly. "She's hurt enough. If I force my way in it will be very painful for us both. I'll try later."
I did try again, but if anything the block was deeper. Even so, I suspected I would be able to force it. But as I had told Matthew, the pain would be awful for her, and with our minds linked, I would feel everything. I might not even be able to get out again.
That night I had another nightmare, and again the following night.
Cameo's awful dream about being pursued haunted me, and when at last I told Matthew, he admitted he had been having nightmares too, though in his dreams someone else was always being chased, while he stood by helpless.
Dameon said nothing but it was obvious from the shadows under his eyes he was sleeping badly, too. I asked him once, when we were alone, if he could use his own powers to find out what was wrong with Cameo, He told me he had already tried.
"I don't see things like you do. It's much hazier. Feelings are not so precise. On the surface, there is nothing. Deeper down there is a block, and below that fear for herself and fear of something else less personal."
"Someone else, don't you mean?" I asked.
But he frowned. "No, it's not a person. It's something else," he said. "And then sometimes when she is near me, I sense another person, someone completely different from Cameo." He shook his head in frustration. Neither of us said any of this to Matthew, who was already beside himself.
Without warning, Cameo was moved into my room and an extra bed put in to accommodate her. New Misfits were coming and extensive repairs were being carried out in some areas of Obernewtyn before wintertime. This meant we would be more crowded. I was glad of the opportunity to spend more time with Cameo, hoping to have better luck in discovering what was happening to her. It might even be simpler to probe her while she slept if it was true that hypnotism was the mind working against itself.
But from the first it did not proceed as I had hoped. At first I could not get a moment alone with her; then I fell into a restless sleep only to be woken by Cameo's screams. I looked in astonishment at the others who were all still soundly asleep. Then I realized what I had heard had been a mental scream. I probed the others lightly to make sure they were asleep before getting out and padding across the cold floor.
Cameo was lying with her back to me, moaning and whimpering very softly. The moon fell across the pillow and gleamed whitely in the light. She was murmuring to herself in a funny, deep voice. It didn't sound like her. I reached out to touch her but she began to shudder convulsively. I pulled my hand away as if it had been burned and stared at her frail back with the sudden crazy idea that it wasn't Cameo there at all.
I sat that way for ages, too scared to turn her over, but unwilling to leave her. Finally, of course, she rolled over and I could see it was her. I nearly wept with relief, sagging against the side of the bed and grinning like an idiot at my stupid fright. I glanced at her face and my grin froze when I saw her eyes were wide open and she was staring at me.
My heart missed a beat. Those eyes, looking out of Cameo's face, were the wrong color! They weren't even the same shape. They were a hot, sick ochre hue and full of amusement.
"You'll never find it," she rasped in a weird, deep voice. If it had been possible I would have grown more frightened, but I seemed to have reached a threshold. Part of calming down was seeing she wasn't really looking at me at all. Cameo was in a trance. Impulsively, I decided to try to talk to her. Maybe this was the result of the hypnosis. Now she might tell me the truth.
"Tell me about the Doctor's chamber?" I asked after checking to~see that the others still slept.
"Find it if you can. I'll not show you," said the voice. She cackled with laughter like an old woman, and shuddering, I hoped she would not wake anyone.
"Cameo, tell me what happens when Ariel takes you to the Doctor."
"You'll never find it. It's my secret..."
I frowned. I was getting nowhere. It was worse than when she was awake. Looking at her staring eyes, I wondered if somehow a demon had gotten into her. Louis said there were no such things, but I wasn't so sure. Presently she closed her eyes and dropped into a sound sleep and I pinched myself to make sure I hadn't dreamed the whole thing.
Shivering, back in my own bed, I wondered if Dameon would think me mad.
The next night, Cameo woke me again with her nightmares and again I tried to get through to her. She raved about wolves and hidden power and birds. I even debated waking her, except that I had once heard it was dangerous to wake someone who was dreaming. I didn't know if this was a dream or not. In the end I told Dameon because I was so worried.
"Poor Cameo," he said. "I'm afraid whatever is being done isn't helping her much."
"She looks terrible," I agreed. "Pale and lifeless. But I don't know what to do. What about sleep drugs?"
Dameon said he did not think they were the answer. "I think she would still dream," he said. "We have to find out why she's dreaming."
In the midst of this there were rumors that someone had tried to escape. Later I heard the Norselander twins had been involved but had been locked up. That did not surprise me. Everyone knew they thought of nothing but getting away. But the rumors said someone else had been with them.
That night I managed to get Cameo alone. Once more I asked her about the Doctor. Once again she said she didn't understand, but this time I sensed her fear and I wondered if the block was beginning to topple. It was much harder to keep a block when you were tired. I asked her if she had been having any nightmares and she burst into tears.
Relieved to have managed to break through her control, I put my arms about her.
"I'm so scared," she whispered. "It didn't seem so awful at all when I came here. Not like I expected. But now I keep dreaming of things chasing me, and of an old lady laughing." That sounded like the persona that I had seen during her nightmares. I debated whether to ask her about the Doctor again but decided against it because she looked so ill.
Suddenly I decided I would deep-probe Ariel. I wondered why I had not thought of it before. Probably because of what Dameon said about him being rotten. I thought his mind would be like stepping on something dead. But I would do it. I would find out once and for all what they were doing to Cameo.
But I forgot about that when, at
the nightmeal, I heard someone ask if Selmar had been caught yet. She had been missing from her bed for more than a week. I had seen her once from a distance at rnidmeal and assumed she had been moved to another room, or had been wandering at night. Now a horrible notion formed.
"Caught?" I asked shakily, remembering the rumor that the Norselander twins had not been alone in their escape attempt. Was it possible the other person hinted at had been Selmar? Common sense said she would not be capable, but everything about Selmar was odd.
"Haven't you heard? She was with the twins when they tried to get away," said the girl beside me, confirming my worst fears. Looking up blindly, my eyes focused on Cameo, whose face was the color of dirty soap. Why would the news of Selmar cause such a look of horror in her? Looking down at my own meal, I determined to talk to Louis about Selmar. What he said about her being different had intrigued me. But now a terrible idea was forming in my mind, yet I dared not voice it even to myself until I was certain.
I asked -Louis about her the next day, but he would not answer and flew into a rage. He was so angry he told me to go away, he didn't want me there anymore. Upset, but aware he probably didn't mean it, I did not mind helping cut some grain for the goats. I wondered why he reacted so strongly whenever Selmar's name was mentioned. He said she had degenerated. I wondered what she had been like in the beginning. Perhaps she had been nearly normal and Louis had grown fond of her.
No one knew whether or not Selmar had been caught and there was talk that the twins would be sent to one of the remote Councilfarms that dealt with whitestick. Ariel no longer came to take us to the farm or pick us up. Some of the others said he had gone after Selmar. They said he always chased anyone who ran off. And he always caught them. Remembering Selmar's reaction to Ariel, I pitied her.
I decided to try probing Rushton instead, though I did not think it would be as revealing as reading Ariel.
He same to the maze gate to collect three of us. It was my day for cleaning out the stables so he went off with the other two saying he would be back just before mid-meal. I decided to practice.
I loosened my thoughts and let them fly and hover. It felt odd since I had kept them under constraint for so long. I felt almost lightheaded; waves of thought and impressions washed over me. They came from everywhere, flitting like butterflies, drifting like peat smoke. Idle thoughts about how to saddle a horse that had not been ridden or what to do with a fevered mare, a fleeting thought about a bitter wintertime when hundreds of an-imals had died. The barn was alive with memories now that I had opened myself to receive the imprints they had made. There was no telling how long the impression of a thought might last. It depended on the thinker and the time and the place and a dozen other things. But right then I was not trying to analyze die thoughts, I simply wanted to be sure my touch was as light as I could make it for the delicate task of probing Rushton.
I pushed my thoughts further afield, reaching out to where Misfits were picking fruit, and beyond where livestock grazed in far fields, into every corner of the farms. I was ranging too widely now to receive any individual thoughts. It was like traveling through a pool and getting deeper and deeper without ever touching the bottom.
I went out beyond Obernewtyn, wondering suddenly how far I could go. If it were possible to go beyond the mountains, I might be able to reach Maruman. It seemed incredible but I could think of no reason why I would not be able. Yet it would be very hard to sort out one thought stream in ail that distance.
All at once something squirmed beneath my touch. I recoiled, but curiosity made me withdraw only a little way. Foolishly I ventured near again, and again my thoughts brushed something. The stirring grew stronger and suddenly I was afraid. I began to withdraw but something immensely strong rose up and reached for me. Frantically I pulled back, but whatever I had disturbed clutched me and began to slide down my own probe. Dimly I registered that I had fallen to my knees.
Terror assailed me and I pulled madly in an effort to free myself. I felt as if I were being forcibly pulled from my body. Inexorably the force drew nearer. It was close enough for me to sense that whatever held me had no real life of its own. It was not human, and I was certain it was no beast. Possibly, I thought, it was a spirit from the Oldtime.
A drumming sounded in my ears and a wave of new fright washed over me when I realized it had begun to call me.
With a sob, I felt my legs tremble and stand.
"No!" I screamed at it.
Then I sensed someone else. "O reaching girlmind... who?"
This mind was far stronger than Matthew's and almost as strong as my own, but there was something disjointed in it, as if the same voice were speaking in an echo chamber. It was an odd, disconcerting effect like a chorus of voices, each voice slightly displaced from the timing of the others. I felt the cool probe tendrils mesh gently with mine and instinctively, I fought free of its embrace, knowing that such a connection would reveal me utterly to that unknown mind.
"Who are you?" I asked, as I felt it hover near again.
"Trust me, little sistermind. I would like to know you, but not now. My friends and I have sensed you. Tell me what you are called?"
I struggled for a moment in the viselike grip of the other force and realized I was walking toward the open door.
"No!" I cried to the other.
"Perhaps if we help you win trust. You are strong. Maybe even stronger than any of us. The machine that holds you is very strong too, but together we will be stronger. Mesh with me and when I signal, pull away as hard as you can. The machine has no mind to make a decision. It will try to hold us both. To divide is to conquer."
"I can't mesh," I said desperately, fearing the revelation that must come almost as much as I feared the terrible force that drew me. But I was beginning to panic and before long I would be out in the open.
"You must," said the othermind urgently. "I will not read you, I promise."
I was right in the doorway now. My terror gave me extra strength and I swayed uncertainly, neither moving forward nor back.
"All right," I agreed because I had no choice. The othermind moved forward at once and I felt a great desire to simply surrender to those soft tendrils, but the othermind held itself rigidly away from the center of my thoughts, thus keeping its'promise. "Now!" it called and we began a terrific tug-of-war. As predicted, the machine, if such it was, tried to keep us both but did not have the strength. The moment it slid off me, I slammed a shield into place.
I opened my eyes. I was outside the door and shakily I stepped back inside the stables, appalled to discover the extent of my weakness. My face dripped with perspiration and I wiped it hastily on my sleeve.
A machine able to deal with thought. I was astounded and frightened. That meant someone was using a forbidden machine. But what sort of machine could do that? Had the Oldtimers known about telepathy? And who was the othermind? A man, I thought, but difficult to tell because of the subtle distortion of the probe.
I did not know where he came from or how old he was. But without his help I would have been exposed. Returning to my work, I cursed the stupidity that had led me to farseek. I would not dare attempt it again. In fact I was now too frightened to use any but the most basic powers. Who knew what would alert the machine?
From that moment, I was determined to get away from Obernewtyn and all of its mysteries and dangers. Cameo must come, and Dameon and Matthew. I knew of no other I cared to trust. Four people. Fleetingly I thought of rny rescuer, but there was no way to contact him without arousing the machine. Yet he seemed smart and strong enough to take care of himself. Besides, he had spoken of friends, so he was not alone.
But Matthew disagreed. "If we really are going to escape, yer bound to take him too," he argued.
"Impossible," I told him bluntly and explained my fear that the machine might trap us if we used too much power.
'There must be some way," Matthew insisted, entranced with the idea of my gallant rescuer.
I was
less romantic. "He might not even want to leave. We don't even know that he is a Misfit. I'm not even really sure it's a he. And the whole thing might have been a trap. He wanted to mesh with me. And he said he had been looking for me!"
"Ungrateful Elspethelf," Matthew sputtered into thought. "He had the right to ask who you were. He saved you!"
"Yes, he did," I conceded hastily, forestalling one of Matthew's emotive lectures. "So I'm not going to throw my life away. That would be really ungrateful."
"He would not have helped ye if he were an enemy," Matthew said angrily.
"But he didn't know who I was, so how could he know what I was?" I said.
That stumped Matthew and he subsided.
"Speaking of help," Dameon interjected quietly, "I have been thinking. If you really intend to escape, you should not take me. I would slow you down. You know I want to come and to be free. But it is not so bad for me here,"
"Of course yer comin' with us!" Matthew said firmly. "We've taken yer blindness into account."
Dameon smiled at his friend sadly. "Sometimes I think you have more heart man sense. Most times," he corrected comically and we all laughed. Then Dameon grew serious again. "Well, if I am to come, then I will speak. This is a dead quest from the start if it is not planned carefully. Have you thought what will happen if we do get away? We have no Certificates and we will stand out wherever we go." I stared at him. I had not thought beyond getting away. We had to plan everything, otherwise it would end like the last escape. We still didn't know what had happened to Selmar.