LETTER LXI
MISS CL. HARLOWE, TO LADY BETTY LAWRANCE.MONDAY, JULY 3.
MADAM,
I cannot excuse myself from giving your Ladyship this one trouble more;to thank you, as I most heartily do, for your kind letter.
I must own to you, Madam, that the honour of being related to ladies aseminent for their virtue as for their descent, was at first no smallinducement with me to lend an ear to Mr. Lovelace's address. And therather, as I was determined, had it come to effect, to do every thing inmy power to deserve your favourable opinion.
I had another motive, which I knew would of itself give me merit withyour whole family; a presumptuous one, (a punishably presumptuous one, asit has proved,) in the hope that I might be an humble mean in the hand ofProvidence to reclaim a man, who had, as I thought, good sense enough toacknowledge the intended obligation, whether the generous hope were tosucceed or not.
But I have been most egregiously mistaken in Mr. Lovelace; the only man,I persuade myself, pretending to be a gentleman, in whom I could havebeen so much mistaken: for while I was endeavouring to save a drowningwretch, I have been, not accidentally, but premeditatedly, and of setpurpose, drawn in after him. And he has had the glory to add to the listof those he has ruined, a name, that, I will be bold to say, would nothave disparaged his own. And this, Madam, by means that would shockhumanity to be made acquainted with.
My whole end is served by your Ladyship's answer to the questions I tookthe liberty to put to you in writing. Nor have I a wish to make theunhappy man more odious to you than is necessary to excuse myself forabsolutely declining your offered mediation.
When your Ladyship shall be informed of the following particulars:
That after he had compulsorily, as I may say, tricked me into the act ofgoing off with him, he could carry me to one of the vilest houses, as itproved, in London:
That he could be guilty of a wicked attempt, in resentment of which, Ifound means to escape from him to Hampstead:
That, after he had found me out there (I know not how) he could procuretwo women, dressed out richly, to personate your Ladyship and MissMontague; who, under pretence of engaging me to make a visit in town toyour cousin Leeson, (promising to return with me that evening toHampstead,) betrayed me back again to the vile house: where, again made aprisoner, I was first robbed of my senses; and then of my honour. Whyshould I seek to conceal that disgrace from others which I cannot hidefrom myself?
When your Ladyship shall know, that, in the shocking progress to thisruin, wilful falsehoods, repeated forgeries, (particularly of one letterfrom your Ladyship, another from Miss Montague, and a third from Lord M.)and numberless perjuries, were not the least of his crimes: you willjudge, that I can have no principles that will make me worthy of analliance with ladies of your's and your noble sister's character, if Icould not from my soul declare, that such an alliance can never now takeplace.
I will not offer to clear myself entirely of blame: but, as to him, Ihave no fault to accuse myself of: my crime was, the corresponding withhim at first, when prohibited so to do by those who had a right to myobedience; made still more inexcusable, by giving him a clandestinemeeting, which put me into the power of his arts. And for this I amcontent to be punished: thankful, that at last I have escaped from him;and have it in my power to reject so wicked a man for my husband: andglad, if I may be a warning, since I cannot be an example: which once(very vain, and very conceited, as I was) I proposed to myself to be.
All the ill I wish him is, that he may reform; and that I may be the lastvictim to his baseness. Perhaps this desirable wish may be obtained,when he shall see how his wickedness, his unmerited wickedness! to a poorcreature, made friendless by his cruel arts, will end.
I conclude with my humble thanks to your Ladyship for your favourableopinion of me; and with the assurance that I will be, while life is lentme,
Your Ladyship's grateful and obliged servant,CLARISSA HARLOWE.