LETTER LXVII
MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE[REFERRED TO IN LETTER XII.]THURSDAY NIGHT.
He had found me out at Hampstead: strangely found me out; for I am stillat a loss to know by what means.
I was loth, in my billet of the 6th,* to tell you so, for fear of givingyou apprehensions for me; and besides, I hoped then to have a shorter andhappier issue to account to you for, through your assistance, than I metwith.
* See Vol. V. Letter XXXI.
[She then gives a narrative of all that passed at Hampstead between herself, Mr. Lovelace, Capt. Tomlinson, and the women there, to the same effect with that so amply given by Mr. Lovelace.]
Mr. Lovelace, finding all he could say, and all Captain Tomlinson couldurge, ineffectual, to prevail upon me to forgive an outrage so flagrantlypremeditated; rested all his hopes on a visit which was to be paid me byLady Betty Lawrance and Miss Montague.
In my uncertain situation, my prospects all so dark, I knew not to whom Imight be obliged to have recourse in the last resort: and as those ladieshad the best of characters, insomuch that I had reason to regret that Ihad not from the first thrown myself upon their protection, (when I hadforfeited that of my own friends,) I thought I would not shun aninterview with them, though I was too indifferent to their kinsman toseek it, as I doubted not that one end of their visit would be toreconcile me to him.
On Monday, the 12th of June, these pretended ladies came to Hampstead;and I was presented to them, and they to me by their kinsman.
They were richly dressed, and stuck out with jewels; the pretended LadyBetty's were particularly very fine.
They came in a coach-and-four, hired, as was confessed, while their ownwas repairing in town: a pretence made, I now perceive, that I should notguess at the imposture by the want of the real lady's arms upon it. LadyBetty was attended by her woman, who she called Morrison; a modestcountry-looking person.
I had heard, that Lady Betty was a fine woman, and that Miss Montague wasa beautiful young lady, genteel, and graceful, and full of vivacity.--Such were these impostors: and having never seen either of them, I hadnot the least suspicion, that they were not the ladies they personated;and being put a little out of countenance by the richness of theirdresses, I could not help, (fool that I was!) to apologize for my own.
The pretended Lady Betty then told me, that her nephew had acquaintedthem with the situation of affairs between us. And although she couldnot but say, that she was very glad that she had not put such a slightupon his Lordship and them, as report had given them cause to apprehend,(the reasons for which report, however, she must have approved of;) yetit had been matter of great concern to her, and to her niece Montague,and would to the whole family, to find so great a misunderstandingsubsisting between us, as, if not made up, might distance all theirhopes.
She could easily tell who was in fault, she said. And gave him a lookboth of anger and disdain; asking him, How it was possible for him togive an offence of such a nature to so charming a lady, [so she calledme,] as should occasion a resentment so strong?
He pretended to be awed into shame and silence.
My dearest niece, said she, and took my hand, (I must call you niece, aswell from love, as to humour your uncle's laudable expedient,) permit meto be, not an advocate, but a mediatrix for him; and not for his sake, somuch as for my own, my Charlotte's, and all our family's. The indignityhe has offered to you, may be of too tender a nature to be inquired into.But as he declares, that it was not a premeditated offence; whether, mydear, [for I was going to rise upon it in my temper,] it were or not; andas he declares his sorrows for it, (and never did creature express adeeper sorrow for any offence than he); and as it is a repairable one; letus, for this one time, forgive him; and thereby lay an obligation uponthis man of errors--Let US, I say, my dear: for, Sir, [turning to him,]an offence against such a peerless lady as this, must be an offenceagainst me, against your cousin here, and against all the virtuous of oursex.
See, my dear, what a creature he had picked out! Could you have thoughtthere was a woman in the world who could thus express herself, and yet bevile? But she had her principal instructions from him, and those writtendown too, as I have reason to think: for I have recollected since, that Ionce saw this Lady Betty, (who often rose from her seat, and took a turnto the other end of the room with such an emotion, as if the joy of herheart would not let her sit still) take out a paper from her stays, andlook into it, and put it there again. She might oftener, and I notobserve it; for I little thought that there could be such impostors inthe world.
I could not forbear paying great attention to what she said. I found mytears ready to start; I drew out my handkerchief, and was silent. I hadnot been so indulgently treated a great while by a person of characterand distinction, [such I thought her;] and durst not trust to the accentof my voice.
The pretended Miss Montague joined in on this occasion: and drawing herchair close to me, took my other hand, and besought me to forgive hercousin; and consent to rank myself as one of the principals of a familythat had long, very long, coveted the honour of my alliance.
I am ashamed to repeat to you, my dear, now I know what wretches theyare, the tender, the obliging, and the respectful things I said to them.
The wretch himself then came forward. He threw himself at my feet. Howwas I beset!--The women grasping, one my right hand, the other my left:the pretended Miss Montague pressing to her lips more than once the handshe held: the wicked man on his knees, imploring my forgiveness; andsetting before me my happy and my unhappy prospects, as I should forgiveand not forgive him. All that he thought would affect me in formerpleas, and those of Capt. Tomlinson, he repeated. He vowed, he promised,he bespoke the pretended ladies to answer for him; and they engaged theirhonours in his behalf.
Indeed, my dear, I was distressed, perfectly distressed. I was sorrythat I had given way to this visit. For I knew not how, in tenderness torelations, (as I thought them,) so worthy, to treat so freely as hedeserved, a man nearly allied to them: so that my arguments and myresolutions were deprived of their greatest force.
I pleaded, however, my application to you. I expected every hour, I toldthem, an answer from you to a letter I had written, which would decide myfuture destiny.
They offered to apply to you themselves in person, in their own behalf,as they politely termed it. They besought me to write to you to hastenyour answer.
I said, I was sure that you would write the moment that the event of anapplication to be made to a third person enabled you to write. But as tothe success of their request in behalf of their kinsman, that dependednot upon the expected answer; for that, I begged their pardon, was out ofthe question. I wished him well. I wished him happy. But I wasconvinced, that I neither could make him so, nor he me.
Then! how the wretch promised!--How he vowed!--How he entreated!--And howthe women pleaded!--And they engaged themselves, and the honour of theirwhole family, for his just, his kind, his tender behaviour to me.
In short, my dear, I was so hard set, that I was obliged to come to amore favourable compromise with them than I had intended. I would waitfor your answer to my letter, I said: and if that made doubtful ordifficult the change of measures I had resolved upon, and the scheme oflife I had formed, I would then consider of the matter; and, if theywould permit me, lay all before them, and take their advice upon it, inconjunction with your's, as if the one were my own aunt, and the otherwere my own cousin.
They shed tears upon this--of joy they called them:--But since, Ibelieve, to their credit, bad as they are, that they were tears oftemporary remorse; for, the pretended Miss Montague turned about, and, asI remember, said, There was no standing it.
But Mr. Lovelace was not so easily satisfied. He was fixed upon hisvillanous measures perhaps; and so might not be sorry to have a pretenceagainst me. He bit his lip--he had been but too much used, he said, tosuch indifference, such coldness, in the very midst of his happiestprospects. I had
on twenty occasions shown him, to his infinite regret,that any favour I was to confer upon him was to be the result of--therehe stopt--and not of my choice.
This had like to have set all back again. I was exceedingly offended.But the pretended ladies interposed. The elder severely took him totask. He ought, she told him, to be satisfied with what I had said. Shedesired no other condition. And what, Sir, said she, with an air ofauthority, would you commit errors, and expect to be rewarded for them?
They then engaged me in a more agreeable conversation--the pretended ladydeclared, that she, Lord M. and Lady Sarah, would directly and personallyinterest themselves to bring about a general reconciliation between thetwo families, and this either in open or private concert with my uncleHarlowe, as should be thought fit. Animosities on one side had beencarried a great way, she said; and too little care had been shown on theother to mollify or heal. My father should see that they could treat himas a brother and a friend; and my brother and sister should be convincedthat there was no room either for the jealously [sic] or envy they hadconceived from motives too unworthy to be avowed.
Could I help, my dear, being pleased with them?--
Permit me here to break off. The task grows too heavy, at present, forthe heart of
YourCLARISSA HARLOWE.