“Better my squashed nuts than your real nuts,” Pete says. “I do have awesome nuts.”
“That’s not what Reagan says,” Peck taunts. This is one of the many reasons why I love her so much. She can keep up with my family.
“Oh,” I sing out, “Reagan dissed your nuts!”
“Reagan!” Pete yells.
Reagan pops her head around the corner and rolls her eyes at Pete. “What?”
“Have you been dissing my nuts?” Pete asks.
“Is that what you call what I did with them last night?” She grins at him.
Pete’s face turns red. “No, that’s called—”
“Hey!” Daniel shouts. “I don’t need to hear about your nuts or what your wife does with them.”
I mumble in Pete’s ear, “Dude, I totally want to hear about it. Later, though, when the prude has gone home.” I nod toward Daniel.
I look over and Daniel is completely dressed. He’s wearing green elf shorts, tights with one leg thin and wiry because of his prosthesis, a billowy white shirt, and he has a green felt hat with small red jingle bells on his head.
“I can’t believe you douchebags talked me into this,” he grumbles as he walks past us all and goes out into the living room. The girls all whistle and he takes a dramatic bow.
The rest of us finish getting dressed and go out to sit in the living room to wait for Josh and Paul. I just hope Josh is in a good mood when he gets here. And that he was willing to take Paul up on the offer.
He might have too much pride. We’ll have to wait and see.
“Oh, my God, you guys look amazing!” Friday squeals as she struts by. She’s wearing her vintage style, but she’s dressed in red and green for Christmas, because there will be cameras there tonight. That’s just a byproduct of our reality show. We’d do this event with or without them, but the people who watch our show get a kick out of good deeds, and so do we.
The door opens and Paul and Josh come back inside. Josh rolls to a stop. “I am not wearing one of those,” he says.
“Oh, yes you are,” Friday says. She glares at him.
“Seriously?” Josh’s eyes go wide.
“Totally,” Friday says, putting her hands on her hips. “Yours are in the bedroom.”
“We had better go and get changed,” Paul says. Josh turns to follow him into the bedroom.
“Wait,” Friday says. “Did I make a mistake? Will it be too difficult for you?” Her face flushes, because she just realized that tights might be hard for him.
“If I say yes, do I get out of wearing them?” Josh grins, looking back at her.
Friday throws a pillow at his head and he laughs. He goes into the bedroom with Paul and they both come out a few minutes later. It wasn’t too hard for him. He’s dressed just like Paul, and they both look as ridiculous as the rest of us.
A knock sounds on the door and we open it to find Peck’s four sisters. They’re babysitting while we go to this event. Well, everyone except Gracie, because she doesn’t like anyone but Matt. Matt’s going to wear her in a pouch on his front.
The Zeroes stop in the doorway and look from one man to another. “Oh, my God,” one of them says. “It’s like a Twilight Zone episode, where all the elves came to life but they were disproportional and awkward.”
Pete looks at me. “Did she just call us awkward?”
“I think so. And disproportional.” I’m still trying to decide what that means.
“I think they’re hot,” Peck says as she puts her arm around me. I lean over and kiss her forehead.
“Next year, they’ll be watching our baby, too,” I tell Peck, laying my hand on the roundness of her belly. She smiles at me and lays her head on my shoulder.
“We had better go or we’re going to be late.” Paul rushes everyone out the door. We have trucks outside the homeless shelter filled with toys for boys and girls, and we have surprises for the adults, too. Lots of them.
I rub my hands together. I can’t wait to do this.
Logan
I kiss my daughter on the head and follow Em out of the apartment. She trusts the Zeroes to watch Kit, so I do too. Besides, I don’t want to miss out on what’s going to happen tonight.
I still can’t believe Friday talked me into wearing a fucking elf costume. With tights. I tug on the leg of my tights, trying to give my balls some room. Sam wasn’t kidding. These things are seriously tight.
Emily arches a brow at me. “Something wrong?”
I shake my head. “Nope.”
She grins and pulls out her phone. “You guys look amazing.” She snaps my picture.
I hold her hand as we walk down the street. It’s odd being able to walk beside her without having to keep my hands free for talking. We still sign, but not all the time. Now I can hold her hand like we’re any other couple, and not miss anything.
Em holds my hand in one of hers, and her guitar case in the other, and I can’t help but think back to the day that changed my life. The day when I tossed her over my shoulder and took her home with me. Her Betty Boop panties were flashing and I didn’t care. She hung there over my shoulder, and I wanted so badly to keep her safe, but what I didn’t realize was what she would give to me.
She accepted me exactly as I was. She communicated with me, and she did everything in her power to let me know she loved, wanted, and respected me. And all she asked from me was exactly that. She wanted the same in return, and loving her was unavoidable.
She squeezes my hand. “You okay?” she asks.
I nod and smile at her. “Fine.”
We’re on the way to a homeless shelter. It’s the same shelter that was full the night I took her home with me for the first time. I remember seeing her standing there on the sidewalk. She threw her head back and she had looked so defeated…but it didn’t last more than a moment. She’d squared her shoulders and powered on. Right into my heart.
Outside the shelter, a line has formed. Children stand around, giddy, waiting to see Santa Claus. And then there are the ones who don’t believe in Santa, because he’s never actually been to see them. Those are the ones I want to help most. Those are the ones who have shouldered burdens too early in life. Those are the ones who deserve to just be kids.
I walk up to a young girl who’s standing on the street corner. “How much will you make tonight?” I ask her. Emily stands beside me.
“For both of you together, it’ll be expensive,” the girl says.
Emily’s cheeks color and she tucks her face into my sleeve. “How much to get you off the corner for one night?” I ask.
The girl finally understands. “My little sister, she needs medicine,” she rushes to say. She wouldn’t be out here if she didn’t have to be. No one would.
“How much?” I repeat.
I have a wad of hundred dollar bills in my pocket. We all do. It’s part of what we’re doing tonight.
“One hundred,” she says.
“That’s all?” I ask. “Where are you sleeping?”
She jerks a thumb toward the shelter.
“Where’s your sister?”
“Waiting to see Santa.”
I peel four crisp one hundred dollar bills from my pocket and I fold them into a square. Her eyes go wide. I tuck them into her palm.
“After she sees Santa, I want you to come and find me, okay?” I tell her. “I don’t care what I’m doing. Come to me and tell me what it would take for you to get a job. A place to live. Or an education. Think about it and then come and tell me what you want your next step to be. I’ll help you make it happen.”
Tears fill her eyes and she blinks them back. “Really?”
“Really,” Emily says. “Food. Medicine. A place to live.” Her brow furrows. “How old are you?”
“Eighteen,” the girl replies quickly. But I know she’s lying.
“No more working tonight,” I tell her. “Go inside, get a hot meal, see Santa, and then come and find me, okay?”
“Okay,” she whispers.
“Tell Santa something you want, too, okay?” I tell her.
She nods. But she has a defeated look in her eyes. “This Santa…” she says. “What he is going to give my sister is the only present she’ll get. I don’t care if it’s just a candy cane. It’s more than I can give her.”
“I hear this Santa has some tricks up his sleeve.” I turn her toward the line. “Go find your sister.”
I see her duck into the line with her little sister and she tucks the money I just gave her into the pocket of her jeans.
“That was nice of you,” Emily says.
“No, that was human of me. Nice wasn’t even a part of it.”
“I never had anyone but myself to take care of,” Emily tells me. “I could be hungry, but I didn’t have anyone who was waiting for me to feed her.”
Emily points to a person in line who has four children with her. They call her Nana, and the little ones are so excited they can barely stand the wait. “Do them next,” Em says. I stop to talk to them.
“Are you guys here to see Santa?” I ask.
The younger kids are star-struck by my costume. The oldest, though, is cynical. “Everybody knows Santa isn’t real,” he grunts out.
I motion him forward. I pull a hundred dollar bill out of my pocket and press it into his palm. “Santa said for you to buy some groceries for your brothers and sisters. And your grandma.”
The boy’s shoulders straighten and he says, “Yes, sir.”
I look around and see my brothers doing the same thing that I am. People are crying for joy in the street. Daniel has a woman almost knock him over when she jumps up to hug him. And Josh…well, Josh hasn’t passed out a single dollar yet. But I’m sure he will.
They open the doors to the shelter and people walk slowly inside. First, there will be a Christmas dinner. Then Santa will visit with all the kids. Then we’ll get to make some dreams come true. And I get to bask in the glow of it all.
“I love you, Logan,” Em says quietly.
“I love you, too,” I tell her. I kiss her quickly, and then we go inside. It’s time to start serving up meals.
Matt
Food first. Even as excited as these kids are to see Santa, they are even more anxious to fill their bellies. We serve up a full Christmas dinner. We have baskets of rolls on the tables, and real turkeys and lots of side dishes. My wife is walking around with Gracie asleep in a pouch on her chest, since she just finished feeding her. Once Gracie wakes up, she’ll start screaming her head off and we both know it. But for now, it’s peaceful.
I see Sky slip a hundred dollar bill to a homeless man. I recognize him because he begs on the street outside our shop all the time. He tries to hug her, and she lets him. I’m pretty sure no one else comes that close to him on a normal day. The smell will just about knock you over, but my wife knows what it means to feel lost and alone. She offers him comfort, even if only for a moment.
Paul stands up at the front of the room and taps a microphone.
“It’s our honor to spend Christmas Eve with you,” he says. The people go quiet at the sound of his words. “We know a lot of you from the neighborhood, and those of you that we don’t know, we want to get to know, so be sure to stop and talk with one of the elves walking around.” He motions in a circle around the room, and we all stop and look up.
“I remember when we were younger,” he continues. “I got custody of my four younger brothers, and I was pretty much alone. We had no Christmas tree that first year, and we had no presents to share with one another. My brothers drew a tree on the wall, and wrapped up pictures they made themselves out of crayons and markers. Then this community rallied around us, and someone brought in a real tree. Someone else brought food. And on Christmas morning, we woke up to find presents under our tree. We still have no idea who did that, but if any of you were part of it, we are thankful, and we’re happy to give back to this community, this group of people who cared for us and made sure we didn’t do without. Christmas is more than just a season. It’s more than unwrapping gifts and spending time with loved ones. It’s a reminder that we’re all here on earth to serve a purpose, and though we might not know what that purpose is today, someday we will, and it will all become clear. So if you’re feeling a little lost this Christmas, hang in there. It does get better.”
I blink hard, because Paul’s words are punching me right in the center of my chest. I remember that Christmas he mentioned. I remember watching Paul struggle to pay the rent, and to keep us all fed. There just wasn’t enough to go around. And we went through several years like that.
Paul clears his throat. “Our community took care of us, and we like helping our community now that we can. So, with no further ado, let’s welcome the man of the hour!” He points toward a door at the back of the building. Henry walks in, beaming and waving.
Whispers ring out around the room. “It’s Santa!” sing excited children.
Henry grabs his belly and calls out, “Ho, ho, ho! Meeeeeerry Christmas!”
We’ve set up a big chair at the front of the room, and there’s a photographer to preserve the Christmas memories. Henry takes a seat, and Friday helps the first child come up to greet him.
We’ve devised a system. We bought a bunch of toys, and we hope that we have something on each child’s list. If we don’t, Henry is going to gently guide the children until they get to something we do have, in hopes that no one leaves empty-handed. We want each child to leave with a memory and a toy to take home. Henry holds up four fingers for building blocks, two fingers for a doll, three fingers for…hell, I don’t even know what all the signals are for. But the wives are in charge of this part. They can handle it.
I make my way around the room, so that I can be sure all the parents and grandparents are taken care of. I want to be sure that everyone leaves with something, even if it’s just well-wishes from one of us.
Some people have refused our money. And I respect their need to maintain their dignity and self-respect. I hope their families have heat, food, and shelter for the holiday.
I watch my wife as she slips a hundred dollar bill into a woman’s purse without her seeing. She looks up at me and grins, and my heart swells in my chest. I love her so damn much. She’s my miracle, in more ways than one.
Emily
While the line to see Santa is moving, I set up my guitar at the front of the room by the microphone. I figure I could at least sing a few Christmas songs with the people here while they’re waiting. I tap the microphone to get their attention. I start off with “Frosty,” and then I move on to “Rudolph” and some old favorites. The adults call out names of Christmas hymns, and then they join me in singing them.
There’s so much love in the air that I’m finding it almost hard to breathe it all in. I stop and take a deep breath. “Would you guys like to hear my new song? I wrote it just for you.”
The crowd claps. I’ve been touring with the Fallen from Zero girls, and my songs are on the radio now, so some of these people know who I am.
I nod and start to strum.
Lashes on fingertips
Soft kisses on my lips
Clovers and rainbows
Looking for luck—no one knows
It hits you like a freight train
Gone is the soft rain
You no longer feel sane
Confidence wanes
But I ain’t no plain Jane
And neither are you…
Lashes on fingertips
Soft kisses on my lips
Clovers and rainbows
Looking for luck—no one knows
I get to my feet
Get up off my seat
Go find something to eat
Make myself up all neat
’Cause I ain’t no cheat
And neither are you…
Lashes on fingertips
Soft kisses on my lips
Clovers and rainbows
Looking for luck—no one knows
 
; I am strong
I am powerful
I am loved
I am wanted
I am careful
And so are you…
Wherever you go
You just have to know
You reap what you sow
And sometimes it blows
But you are strong
Powerful
Loved
Wanted
Careful
And most of all you are…here.
I set my guitar to the side because I couldn’t squeak out another word if I tried. I feel like these people have pulled my guts out and they’re dangling there for the world to see. It hits me hard because I am them, and they are me.
Logan comes up onto the stage and wraps his arms around me. He’s my home.
The girl we met on the street corner approaches me after everyone has started talking and walking around. “I used to play music,” she says.
“Guitar?” I ask. I hold it out to her. “Give it a try.”
She sits down on the edge of the stage and balances my guitar on her knees. She starts to play, and she’s really very good. She looks sheepishly up at me when she’s done. “It has been a while.”
“Do you have a guitar?” I ask.
She shakes her head. “I did, but I had to sell it when my mom died.”
“Come by the tattoo shop tomorrow. I’ll leave a practice guitar there for you.”
She smiles. “Really?” Then she shakes her head. “Why would you do that?”
Just because I can. “Because I want to.”
She nods and gets to her feet, handing my guitar back to me.
“Where’s your sister?”
She giggles and points behind me. I see Henry hold up five fingers and I know what that one means. “Can I do this one?” I ask Friday.
Friday nods and looks at me askance. “Sure.”
“You guys come with me.” I motion them toward the door and they follow me. The younger girl has her hand tucked into the older girl’s hand.
“Where are we going?”
“To get your present,” I tell her.
She looks down at her sister. “What did you ask for?”