Speaking of yelling at her.
Where the hell was she? We were supposed to hang out. I ran over to her house and knocked on the door. No answer.
I called her cell.
And no answer.
Which really made me worry because Nat KNEW how I fell about answering phones. It was number one on a very long list of pet peeves.
Irritated, I started walking down the prom thinking she may have gone for a late run. When I looked to my left, I saw two legs sticking out from underneath a very sexy, and familiar body.
There was Nat, laying in the sand, eyes closed, looking all kinds of peaceful.
While I was having a heart attack.
When my blood pressure decided to finally return to a normal number — allowing me to adequately walk in her direction without shaking her to death — I made my way across the sand.
The mist from the ocean combined with the bite in the air should have woken her up. Nat’s teeth chattered as she tugged her sweatshirt tighter.
I nudged her with my foot. “So are you suicidal or merely stupid?” Yeah I could have said that way better…
Nat yawned, “Hello to you too, friend.”
“I didn’t know where you were.” I huffed, licking my lips to keep me distracted from physically shaking her where she sat.
“Well you found me.”
“I swear you’re aging me, Nat.” I grumbled taking a seat down next to her.
“Sorry?”
Not much of an apology but I’ll take it.” I moved my hands to her shoulders and pulled her close to me to keep her warm, then slowly started massaging her arms, moving up her neck, and down again.
After a few minutes Nat tensed, “Alec?”
“Hmm?”
“Do you trust me yet?”
Trusting her meant telling her — so I guess that was my answer. It’s not like I wanted to keep secrets from her, but telling her anything should be something I first discussed with Demetri, just like I needed to discuss with him about Nat in general and my feelings.
Sighing I answered, “Getting there, Nat. Getting there.”
“Okay.”
“So,” I changed the subject, “Do you have plans tonight?” Technically every night was with me, but I still felt the need to ask her to come over, not assume she wanted to be with me.
Nat laughed. “You mean besides my failed suicide attempt.”
My hands stilled. “Yes, besides that.”
“Nope.”
“Okay.” I helped her to her feet then dusted the sand off my jeans. “Let’s go watch a movie.”
We walked arm in arm back to the house. Once we were inside, Nat made quick work with the popcorn while I filled some glasses with crushed ice and soda. Funny, how we didn’t even really need to talk to one another. We just knew, that was the drill, popcorn, soda, movie, done.
I grabbed Twilight and winced. Demetri would have me by the balls if he knew I was actually watching that shit. But I knew Nat would love it. And I wasn’t planning on watching the movie as much as I was planning on watching her.
See? And there go the stalker tendencies again.
“Twilight?” Nat laughed, “Really?”
“I’m hoping it will earn me points.” I grinned, pressing Play and moving towards the couch.
“For being an ass half the time?” she asked in a syrupy sweet voice.
“Of course not.” I smirked. “For being an ass three quarters of the time.”
“Aw you’re sweet.”
“Agreed.” I winked and put my arm around her, tucking her body into mine. It was the usual way we sat… it didn’t have to mean anything. Friends could… cuddle. Hell was that what I was doing with her?
Then again she had been chilled to the bone when I found her.
Near death.
Hardly breathing.
Turning blue.
I mean, first aid demands that in order to restore body heat you needed to strip and —
The movie flashed on.
Yeah, maybe Twilight was good. At least the ridiculousness of it would distract me from kissing her.
Two hours later, and I realized something, really, really unfortunate. The whole love triangle thing? Not so fun to watch when you’re actually living it. Shit. I swear beads of sweat were trickling down my face during a few of those scenes, each one of them saturated in guilt.
“Probably a poor choice considering…” My voice trailed off.
Nat nodded mutely.
“But I’m curious.” I turned down the TV and twisted my body to face her. “Would I be more of a Jacob or an Edward?”
Nat’s eyes watered with amusement as she covered her mouth and laughed.
“Forget it.” I cursed and tried to get up so she wouldn’t see that my face was probably red.
“I’m sorry, no, stay!” She laughed and tugged me down next to her. “You have to understand that guys don’t just go walking around asking things like that.”
“I know.” I clenched my jaw.
Nat let out a little gasp.
My eyes narrowed. “What?”
Red tinged her cheeks, “You’re kind of both.”
“As in a hybrid?” I asked, feeling cocky as hell. Did she say what I think she just said? That I was the best of both worlds?
My grin grew the more I thought about it.
“Yes, Alec. A hybrid, you’re like a vampwolf.” She burst out laughing and turned away like she was trying to escape. I pounced on her, tackling her against the couch so we were chest to chest.
“Is my man card gone now?” My lips almost grazed hers.
Nat’s eyes followed the line of my jaw before returning my gaze. “No.” She reached up and trailed her hand down my arm
I shuddered, unable to keep it locked in anymore. Her touch did not make me want to be in control. It made me want to lose it. “Damn it.” I snapped, my mouth was on hers within seconds. Damn, she tasted the same. I’d missed that taste, dreamt about it, wanted it so bad that even food wasn’t the same. Nat groaned as my body pressed harder against her, covering her, suffocating her with my presence, she gripped chaotically at my back, her fingers digging into my shirt. I broke the kiss off, turning my head to the right, so I could taste her neck. Nat wanted none of that; she wanted my mouth. On her. She said as much when she grabbed my head and forced my lips against hers so hard that a jolt of pain shot through me. Yeah, my control was shot to hell. I wedge my leg between her thighs and reached for her hips, grinding her against me. She let out a little gasp.
Everything about that moment was frantic, Nat reached for my shirt, meeting my hands as I was already trying to take it off. It flew to the floor. Her eyes went wide as she moved her hands across my chest.
“Nat, you drive me crazy.” I hissed when those same hands moved to my jeans, pulling me harder against her.
“Good crazy?” she asked breathlessly, her chest heaving.
I leaned over, my forehead touching hers, then tilted her chin towards me kissing the corner of her mouth, and then sealing the kiss with my tongue, “Crazy, crazy.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, oh.” I laughed against her neck then began sucking below her ear before returning to her lips. She reached for the buttons of my jeans, but I stopped her. Probably because I was an idiot, but even in that moment I knew I wouldn’t allow that innocent of a girl to lose her virginity on a couch.
She tried again. Damn, was she trying to kill me? I slapped away her hands playfully, and then pinned them to her side.
“Seriously?” She sounded as sexually frustrated as I felt.
I laughed and nuzzled her neck “I’m not that kind of guy.” Then again, pinning her down was kind of hot — I could definitely be that guy, the one that tied her up and tortured her until she was panting my name with reverence.
Sighing, she tilted her head, giving me perfect access to her neck. “Right now, I kind of wish you were.”
My hands stilled, blood pounded in all
the wrong places, “You can’t say things like that to me, Nat. Not when we’re like this, because I want nothing more than to take you on this couch and very aggressively, very slowly, very purposefully, have my way with you.”
“Okay.”
“Nat,” I warned, my arms flexing so painfully hard that I wasn’t sure if I was causing physical damage to the upholstery.
Her eyes raked me over like she was imagining me without clothes. I loved it so much that I almost stripped for her right there. Her eyes were dilated, hair mussed, she was so aroused she couldn’t think straight — which meant I had to be the voice of reason. Oh joy.
“I know what you’re thinking,” I said. Maybe if I talked I wouldn’t be thinking about letting her unbutton my jeans.
“No, you don’t.”
“But I do.” I kissed her lips, softly tugging on the bottom one, then biting down causing pain I knew she’d find pleasurable. “You think it would be worth it, but I promise you, that’s not the case.”
“Why?”
“Because you don’t know what kind of guy I am.” And things just got serious.
“But I do!” she whined.
I couldn’t look at her, if I looked at her she’d see the guilt, the pain, she’d see it all. “Nat, you don’t.”
“Then tell me, and let me make my choice.”
“What if by telling you, I lose you?”
“Do you really think I’m that kind of person?”
“Yes and no.” I wrapped my hands around her head. I was done talking. I pressed my mouth against hers, deepening the kiss, my tongue swirled around hers mimicking what I would do if I could… what I would do if I was free.
She pressed a palm flat against my chest and then the fight, the fun cat and mouse game we’d had going? Totally left her. It was as if she was me letting in despite my warnings. It was something my soul needed, something my body craved. With a growl I lifted her into the air so that I could press myself against her, so I could do what I’d been wanting to do for weeks. It was one of those moments that if she reached for me again. I’d let her. I wouldn’t stop her. Because I’d told her I was bad news — and she still wanted to kiss me. My hands moved beneath her shirt.
I would have pressed her further.
But I didn’t have the chance. Because Demetri chose that exact moment to come home.
He tapped my shoulder.
I turned around and swore. Out of anger and disappointment in myself I said, “Second again, brother. Don’t you have a little starlet to go screw?”
Nat’s hand hit my cheek so hard my teeth hurt.
Tears streamed down Nat’s face as I held her against the couch. She couldn’t leave, I didn’t mean it; she had to know. What the hell was wrong with me!
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Demetri
“I CAME HOME early to see Nat.” My first lie.
Tears streamed down that gorgeous girl’s face. I was the cause of them, me and my ass hole of a brother.
Alec and I stared at one another. Neither of us willing to say anything. I liked watching Alec struggle, but only as much as I liked stabbing myself in the foot, after all we were brothers, no matter what, when he hurt I hurt.
“I lost my phone,” I said glancing at Nat. “Some Hollywood starlet was irritated that a nobody was texting me.” The second lie fell easier from my lips. I hadn’t lost my phone. Nor was it broken. It was in my damn back pocket where it had been for the past week, receiving her texts but not sending any out.
I was stuck.
In limbo.
I felt like Nat was a lifeline — but the type of lifeline that if I took her, if I allowed her to help me, I would never really escape the drowning — just prolong the inevitable. That didn’t make letting my brother have her any easier.
I shouldn’t have lied, but I hated seeing her sad.
I didn’t want her to think I was ignoring her… I didn’t want her to know how weak I was, that I was so freaking weak that I did nothing but scroll through those text messages until I fell asleep with my phone in my hands.
They kept me from taking more drugs when I wanted them. They kept me from jumping from that hotel building. They kept me from sleeping with random chicks. But it couldn’t always be Nat. It couldn’t always be Alec.
Damn. I was just — lost and making everything worse.
With a cry Nat beat her hands against Alec’s chest, shoving him against the wall and then ran out of the house. He cursed and chased after her.
The screen door slammed behind him.
I went over to the window and looked out. His hands were flying all over the place, Nat pushed him again, and then she cried harder.
Every part of my body screamed for me to go after both of them, to apologize until my voice was hoarse.
But… I was Demetri Daniels. Action was never my thing… no I hid. I took drugs and I hid. So when Alec reached over and cupped her face —
I slipped a pill in my mouth, crushing it between my teeth and letting the bitterness of it cleanse me.
They’d figure it out.
He’d tell her the truth.
And she’d tell us to go to hell.
I sat on the couch and turned on the TV. Alec’s footsteps neared behind me, and then something smacked me in the head.
“What the hell?” I jumped to my feet. “Did you just hit me?”
“Yes!” Alec roared. “You cheated then you lied about it, you deserve to be strangled!”
“I didn’t cheat,” I grumbled, “It was for the cameras, you know as much as I do what the media does.”
Alec relaxed a bit. “And your phone?”
I pulled it out. “Surprise.”
He was quiet for a few minutes then said, “I just don’t get you. Why make it so hard on yourself? You do realize you’re your own worst enemy right? You could be with the girl you love, kissing her, holding her hand, but instead you let her believe the worst? Why, Demetri? Why?”
I licked my lips and looked back at the TV. “Because I don’t deserve her man.”
Alec sat next to me on the couch. “And you think I do?”
“I know you don’t.” I sighed.
“Demetri…”
“I’m messed up…” I wrung my hands together. “I need… something. I need help or something. I don’t know. I’m just… Alec, I’m not well.”
My brother’s eyes went hard as he glanced at my face, his eyes focusing in on my pupils. They were probably so small he was having a hard time finding them. “You’re high.”
“Yeah.”
“All week?”
“Here and there.” I sighed. “I think” — I shrugged again — “I think I’m going to leave you here, with her, you guys can go be happy do your thing, whatever. I just… I don’t know. I need to fix me and I can’t do that when I’m constantly trying to be you.”
“Demetri—”
“Stop.” I choked on the word. “It’s true. I’ve looked up to you my whole life and then when everything happened last year you just… got better and you left me. All of a sudden you weren’t partying, you weren’t using, you weren’t doing anything that you used to say was totally fine. You abandoned me.”
Alec’s eyes narrowed. “So you’re pissed I don’t do drugs with you? Is that what this is about?”
“No.” I stood and started pacing in front of him. “I’m pissed you introduced me to them in the first place. I’m pissed that while you’ve made a mess of my life and yours — that in the end you still get the girl. I’m angry as hell that I still crave pills, I still crave pot, and you’re happy as a clam. I’m pissed because you left me in the pit of hell and I have no way of getting out.”
“Demetri…”
“I gotta run. I may stay at a hotel tonight or something, whatever, I’ll have my cell.”
I ran out of the house and got into my car, then slammed my hands against the wheel until the pain was so fierce that I wanted to cry.
The problem.
/>
I was still in the dark.
And Alec deserved to be there with me — instead, the sun was shining on his face, and God had gifted him with an angel.
Life wasn’t fair.
And suddenly I wanted to drive off a cliff.
CHAPTER THIRTY
Alec
I WAS OFFICIALLY breaking the law. I climbed into Nat’s window and stumbled a bit before catching my balance. Everything was blanketed in black. Making it from the window to her bed was like trying to walk through a mine field. Clothes were everywhere and I could have sworn I just stepped on a stuffed bear that talked, though I couldn’t be sure because its battery was clearly dying, meaning it just made a really creepy hoarse noise that I’m sure will come back to haunt me one day when I’m alone in my house.
Note to self, hide bear in Demetri’s room.
If he ever comes back.
Emotion clogged my throat. He was right about way too many things. How was it fair that I came out smelling like roses and he was stuck?
I just, I didn’t know how to unstick him.
With a muffled curse, I finally sat on Nat’s bed. She didn’t say anything; she barely even stirred. I wrapped my arms around her and lay down.
My eyes were so heavy with sleep that I didn’t even realize I’d fallen asleep until the sun started piercing through the window.
Nat moaned next to me.
I kissed her cheek, then her mouth, then her eyes.
“Hey,” I mumbled.
“Hey yourself.” She blinked her eyes a few times as if trying to focus. I smiled at her confusion… and inability to fully wake up.
After a few minutes of silence I cleared my throat. “He’s sorry.”
“I don’t care if he’s sorry. Sorry means he realizes what he did was wrong. Sorry means he wasn’t lying to me the entire time we were together. How the hell can you defend him?”
I cursed. “He’s my brother. It’s my job to protect him. Even if it’s from himself. You don’t understand. It’s complicated.”
“And me? What about me?” She tried to wriggle away from me, but my arms braced her shoulders as I leaned down and kissed her forehead.
“I’m pretty sure my only job from here on out is to show you how much I love you.” I hadn’t meant to say that out loud, but… keeping it in? Was damn near impossible. Especially with the hurt in her eyes.