1H ly parents expected me to be at Rachel's house. Her parents expected her to sleep over at my house. My house was easier to sneak into, so that's where we went. It was almost dawn by the time we de-morphed. We crept through my dark living room and up to my room, trying not to make the stairs squeak. I loaned Rachel a big flannel shirt. She grabbed a blanket and a pillow and simply fell down on the floor beside my bed. I think she was asleep before she landed. I crawled into my bed. My own, familiar bed. The sheets were cool. The comforter was
my comforter. I belonged here. This was
my place. And yet nothing seemed familiar. The shadows cast by dim starlight on the walls . . . the shapes of shirts and overalls hung from big hooks on the walls ... the bindings of books I'd read, right here in this room . . . none of it seemed real. I closed my eyes, then opened them quickly. How could it be? How could I remember what that chamber looked like, what the termite queen looked like when I'd had no eyes? But still, I remembered it all. I saw the chamber dug from the rotted wood by hundreds of workers. And I saw the huge queen. I felt my pincers. I hadn't just destroyed her. I had destroyed the entire colony. I had done it to save myself and my friends. I wanted to throw up. But I would have had to get out of bed to run to the bathroom. And I felt like I never wanted to leave that bed again. I love animals. I've been raised all my life around them. I love nature. But what did I really know about it? I have been more animals than many people ever see in a lifetime. I have flown with the wings of an osprey. I've raced through the ocean in the body of a dolphin. I've seen the world through the eyes of an owl at night, and smelled the wind with all the keen senses of a wolf. I've flown upside down and backward in the body of a fly. Sometimes I go out into the far fields at night and become a horse and run through the grass. And everything I've been, every animal, is either killer or killed. In a million, million battles all around the world, on every continent, in every square inch of space, there was killing. From the great cats in Africa that cold-bloodedly search out the young and weak gazelles, to the terrible wars that are fought out in anthills and termite colonies. All of nature was at war. And, at the top of all that destruction, humans killed each other as well as other species, and now those same people have been enslaved and destroyed by the Yeerks. Nature at its finest. Cute, cuddly animals who slaughtered to live. The color of nature wasn't green. It was red. Bloodred. I realized tears were running down my cheeks and soaking my pillow. I would have cried out loud, but I didn't want Rachel to wake up. I would have screamed but my parents would have come running. And what could I have told them? Lies. More lies. Because in my world, I, too, was prey. The Yeerks were hunting me. I was scared. I was alone. I didn't know what was going to happen to me. And then I thought of the lost skunk kits. Unlovable little creatures, to most people. But they were scared and alone, too. If they were still alive. andbrvbarbbL guess I f ell asleep eventually, because I dreamed. It wasn't a nightmare, though. It wasn't even about the termite world. I was a mother. In my dream I was a mother, looking for her babies. I searched everywhere, even though I was hurt and in pain. At last I found them. And, in my dream, they snuggled next to me. When I woke up, the dream quickly evaporated. But it left behind a feeling of peace. The sun was high in the sky. It was ten-fifteen in the morning. Late. Rachel had already showered and dressed. "I can't believe you slept so well," Rachel grumbled. "I had a seriously bad nightmare. Look, I gotta get home. Are you okay?" "Sure," I said, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. "I mean . . . you know, last night and all ... it wasn't like I was having some kind of breakdown or anything. It's just, you know. It creeped me out." "Tell me about it," Rachel agreed. "But it's really no big deal if you think about it, Cassie. Termites get killed all the time. They were just termites. Bugs." "Yeah." She left. I don't know if she just had to get home, or if I made her uncomfortable. Rachel isn't usually a huggy kind of person. Having to treat me like a baby probably gave her the willies. My mom was at work. My dad was off somewhere, I guess, because his truck was gone. 1 made some toast and drank some orange juice. Then I ate a piece of leftover veggie pizza. I felt restless and weird. Like I was on the edge of something. Like life had gotten unbalanced since the day before. "Rachel's right," I said out loud, just to hear a voice. "They're bugs. Termites. And besides, I got away in the end." I walked outside to feel the sun on my skin. My human skin. Without really thinking much about it, I went into the barn to the refrigerator we use to store perishable food for the animals. I took out a frozen grasshopper and stuck it in my pocket. And then I headed toward the edge of the forest. less-than Hey, Cassieeagreater-than a thought-speak voice said as I crunched noisily through the woods. less-than What's going on8greater-than I looked up and saw Tobias go skimming by. He flared, turned on a dime, and landed on a branch. He dug his ripping talons into the soft bark. "Not much," I said. less-than like heard it was pretty bad last night. greater-than "Yeah? Who did you talk to?" less-than Ax. Who else? He was definitely weirded out by the whole thing. greater-than I stopped walking. It was something in the way he said "weirded out." "Tobias, who else did you talk to?" less-than Maybe Marcoeagreater-than he said. "And Marco told you I went nuts, right?" less-than Actually, the word he used was "insane." Also "Looney Tunes." And "wacko." But he meant it all in the nicest possible way. greater-than I laughed bitterly. "Well, I guess I did go a bit wacko," I said. less-than Welcome to the clubeagreater-than Tobias said. less-than None of us is going to come through all this completely normal. You know that. Too much fear. greater-than "Well, I'm pretty sick of it," I said. "I had to destroy the termite queen. I know, she was just a bug. But you know, who am I to decide that it's okay to kill one animal and not another? Here I am, the big Earth Mother, tree-hugger, animal-lover, as Marco would say, and when it gets down to it, I'm just like ..." less-than Just like me8greater-than Tobias asked. "Just like any predator," I said lamely. less-than You feel bad because you had to kill the queen in order to survive. greater-than "I shouldn't have been there. It's their world, not mine. Those little tunnels in a rotten piece of wood -- that's their whole universe. I invaded it. And when they got in my way, I reacted. Who does that remind you of?" less-than Look, you are not a Yeerk, and termites are not human beingseagreater-than Tobias said. less-than There's no comparisons I didn't bother arguing. "Look, I have to morph. There's something I need to do." less-than What8greater-than I sighed. "It's something stupid, all right? There's this mother skunk we have who's injured. She has a litter of kits who are going to die. I think I know where they are, more or less, but I can't get there walking like a human." For a moment Tobias said nothing. less-than Skunk kits? Near the edge of the Yeerk logging com-pound8greater-than "Yes." less-than like can show you where they are. greater-than For a frozen moment of time I refused to understand what he'd just said. I didn't want to think of why Tobias . . . why a red-tailed hawk would know the exact location of a litter of skunk babies. I took a couple of deep breaths. I tried to keep my voice level. "Are they still alive?" less-than There are four still aliveeagreater-than Tobias said. I felt an emotion I don't feel very often. I felt it boiling up inside me. I glared furiously at him. At the ripping talons. At the nastily curved beak. I could picture the scene in my mind. The way he would have swooped down, raked those talons forward, snatched the defenseless kit off the ground and . . . I was shaking. I laced my fingers together, just to stop them from trembling. "I'm going to save what's left of them," I said. My voice didn't sound like my voice. less-than l'll help yeagreater-than Tobias said. CHILD-R-Pt-E-R IB andbrvbarbbL used my osprey morph and flew behind Tobias as he led me directly to the spot I had seen the night before. I carried the frozen grasshopper in my talons. I didn't ask Tobias any questions, and he didn't say anything. He pointed out the almost-invisible entrance to the skunks' lair. And then he flew away. I knew he'd go to Jake and tell him what I was doing. And I knew that I had hurt Tobias by treating him so coldly. But, to tell you the truth, I didn't care right then. I just wanted to find those baby skunks. I don't know why
, but somehow in my mind those baby skunks had become very important. When Tobias was out of sjght, I began to morph. It wasn't a difficult morph. I kept eyes and ears and a mouth all the way through the change. Not like becoming a bug. There was the now-familiar sensation of shrinking. And there was the surprise of having a huge, bushy tail growing from the base of my spine. But I had morphed a squirrel before. This was pretty close. But the fur was a new experience. Oh, I'd grown fur before, but never any so long and luxurious and dramatic. This was a regular fur coat, so to speak. Mostly black, but with an impressive swipe of white down my back and into my tail. The senses of the skunk were nothing dramatic. The hearing was a little better than human, maybe. The sense of smell was good. The sight not as good as my own human vision. And the skunk's body was not swift or strong. I shuffled and sort of waddled when I tried to walk. When I tried to run I just ended up waddling a little more. My front paws could grasp and hold things, but they were far inferior to my own human hands. It was the skunk's mind and instincts that seemed strangest of all. I've been inside minds that were all fear, or all hunger. Minds that were keyed up, like they lived on adrenaline. But this mind, this package of instincts, was so ... gentle. So unafraid. Not cocky and swaggering like a big cat, just unafraid. I was an animal no bigger than a house cat. No sharp teeth or talons. And yet just about nothing in the forest messed with me. 1 felt the gentleness of absolute confidence. I could hear the mewing sounds of the skunk kits within the burrow. I waddled over to the opening and pushed my head inside. It was dark, but I could make out four of them. Tiny, helpless little things. No longer infants, but not yet able to defend themselves or hunt like skunks. I know some people think animals don't have emotions. But those kits were happy to see me. And something in the mind of the skunk was relieved and joyful to see them. I retrieved the frozen grasshopper, now completely thawed. I crawled inside that little hole in the dirt. I curled around, and the kits nuzzled up against me. I fed them the grasshopper. I knew I only had two hours in morph. But even though I had just gotten up a few hours earlier, I suddenly felt sleepy. The meal was done. The kits wouldn't starve. And I was sleepy and very, very peaceful. Even in my sleep I knew what was happening to me. See, I had always loved animals. Always. But now, I think was falling out of love. Nature wasn't all cute and fuzzy. The strong ate the weak. The weak ate the weaker. It's what the Yeerks were doing: trying to make prey out of the ultimate predator, Homo sapiens. WHUMP! "Hey! Hey! Are you in there? Cassie!" I woke up. Where was I? It was dark. Was I in my bedroom? Was I ... oh, no, was I in the termite colony?! The four kits still slept, curled up against me. I was in the skunks' den. less-than What8greater-than I said. "It's me, Jake, Cassie, get out of there. Now! You've been in morph for almost two hours!" That woke me up all the way. I shot out of the burrow and instantly began to demorph. Jake was standing there with Marco. Tobias was in the tree overhead. I have seen Jake mad before. But I'd never seen him this mad. "What did you think you were doing?!" he yelled, without even waiting for me to become human. "You were ten minutes away from spending the rest of your life as a skunk!" less-than like fell asleepeagreater-than I said. My mouth wasn't formed yet. "Are you out of your mind? What is the matter with you?" I'd never noticed that Jake has this vein that kind of pops out on his forehead when he's furious. "Look, I'm sorry," I mumbled, as I finished demorphing. He was a long way from forgiving me. "This is not why we have this ability. We are not trying to save every lost skunk in the world," Jake ranted. "We are an army. A small, weak, pathetic, outnumbered army. We have exactly six members. Tobias has already been trapped in morph. But he was trapped fighting the Yeerks. I can't believe you would nearly get yourself trapped in morph over some skunks!" Marco stepped in and put a hand on Jake's shoulder and kind of pulled him back. "Look, it's okay, Jake. She's okay." "Thanks to Tobias," Jake snapped. "No thanks to her." I didn't know what to say. I was too shocked. And to be honest, I was pretty horrified by what I'd almost done. "Marco. Tobias. Take a walk, okay?" Jake said. Then he turned and stood with his face just inches from mine. "I know you had a real bad experience last night. I've been there. I've had the nightmares. I know what's going on in your head right now." "I'm fine," I muttered. "Just shut up and listen to me," he said. But the anger was gone now. "I care about you, Cassie. We all do. And we all need you." "To win?" I said. "You need me to fight battles? What if I don't want to fight any more battles? What if I've had enough? I've done enough." "You've done far more than enough. A hundred times more than enough. But the Yeerks are still here." I shrugged. "The strong eat the weak," I said. "It's part of nature. Humans always win, other animals always lose. Maybe it's our turn to lose." Jake nodded. "This isn't about some race called humans. It's about people we know. People we see every day. My brother, Tom, is one of them. So why don't you go tell Tom it's okay that he's a slave of the Yeerks because it's our turn to get hammered?" He turned and walked away. "Jake?" He stopped. "Jake? Urn ... my dad will have the skunk mother ready to be returned here in a day or so. I'm not going to just abandon these kits." He put his hands on his hips and glared at me. "You can't stay in morph that long, and you know it." "I know. But I have to make sure no predators come around. I have to get them food. And I have to morph at least some of the time, so they can imprint on their mother here in the wild. Look ... I know it seems stupid to you and Marco and probably everyone. But I have to do this." less-than l'll watch themeagreater-than Tobias said. I'd forgotten how good hawk hearing is. "Tobias will keep watch. We'll work something out," Jake said. "We'll save the lousy skunks. After all, it's not like we have anything else to do. Aside from saving the world." "Thanks, Jake," I said. "And . . . sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I'll be okay now, I think." He smiled his slow smile. "I'll be okay, too, Cassie. As long as you're around." From a little ways off to our left I heard Marco make a loud gagging noise. It made me laugh. I must have been feeling better, to be able to laugh. LJJ-ELL, this is more than slightly insane," Marco said. It was later that same day, Sunday evening. We were all gathered around the skunks' den. "We're going to raise little, stinky skunk babies?" "What's so insane about that?" Rachel asked sharply. Good old Rachel. She thought it was ridiculous, too. But she's my best friend, and always backs me up. "They're skunks," Marco said, looking from Rachel to Jake to Ax, like he was the only normal person in a mental ward. "They're cute," Rachel said, glaring at Marco and generally looking like a girl who never used the word "cute." "Ah. I see. "Cute." Well that certainly explains everything." Jake cut in. "Cassie can't take them to the clinic or they may get used to humans. They're young. They'll imprint. So we are taking care of these . . . these skunks . . . until mommy skunk can come back from the hospital." less-than Are skunks a sacred animal to humans8greater-than Ax asked. "All animals are sacred to Cassie," Marco said. "She's Doctor Doolittle and that animal guy who comes on Letterman all rolled into one." less-than But you eat some animalseagreater-than Ax pointed out. less-than Cows, pigs, sheep, dogs. greater-than "We don't eat dogs!" I said. less-than ln some countries they do. I read it in the World Almanao We had given Ax a World Almanac to help him learn about Earth. Ever since then, he'd become an expert on useless information. He could tell you the per capita income of Tanzania, or the long jump record at the Olympics. "Well, we don't eat dogs in this country," Rachel said. less-than Do you eat cats8greater-than "Urn . . . excuse me?" Jake interrupted. He rubbed the bridge of his nose. He was obviously getting a headache. I could understand why. "Look, here's the deal: We are about three hun- dred yards from the edge of the Yeerk logging compound. They have sensors, they have guards. Tobias is up top keeping an eye out, so we're safe for now. But we can't get careless. Cassie, tell them what we want to do." "Okay, while we're in school tomorrow and the next day, Ax and Tobias will protect the den. Ax will morph the mother skunk from time to time. Tobias will patrol from above. I'll bring Tobias frozen food so he doesn't have to hunt during that time." "Oooh, Lean Cuisine Frozen Mouse entrees," Marco teased. less-than like heard teagreater-tha
n Tobias said from somewhere up above the treetops. "I know," Marco said, grinning smugly. "Then, after school and through the night, the rest of us will work shifts. I'll do most of the skunk morphing, but in between times we'll have to have Jake and Rachel and Marco to help keep up a patrol." Marco held up his hand. "Yes, Marco?" I asked. "Do we get some "Save the Skunks" T-shirts and bumper stickers?" "No one has to do this," I said. "Look ... I know it seems stupid." "Nah, it's not stupid," Marco said. "Let's see, I'm behind in my homework. My dad thinks I've joined a gang because I'm never around. I don't sleep much because every time I try I'm suddenly a termite again and I wake up screaming. I never get to just sit around and watch TV. And, in my spare time, I have to help figure out how we're going to keep the Yeerks from turning some guy named Farrand into a Controller so they can wipe out the forest and hunt down the Bird-boy and the universe's only almanac-reading An-dalite. I mean, I knew the middle-school years would be tough, but this is a little much." Jake gave Marco a long, skeptical look. "So, in other words, you'll be glad to help." For once, it was Jake who made everyone laugh. Even Marco. Marco shrugged. "You know, actually it's kind of a relief finding out Cassie is crazy. We know Rachel's nuts. We know I'm crazy. Cassie's been the only sane one for so long. Welcome to the loony bin, Cassie. Save the skunks! Hug the trees! Let dogs vote!" The others all laughed. I laughed a little, too. Marco always made fun of my being an environmentalist. Usually it was okay, because I knew what I believed in. But now his humor cut just a little deeper. I wasn't saving the whales or the panda or the spotted owl. I was saving a handful of skunks. There were plenty of skunks in the world. They weren't exactly endangered. It all went back to the termite queen. A bug. I had killed a bug, and for some reason, that had shaken my deepest faith. Maybe Marco was right. Maybe I was crazy.