"Um. No. That's not what I'm afraid of."
She tried to pull his hands away from her waist so she could swing around and face him, but his hands didn't budge. Strangely, his grip didn't even feel tight. More as if she were encased in a cocoon of safety.
Andre lifted her off her feet and, stepping into the pool of steaming water, set her slowly down. The hot water was a shock, but it felt good. She was short and the water came easily to her shoulders so she was mostly submerged when she was standing.
Andre took her hand. "There is a smooth rock you can sit on over here. Do not go too far into the middle because the pool becomes deeper."
He settled her onto the rock and then sat close to her. Close enough she could see him breathe, far enough away that she couldn't easily reach out and touch all that muscle in his bare chest.
"If you are unafraid of change, and I disagree that you are, what is it, sivamet, about me that frightens you?"
She closed her eyes against the velvet mesmerizing tone that just sank into her body and made her boneless. And spineless. And captivated. The hot water lapped at her breasts. She had very small breasts, but they were sensitive, and the water, coupled with his voice, wreaked havoc on her senses. Her nipples were hard and her breasts ached for his touch. The water actually felt like tongues licking over the slight curves.
Why did Andre have to be so gentle and sweet? Armend would have eaten him alive. Armend's friends would probably kill him when he tried to defend her. She would have to be fast. She knew martial arts and she could defend him. Andre. The gentle bear of a man.
Teagan knew he was watching her closely because she felt his eyes on her. He had that kind of intensity. He remained silent, expecting an answer to his questions. She'd already made a huge fool of herself already, what did it matter if she continued?
"I'm way over my head with you," she blurted out. "You're this gorgeous stranger, sexy and sweet, and I don't have a clue why I'm so drawn to you, but I am. If we were talking about a little fling, I might consider it, although honestly, I don't know if I would. I'm private. Really private. I don't want some mindless night with a man, no matter how good it is. And that tells me I'm in real trouble with you."
"Why?"
Could he really be that clueless? She risked a glance at him. Yeah. He was watching her all right, with darker blue eyes, the midnight color that told her he wasn't happy with what she was telling him. He was totally focused on her, making her feel as if she was the only woman in his world. Not just there in the cave, but in the entire world.
She let her breath out slowly. "Andre, you get to me. Inside, I mean. That means when we walk away from each another it's going to hurt like hell. For me at least. I don't think it's a good idea to chance it."
"Why would we walk away if we both want the same thing?"
She waved her hand at the cave. "Do you have any idea how bizarre this truly is? We're in a cave in the mountains. I'm on a visa. You live here. We've known each another for a few hours."
He nodded his head slowly. Thoughtfully. She let out her breath again, reminding herself to breathe once in a while. At least he was listening.
"I have been in your mind. It is not a few hours for me, Teagan. When I healed you, I connected us together. You can touch my mind, see inside of me any time that you wish. Once you do that, it will not be a few hours for you either. You will see me, the person that I am, just as I see you."
She hadn't expected his answer. He'd been in her head a couple of times reading her thoughts, so maybe he did know more about her than she was comfortable with anyone knowing--especially a gorgeous man who looked kind of godlike.
"I can't read your thoughts, Andre. I'm a healer, but I'm not psychic. I don't have that kind of gift--or curse, depending upon how you see it."
"You can, Teagan. You feel the connection between us. It is too strong for you not to."
She shrugged and shifted a little. The water swirled around behind her, lapping at her back. She slid a little on the rock until the water covered her to her neck. The heat felt good, easing the tension out of her shoulders and neck. The backpack was heavy after miles of hiking and a bit of a strain on her small frame. She packed as light as possible, but when packing for a month in the mountains, and maybe a day or two in a town to wind down, the weight began to add up.
"I've never read anyone's mind in my life. If I could, Andre, do you think I would have put myself in Armend's hands? Clearly he's a psychopath. He's a killer. A serial rapist and a killer. If he was telling the truth about his friends, he isn't alone in that kind of behavior. If I could read minds, I would have known when we were at the university. I tutored him. I was with him five days a week, sometimes a few hours a day. He never once acted anything but friendly toward me. He never crossed a single line with me. In fact, not one of the women he dated looked a thing like me."
Andre studied Teagan's face closely. She was upset now. He couldn't blame her. She knew Jashari had killed several women, and he didn't want her taking on that responsibility, but she was. He could see it on her face.
"You can read my thoughts because we are connected, Teagan. At this time, you will not be able to read others."
Her gaze jumped to his face. He could get used to the way she looked at him. He hoped she would always look at him like that--until the end of their days and well into their next life together.
"How? How do I do that?"
"Be still. Let your mind be still. You have not wanted to look into my mind. You fear what we can become together, not me. You fear what you will feel for me, not me. You already know I would never harm you nor would I leave you brokenhearted. It is impossible."
"What does csitri mean?" Teagan asked again, wanting to hear his explanation a second time. She loved the way the word sounded in his language.
"Little one." He ran his fingers through his hair. "But more. Little slip of a girl, little slip of a thing. Little one. It is a term of affection. Simply that. An exact translation is difficult."
She made a little round O with her lips for just a brief moment. He'd seen her do it a couple of other times and once he looked at her mouth, it was difficult to pull his gaze away. She was finally relaxing, the hot water easing the tension from her. He couldn't allow her to sleep, not until dawn, not until she was so tired that when he pushed sleep on her, she wouldn't realize the difference.
"Quite a bit earlier you used the word susu; what does that mean?"
He was silent for a moment, turning over in his mind what he would say to her. He couldn't lie. She was his lifemate, and lifemates didn't lie to each another. He shrugged, tried to be casual when the meaning was anything but. "It means, 'I am home.'"
Teagan frowned, trying to comprehend what for now was impossible for her to understand and it would only frighten her if he tried to explain.
She bit her lip, something she clearly did when she was nervous. "What else did you say in your language? Sivamet? Was that it? Something like that. It sounded beautiful."
"That one is a little more complicated," he admitted. "There is no precise translation I can give you. More like, of my heart. To my heart. In your language a man might say, 'my love.' But again, it is more. A little different." Her eyes went dark. A deep chocolate that seemed to melt into a liquid. So dark the color was almost black, but not quite. "What else?"
He shook his head. "I am only making things worse between us, and that is not my intention, Teagan. I want you to feel comfortable. I have not been in the company of humans . . . people . . . for a long while and I have forgotten more skills than I remember."
"You haven't been around people much?"
She was sharp. He was giving her too much information. She needed time to process. More time to be with him and grow closer. He didn't want to bring her into his world too fast. In fact, he wanted her to choose his world. To choose him. If she didn't, he would find other ways to persuade her, but in the meantime, he wanted to court her. To give her the things his wo
man deserved.
He shook his head. "I've talked more to you than I have to anyone else in a year." Centuries. But he couldn't say that and not have her ask questions.
Teagan made little patterns on the surface of the water. He found the swirling images fascinating. "Andre? I know there's a monastery around here. At least I've done a lot of research of this area, and there are enough references to it that I believe it's there. Up higher, shrouded in all that mist. Were you there? Is that why you haven't talked to anyone in a year and now you're living here in this cave?"
She lifted her gaze once more to his and the impact hit him low. Like a punch. Hard. Desire burned through him. Her dark eyes had gone even softer. She thought she understood where he had come from and why he was there.
"No one goes up there, Teagan. Those inside are not like one would expect monks to be. They are warriors. They believe in the ancient ways. It would not be safe to go into their home."
He knew that wasn't an answer. He also knew how she would take it. She had a soft heart. Her compassion was going to be her greatest downfall if someone didn't look after her. He was even a little disappointed in her beloved grandmother for not stopping her from traveling alone.
Teagan began to draw a picture in the water, right through the swirling patterns. His breath caught in his throat. She drew curls of fog and inside of it, there were faces. He recognized the faces. Women Armend had killed. He had called to their spirits and joined them together in the whirling mist so they could see justice brought to the man who had betrayed their trust, raped, tortured and murdered them.
Teagan was in his head whether she knew it or not. There was nothing good for her to find in his memories. His life had been endless battles against the undead. If she dug too deep, she would find things that would scare her to death. She'd try to run and he couldn't allow that--it would be far too risky for both of them--and then she'd be more afraid than ever. How had she managed to get inside his head without him knowing? Was that a part of the gift her grandmother had passed on? If so, it was an extremely dangerous one.
Andre was fairly certain Teagan's grandmother had been approached and recruited by the human society that hunted vampires. They were a secret order that left their legacies of murder to their children. They were ruthless and used pawns to draw out anyone they wanted to accuse of being the undead. He had heard rumors that vampires had actually penetrated the society and were using it to find women psychics. Women like Teagan and her grandmother.
If both women were proverbial tuning forks for those who needed blood to survive, and they were capable of slipping undetected past shields into the heads of both Carpathians and vampires alike, they were extraordinarily dangerous to his people.
He went very still, looking inward, reaching for the small intruder. He wanted her in his mind, but only looking at the memories he gave her, not finding everything at once. Eventually she would know everything--she would have to. As his lifemate, there would be no secrets between them, but not now. Not this early. She was still finding her way with him.
It took a moment to find her presence. Her spirit was barely there--and it had nothing whatsoever to do with being a tuning fork or even his lifemate. This had everything to do with her being a genuine and powerful healer. She was such a strong empath that she had reached out to him without either being aware of it. Or was she?
"Teagan?" He said her name softly. Whispered it. Put the emotion into it that he couldn't say aloud without her bolting.
Her head came up. Her eyes met his. She was having a difficult time looking at him. She didn't trust or understand the physical attraction she had with him. It was new to her and too extreme and intense for her to be comfortable with. Still, right there, in the shy, dark chocolate of her eyes, he saw the truth. She knew she had touched him. She wasn't looking for memories. She wasn't trying to see who he was. She wasn't there for herself and so to her, denying she was in his mind was the truth. She was there to heal him.
"You have already healed me," he said softly. "Teagan. Just you. Just your existence has healed me. There is no need to take on the burden of what I was before you came into my life."
"You didn't go to that monastery because of your faith in God," she said. "I know you didn't. You hunted . . . men. Like a bounty hunter. Or a sheriff. I can't tell which and it doesn't matter. You've had to kill and it took its toll on you."
Andre was amazed at her insight. She got it right, and yet she got it wrong. He hadn't lost his emotions or the color in his life because he'd killed. He could kill, even men he had grown up with and considered his friends, because he lost his emotions. He was Carpathian and that was the life of the male. Their world became bleak and stark and gray after a couple of hundred years. He needed Teagan. Only she could give him back the light. And she had.
His heart hurt. He put his hand over his chest, feeling the steady beat. She could do that. She had that much power. Just because it mattered to her that he felt sorrow for his lost friends, for those who would never know the sheer beauty of what he had sitting next to him in a pool of hot water. He wanted to curl his fingers around the nape of her neck and pull her to him. He knew she would come, but neither had many clothes on and he wasn't certain of his own discipline, not after waiting for so many centuries for her. Not after giving up hope. Not after finally finding her and tasting her.
"I cannot remember ever having anything in my life that was mine. Anything or anyone that I wanted for myself. I hunted, yes. I did my duty to my people and the cost was great, but I knew the cost before I ever accepted the job." That much was true. Every ancient had a choice. Every Carpathian male. They didn't have to hunt the undead. They didn't have to keep humanity safe. For Andre, it had been a calling, and he was good at it.
"Andre, you don't have to tell me this," she whispered softly.
The sound of her voice, so silky and threaded with concern, moved through his blood like a stream of molten gold. He could almost see musical notes in the air between them when she spoke in that tone.
"I want to tell you. I need you to understand what you are. Who you are. All those years I hunted, I knew there was only one woman and I looked for her--for you. I have found you. I knew the moment I heard your voice and felt your touch. The moment I looked at you. You cannot give a man like me the taste of paradise and then take it away. I do not work like that."
She frowned. "I don't understand what that means."
"It means I want you to at least consider the possibility of getting to know me. Of letting us explore this situation with the idea we can have a future together."
She bit her bottom lip, instantly drawing his attention to the full, tempting bow of her mouth. She didn't think she was attractive or sexy and he found her both. Intensely so. Beneath the water, his body stirred. Grew hard. Thick. Full and painful. These were not things he was used to, but he didn't attempt to block out the sensations. He was grateful for them. Grateful he could feel them. Grateful his woman had been given to him.
"I wouldn't know what to do," she admitted.
It wasn't a firm no. If anything, she wanted to do just as he asked. He liked her personality. He liked the way she was compassionate and intrepid and willing to face her fears. And she was afraid. He could feel it. He had to resist the urge to tone it down for her. That wouldn't be fair to her, but he knew if her fear grew much more, he would have no choice. He found there were some things a man like him couldn't take. His woman being uncomfortable was one of them.
"I know what to do, Teagan. Give me a chance, that is all I am asking." For now. He couldn't say those words, but they hung in the air between them.
Her teeth bit down harder on her lower lip, and he suppressed a groan. He leaned toward her. "I am making an effort to go slow here, sivamet, but if you keep doing that, I will no doubt kiss you again and then things will heat up. You will be even more frightened. That will not be good."
"What? What am I doing?"
"Biting your lower lip.
Giving me ideas, and I have enough of my own."
She blinked. Quit biting. Sent him a shy smile. "I like the idea of getting to know you better, Andre. I'm here for a month. I really do need to find a particular stone in order to facilitate healing my grandmother's insanity. I also need to tell the authorities about Armend and where his body is so his family can have some closure. Hopefully the authorities can find some of the bodies of the women he killed and give their families closure as well. If you're going to be up here . . ."
"I will be wherever it is you are," he said firmly.
"Do you know these mountains?"
He nodded.
"Well, clearly I need a guide. We can spend time together while I'm hunting for the right stone."
He leaned back, automatically adjusting the rock behind him to the contours of his body. For the first time since he'd found his lifemate, he fully relaxed. She'd agreed to stay with him. To get to know him. He planned on making very good use of that time.
"You haven't told me anything about your family, Andre," Teagan said.
"My immediate family is long gone," he said. "But I have extended family. Quite a bit, actually. The three closest, those I would consider brothers, have left for the States. I grew up with them. Triplets. Matais, Lojos and Tomas. I was to join them, but I had one last hunt."
"I thought you'd quit."
"I had. It did not work out that way. I ran across the trail of a very dangerous killer. He is still up here somewhere."
Her breath caught in her throat. He heard the soft gasp. "That's why you were wounded. You caught up with him. Andre. Were you planning on . . ." She hesitated.
He opened his eyes. He felt her then, in his mind. He couldn't throw her out after inviting her in, but he could lessen the impact of what she saw.
"You were hoping he took you with him when you killed him," she said, in a soft voice that left his heart stuttering.
He shrugged. "Hunting and killing men is not an easy task, avio palafertiilam. I have grown tired. And out of the blue, I find you. My greatest reward. The one thing I never expected to ever find. My savior."
Her eyes searched his. He let her see it was true, both in his mind and his eyes. She lowered her long lashes, but he knew she was grateful he was alive.