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The man she’d walked away from because he would have taken her attention away from her work. Because he had the potential to make her happy.
A familiar shame edged in. “I think I just…lost sight of…” Lexi shook her head, still confused. “…something. ”
“You just need to refocus. These are big-time breakthroughs right here. ” Rubi lifted the sketches again. “These are… I don’t mean to diss your other work, because you know I think you’re brilliant, but these might be the most unique work you’ve ever done. They’re elegant, feminine, sexy, erotic, edgy…all at the same time. I’m thinking…” A slow smile grew and lit Rubi’s gorgeous face. “Honeymoon line. ”
For a fleeting second, excitement darted through Lexi’s system, leaving her high. Then reality crashed in, and Lexi crossed her arms, frustrated. “I’ve thought of that. I actually…”
“You actually what?”
“I actually feel like an idiot. ” Lexi laughed at herself, but not in a good way. She lifted her arms in a gesture of pure frustration. “I was so excited about this idea—I didn’t even know how or where I was going to fit it into my business—that when I was at the fabric mart, I bought a bolt of”—she closed her eyes and pressed her hands to her chest—“the most exquisite embossed white leather. It was so freaking expensive. I couldn’t afford it, shouldn’t have bought it. I’ve been meaning to return it but haven’t been able to part with it. ”
She sighed and let the creative pleasure linger. The height of pure self-expression through her designs was, honestly, the best feeling in the world. Instantly, the memory of Jax’s mouth bringing her to an orgasm so intense her muscles bowed and gave and quivered filled her mind.
Right. Expression through her designs was the second-best feeling in the world.
“Let me see,” Rubi said.
Another lick of excitement burned Lexi’s chest as they walked to the fabric storage area. She untied the wrapping on the bolt and tugged the plastic back, then turned a corner to show the right side of the fabric.
“It was such an impulsive buy. And it’s now just sitting back here. ”
“Spontaneous sex. Radical designs. Impulsive buys. ” Rubi crossed her arms, her eyes narrowing, expression growing serious. “I really like the effect this Biker Boy had on you. I’m thinking investing your time and attention in him would be a better business decision than dumbing down your amazing designs. And I’m dead serious. ”
The sheer validity of that idea turned Lexi’s world on its axis.
Unable to process such an emotionally risky idea, she pushed it away as she fingered the ultrasoft leather. The fabric melted to the curves of her hand, as soft as rose petals. “God, feel this, Rubi. It’s orgasmic. ”
Rubi ran her hand along the bolt with a gasp, then took the edge from Lexi and rubbed it between her fingers, her hands, and finally against her face. Rubi closed her eyes, took a deep breath of the rich, sweet leather scent, and hummed with intense pleasure. “What a wicked thrill. ” Her green eyes reopened and pinned Lexi with a serious gaze. “You’ve got to do this line, Lex. It will skyrocket. ”
A knot of anxiety tightened Lexi’s chest. She knew that look in Rubi’s eyes. That tone in her voice. They had preceded every breakthrough design. Rubi was like a fortune-teller when it came to Lexi’s business. She could look at a design, touch a fabric, chat with a customer, and tell Lexi that’s the one. That design, fabric, or customer inevitably went on to be the smashing hit or created an invaluable connection for the season. Rubi had pinpointed the design that had landed Lexi the spread in American Bride, which had in turn led to the partnership offer.
Rubi knew fashion.
But Lexi wasn’t Rubi. Unlike Rubi, who had other software designers, Lexi was the only designer who could design what was in her head—and sometimes even she couldn’t do it. But she was burning out. She couldn’t keep up these hours, this intensity. She needed help beyond her secretary and sales associates. She needed more talent with designing and crafting. Needed someone as responsible as she was, as knowledgeable as she was, as skilled as she was. And she’d give her right arm to someone she could trust to handle the weddings and treat her customers like royalty.
But she didn’t have any of that now. She certainly didn’t have the time to create a whole new line of lingerie or the means to risk the investment required—mostly her time to design, implement, and oversee manufacturing, if not manufacture it herself. And if she was going to do it, the time to show it would be at the Luxe show—which would blow her chances with Galliano, something that had, at this point, more viability.
Rubi tapped her full bottom lip with one burgundy-tipped finger. “Have you researched the lingerie market?”
“Yes. ”
“And?”
Lexi pulled her own lip through her teeth. “It’s a gold mine. Especially with my target market. ”
Rubi’s face exploded with light as she smiled and pumped her fist. “Yes. I love it. The Honeymoon Line. It’s such a perfect and logical extension of your gowns. ”
It was. And with her own clientele, it would be an easy transition into exposing her sexier side within the private setting of the studio. Lexi had been ecstatic about the idea since it first bloomed on the plane. But then Martina had pricked her golden bubble with a jagged blade, and Lexi just sat on the idea. Which ate at her.
“It would be,” she agreed. “But now…” She gestured to the drawings she needed to de-sexify. “There’s no way they would agree to a line like that. Even if I designed it for myself, having my name attached to a line so sexy might cause them to disassociate. ”
“That’s probably true. ” Rubi’s smile turned into a petulant frown. She crossed her arms, bit her thumbnail, and stared down at the drawings that needed alterations. “I sure wish you’d reconsider my offer, Lex, and let me in on this. We could do it any way you wanted. Silent partner, involved partner, straight loan with papers, unofficial loan between friends…”
Lexi stepped in and pulled Rubi into a fierce hug. “You’re such a great friend. ” She stepped back and held a pouting Rubi by the arms. “It’s really important for me to do this on my own. I’ve done everything up to this point without loans or favors. I’m not proud of much in my life, Rubi, but I’m really, really proud of that. ”
“You should be. It’s amazing. You’re amazing. It just kills me to see you work so damned hard and then have someone restrict you like this. And think about it, Lex. If they’re not letting you express yourself, build yourself through your fabulous designs, why are you partnering with them? For the money,” she answered before Lexi could. “And if you’re doing it for the money, how is that any different from partnering with me?”
Lexi rubbed her forehead. “You’ve just confused the hell out of me. ”
Rubi grinned and waved one sketch. I think you’re confused because you’ve got an internal struggle going on. “You’ve got this side of Lexi emerging…” She let go of the erotic lingerie sketch, and it floated down to cover the sketches she’d need to alter into a more conservative design if she was going to go through with the competition. “And struggling for control over another side of Lexi. ”
An uncomfortable heat twisted low in her stomach. Rubi was voicing something Lexi’s psyche had been fighting with from the day she left Jax.
Rubi smiled, reached out, and squeezed Lexi’s arm. “I have faith those sides will eventually reconcile and merge into the woman you were meant to become. ”
Reconcile… Lexi stared down at the sketches lying together with something churning in her subconscious. Merge…
Rubi leaned in, kissed Lexi’s cheek, then swiveled toward the front of the store. The click of her heels broke Lexi out of her trance in time to see Rubi shoot her that million-dollar smile.
“I’ll be checking on your progress. ”
When the key turned in the lock as Rubi left, Lexi’s mind was already stirring, searchin
g for the elusive idea hidden somewhere in the deep recesses of her mind.
Sixteen
Jax tapped the truck’s steering wheel and bounced his knee to the beat of Fall Out Boy’s “The Phoenix. ” His mind zigzagged all over the place, unable to concentrate on anything—including whatever Tawna was talking about in the passenger’s seat. A movie, that’s right. Something she’d seen a couple of nights ago.
But Jax’s mind drifted to his shoot that day. Had there been too much sand blowing in the valley? Would they need to retake the shots after the producer reviewed them again? If they did, it would put him behind schedule for the fall he was doing on the Paramount set next week. He couldn’t send any of the other guys to do it because they weren’t certified to fall over sixty feet. Wes would be soon, but not soon enough for Paramount. Maybe one of the guys could take over for him on this job if it ran long—
A hand pressed against Jax’s thigh. He jumped and turned, feeling like an idiot when Tawna grinned back at him. She’d moved to the middle of his truck’s bench seat.
“You’ve been distracted all night. ” She squeezed his leg. “Something bothering you?”
God, she smelled good. Filled his truck with scents that should absolutely not be in a man’s truck, but that when mixed with the leather and oil and metal, just…shit, turned him on. But it wasn’t really Tawna that turned him on, even though she could have if he hadn’t been ruined three weeks ago.
But he just wasn’t going there.
“Uh, no. ” He laid his hand over hers, which had risen too close to his groin. “Just work stuff. Busy, you know?”
She lifted her other hand to his jaw. She stroked his stubble with the backs of her fingers before slipping her hand behind his neck. Her nails grazed his skin, and electricity burned down his spine, making him shift in his seat.
Shit, he just needed to take her into her apartment and fuck her. He needed it. She needed it. They’d been dating for weeks with nothing more than a few kisses. Not for lack of trying on Tawna’s part, but due to Jax’s inability to move on from his one night in New York. And she’d made her frustration with his lack of interest in sex plenty clear at the end of their date last week when he’d turned her down. Again.
He pulled onto her street and into her driveway.
Moment of truth.
His gut ached with dread. Dread that he had to have sex for the first time in three weeks with a beautiful, eager, young woman.
He was way more messed up than he’d realized.
He turned off the truck and released his seat belt. Tawny immediately took his face in both hands and pulled him down for a kiss. She had great lips. She was a nice kisser. If that night with Lexi had never happened, he’d have been balls-deep with this woman a long time ago. The kiss grew hotter as they always did, and while Jax was good at making the right moves and going through the motions, the true desire wasn’t there. And there just was no way to will it to appear. He’d tried.