My love had got a red, red nose

  Because she likes a tepple or three

  But I can’t complain

  Because she likes a tipple, or three, just like me

  My love is a true Scoutch lassie

  Who thenks a drink makes life unboreng

  However, when she’s had a few

  She ain’t leveng the dream, she’s making Zzzzs snoring

  Aye, my love she has a red red nose

  And pretty high blood pressure

  Maybe I should get some leaches next time i fall drunk in the pond

  And of a wee bet of blood, blood let her

  I had better be careful though

  Cos I know not where to place it proper

  I don’t want to hit a main artery

  Cos she may bleed out and become a cropper

  Anyway, I’ll steck on the leach on her ample rear and leave it a while

  And go and write some poetry classy

  I wouldn’t have the time if she weren’t mostly sleeping

  Och, I have a loving red, red nosed, tippling wee lassie