LETTER XL
MISS HOWE, TO MISS CLARISSA HARLOWESAT. JULY 22.
MY DEAREST FRIEND,
We are busy in preparing for our little journey and voyage: but I will beill, I will be very ill, if I cannot hear you are better before I go.
Rogers greatly afflicted me, by telling me the bad way you are in. Butnow you have been able to hold a pen, and as your sense is strong andclear, I hope that the amusement you will receive from writing will makeyou better.
I dispatch this by an extraordinary way, that it may reach you timeenough to move you to consider well before you absolutely decide upon thecontents of mine of the 13th, on the subject of the two Misses Montague'svisit to me; since, according to what you write, must I answer them.
In your last, conclude very positively that you will not be his. To besure, he rather deserves an infamous death than such a wife. But as Ireally believe him innocent of the arrest, and as all his family are suchearnest pleaders, and will be guarantees, for him, I think the compliancewith their entreaties, and his own, will be now the best step you cantake; your own family remaining implacable, as I can assure you they do.He is a man of sense; and it is not impossible but he may make you a goodhusband, and in time may become no bad man.
My mother is entirely of my opinion: and on Friday, pursuant to a hint Igave you in my last, Mr. Hickman had a conference with the strangewretch: and though he liked not, by any means, his behaviour to himself;nor indeed, had reason to do so; yet he is of opinion that he issincerely determined to marry you, if you will condescend to have him.
Perhaps Mr. Hickman may make you a private visit before we set out. IfI may not attend you myself, I shall not be easy except he does. And hewill then give you an account of the admirable character the surprisingwretch gave of you, and of the justice he does to your virtue.
He was as acknowledging to his relations, though to his own condemnation,as his two cousins told me. All he apprehends, as he said to Mr.Hickman, is that if you go on exposing him, wedlock itself will not wipeoff the dishonour to both: and moreover, 'that you would ruin yourconstitution by your immoderate sorrow; and, by seeking death when youmight avoid it, would not be able to escape it when you would wish to doso.'
So, my dearest friend, I charge you, if you can, to get over youraversion to this vile man. You may yet live to see many happy days, andbe once more the delight of all your friends, neighbours, andacquaintance, as well as a stay, a comfort, and a blessing to your AnnaHowe.
I long to have your answer to mine of the 13th. Pray keep the messengertill it be ready. If he return on Monday night, it will be time enoughfor his affairs, and to find me come back from Colonel Ambrose's; whogives a ball on the anniversary of Mrs. Ambrose's birth and marriage bothin one. The gentry all round the neighbourhood are invited this time, onsome good news they have received from Mrs. Ambrose's brother, thegovernor.
My mother promised the Colonel for me and herself, in my absence. Iwould fain have excused myself to her; and the rather, as I hadexceptions on account of the day:* but she is almost as young as herdaughter; and thinking it not so well to go without me, she told me. Andhaving had a few sparring blows with each other very lately, I think Imust comply. For I don't love jingling when I can help it; though Iseldom make it my study to avoid the occasion, when it offers of itself.I don't know, if either were not a little afraid of the other, whether itwould be possible that we could live together:--I, all my father!--Mymamma--What?--All my mother--What else should I say?
* The 24th of July, Miss Clarissa Harlowe's birth-day.
O my dear, how many things happen in this life to give us displeasure!How few to give us joy!--I am sure I shall have none on this occasion;since the true partner of my heart, the principal of the one soul, thatit used to be said, animated the pair of friends, as we were called; you,my dear, [who used to irradiate every circle you set your foot into, andto give me real significance in a second place to yourself,] cannot bethere!--One hour of your company, my ever instructive friend, [I thirstfor it!] how infinitely preferable would it be to me to all thediversions and amusements with which our sex are generally most delighted--Adieu, my dear!
A. HOWE.