LETTER XLVII
MR. BELFORD, TO ROBERT LOVELACE, ESQ.WEDNESDAY, JULY 26.
I came not to town till this morning early: poor Belton clinging to me,as a man destitute of all other hold.
I hastened to Smith's, and had but a very indifferent account of thelady's health. I sent up my compliments; and she desired to see me inthe afternoon.
Mrs. Lovick told me, that after I went away on Saturday, she actuallyparted with one of her best suits of clothes to a gentlewoman who is her[Mrs. Lovick's] benefactress, and who bought them for a niece who is veryspeedily to be married, and whom she fits out and portions as herintended heiress. The lady was so jealous that the money might come fromyou or me, that she would see the purchaser: who owned to Mrs. Lovickthat she bought them for half their worth: but yet, though her consciencepermitted her to take them at such an under rate, the widow says herfriend admired the lady, as one of the loveliest of her sex: and havingbeen let into a little of her story, could not help shedding tears attaking away her purchase.
She may be a good sort of woman: Mrs. Lovick says she is: but SELF is anodious devil, that reconciles to some people the most cruel and dishonestactions. But, nevertheless, it is my opinion, that those who can sufferthemselves to take advantage of the necessities of theirfellow-creatures, in order to buy any thing at a less rate than wouldallow them the legal interest of their purchase-money (supposing theypurchase before they want) are no better than robbers for the difference.--To plunder a wreck, and to rob at a fire, are indeed higher degrees ofwickedness: but do not those, as well as these, heighten the distressesof the distressed, and heap misery on the miserable, whom it is the dutyof every one to relieve?
About three o'clock I went again to Smith's. The lady was writing when Isent up my name; but admitted of my visit. I saw a miserable alterationin her countenance for the worse; and Mrs. Lovick respectfully accusingher of too great assiduity to her pen, early and late, and of herabstinence the day before, I took notice of the alteration; and told her,that her physician had greater hopes of her than she had of herself; andI would take the liberty to say, that despair of recovery allowed notroom for cure.
She said she neither despaired nor hoped. Then stepping to the glass,with great composure, My countenance, said she, is indeed an honestpicture of my heart. But the mind will run away with the body at anytime.
Writing is all my diversion, continued she: and I have subjects thatcannot be dispensed with. As to my hours, I have always been an earlyriser: but now rest is less in my power than ever. Sleep has a long timeago quarreled with me, and will not be friends, although I have made thefirst advances. What will be, must.
She then stept to her closet, and brought me a parcel sealed up withthree seals: Be so kind, said she, as to give this to your friend. Avery grateful present it ought to be to him: for, Sir, this packetcontains such letters of his to me, as, compared with his actions, wouldreflect dishonour upon all his sex, were they to fall into other hands.
As to my letters to him, they are not many. He may either keep ordestroy them, as he pleases.
I thought, Lovelace, I ought not to forego this opportunity to plead foryou: I therefore, with the packet in my hand, urged all the arguments Icould think of in your favour.
She heard me out with more attention than I could have promised myself,considering her determined resolution.
I would not interrupt you, Mr. Belford, said she, though I am far frombeing pleased with the subject of your discourse. The motives for yourpleas in his favour are generous. I love to see instances of generousfriendship in either sex. But I have written my full mind on thissubject to Miss Howe, who will communicate it to the ladies of hisfamily. No more, therefore, I pray you, upon a topic that may lead todisagreeable recrimination.
Her apothecary came in. He advised her to the air, and blamed her for sogreat an application, as he was told she made to her pen; and he gave itas the doctor's opinion, as well as his own, that she would recover, ifshe herself desired to recover, and would use the means.
She may possibly write too much for her health: but I have observed, onseveral occasions, that when the medical men are at a loss what toprescribe, they inquire what their patients like best, or are mostdiverted with, and forbid them that.
But, noble minded as they see this lady is, they know not half hernobleness of mind, nor how deeply she is wounded; and depend too muchupon her youth, which I doubt will not do in this case; and upon time,which will not alleviate the woes of such a mind: for, having been bentupon doing good, and upon reclaiming a libertine whom she loved, she isdisappointed in all her darling views, and will never be able, I fear, tolook up with satisfaction enough in herself to make life desirable toher. For this lady had other views in living, than the common ones ofeating, sleeping, dressing, visiting, and those other fashionableamusements, which fill up the time of most of her sex, especially ofthose of it who think themselves fitted to shine in and adorn politeassemblies. Her grief, in short, seems to me to be of such a nature,that time, which alleviates most other person's afflictions, will, as thepoet says, give increase to her's.
Thou, Lovelace, mightest have seen all this superior excellence, as thouwentest along. In every word, in every sentiment, in every action, is itvisible.--But thy cursed inventions and intriguing spirit ran away withthee. 'Tis fit that the subject of thy wicked boast, and thy reflectionson talents so egregiously misapplied, should be thy punishment and thycurse.
Mr. Goddard took his leave; and I was going to do so too, when the maidcame up, and told her a gentleman was below, who very earnestly inquiredafter her health, and desired to see her: his name Hickman.
She was overjoyed; and bid the maid desire the gentleman to walk up.
I would have withdrawn; but I supposed she thought it was likely I shouldhave met him upon the stairs; and so she forbid it.
She shot to the stairs-head to receive him, and, taking his hand, askedhalf a dozen questions (without waiting for any answer) in relation toMiss Howe's health; acknowledging, in high terms, her goodness in sendinghim to see her, before she set out upon her little journey.
He gave her a letter from that young lady, which she put into her bosom,saying, she would read it by-and-by.
He was visibly shocked to see how ill she looked.
You look at me with concern, Mr. Hickman, said she--O Sir! times arestrangely altered with me since I saw you last at my dear Miss Howe's!--What a cheerful creature was I then!--my heart at rest! my prospectscharming! and beloved by every body!--but I will not pain you!
Indeed, Madam, said he, I am grieved for you at my soul.
He turned away his face, with visible grief in it.
Her own eyes glistened: but she turned to each of us, presenting one tothe other--him to me, as a gentleman truly deserving to be called so--meto him, as your friend, indeed, [how was I at that instant ashamed ofmyself!] but, nevertheless, as a man of humanity; detesting my friend'sbaseness; and desirous of doing her all manner of good offices.
Mr. Hickman received my civilities with a coldness, which, however, wasrather to be expected on your account, than that it deserved exception onmine. And the lady invited us both to breakfast with her in the morning;he being obliged to return the next day.
I left them together, and called upon Mr. Dorrell, my attorney, toconsult him upon poor Belton's affairs; and then went home, and wrotethus far, preparative to what may occur in my breakfasting-visit in themorning.