LETTER LIV
MISS HOWE, TO MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE[IN ANSWER TO HER'S OF JULY 27, SEE LETTERS L. LI. OF THIS VOLUME.]FRIDAY NIGHT, JULY 28.
I will now, my dearest friend, write to you all my mind, without reserve,on your resolution not to have this vilest of men. You gave me, inyour's of Sunday the 23d, reasons so worthy of the pure mind of myClarissa, in support of this your resolution, that nothing but self-love,lest I should lose my ever-amiable friend, could have prevailed upon meto wish you to alter it.
Indeed, I thought it was impossible there could be (however desirable) sonoble an instance given by any of our sex, of a passion conquered, whenthere were so many inducements to give way to it. And, therefore, I waswilling to urge you once more to overcome your just indignation, and tobe prevailed upon by the solicitations of his friends, before you carriedyour resentments to so great a height, that it would be more difficultfor you, and less to your honour to comply, than if you had complied atfirst.
But now, my dear, that I see you fixed in your noble resolution; and thatit is impossible for your pure mind to join itself with that of soperjured a miscreant; I congratulate you most heartily upon it; and begyour pardon for but seeming to doubt that theory and practice were notthe same thing with my beloved Clarissa.
I have only one thing that saddens my heart on this occasion; and thatis, the bad state of health Mr. Hickman (unwillingly) owns you are in.Hitherto you have well observed the doctrine you always laid down to me,That a cursed person should first seek the world's opinion of her; and,in all cases where the two could not be reconciled, have preferred thefirst to the last; and are, of consequence, well justified to your ownheart, as well as to your Anna Howe. Let me therefore beseech you toendeavour, by all possible means, to recover your health and spirits:and this, as what, if it can be effected, will crown the work, and showthe world, that you were indeed got above the base wretch; and, thoughput out of your course for a little while, could resume it again, and goon blessing all within your knowledge, as well by your example as by yourprecepts.
For Heaven's sake, then, for the world's sake, for the honour of our sex,and for my sake, once more I beseech you, try to overcome this shock:and, if you can overcome it, I shall then be as happy as I wish to be;for I cannot, indeed I cannot, think of parting with you, for many, manyyears to come.
The reasons you give for discouraging my wishes to have you near us areso convincing, that I ought at present to acquiesce in them: but, mydear, when your mind is fully settled, as, (now you are so absolutelydetermined in it, with regard this wretch,) I hope it will soon be, Ishall expect you with us, or near us: and then you shall chalk out everypath that I will set my foot in; nor will I turn aside either to theright hand or to the left.
You wish I had not mediated for you to your friends. I wish so too;because my mediation was ineffectual; because it may give new ground forthe malice of some of them to work upon; and because you are angry withme for doing so. But how, as I said in my former, could I sit down inquiet, when I knew how uneasy their implacableness made you?--But I willtear myself from the subject; for I see I shall be warm again--anddisplease you--and there is not one thing in the world that I would do,however agreeable to myself, if I thought it would disoblige you; nor anyone that I would omit to do, if I knew it would give you pleasure. Andindeed, my dear half-severe friend, I will try if I cannot avoid thefault as willingly as I would the rebuke.
For this reason, I forbear saying any thing on so nice a subject as yourletter to your sister. It must be right, because you think it so--and ifit be taken as it ought, that will show you that it is. But if it begetinsults and revilings, as it is but too likely, I find you don't intendto let me know it.
You were always so ready to accuse yourself for other people's faults,and to suspect your own conduct rather than the judgment of yourrelations, that I have often told you I cannot imitate you in this. Itis not a necessary point of belief with me, that all people in years aretherefore wise; or that all young people are therefore rash andheadstrong: it may be generally the case, as far as I know: and possiblyit may be so in the case of my mother and her girl: but I will ventureto say that it has not yet appeared to be so between the principals ofHarlowe-place and their second daughter.
You are for excusing them beforehand for their expected cruelty, as notknowing what you have suffered, nor how ill you are: they have heard ofthe former, and are not sorry for it: of the latter they have been told,and I have most reason to know how they have taken it--but I shall be farfrom avoiding the fault, and as surely shall incur the rebuke, if I sayany more upon this subject. I will therefore only add at present, Thatyour reasonings in their behalf show you to be all excellence; theirreturns to you that they are all----Do, my dear, let me end with a littlebit of spiteful justice--but you won't, I know--so I have done, quitedone, however reluctantly: yet if you think of the word I would havesaid, don't doubt the justice of it, and fill up the blank with it.
You intimate that were I actually married, and Mr. Hickman to desire it,you would think of obliging me with a visit on the occasion; and that,perhaps, when with me, it would be difficult for you to remove far fromme.
Lord, my dear, what a stress do you seem to lay upon Mr. Hickman'sdesiring it!--To be sure he does and would of all things desire to haveyou near us, and with us, if we might be so favoured--policy, as well asveneration for you, would undoubtedly make the man, if not a fool, desirethis. But let me tell you, that if Mr. Hickman, after marriage, shouldpretend to dispute with me my friendships, as I hope I am not quite afool, I should let him know how far his own quiet was concerned in suchan impertinence; especially if they were such friendships as werecontracted before I knew him.
I know I always differed from you on this subject: for you think morehighly of a husband's prerogative than most people do of the royal one.These notions, my dear, from a person of your sense and judgment, are noway advantageous to us; inasmuch as they justify the assuming sex intheir insolence; when hardly one out of ten of them, their opportunitiesconsidered, deserves any prerogative at all. Look through all thefamilies we know; and we shall not find one-third of them have half thesense of their wives. And yet these are to be vested with prerogatives!And a woman of twice their sense has nothing to do but hear, tremble, andobey--and for conscience-sake too, I warrant!
But Mr. Hickman and I may perhaps have a little discourse upon thesesorts of subjects, before I suffer him to talk of the day: and then Ishall let him know what he has to trust to; as he will me, if he be asincere man, what he pretends to expect from me. But let me tell you, mydear, that it is more in your power than, perhaps, you think it, tohasten the day so much pressed for by my mother, as well as wished for byyou--for the very day that you can assure me that you are in a tolerablestate of health, and have discharged your doctor and apothecary, at theirown motions, on that account--some day in a month from that desirablenews shall be it. So, my dear, make haste and be well, and then thismatter will be brought to effect in a manner more agreeable to your AnnaHowe than it otherwise ever can.
I sent this day, by a particular hand, to the Misses Montague, yourletter of just reprobation of the greatest profligate in the kingdom; andhope I shall not have done amiss that I transcribe some of the paragraphsof your letter of the 23d, and send them with it, as you at firstintended should be done.
You are, it seems, (and that too much for your health,) employed inwriting. I hope it is in penning down the particulars of your tragicalstory. And my mother has put me in mind to press you to it, with a viewthat one day, if it might be published under feigned names, it would beas much use as honour to the sex. My mother says she cannot helpadmiring you for the propriety of your resentment of the wretch; and shewould be extremely glad to have her advice of penning your sad storycomplied with. And then, she says, your noble conduct throughout yourtrials and calamities will afford not only a shining example to your sex,but at the same time, (those calamities befalling SUCH a person,) afearful
warning to the inconsiderate young creatures of it.
On Monday we shall set out on our journey; and I hope to be back in afortnight, and on my return will have one pull more with my mother for aLondon journey: and, if the pretence must be the buying of clothes, theprincipal motive will be that of seeing once more my dear friend, while Ican say I have not finally given consent to the change of a visiter intoa relation, and so can call myself MY OWN, as well as
YourANNA HOWE.