“Habit.”
I plop down on the end of the king-sized bed.
They both drop their things on the floor. Dahlia sits at the table by the window and Eric lies across the bed behind me, crossing his ankles.
“Thought you were going to take a nap?” Dahlia asks.
She carefully drags her fingers through portions of her wet, tangled hair, grimacing every now and then with the effort.
“Dahlia,” I say, looking at them both. “I haven’t been up here long. I thought you two were going to hang around the pool for a while?” I hope I hid the aggravation from my voice about how soon they decided to join me. I just can’t help it; I’m too stressed out, plus I’m worried about them being here with me at all. I don’t want them to get hurt or to be involved in any way with why I came here.
“We can go if you want,” Eric says gently from behind.
Instantly I regret my words because it’s obvious I didn’t hide the aggravation as well as I had hoped.
I tilt my head back and sigh, reaching over and rubbing the top of his ankle.
“I’m sorry,” I say and smile up at Dahlia. “You know, I…,” then suddenly a perfectly reasonable excuse for the way I’ve been acting materializes and the floodgates open on the lies. “…I’m just kind of nervous about being back in L.A.”
Dahlia gets that oh-I-see look and shoves Eric’s feet to the side and sits down next to me in place of them. She drapes her arm around my shoulder and fits her hand around my upper arm.
“I had a feeling that might be what was wrong.” I notice her glance back at Eric, giving me the impression that this is what they talked about while they sat down there at the pool together once I left.
I bet it’s also why they decided to come up here with me so soon.
“We wanted to check on you,” Eric says from behind, confirming my suspicion.
I feel the bed move as he sits upright.
I stand up before he has a chance to wrap his arms around me. It’s in this very moment that I realize I’ve been doing that a lot lately for the past month. How much longer I can keep leading him on, I don’t know. I know I should just tell him how I feel, that I’m not as into him as he is into me. But the truth is that I can’t tell him the truth. I would just have to make up yet another lie and I’m so deep in lies right now that I’m drowning in them.
At the same time, I’ve let this go on between us for as long as I have because I really wanted to feel as deeply for him as he seems to feel for me. I wanted to get on with my life, to forget about Victor and be happy with the life he left me with.
But I can’t. I just can’t….
“He’s not going to know you’re even here,” Eric says about ‘Matt’. “And besides, if he did find out, I’d kick his ass if I saw him.”
I smile weakly across at Eric.
“I know you would,” I say, but I just feel even worse because the only two friends I have in the world have no idea who I am.
I cross my arms and walk to the window, gazing out.
“Sarai,” Dahlia speaks up, “I hate to say this to you, but if you’re that worried about Matt finding out you’re back in town, I don’t think it’s a good idea to visit your friends here.”
“I know, you’re right,” I say. “I know they wouldn’t tell him, but it’s probably best I just stuck with the two of you while we’re here.”
I turn around to face them.
“Sounds like a plan,” Eric says, beaming.
It’s definitely a plan, because now I don’t have to come up with another excuse to not introduce them to my old friends who don’t exist.
Dahlia walks over to stand next to me.
“We probably should’ve vacationed in Florida or something, huh?”
I gaze out the window again.
“No,” I say. “I love this city. And I know how much you wanted to come.” I smile over at her briefly. “I say we have as much fun as possible this week.”
She bumps her shoulder against mine playfully.
“Now that’s the Sarai I know.” She smiles.
Yes, but I’m not that person….
She walks over and grabs Eric by the elbow, pulling him from the bed.
“Let’s get out of here and let the girl rest.”
Eric cooperates and then comes over to me, turning me around with my elbows cupped in his hands. He looks into my eyes with his baby-blues and gives me his best pouty face.
“If you need me for anything,” he says, “call me and I’ll be here.”
I nod and offer him a real smile. Because he deserves it for being so kind to me.
“I will,” I say.
Then I shuffle them out the door with both hands in front of me.
“I would say don’t have too much fun without me, but that would be asking too much.”
Dahlia laughs lightly as she steps out into the hallway.
“No, it’s not asking too much.” She holds up two fingers. “Scouts honor.”
“I don’t think that’s how it goes, Dahl,” Eric says.
She brushes him off.
“You just get some sleep,” she says. “Because tomorrow you’re going to need to be fully charged.”
“Agreed.” I nod.
“Bye babe,” Eric says just before I close myself off inside the room again.
I stand with my back pressed against the door and let out a long, deep breath.
Pretending is so hard. It’s far more difficult than just being myself, as abnormal and reckless as I may be.
“I know what I have to do,” I say aloud—talking to myself has become my new thing as of late. It helps me to visualize and to figure things out easier.
I walk back to the window and gaze out at the city of Los Angeles, my arms crossed loosely over my stomach.
“A disguise is necessary, but not to hide from Hamburg. Just from the cameras and from anyone else. I want Hamburg to see me. It’s the only way I’m going to get in.”
CHAPTER THREE
Sarai
Dahlia and Eric didn’t come back up to the room until a couple hours later, just after sundown. I had made sure to shower and change into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt and to leave the lights off in the room to make it appear as though I had been asleep. The second I heard the card key sliding into the door, I leapt into bed and sprawled out across the mattress, the same way I always do when I’m really sleeping. Eric crept in quietly, trying not to ‘wake me’, but I rolled over and moaned and cracked my eyelids open to let him know that he had. He apologized and asked if I wanted to go with him and Dahlia to a nearby nightclub and insisted that if I didn’t go, he wouldn’t, either. But I rejected that idea quickly. I could tell he really wanted to go and I can’t blame him; if I were in his position I wouldn’t want to hang out in a dark hotel room at barely eight o’clock on a Friday night in one of the most active cities in the U.S.
But the two of them leaving was exactly what I needed. I had spent that entire two hours trying to come up with an excuse to tell them about why I was leaving, where I was going and why they couldn’t come.
They solved it for me.
Minutes after Eric leaves, I wait until Dahlia—in her room next to ours—changes out of her swimwear. From the peephole in my door, I watch them walk down the hallway. I count to one hundred, pacing the floor, over and over again. And then I grab my purse and carry it out the door. I walk briskly down the hallway in the opposite direction and make my way to the secret room on the other side of the building.
A little paranoid about getting caught, I fumble around inside my purse, touching just about everything except the key to the room. Finally, I manage to get it into my fingers and I hurry inside, sliding the chain-lock into place afterwards. Throwing open my suitcase on the end of the bed, I take out my short platinum-blonde wig, carefully dragging my fingers through it to straighten the few unruly strands, and then fix it on top of the nearby lampshade so it’ll hold its form.
I get dr
essed in a skimpy Dolce & Gabbana dress, apply my makeup, dark and heavy and perfect after spending a great deal of time at home practicing the technique, and then slip into my strappy heels. Heels. Something else I’ve spent a lot of time trying to master. My alter ego, Izabel Seyfried, would know how to walk in them and look good doing it, so naturally, I needed to get with the program.
Then I wet my hair and break it into two parts behind me, twist each half and then cross them over one another at the back of my head. Several Bobby pins later, my long auburn hair is fixed tightly against my scalp. I slip the wig cap over the hair and then the wig, adjusting it for a long time until I get rid of any imperfections.
Lastly, I tighten a knife sheath around my thigh and drop the fabric of my dress back over it.
I stand in front of the tall mirror, looking at myself at every possible angle. I feel odd as a blonde. Satisfied, I grab my little black purse and tuck it underneath my arm, the small handgun hidden inside making it bulge somewhat in the center. I reach out for the door handle letting my hand fall back to my side.
“What the hell am I doing?”
What needs to be done.
Why the hell am I doing it?
Because I have to.
I can’t get it out of my head. The things this man admitted to, the people he killed because of a sick, sexual fetish. Every night since Victor left me, when I close my eyes, I see Hamburg’s face, and that chilling grin he wore when I was bent over that table, exposed in front of him. I see the face of his wife, emaciated and sickly, her sunken eyes glazed over with resignation. I can even still smell the urine that had dried in her clothes and on the ratted cot she slept on in that hidden room.
My chest fills with air and I hold it there for several long seconds before letting the heavy breath out.
I can’t let it go. The need to kill him is like an itch in the center of my back. I can’t reach it naturally, but I’ll bend and twist my arms to the point of pain to scratch it.
I can’t let it go…
And maybe…just maybe I’ll get the attention of a certain assassin I can’t force myself to forget, while I’m at it.
The moment I walk out the door I leave Sarai behind and become Izabel for the night.
~~~
Not having thought beforehand about the importance of at least renting my own fancy car, I have a cab drop me off two blocks from the restaurant and I walk the rest of the way. Izabel would never be seen riding in a cab.
“Table for one?” the host inquires after I make my way inside.
I cock my head to one side and look upon him with a hint of annoyance. “Is that a problem? Am I not allowed to enjoy a meal by myself? Or, are you hitting on me?” I smirk at him and cock my head to the other side. He’s getting nervous. “Would you like to eat with me…,” I look at the name embroidered on his jacket, “…Jeffrey?” I step closer. He takes an uncomfortable step back.
“Ummm,” he stammers, “I’m sorry, ma’am—.”
I step back fully and snarl at him.
“Don’t ever call me ma’am,” I snap. “Just take me to a table. For one.”
He nods quickly and gestures for me to follow. Once I’m at my small round table with two chairs situated in the center of the restaurant, I take a seat and set my purse aside. A waiter walks over as the host leaves and presents the wine menu. I reject it with the brushing movement of my fingers.
“Just bring me water with a lemon wedge.”
“Yes ma’am,” he says, but I let it slide.
As he strides through the room and away from me, I start scoping the place out. There’s one exit sign to my left, far off near the hallway. Another one to my right, close to the stairs that lead to the second floor. The restaurant is much like it was the first time I came here: dark, not-so-populated and fairly quiet, except this time I hear the light volume of jazz music playing from somewhere. And while I’m looking around the place, I stop abruptly when I see the booth where I sat with Victor when I came here with him months ago.
I get lost in the memory, picturing everything precisely the way it happened. As I look across the room at the two people sitting there, all I can see is Victor and myself:
“Come here,” he says in a gentler tone.
I slide over the few inches separating us and sit right next to him.
His fingers dance along the back of my neck as he pulls my head toward him. My heart pounds erratically when he brushes his lips against the side of my face. Suddenly, I feel his other hand slip in-between my thighs and up my dress. My breath hitches. Do I part them? Do I freeze up and lock them in place? I know what I want to do, but I don’t know what I should do and my mind is about to run away with me.
“I have a surprise for you tonight,” he whispers onto my ear.
His hand moves closer to the warmth between my legs.
I gasp quietly, trying not to let him know, though I’m positive he definitely knows.
“What kind of surprise?” I ask, my head tilted back, resting in his hand.
“Are you going to have anything this evening?” I hear a voice say and I snap out of my reverie.
The waiter is holding a food menu in his hand. My water with a lemon wedged on the rim of the glass is already waiting in front of me.
A little flustered at first, I just nod, but then shake my head instead. “I’m not sure yet,” I finally answer. “Leave the menu here. I may order later.”
“Very well,” the waiter says.
He sets the menu down and leaves me alone.
I gaze up at the balcony and the tables perched alongside the extravagant railing. Where could Hamburg be? I know he’s upstairs because I remember Victor saying that’s where he sits. But where? I wonder if he’s already seen me and the second that thought crosses my mind, my stomach ties up in nervous knots.
No, I can’t look nervous.
I straighten my back against the chair and take a sip of my water, curling my fingers around the slim glass, all except for my pinky finger which makes me look that much wealthier, or just snootier. For a long time I watch the guests come and go, listen to their pointless conversations and find myself wondering which, if any, of the couples here tonight might end up in Hamburg’s mansion this weekend making a lot of money to let him watch them fuck.
Then I look down at the reddish-purple flower arrangement sitting in a small glass vase in the center of my table. Reaching inside my purse, I pull out my cell phone, pretend to dial and then gently place it near my ear so no one will think I’m talking to myself.
“This message is for Arthur Hamburg,” I say in a low voice, slouching forward a little so the mic hidden in the centerpiece will pick up my voice. “Surely you remember me? Izabel Seyfried. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”
Carefully I look to the left and right of me, expecting to see a burly man or two in suits coming toward me with guns.
“I’m not here alone,” I go on, “so don’t even think of trying anything stupid. We need to talk, you and I.”
Gazing up toward the balcony floor I try to get a sense of where he might be, hoping that he’s even here. A few tense minutes pass and just when I start to think this night has been wasted and I really have talking to myself, I notice movement stirring on the balcony floor just above the south exit. My heart is drumming rapidly as I watch the tall, dark figure emerge from the shadows and descend the stairs.
I remember this man, broad-shouldered with salt-and-pepper hair and a dimple in the center of his chin. It’s the manager of the restaurant, Willem Stephens, who I’ve met here once before.
He steps up to my table with absolutely no emotion on his face, his big hands folded together down in front of him, his back straight, his chiseled chin solid.
“Good evening, Miss Seyfried.” His voice is deep and ominous. “Where, might I ask, is your owner?”
I smirk up at his looming height, take a casual sip of my water and place the glass back on the table, taking my time. Every part of me is
screaming, telling me how stupid it was for me to come here, and as much as I know that to be true, I don’t care. It’s not fear making me tremble underneath my skin, it’s adrenaline.
“Victor Faust is not my owner,” I say calmly. “But he is around. Somewhere.” A faint, sly smile touches my lips.
Stephens’ eyes move subtly to scan the area before he looks back at me.
“Why are you here?” he asks, dropping the sophisticated manager act down a notch.
“I have business to discuss with Arthur Hamburg,” I say with confidence. “It will be in his best interest that he arrange a private meeting with me. Here. Tonight. Preferably now.”
I take another sip.
I notice Stephens’ Adam’s apple move as he swallows, and the edges of his strong jaw as his teeth grind together. He glances up at the area he came from and I notice a tiny black device hidden inside his left ear. It appears he’s listening to someone speak. Hamburg would be my guess.
He looks back at me, his dark eyes cold and hateful, yet he retains his unemotional demeanor as flawlessly as Victor always had.
His right hand unfolds as he holds it out to me and says, “Right this way,” and only when I stand up do both of his hands drop to his sides.
I follow Stephens through the restaurant and up the stairs to the balcony floor.
And either this will be my first night as a killer, or my last night alive.
CHAPTER FOUR
Sarai
“If you touch me,” I say to the suit-clad guard standing outside Hamburg’s private room, “I’ll put your nuts in a meat-grinder.”
The guard’s nostrils flare and he glances at Stephens.
“You requested a meeting with Mr. Hamburg,” Stephens says from behind. “It’s only proper that you be searched for weapons before we allow you inside.”
Dammit!
Calm. Just keep calm. Do what Izabel would do.