Maya turned to look at him, back in his usual melodramatic demeanour. She couldn’t believe this was the man who had signed those papers which declared him to be single again eleven years ago. Why did he divorce her in the first place?
Oh yeah, she divorced him. What could have he done if mom didn’t want to live with him anymore?
She imagined her smart, intelligent and elegant mother divorcing this cheerful and happy-go-lucky male for always clinging to her for love and cuddles. She could see the irritated look on her face when he would come to her and ask for a random hug while she would be working on some important file for her company.
The reason why she must have married him in the first place, however, eluded her still.
“You didn’t change this place much,” Liama stated plainly. “Except those blue curtains. I liked the one with the flower pattern better though.”
She looked at her ex-husband and gave him a half-smirk, half-smile.
She knows about the flower curtains? What the hell, are they that old?( I am guessing Maya is thinking this as it's her POV, so it needs to be Italic. If it is not Maya, then we should not know what anyone else is thinking unless Maya is a mind reader :) )
Jeffrey stopped his semi-comedic act and returned her a small smile.
“I know but they get dirty too and need to be washed.”
Liama giggled. Fucking giggled. Maya couldn’t believe it. It had to be her imagination. Her mother never giggled. It was the monopoly of those air-headed neighbourhood ladies with faces caked in five layers of make-up.
“Can I see the other rooms?”
Jeffrey chuckled and took a step in her direction.
“Did you ever have to ask before?”
Maya was losing her mind. She always told her mother that spending the summer with him was a bad idea from the very start but, no, she didn’t listen or rather the court didn’t listen. Now she was seeing her mother giggling like a school girl and her weirdo father flirting with her like a pro.
“To think after eleven years, you still have the same effect on me. How can you still…”
“Still love you? Come on, I don’t leave my Llama even when my Llama leaves me.” He winked at her teasingly.
Maya was dumbstruck by what was happening in front of her. Her parents were acting like a couple in love, like how they used to be before the divorce. All her life was spent thinking they didn’t love each other anymore and now this. She cleared her throat to draw attention towards herself and was successful. She saw her mother hesitate a little as she called out her daughter’s name.
“Maya…”
“What’s happening? I don’t understand! You two never talked to each other in eleven years and now all of a sudden you’re acting like a couple. All my life I believed my parents could never be together but you’re acting like a divorce never happened. What is happening?”
Her usual nonchalance had left her completely and she wanted answers. What was all this about?
“Liama, we need to explain everything.”
*****
A cold wind blew in through the open windows but Maya didn’t feel its cooling effect. Her head was hot with confusion and anger, she needed answers. Answer to the question: why did they divorce each other?
Liama sat next to her daughter on the sofa and held her hand in hers.
“Sweetheart, what I’m about to tell you is hard to explain and I have dreaded this day as much as I waited for it all my life. I’ve been a selfish woman. I started as a lawyer in the company your father had started a few years ago. I was not just a good lawyer, I was a very good lawyer.”
“And still are,” Jeffrey piped in and Liama smiled.
Maya was way beyond shock to hear that her dad could own a company.
“There was a project that required both of us and that was when we fell in love. We got married and were going on happily with our lives. Things became even brighter when you were born; there was nothing that could separate us.”
She sighed and waited for a moment as silence set the stage for her next words.
“When you turned four, I began working again. I was back to the position which I had to leave due to my pregnancy and your upbringing but the company had grown immensely, even in my absence. I tried my best to govern the subordinates, to get legalities clear with clients and what not but I was not skilled enough. I had lost my touch.”
She looked down at her hands placed on her lap, her fingers intermingling with each other.
Maya waited expectantly for her next words.
“There was a deal in the foreign affairs department. It was a big one and needed to be finalised at all costs. I had lost all my confidence so I didn’t volunteer for it but time and luck have never really been on my side and the man who was going to do it got into an accident on his way to work and it was decided that I should do it.”
“And I was inside the same room as the client from a Japanese giant and we talked about it and were going to finalise the deal when he suddenly got a call and left with just two words – ‘I’m sorry.’ I didn’t know what had happened. We were so close to finalising it and he just left.”
Maya looked at Jeffrey who turned his face away, as if trying to hide something.
“Your father and I had a huge fight because he thought I had slipped up and it was something he had worked for four years to bring about. It could have changed the company’s state to something unbelievable and he thought I ruined it.”
“And you divorced him?” Maya asked, incredulously.
“No, not straight after that. I resigned from his company as the co-workers had also started to bitch about me and indirectly taunt me. At home, he stayed too stressed and things were not working out. You were suffering as a result, Maya, and I was hating myself for everything. I decided to divorce him and move to another city. The court decided you would stay with me and spend holidays with him, as he was always free in the summer.”
“I worked hard and was soon back on track. You were coping well with the situation and slowly got used to his absence from your daily routine but summer was always your favourite time of the year. And it still is, despite what you say.” She smiled at her daughter before continuing.
“I missed your father but I was hurt by what had happened so many years ago so I never contacted him. I told him to not contact me and apparently he was okay with it because he didn’t. You were the only connection between us. You told me about him and how it was going with him and that made me happy.”
“And Mally also told me about you which was wonderful. You are a wonderful mother, just a little boring.”
“Better than being a crazy goof,” Liama responded dryly.
“Today, I decided to sort things out. It was a golden opportunity to make up for lost time, for hurt feelings and for asking your father why he never missed me.” She glared at her ex-husband who laughed nervously.
“She told me that you hated me. I couldn’t bring myself to contact you when I realised what I had lost in the name of that stupid deal. You were a part of my life that I could never replace and I had lost you. You were doing great as you were…I didn’t want to interfere.”
He sighed and looked out the window. Liama left her seat on the sofa and sat on the arm of his chair, wrapping her arm around him.
“It may seem really superficial and unintelligent of us, Maya, to do all this but I loved my work as much as I loved my family and your father knows how I must have felt at that time. He can relate, his company was like his baby.”
“No, Maya is my only baby,” he said, in a faux-sad tone.
Maya chuckled. It was crazy.
“When I saw your mother after so many years, so many feelings came back to me. So many memories. I love you both so much and I’m so sorry for hurting you.” He looked deep in Liama’s eyes.
Liama got up from her new seat and knelt in front of Jeffrey with her hand held out in front of him.
“Will you marry me?” She ask
ed, even though there was no ring to offer him.
Maya was too stunned to think. It was all beyond her.
“Yes,” said Jeffrey and ten days later, Maya saw her parents getting married in the same church her mother had pointed to on her arrival after eleven years.
Gunjan Vyas © 2014
Eternity
And in my heart I have loved you for a thousand lifetimes
Knowing your touch, your soul
I remember you from Georgian England
With powdered wigs and beauty spots
You laughed, tilted your head and looked into my eyes
As a black cat purred and brushed past my leg
Do you remember the Roses?
A terrible war whence we once met
Spilling blood of the friends we knew in houses
Torn apart by hate, I loved you then
Sailed to France to the court of Louis, mirrored opulence
Where I served you
Flowers placed in tin-glazed pots – Holland, we shared the scent
Rich and adored we were with tulips blue
Most men would die for a bloom so rare, some did
But nothing compared to Venice where we lived on the streets
Penniless, aching for some stale bread or soup
A crust, I found, I gave to you
Of all the lifetimes we met and loved, the stars stood still
The world spun around and revolved at speed
Each time we died and never wanted to leave
Floating in the ether our souls still touch
To be incarnate again will allow our arms to meet
So, until the next time, think and pray my love
William O’Brien © 2014
The Heart Wish
By Kristina Blasen
Thanksgiving (Us)
“You’re here.”
“I’m here.”
“I couldn’t work, couldn’t think all day, all I knew is that today you’d be here. I can’t believe that you and Aurora are both finally here but I’m sorry your son Orion didn’t come.”
“He wants to live with his dad for now.”
“I know but he’s still part of our family and I know you’re sad.”
“Well, we just have to be ready for when and if he decides he wants to be here with us…I’m okay.”
“No, you’re not but I’m here. You aren’t alone anymore. I love you. I love Aurora. I love Orion too and we will be a family.”
Christmas (Her)
I can’t believe it but somehow the holidays roared by in a way that felt most unlike my “real” life. Aurora’s first horseback riding lesson, making lefse, getting a handmade ornament for our first Christmas that only a mother could love (or a very understanding girlfriend) and still finding myself with growing hopes that it will have a new friend each Christmas for many years to come. Nights spent building little snow globes in a jar and chilly days making snowmen in the yard and of course, kissing for hours on end whenever Aurora finally went off to sleep.
New Year’s (Us)
The fire was crackling merrily as we sat on old stumps under the stars surrounded by friends. The scent of smoke heavy in the air and the temptation of sneaking kisses underneath the giant oak strewn with fairy lights ruled the night. Sometimes you get special days, special hours that stick on your mind and your memories that are all the more treasured for they contain such unexpected joy. A babysitter procured, a whole night of leaning into him, holding her close. Both of us, finally realizing you’ve found exactly what and who you were actually looking for all along.
A night of falling into you…You into me…Soft mittens on your furry face, whispered secrets.
“I chose you.”
January (Him)
What do you see in me? I’m a mess. I’m failing and falling short in so many areas of my life.
How can you love me? I’m so happy but it is like I’ve never been happy so I don’t know how to just be happy. How did I get so lucky?
You know I self-sabotage things, right? Shoot myself in the foot. I get scared I can’t do this, that I won’t be enough. I’ll mess it up. I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m not confident because I’ve never loved like this before. I’ve never cared this much. It’s a lot of responsibility and I take responsibilities seriously. Not only do I need to step into being a partner but into being a dad to two kids.
I’ve never mattered too much, you know, in my own life. I’ve stood on the sidelines. I see it now. I didn’t stand up enough for what I wanted, always worked to make everyone else happy but didn’t let myself think too much about whether I was happy or could be happy someday.
Now, to do this, to become your partner, to become a family, I have to stand in the middle of my own life and know how important I am to all of you. Things inside me have to be different.
January (Her)
I’m not the easiest person to live with. Sometimes I’m happy, sad, talkative and broody by turns, occasionally all in one day. I’ll snap at you one minute and be sorry the next. I flirt shamelessly with you when I’m not too busy dealing out dry humor and being a pain in the ass but when I love, I love. I don’t care who knows it or what they think. I do nothing by halves. I’m wholly committed to things and people I care about deeply but I want it on my terms. Try to control me and I’m unhappy but take the love and let me be free to be the real me and you’ll never doubt my love or commitment. I’ll push, poke and prod you to follow your dreams, to take action versus offering empty promises but I also know I’ve lived a lot and I have a lot of past coming with me to your arms. I need to know, can you love me as I am?
Valentine’s Day (Us)
It was only fitting to be standing at the edge of a ravine today near a waterfall today, the sound of water crashing down behind me drowning out my nerves, arms full of cala lilies and roses, looking the complete an utter fool and all for her, only for her. Fitting because she’d loved it so when I stood just like this waiting for her, arms full of red and hot pink roses at the airport, feeling a matching hot pink blush on my cheeks as all the women smiled at me and all the men looked ashamed they hadn’t brought flowers but her smile and her kisses were worth it.
The lilies stand for partnership, fidelity and love; I planned to offer them all wholeheartedly today. More than that, her grandmother’s engagement and wedding rings sat nestled safely in my black leather jacket inside a very special wooden box I’d made for her with the swirled Celtic designs she always loved so much. The ring shaped just like a cala lily, a reminder of their promise to one another. A true partnership.
To ask her on Valentine’s day was just too expected, too obvious, too cheesy romantic and not quite right…So that’s how I came to be here, asking today, February 13th. Everyone knows I never can keep a good secret for long!
The Heart Wish (Hers)
When I fell in love it was hard, fast and completely crazy. It was highly inconvenient in every way. Especially since I’d just declared to myself that I wasn’t going to date or look for love in anyway until my kids were at least in high school but probably never. Not two weeks later Matt and I were talking and it was clear that despite all odds my feelings were not cooperating with my head! I was wary at first and front-loaded every possible negative from my past or potential relationship deal-breaker all into the first few days of talking about even attempting dating. My attitude was very much like it wasn’t worth the hassle to try for love unless you know and accept all of me. I didn’t just want to fall in love but to have a true partnership. I wasn’t going to settle for anything less.
The Heart Wish (His)
“I can’t believe in less than six months I’ll be a married man.”
“Is that a good thing?”
“Yes!”
“Are you scared?”
He paused.
“Only a little. 90% happy. 10%, scared. 10% FINALLY!”
“…so 110%?”
“Yes, that’s the e
xtra good part.”
“Finally?”
“Yes, finally. You have all of my love Kristina. All of my heart. I’m very happy. Happier than I’ve ever been in my whole life. I remember back in high school thinking about love and what I wanted in a wife, watching all my friends partner off, get married…Even though I was genuinely happy for them, I still wondered when it was going to happen for me but it never did. I dated but it never went anywhere. Then, when we fell in love... Well, you know, sometimes you just feel it, it feels right and you just know. I love you Kristina.”
“I love you too, Matt.”
***
Sometimes
Love comes unexpectedly
whether it knocks politely
or barges right in,
it will not be ignored
Sometimes
Fate surely intervenes
when we don’t listen
and screw it up again,
so a second chance should be cherished
all the more
Sometimes
Life gets tangled
and things don’t always happen
according to our plan,
but the day you appeared on my doorstep
was a lucky day indeed
Because you were the answer to my heart wish.
Kristina Blasen ©2014
First Kiss
The nervous touch.
The quivering heart.
You've wanted so much.
Now here's the hard part.
You look in her eye.
You look away.
You take your time.
You have got all day.
Decided to do it.
You pull her near.
Just make it quick.
There’s nothing to fear.
Leaning down.
Heart beats thug.
What if's sound.
You settle on a hug.
Why is it so hard?
What reason can there be?
We hang out a lot.
She must feel like me.
You walk along.
She takes your hand.
Your hearts a song.
Now take your stand.
Spin her around.
Draw her near.
Confidence profound.
Intentions are clear.
Heart racing,
Pulse pacing.
In each others eyes,
your now facing.
Closer you get.
Then soon you meet.