* * *
April
Friday 1
Got a big shock when I crawled out of bed this morning. Julie came out of the bathroom with a big, beaming smile.
“Simon, I’m pregnant!!”
I didn’t know what to say. I just looked at her, then eventually managed a half–hearted, “Congratulations!”
“It was a joint effort,” she pointed out. “I couldn’t have done it without you, babe.”
“Are you sure?” I said.
“This is biology Simon; you need an egg and a sperm…”
“No no… I mean, are you sure you’re pregnant?”
“Absolutely positive, darling. So how do you feel?”
I looked for the right words.
“Well, it’s wonderful… marvellous… great… fantastic… er…” But then it dawned on me. “Oh, it’s April Fool’s Day today, isn’t it?”
“Yes, it is babe” she said.
It probably wasn’t the best day to tell my students that I was only going to work part time next term.
“What you going to do rest of the time?” one student asked.
“I’m going to be a detective!” I announced. That was the most I’ve ever heard them laugh.
“Simon, you need to choose believable joke to fool us!” they exclaimed. I tried to explain that this was true, I was going to be a private investigator next term; but on April first, it wasn’t going to wash. So I just told them that during the rest of the week I’d be shopping for four hours every day.
They found that easy to believe.
Saturday 2
Went downtown with Julie today to the Foreign Language Bookstore in Fuzhou Road. I was looking for books on how to become a private investigator. Found a couple: ‘How to Be a Detective in Ten Easy Lessons’, and ‘Detectives for Dummies.’ A third book, ‘Delectable Detectives’ caught Julie’s eye (I should have been more careful taking the book off the shelf). It wasn’t quite what I was looking for, but Julie bought it anyway.
Whilst we were in town, Julie told that this Thursday would be eight months since I began my Blog. And since eight is a lucky number in China, we should have a party to celebrate. “Great idea!” I said. “Let’s stock up on some booze.” Then I had a worrying thought. “Do we have to invite Sheila?” Julie nodded. “Better make it ‘bring–your–own’ then,” I said.
Sunday 3
Decided to have the party on Friday instead of Thursday so everyone has the weekend to recover afterwards.
Julie has seemed awfully happy recently. She even offered to cook a meal for us this evening. “I thought you only knew how to eat?” I said, humorously.
“I know how to eat you,” she said wickedly.
“I thought you were vegetarian?” I said.
“Sometimes, you remind me of a vegetable,” she replied. I did wonder which one, but thought better not to ask and changed the subject.
“Do you think we should invite Dr Wang on Friday?”
“No, we should invite her on Monday and give her some time to think about it.” She smiled at me. Actually, she glowed. I don’t remember her being this humorous. Perhaps she’s stopped taking her medication.
Monday 4
We invited everyone we knew from work to our Friday party (including Dr Wang). When I told Sheila it was bring–your–own–booze, she asked both Ron and Klaus if they could help carry hers. Klaus wondered if it was fancy dress. I said I was glad he asked, and yes it was. That should be interesting.
Tuesday 5
Three days to go to the party!
Wednesday 6
Two days to go to the party! Julie did offer to prepare the food for Friday; but what she really meant by ‘prepare’ was opening tins of things and heating them up. Not quite what I had in mind. So we’ve made it a pot–luck kind of thing where everyone brings their favourite food and we all share. Not much time for blogging just now.
Thursday 7
One day to go! Strange, but this feels a bit like the going away party Julie and I had before we left the UK. Does someone know something I don’t?
Friday 8
The party!!!
Saturday 9
2 a.m. Well, where do I start? What a night!
Klaus won the best fancy dress costume award (the one and only). Why he chose to come as Princess Diana is anyone’s guess, but I wish he’d shaved his moustache. Sheila was on top form, dancing and singing old ABBA songs at the top of her voice whilst swigging a bottle of something. Ron came in his Arsenal away shirt and subjected poor old Joey (from HR) to stories of the Gunners greatest victories for over an hour. In the end, Nigel (head of the Guidance Office), prized Joey away and chatted him up for the rest of the night. New maths teacher Dave Gillespie was cornered by Graham, and I’m sure I saw some money changing hands. After which, Davie was swept away by Sammy from Admin – disappearing into the spare room for a tete–a–tete – or whatever. Anyway, they seemed very happy when they came back (well, she did). Hamish had a very serious talk with Dr Wang for about twenty minutes, after which she said to me in passing, “Couldn’t understand a word.” Clive Morris (head of English) seemed very pleased to be chatting up Venus, until Sheila collared him for a duet of ‘Dancing Queen’. And Julie sat talking to Princess Diana for quite a while. Which left me looking into Google’s eyes and saying very little.
As the night wore on, I discovered that change was certainly in the air. Ron told me that he’s moving to Thailand with Venus next term, where he’ll be head of Biology at an international school in Bangkok. Sheila is going back to Australia with Clive (they’re going to work in a private girls’ school outside Brisbane), and Klaussie is off to the States to work on an Astrophysics research project.
“Aren’t you going to miss the kids?” I asked him.
“Yah, I know I will. It vos a hard decision to go to America – the students are so great here.” I have to say, it was hard to take him seriously in his Princess Di outfit.
“Won’t you miss the other teachers as well?” I asked.
“Yah, sure – particularly Julie,” he said wistfully looking over at her. “So how about you Simon – what are you going to do with yourself?”
“Oh, I’m going to be a private investigator,” I said matter–of–factly.
“Really? I heard sumzing about that… but I didn’t know it was true! That’s a big change from being a teacher!” I told him I’d still be teaching part–time, and I was just going to see if I could do the detective thing – get it out of my system. Then Julie joined us. “And how about you, Julie – what are you going to do next term when Simon is solving crimes?”
“Me, I’m going to have a baby…”
“Yeah, but not for a while…” I qualified. She turned to face me.
“No Simon – I’m going to have a baby this year… I’m fucking PREGNANT!” She screamed the word ‘pregnant’ as ABBA sang ‘Winner takes all’.
“You mean… you mean I’m going to be a father?”
She looked pensive for a second, then said, “Yeah babe… I think you are. I’m almost positive…”
And this time, it wasn’t April first.
* * *
Postscript
“Simon, when you’ve finished your book, what will you sell it for?”
“Oh, I dunno Jules… maybe to tell people about Shanghai and China; to give them an insight into life in an international school; to let them know how I found Google’s bike, and my journey after that… and how much I love you, of course.”
“No, I mean how much will you sell it for?”
“Oh, maybe I’ll just give it away.”
“I think you need an Agent, Simon… and I love you too babe.”
Surprise, Surprise by Julie.
Pink tiny hands
And tiny feet;
Twinkling eyes
Smile to greet.
Extraordinary senses,
Cry
within an instant.
Mother dotes
On infant’s needs.
Uncovers breast
And baby feeds.
New born being,
Made of thought.
Within the web
Of life it’s caught.
Their souls are one,
And so entwined,
That after death
They’ll always find
Each other.
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