I move my muscle, I feel tired and sore but I welcome it. It is a good ache.
I don’t want to wake up. I dearly wish to lose in this dream like life.
But Duty. I have to remember that.
Looking around, I see that Ryn has already gone. I wish morning never come. I wake up reluctantly, and putting on my clothes. I feel the soft fabric touch my naked skin; it is slithering down my body and covering me again. These clothes are made of silk, even though not the finest one. But it is luxury here. I looking down, seeing its color, it is the color of the sea outside.
I look at my face in the small looking glass, then I brush my tangled hair carefully and arrange it into a simple braid. Ryn, he seems to love my hair and mushed it so much.
“Ava, may I come in?” comes Ram voice from outside of the tent.
It seems he has overcome his tendency to burst into a room or a tent.
“You may,” I answer.
He is one of the thousand that I have to save, I have to remind myself.
He enters the room with grin. I force myself to grin back. It must look awkward.
I am truly happy, I tell myself.
“Your husband is not here,” he says as matter of fact. He flops to the rug, and then read the Westerland book that lay abandoned there. Last night, I had taught Ryn few of Westlander’s words before we fell to the bed, and in turn he taught me another thing. I feel my cheek suddenly feel hot.
But this won’t last; I blink my eyes rapidly, fighting the hot tears in my eyes.
My father, Zeta, my cousins and thousands. I keep counting in my head.
“Where is he?” Ram asks with wide eyes.
I say nothing, and just continue to fix my attire, looking for another thing I might miss.
“He’s important person,” Ram says again, his eyes are darting around. “Did he angry for the last time?” he asks uncertain.
“No,” I say, still fixing my braid.
“Good then,” he pauses, “By the way, my mother is here. She wants to meet you,” he adds in near whisper.
I turn and look at him. He seems uncomfortable.
“She might say something hurtful. I warn you,” he stands and looks at me, pleading, “And please forgive her. She loved his late brother dearly,” he says apologetic.
“Of course,” I say. I force myself to sound cheerful.
No bigger sin on the world as big as mine.
“Let’s go,” he says happily, “Thank you, Ava,” he adds.
We go out and walking to the group of tents near the beach. People are already up and do their activity. I see a lot of children are playing in the sun. But we keep walking, passing them.
You’ll save them, I say to myself.
Not far ahead, near another muddy tent, stand a woman and two men. They are all in their early forty. I bow to them.
“I am Ava Worg,” I say.
I straighten and look at the elders, but still they say nothing. They just stand rooted on their feet with odd glint in their eyes.
The woman walks to me first. I draw a deep breath, steeling myself preparing for the worst to come.
As she comes near within reaching distance, suddenly, she takes my shoulder and embraces me in tightly. I feel her body is shaking in silent tears.
I don’t know why, and what to do. In the end, I just stand there and look at Ram and his brothers, looking for any clue. But they seem baffled too.
I feel her hug is loosened, and then she release me completely. “I am Rina Worg,” she says in tight voice. She cups my face in her hands, looking my face. I see that she is trying hard to fight her tears.
“You do looks like her, your mother,” she says softly, “But your lips, it’s my brother lips,” she adds. Her eyes are glazing with unshed tears.
“Pardon?” I ask.
She nod, “I take you don’t know. For a long time, I wonder why your mother betrayed us. Betrayed my brother, for I knew she loved him so.”
“I am sorry. But I don’t understand.” No it can’t be.
“Your mother was here when Prince Rhys was defeated. She was my brother fiancée. But she disappeared one day. It must be because she had you. She didn’t want you to suffer like us I suppose.”
“No, my father is John Worg,” I say firmly.
She shakes her head, “How old are you, Child?” she asks gently.
“I turn eighteen a little more than two months ago,” I say.
She nods. “Your mother was one of us, the rebel, as the usurpers call us. She stayed here long after the war end.”
“But…”
“I know it’s hard to believe,” she looks at me solemnly, “John must use your mother to lure my brother to his death,” she pauses, her eyes full of hatred, “Put a sword to his back, he did,” she add hotly.
I see fat tears are rolling down to her cheek and her face is taut with anger.
“People say, they put him at that Cursed Temple,” she shouts, “I never forgive John for that.”
“No… No. It’s a lie,” I shake my head.
Suddenly, I remember what my father said.
…my cousin went to the exile, to the rebel, taking ALL with him… I got nothing, only a bloody ring…
I draw a sharp breath and say, “Please forgive me, my lady. I feel unwell, may I be excused?” I fight back my tears.
She nods and says, “Call me Aunt, Child.”
I run from them, running to the cliff in the south, without looking back. I try hard to fight back my tears but I can’t. It flows down pass my cheek and chin. It is taste salty and bitter.
Oh Gods, you can’t be this cruel.
I climb the trail to the top of the cliff, and with ragged breath I arrive there. I stand at its edge, looking down to the sea below. It is easy to fall down there and disappear.
Maybe I should just do that. What is life for, if there is only pain left?
I shake my head hard.
No, I have duty. I am the only Hallowed in this empire.
I turn back and walk passing the tall grass, then flopping down and lying atop the grass below. I look up to the sun. It still shines so bright. But summer is almost over and fall will come. And I don’t want it to end. I want this time to last forever. I know it can’t be.
I close my eyes but the light still penetrates my eyelid so I put back of my hand atop it. I want to rest for a while, forgetting everything.
I stay like this, letting the sea wind cooling my body.
It must be a while since I stay like this, for I feel the sun is less hot now. I raise my hand to the sky, reaching for the light but only darkness I get.
I need a little more time.
I feel a shadow is casting over me, blocking the sun.
“So, you’re here,” says voice so familiar to me. “Your cousins worry about you.”
He flops down and lies down beside me.
My tears are flowing anew now, and I refuse to look at him.
Is this how he feels when he knows?
“Let’s go to the Westland,” I say with closed eyes.
“You know, I can’t,” he says softly.
“You can,” I say hotly.
“And letting the others die?”
I open my eyes, the sky is golden and purple now. I see a flock of seagull is crossing, their wing is black as black as my soul. I turn to my left where Ryn lays down beside me. He is staring at the sky too, seems fascinated with the black wings, it is flapping above us.
I wake up and look at him in the eyes, hovering over him, blocking the heaven and the darkness above. I want to say something, a plea, a promise or another lie. But words die in my throat, refusing to come out. In the end, I just fall down to his chest, and hug him tightly.
No, I can’t let this happen.
“It’s just one against thousands,” he murmurs. His arms hold me tightly, “You did the right thing.”
He knows. Of course, he knows.
He cups my face in hi
s hands, looking straight to my eyes and says, “He is just someone that shouldn’t be born to begin with.”
I see sadness in his eyes. “If with his death, those people can come back home, then let it be,” he says with a bitter smile.
“No,” I shake my head. “It can’t be. Are y–”
He puts his finger to my lips, cutting my word.
You know it already. A small voice in my brain accuses. I shake my head fast, its hurt.
No, I don’t want to believe it.
“What is he to you?” he smiles weakly.
Nothing, says my mind. But, everything, says the other.
“So you trust that the empress will spare them and… him?” I ask him, I can hear the tremble in my voice.
He smiles weakly, “It is not her, the one I trust.”
Princess Larra, it’s her, I know.
“She’s mere a girl. She can’t defy her mother.”
“She will,” he says with conviction.
Why you love her so?
He chuckles a little.
“What’s so funny?”
He sobers and says in grave tone, “You make me remember someone I know.”
Who? My sister?
He sighs heavily, “It’s too late for second thought. They are must be near by now,” he adds solemnly.
He gingerly touches the Oracle’s necklace in my breast, “You should hide this better, my lady.”
Then why you didn’t stop me? But I say nothing, only letting my tears rolling down pass my cheek in silent. And I stare his handsome face, paint it in my memory.
“Princess Larra, she will save the hidden prince, I know she will. She must,” I say softly, and bend my head to kiss his lips.
I kiss him as if it is our last. And he lets me stay on the top this time while he takes me slowly and gently.
Darkness finally shrouds us. I feel cold sea wind is blowing and drying my damp skin. For a while, I stay in his arm, looking up to stars that start to appear in the night sky.
This sky, I will remember forever.
***
Tomorrow, the gathering day finally comes. I dread that day. I stand above the cliff looking down at the tents that scattered below. I hear sound of a rock rolling down the steeped cliff. It is make clacking sound each time it hit the cliff in its way down.
I hear muffled footsteps come near.
“My lady,” says a soft voice. I turn my back and see a middle aged man. I don’t know who he is. Maybe Ryn sends him here.
“Yes?” I ask him.
He comes forward and gives me a letter. I open it.
But it is not Ryn’s handwriting, it is Prince Lex’s.
Dusk. Broken ship to the south, he writes.
Unconsciously, I look around, trying to find him.
Is his army ready now? Where are they?
I need to talk with the prince and his sister. Yes, this is a good thing.
“Who are you?” I ask the messenger warily. It can be a trap.
“My name is Emil, my lady.”
“Are you a spy too?”
“Oh, no… no… my lady. I am just slipping in here. No one pay attention to frail old man like me,” he says hastily.
I nod. I see what he means, he indeed look weak an unassuming.
As quickly as he came, he leaves me alone, bowing his head low.
I turn back and see the sea again. I feel the hot wind blows slowly fanning my hair. And the sky looks tranquil unlike my heart.
It will be over soon.
The sun is descending in the west, waiting for the dusk to come. I walk in the beach, listening to the waves. I hear a deep male voice calling me from afar but I am not in the mood chatting with others now. I ignore him, hoping he will give up and leave me alone.
I am thinking about the empress army and what will happen next.
Where is the empress’ army now? Will it really be alright?
But the voice is persistent in calling me. And I hear his voice is getting louder.
“My lady,” says the voice again. He seems so close and I force myself to turn around. It is Lord Sean Dubh. I bow my customary bow.
What he want from me?
“It is really you? I thought I am seeing a ghost,” he says amiably.
It’ll be better if I am a ghost.
He looks less stern here unlike when we set out to the war, two month ago.
“It’s good to see a familiar face here. I find those rebels are not my liking,” he says.
I nod weakly.
“Oh, I am sorry. Do I offend you?”
“No. No at all,” I say hastily. “Your clan is with us now, isn’t it?”
His brows furrow, seems in deep thinking, “You can says that I suppose. We hold hand together since years ago,” he says with smile.
“Years? Is it that long?”
“My father don’t like them too actually,” he pauses as if try to determine whether I am a friend or enemy, “Ours just mutual survival. As you know, the empress doesn’t care for our lands in this shore. So, we band together to protect it.”
“Protect?”
“From the pirates, my lady,” his brows are furrowed again.
“Is that all the weapons are for?”
“Yes, of course. What else? They will come in full force this time of the years. They always…”
He says some more but I am not listening.
Oh Gods, it’s not for the war. It’s for the pirates. What I’ve done? Ryn, why don’t you tell me?
“Excuse me,” I say to Lord Sean, stopping him in mid-sentence.
I run to the tent, looking for Ryn but he is not there. I look at him outside but he is nowhere to be seen.
Finally, an hour before dusk I give up.
I should tell Prince Lex. Maybe he will pardon him.
I steel myself and slip out to meet Prince Lex.
The broken ship is half a mile from the rebel camp. I walk there slowly between a fear and a hope. And I am not sure what to expect. It seems ages ago since the last time I saw him.
Will he angry at me?
But it seems not important now. People live are at stake. He can angry or curse me later but he must listen.
I am walking to the south following the sea line, the path is hidden by the cliff from the rebels’ camp. I see the broken ship from distant and it is getting bigger as I draw near. It was pirate ship made of wood and painted black with white skull.
As I come near, my heart starts to race faster. I am looking for the prince but the place seems deserted. I am walking around the ship, and suddenly, I feel a strong arm hug me from behind.
“It’s just a month but I miss you so,” he whispers in my ear softly.
He won’t if he knows what I’ve done. But I say nothing, for I don’t want to anger him.
He turns me around and kisses me on the lips.
Guilt stabs me, but I kiss him back softly.
I am happy now. He is the man that I love, I say to myself.
I feel tears rundown to my cheek and lips. He must taste my tear so he breaks the kiss.
“Are you okay?” he asks worried.
I cup his cheek and say, “My prince, can you spare him? They–”
He cuts me with another kiss. This time he kisses me hard. I can feel his anger. I try to gentle him but fail doing so. I feel his hand in my neck as he rents my black diamond pendant, and throws it to the sand.
He releases me from his kiss, and stares at my eyes, “You’ve betrayed me, haven’t you?” he accuses me. I see rage in his eyes.
I shake my head.
But he is beyond reason now. He takes my energy, pulling it from my body. I try to resist but my control is slipping.
I shouldn’t let this happen. I have to save him.
I feel the familiar weakness creep my bones. My head hurt and my vision turns blurry, then the darkness comes and I feel nothing.
***
The rolling motion lulls me but
slowly the awareness comes.
I know I have to do something. I know someone is waiting for me. What is it?
With a start, I wake up and the darkness welcomes me.
Where am I?
It is a carriage, I know.
“Ava?” I hear Marie voice from the dark.
“Marie? Where am I?” I try to sit more straight but my bones still feel so weak.
“We’re on our why back to the city,” she tries to calm me down. I feel her soft hand is holding me.
“Oh no, I can’t. Ryn, where is he? I should go back to them, to the rebel.”
“Calm down. They are on their way back to city too. The empress pardons them herself,” she pauses, “And they swore their fealty to the Varr now.”
If it is true I am glad of it.
“And Ryn?” I dread the answer.
“He’s gone to the West,” she says oddly soft, “Princess Larra sends him herself,” she adds in whisper.
Relief washes over my body. He is still alive at least. Yes, as much as I dislike the princess, she won’t let bad thing happen to him.
I compose myself and ask, “How long it has been?”
“You were sleeping for more than one full day. You scared us.”
“I am sorry,” I say weakly. I won’t see him again. I feel the familiar tightness in my chest. But it is for the best, for no place for us in the palace.
As long as we are in the same sky, I will be fine.
“Does the empress really pardon them?” I ask Marie again.
“Yes, but she won’t let them inside the Varr City yet. But they come to an understanding. Princess Larra sees to that too.”
I nod in the darkness.
All going well, too well. I shake my dark thought. I should be happy. I must. I will be fine. I will be back to the city, to my loved ones. Then, I remember about my father sin.
Can I still call him father? Somehow, it feels like a hollow victory.
The carriage is rolling to the city. The silent is covering us once again. I try to find a joy but I feel nothing, only hot and wetness in my cheek. It tastes salty in my mouth.
I’ll be fine too. I’ll be…
***
I sit idly, looking at the golden ring on the table. Days have passed, and summer is over. Leaves turn yellow and red now. The holy fire’s lights appear in the night sky again. It must be brightly shine in the sky now, but the sky only brings memories best forgotten. My body shivers, and I feel a cool wind gusts pass through the open window.
Summer is truly over.
Looking back at the old ring, this ring too has a story, a sad one. It is my mother’s ring. It seems my father, no, John Worg, throws it at the Cursed Temple. Maybe it is Gods’ will that I saw it months ago. When I visit there again yesterday, it is still lying below the rock where I put it, a life time ago. So, I pick it.