"Sleep." But she did not let him go. He slept in her arms, and knew that if there was such a thing as selfish happiness for a null, this was it.
He woke before her again, before dawn. Once more he viewed her in the darkness, absolutely lovely. He loved her, and desired her, and wished he could be with her for the rest of his life. But of course that could not be, and not just because he was a null.
Yet, if it could even be possible, he had to make it happen. By being what she wanted him to be, to the very limited extent he was capable of. He wanted so much to be what she desired him to be!
He struggled, and finally managed to speak, faintly. "I am asking." He thought she would not hear, otherwise he would not have been able to get the words out. But he had forgotten again that she could read his mind, and that such thoughts alerted her to his interest.
Her eyes opened. She spoke. "Yes, Tom."
For a moment he was transfixed. Then he realized that he had pleased her by asking, however faintly. She was waiting for him to follow through.
He kissed her, and she kissed him back. He stroked her, and she stroked him back. Then he loved her, and she clasped him to her tightly. "But we will not do this by daylight," she murmured as he ebbed, and kissed his ear. That little gesture of hers gave him as much joy as all the rest.
Thereafter they got up, cleaned, and joined Cat and Burgess for breakfast. Cat of course knew what they had been up to, but did not comment. Cat had no interest in sex one way or the other, but did want the trio and the hive to function harmoniously.
Nona got a thought. "Colene is returning," she said.
Cat looked at her. "I understood that the series of treatments required two weeks. Only one week has passed."
"Colene thinks one week is enough. The treatments have been effective, and she feels better than she has in years. She wants to return immediately to the Virtual Mode."
"This seems impetuous."
"That's the way Colene is. Evidently the treatment affects her mood, not her nature. That's just as well."
Tom agreed. Colene was special as she was, and it would be a shame to change any more of her than was necessary to enable her to find her joy.
He became aware that Nona was looking at him. Fathoming what she wanted, he expressed his opinion without being directly asked: "I agree. Her dolor is all she should lose."
Nona smiled. Tom knew that his effort wasn't much, but it pleased her. That was all that mattered.
"No, it isn't all, but it will do," she said.
Knowing Colene's wish, they set to work taking down their shelter and restoring the yard to its normal state. Tom and Cat dismantled the structure beam by beam, and Nona deconjured each beam in turn. She didn't try to abolish the whole structure at once because her magic, formidable as it was at home, was only partial here, and she might trigger an awkward collapse. But she could handle it in stages, as she had the assembly.
By the time Colene, Darius, and Pussy arrived, the yard was in order. Nona hugged Colene, then Darius. Tom hesitated, then hugged Colene.
Surprised, she kissed him. "Nona's been working on you," she said. "I can tell."
"She wants me to be more assertive."
"She's right. She wants to keep you, if she can."
Then Colene was greeting Cat and Burgess, and Tom was greeting Pussy. "She humped you!" Pussy said. She of course could read him without telepathy. "It must have been glorious."
"It was."
Colene and Darius went to the house to tell the parents of their departure. Nona conjured knapsacks full of food for their journey, including one shaped for Burgess to carry, so that he would not have to depend on the substance of the Virtual Mode.
Amos Forell showed up. "I'm sorry to see you go again," he said. "But it was great while it lasted."
"Even if we didn't get to kiss you to death?" Nona inquired, kissing him.
"Even then," he said with mock regret. "Meanwhile, that microbe you found for me is baffling the local scholars. I think it has a fair chance to make me known, in my own little obscure realm. I want to thank you for that."
"Thank Tom," Nona said. "He provided it."
Forell turned to Tom and shook his hand. "Thank you, Tom. You have given me a gift of incalculable value to me: my niche in the annals of science."
"It was an accident."
"Some of life's greatest discoveries are accidents."
Nona glanced at Pussy, who was wishing she could greet the man the way Nona had. Like Tom, she couldn't ask. Do it Nona thought at her, making it a directive.
Pussy stepped in immediately. "May I have a kiss too?"
Forell laughed. "I thought you'd never ask!" He took her in his arms and kissed her. Her delight spread out to all of them.
Colene and Darius emerged from the house. "Unhand that poor man!" Colene called cheerfully. "It's my turn." She flung herself at Forell and planted a passionate kiss on his face.
He drew back and stared at her with muck horror. "Colene! What has happened to your dolor?"
"The magnet sucked it away. I feel great now. It's as if I've been carrying this thirty-pound bag of sand on my back all my life, and now it's gone, and I'm about ready to float into the air." As she spoke, her feet actually left the ground; she was floating. "Nona!" she cried, surprised. Then she sank suddenly back to the ground as they all burst into laughter.
"I'd give almost anything to go with you," Forell said.
"You'd have to hold one of our hands to cross each Mode," Nona said. She glanced at Pussy and Colene. "The three of us would have to take turns holding you and kissing you, and you couldn't escape."
"Anything but that," he said ruefully.
"Oh, it might not be so bad. We could assign Pussy to keep you warm at night. She would take special delight in that."
He backed away, feigning reluctance. "My wife would never understand." And that, of course, was true.
Then they donned their packs and marched as a group to the anchor site. Colene paused at the brink. "Amos, that magnet treatment works. I set it up so that Mom is next for it. But I'll be gone. Could you sort of keep an eye, to be sure they don't renege?"
"I will keep an eye out," he agreed.
Then Colene stepped across the boundary, giving herself no time to dawdle. The others followed. Forell and the house vanished. They were on their way.
"No mind predator," Colene said, satisfied. "But I think we'd better move right along, in case the magnet wears off. No telling what delays we may encounter on the Virtual Mode."
The others agreed. They formed a column, with Tom and Nona at the rear. They moved rapidly through the Modes, seeing the town and its streets change. Tom found the shifting architecture intriguing.
They encountered a building that blocked direct forward progress, so they had to walk along the street to the side, remaining in one Mode. It didn't matter; there would be a cross street soon.
A door opened and a dog emerged. It stared at the group. It was wearing a neatly tailored vest. Colene and Darius halted.
"Uh-oh," Colene said as they caught up to her.
"There is a problem?" Cat inquired.
Who are you? the dog demanded in their minds.
Tom realized that this was a Mode with telepathic animals. He should have realized that the horse Seqiro would not be the only one.
"We're a party just passing through," Colene said politely.
You're wearing clothing. Remove it at once.
Colene sighed. "Sorry; can't do. We'll just get on out of your way."
Insolent bitch! There was a flare of pain, as of a club striking a backside, and Colene fell against Darius.
Tom leaped forward, going for the dog. But it hit him with a ferocious blast of energy that dropped him to the ground, stunned.
Then a bolt struck the dog, and it too fell. Tom knew that Colene had channeled it from Seqiro. "Cross!" Darius said, half carrying Colene away from the fallen dog. Nona and Pussy caught Tom under the arms and dragge
d him in the same direction, while Cat and Burgess moved too.
They remained on the street near the building, but the dog was gone. They were in the adjacent Mode.
"It's like this," Colene said as Darius held her steady. "We're in the telepathic animal Modes. They don't like uppity humans. Seqiro can help us some, but it's best just to stay out of trouble."
"We understand," Cat said, speaking for the three Felines, who surely counted as humans in this region. Burgess wasn't human, but neither was he animal in that sense.
"Let's keep going. The faster we get beyond this region of Modes, the better off we should be. The stun effect should wear off soon. We can help each other walk."
Darius put his arm firmly around Colene, and they walked toward the next cross street. Nona and Pussy hoisted Tom's arms up across their shoulders and supported him as he feebly made his feet work.
They reached the intersection and turned, immediately passing into the Mode they had just left. The same dog was down the street, now joined by another.
There!
They plunged on, crossing the next boundary before the dogs could strike again. There were dogs here too, but these were now ones who were astonished by the appearance of this freakish caravan. Before they could make demands, the group was into the next Mode.
They continued rapidly along this street, passing different breeds of dogs, then cats, then cows, then horses. "Seqiro!" Tom said. "Is he here?"
"It doesn't matter," Nona said. "He's not an anchor now, so he couldn't come with us."
Tom recovered full use of his body, and saw that Colene was also walking alone. At one point, as they jogged sideways to get around another building, she spoke to him. "Thanks for trying to help, Tom."
"I didn't succeed."
"Oh, I think you did. You distracted that mutt so the rest of us could organize."
Finally they escaped the telepathic animal Modes, fortunate in their ability to cross boundaries before the animals could assert themselves. They came to a plain covered by brush, as if it were at the edge of the city, but actually a new class of Modes.
As they continued crossing boundaries, the brush became larger, formed into small trees, then medium trees and then large trees. The forest continued to grow, as if on an accelerated course of life, but it was actually merely the difference between clustered Modes. The trees became giants, towering into the sky, shutting out the sun. Their spreading root-bases became formidable obstacles, forcing the party to detour and detour again to get by them. The sky disappeared and dusk seemed to fall, though it was only midday. They were like ants walking by normal trees. Burgess had increasing difficulty, because he could not readily float over irregular surfaces.
They tackled the problem methodically. Nona conjured masses of solidifying foam, which the others shaped into ramps that Burgess could float along, with the help of the others hauling from the sides. It slowed the party, but progress was still good.
At one point they encountered a beetle the size of one of the cars in Colene's Mode. They hastily backed away, through the boundary they had just crossed, and the big bug was gone. It was the kind of creature one would expect to associate with trees this size.
They came to a river. Now it was Burgess' turn to help, ferrying them one by one across it. It lasted several Modes. Then the giant forest resumed. Thereafter it slowly diminished, until by evening they were able to make camp in an approximately normal forest. They located a streamlet for drinking and washing, and made a shelter from Nona's conjured substance.
"Know something?" Colene remarked. "I like the Virtual Mode. Here I can be something other than myself." She stripped off her shirt and trousers. "Coming, Darius, or do I have to wash myself?"
Darius smiled and joined her by the stream. Pussy took a position by a tree trunk and watched them without joining in. They had camped so that it was in the same Mode as they were; it was better to stay together, because if something happened to one person in another Mode, the others might not know of it immediately. So the forest resounded with Colene's shrieks as Darius splashed cold water on her.
"She's getting closer," Cat remarked. "Her loss of dolor helps."
"But she's not there yet," Pussy said. "She can play, but she can't perform."
"Unlike Nona," Cat agreed.
Pussy looked at Nona, lifting an eyebrow. She knew, of course, but would not speak openly of it unless Nona did.
"It's true," Nona said. "I seduced Tom."
Tom had not been asked to speak, so he did not. Certainly he would not correct her statement. Nulls were not seduced, they were used.
"Will you keep him?" Cat asked.
"I don't know. I think I want to return to my home Frame of Julia, to fulfill my duties there. It is governed by women; men have no magic other than illusion. I'm not sure Tom would like it there."
"His preference has no relevance," Pussy said. "You know that."
"Yes it does. I don't want a servant, I want a man."
"How do men differ from servants, there?" Cat asked.
Nona laughed. "Not by much, actually."
"How does Tom differ from one of those men?"
Nona looked at Tom. Her smile seemed somewhat pained. "Not by much. It's a very restrictive environment. He might indeed fit in. But there's something else: if I took him, your trio would be broken."
"It will be broken anyway," Cat said. "I alone will return to the DoOon Mode."
Nona's gaze continued. "Tom, I think I would like to have you with me. But I remain uncertain it is right, and I can't ask you, because you have no will apart from mine. I need an objective way to judge."
"Then ask me," Cat said.
"What is your verdict?"
"I have no verdict, merely a view. Our trio is doomed; were we to return together to DoOon, we would be recycled because our usefulness is done and our knowledge might cause embarrassment to Ddwng. Therefore it is better to place Tom and Pussy elsewhere, as compatibly as is feasible. I can not long endure apart from my trio, but Tom can endure with a woman he loves, and Pussy with a man she loves. She can surely find a man to love. The question is whether you have sufficient use for Tom to keep him."
"This is not the way I think!" Nona protested.
"That is why the decision must be yours. I simply point out that you would be doing Tom no disfavor by keeping him. If you do not take him, we will try to find a woman for him at Darius' Mode."
"But what of romance? What of love?"
"That, again, is entirely yours to give or deny."
Nona shook her head. "In my home Mode, I will be one of the few elite. Every man will seek my favor, and will obey my least whim without question. We do not have telepathy there. I will have no way to know whether he cares for me personally at all. That is part of what drove me away from it." She looked at Tom again. "At least I know, with Tom. He doesn't care about my status or my powers of magic."
"Neither does he resent them," Cat said.
She looked at Cat. "You have made a significant point. I want to be loved, not obeyed. Tom is perfect in that respect. But is it right?"
Cat considered a moment before answering. "Right is a concept determined largely by emotions I lack. It is right if you believe it is. If you want it to be. Considering what I know of your nature, I believe it would be right if you came to love Tom."
"And there's the key," she agreed. "Colene loves Darius but can't have sex with him. I can have sex with Tom, but I don't know whether I can love him."
Darius and Colene returned, naked and dripping. "We forgot to get towels," she said.
Nona conjured voluminous towels, and they wrapped them around themselves. Then Nona stood, disrobing. "Our turn, Tom," she said.
Tom went with her to the stream. "Don't you resent being ordered about?" she asked.
"No. I am made to be directed."
"And you can't do anything on your own unless it is directed, or you know it is desired."
"Yes."
"I
feel I am taking advantage of you."
"That is your prerogative."
"Nevertheless, it bothers me. Tom, if you could be free of your nature—if you could be fully human, with no obligation to serve anyone, or to do anyone any favors, what kind of life would you choose?"
"I would choose to be with you."
She stamped her foot in the water, making a splash. "Damn it, can't you say anything but that?"
Tom was mortified. "Mistress, I will say anything you wish me to. I want never to cause you distress of any kind. I apologize for not better comprehending what you wish of me."
There were tears in her eyes. "Tom, I'm sorry. I'm railing at you for being what you are. You can't change. I'm the one who has to change."
"Nona, you are already perfect. Any change in you would be for the worse."
"That's not true!"
Tom was silent. He could not directly contradict a mistress, but neither could he agree that she had any imperfection.
"Get down here in the water with me," she said. "Splash cold water over me."
He did so. She screamed with the shock of it, as Colene had; it was very cold.
"Now with that reminder of reality," she said, "I can do at least one thing halfway objectively. You have told me I am perfect. That I could not change for the better. I say that's false. Let's see whether I can prove it."
He continued splashing water on her, as she had not asked for a reply.
"Tom, I care for you, but I do not love you. If I came to love you, that would be an improvement, wouldn't it?"
Now he had to answer. "I am irrelevant. You are perfect regardless whom you love."
"You're being evasive. We're discussing your opinion of me. Wouldn't I be better for you if I loved you?"
Tom continued to kneel in the water, unable to answer. It was Cat who did so. "Nona, you are posing a question Tom is not competent to answer. You will do him damage if you persist."
"Then you answer it!"
"Tom would like to have you love him, but he is not permitted to request it, even by implication. It is also true that to the degree you loved him, you might become limited by his horizons, and therefore be less than you are. He does not want to diminish you in any way. You may love him if you choose, but that must be entirely your decision, not his. If you keep him, you must accept this limit in him. He is not and will never be a free man."